BitterSweet
by n14mola
Summary: When Ryan's life is in danger, Eric sees his friend in a new light. Things get complicated with Calleigh when Eric decides to take care of Ryan. Warning: Slash! Men love! Don't like? Don't read!
1. Attacker

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI Miami, Ryan, Eric, Calleigh, or any characters from it. Don't sue me, please! I am not making any money off of this or anything!**

First CSI Miami fanfic and I had to do it on Eric and Ryan, though there aren't actually that many fans of them. Still, hope someone reads this!

XX Ryan XX

I thought it was going to be a good day, or at least a good enough day for a CSI like me. But _of course _not, there are no good days for Ryan Wolfe. First of all, I was put on a crime scene with Eric Delko. I like Delko, but that was just the problem. I liked him _too _much and there was no way he would ever be interested in me. How do I know this? Well, I caught him and Calleigh making out in the parking lot just before work one day. And _of course_ I had to be the good guy and promise Eric I wouldn't tell anyone.

Why did I have to be stupid enough to agree to that? No one knew how hard it was to watch Eric and Calleigh together. They would flirt, touch, and steal looks at each other. It made me sick to see that every single day. Especially having to work with Eric and pretend everything was okay.

"You okay?" Eric's voice reminded me of where I was. The hummer, that's right. Eric was driving, and they were headed out to the crime scene for the day. "Are you okay, Wolfe?"

_Wolfe!_ I _hated_ when Eric called me by my last name. I so desperately wanted to turn to Eric and scream at the top of my lungs that my name was _Ryan_, not _Wolfe_. When I turned to him though, I didn't yell at all. He was glancing over at me in the passenger seat, a worried expression on his face. Oh crap, I hadn't answered his question yet.

"I'm fine." I lied, trying to avert my eyes away from him.

He didn't believe me though, he _was_ a CSI after all, "No your not. What's wrong?"

I sighed and tried to look at anything _but_ him. My eyes landed on my stomach. Damn my changing metabolism. I was gaining weight again. This always happened to me! I would be skinny, then gain a bit of extra weight, then suddenly lose it all. I wasn't fat, but I definitely had roundness in the abdominal area.

"You're not fat."

I turned and narrowed my eyes at Eric, who was concentrating on the road now instead of me. I crossed my muscular arms (yes, I had finally grown muscles!) across my chest and titled my head to the side. "I never said I was."

He chuckled and shook his head slightly, "I heard you this morning. You were complaining about your weight to Natalia."

I grumbled and looked away again, he was right. I _had_ been complaining about my weight to Natalia this morning. I was trying so hard to eat the right things and lose weight, but my belly just never went away.

"You're just healthy." Eric stated with a smile.

I laughed bitterly at this and stayed looking out the window, "That's what fat people say to make themselves feel better." I turned back to him with a glare, "Not like _you_ understand, Mr. Swimsuit model."

Every word I spoke was bitter, but things had been like that for awhile. Ever since I found out about Eric and Calleigh, to be exact. And did Eric notice this? I doubt it. For a CSI, he was completely blind. Eric was just about the dumbest smart guy I have ever known.

"Swimsuit model, huh?" Eric asked playfully.

I didn't even bother to get embarrassed, just went back to bitterness, "Ya, I'm sure Calleigh _loves_ it."

He seemed surprised by my answer. Alright, so he _had_ noticed my bitterness over time, but he would never know why. Not that he even cared anyway.

"We got in a fight." He admitted, a frown appearing on his face.

"You'll get through it, you have _history_ together."

Bitterness again. And once again, Eric was shocked by my response. That's right, I'm not that little kid on patrol anymore. I wasn't that naïve CSI beginner who let people step on me. I was no longer that irresponsible CSI who had a gambling addiction. I was stronger mentally and physically, and I would not be pushed around anymore.

To occupy myself, I pulled the mirror down and tried to fix my hair. It was gelled back, like I used to wear it back on patrol. People told me they liked my hair better when it was short and spiked, but I really didn't care anymore. I didn't care what people thought, especially not Eric. Okay, so I _did_ care what Eric thought of me, but I would never tell _him_ that. Speaking of the devil, he was looking at me.

"Ryan.." He said my first name, _great_. He only used it when he was annoyed by me, or if he was going to start a lecture. The last thing in needed was a lecture right now. I didn't even look at him, staring into the mirror at my own Hazel-green eyes. I hated my eyes, they were too bright and made me look too innocent. And my skin, why wouldn't it tan the right color?

"We're here." I stated, stopping his lecture. He looked out the window and nodded, I was right. It was a crime scene on the beach and a large area of it was surrounded by the yellow crime scene tape.

"Listen, Ryan.." But I was out of the hummer before he could say anything. He was trying to tell me something important, but I truthfully couldn't deal with his games today. I needed to concentrate on work today, nothing else.

"Hey, Randy." I greeted the cop, I knew him from my days on patrol. He smiled back at me, waving in response.

"Ryan, wait a second…" Eric was behind me again, following me like a stray puppy. I hated it, why wasn't he following _calleigh_ around. I ignored him and ducked under the yellow tape, moving onto the crime scene. He ducked under it too, once again trying to get my attention.

Finally fed up with his attempt, I turned sharply around. Eric was surprised by my sudden halt and caught himself before he ran into me. I glared at him and leaned my face in close to his. He looked nervous, good. I remember a time when he used to tease me and treat me like crap, a time when I was shorter and weaker than him. But now I was muscled and almost taller than him. He had nothing on me, except for the fact I had strong feelings for him. But he didn't know that, so I could easily win in a fight.

"Listen." I hissed, pointing a finger in his face, "I don' have _time_ for your bullshit today." His brown eyes widened when he heard me curse, "Whatever you have to say is not as important as this case, got that? So shut your mouth and let me do my job."

His eyebrows pulled together in frustration, but he nodded in response. I could see it in his face, he was wondering why I had grown so distant and angry these past couple of weeks. Once again I say, he was the dumbest smart person I had ever met. He was weaker too, Calleigh must have brought out the sensitive side of him. The thought made me sick, that was supposed to be _my _job. Speaking of calleigh, there she was.

"Howdy." I mentally cursed Horatio for this, why the hell did he put the three of us together? That's right, it was _her_. Calleigh, just the person I wanted to see. It's not like I didn't like her, I was just jealous of her.

She seemed to notice the distant look on my face, "You okay, Ryan?"

I just shrugged, dropping my kit onto the sandy ground. I could see her looking at Eric, mouthing 'What's up with him?', but Eric just shrugged at her and replied 'Later.' _Later_, that's right, they would be seeing each other later that night. In bed, no doubt. That's how classy Eric was.

"I'll take the vehicle." I stated, pointing towards the small car that had flipped over onto the sand. I didn't wait for a reply as I pulled my camera strap around my neck. I was at the vehicle in no time, rushing to get away from the couple. That's right, they actually _were_ a couple, weren't they?

I tried to occupy myself with the crime scene. There was a large dent at the side of the car, most likely the impact from another car. If it was an accident, the person wouldn't have just walked away and left the body there. Or maybe they got scared and ran off? Then I noticed something inside of the dent.

"Hey, Calleigh!" I called, deciding it was best to talk to her instead of Eric. I wanted to avoid Eric at all costs. Calleigh turned her head towards me, as well as Eric, and waited for an explanation as to why I called her. "Come see this!"

It wasn't a suggestion, and she caught on to it being an order. I could see her give Eric a look before she stood up and came over to my side. She spoke in her southern accent, "What's up?"

I pointed to the large dent, "What's that?"

"A dent?"

"No," I grumbled, annoyed by her bluntness. I was a CSI for god's sake, _of course_ I knew what a dent was! I continued with more patience, "What's inside of it?"

She looked into it and raised an eyebrow, "A black paint transfer?"

"That's all you see?" I asked, testing her skills.

She just shrugged, "I don't see anything, Ryan."

I sighed, knowing _exactly_ why she couldn't see it, she wasn't crazy like I was. My OCD prevented me from missing any spot, even the smallest. It made it very irritating when I cleaned my house. Suddenly getting an idea, I opened a kit and pulled out a magnifying glass, handing it to her.

Then I pointed, "Take a look."

She looked through the magnifying glass carefully and her brow creased, it did that when she was thinking.

"There's a small transfer of red paint inside of the black paint transfer." She stated looking at me curiously.

Eric decided to chime in at this time, "The vehicle that collided with this one must have had a paint job done recently. That narrows it down." He smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Good eye, Wolfe."

"Thanks." I mumbled without any emotion in my voice, shrugging his hand off of my shoulder.

He looked shocked as I stood up and moved to the other side of the car than him.

"Ryan.." He was cut off as Calleigh spoke up.

"The car belongs to a woman named Marjorie Kendall." Calleigh stated, looking more at me than Eric, "She had just left her house when she got in an accident."

Eric nodded at this, "So, where's her house?"

"There." Calleigh pointed and both Eric and I looked at her in shock.

"That close?" I asked in disbelief, "She really _did_ just leave her house before the accident."

There was a moment of awkward silence between the three of us. Eric and Calleigh were looking at each other like they were having some mental conversation and I couldn't understand what the looks they were sending each other meant. It made me feel like I didn't belong, like that whole third wheel thing. And it was true, I _never_ belonged on this team. Tim Speedle belonged here, he was meant to be on the team with his friends forever. I thought that they'd learn to like me, that I would belong. But here I was, years later, feeling the same as the day I was hired as Speed's replacement.

Why did Horatio have to put me on the same case as these two? It was killing me to see them looking at each other that way. I didn't belong, I knew this, and I never would. Not the way they did.

"I'll take care of the body until Tara gets here." Calleigh's voice made me jump, coming out of my thoughts and back into the real world.

I _hated_ the real world.

"You two should go to the victim's house, you might find something." She was eyeing Eric when she said this and he smiled back at her. Oh no, now I understood what their little mind conversation was. They were trying to get Eric and I alone so we could talk. Great, that's _exactly_ what I needed right now.

"Sure." I agreed. Well, I couldn't just decline it, could I? It was my job, and saying no was very unprofessional. Being organized and professional was the only reason I had survived these long years as Speed's replacement. Though people denied it, I knew I was still compared to the great Tim Speedle.

Eric was smiling like a kid on Christmas morning, and seeing him that happy over me made my stomach churn. It wasn't a good feeling like usual, it made me feel like throwing up. Why did he have to do this to me? It just wasn't fair for him to treat me so well when he had a girlfriend like calleigh.

"Let's go." I grumbled, grabbing a hold of my kit and turning away from Eric. I could tell he saw the look on my face, it made me look sick. I _was_ sick, I liked my male partner. What was wrong with me?

I could hear Eric's footsteps in the sand behind me and I didn't dare look back. My stomach was still starting to settle and the last thing I needed was to throw up on Eric, or maybe tell him something I shouldn't. The only thing worse than vomit was word vomit, and I had kept this secret since the nail gun incident. There was no way I was telling him _now_.

It was about a 5 minute walk to the victim's house, so she lived extremely close. The patio door was opened when we got there, so it was easy for us to slip in.

"House is a mess." Eric stated from behind me, "Most likely a struggle."

I nodded in response, not caring if he could see it or not. There was a lump in my throat that stopped me from saying anything. Something was wrong, I could feel it. Last time I had felt this way I had been shot in the eye with a nail, so I had a right to be scared.

I tried to ignore the feeling as I stepped farther into the house. Eric was behind me, I could feel him watching me, but I still felt unsafe. When I had been shot I had walked into a crime scene without my gun drawn, and here I was doing the same thing.

That's when I saw it. To normal people it was just a nail gun, but to me it was a weapon. It was lying on the ground, no one was holding it up to shoot me, but my brain immediately told me it was danger. My body reacted quickly and my hand went straight to my side. My gun was drawn in minutes and I held it up to the nail gun, my finger on the trigger and ready to fire at any moment.

"Whoa, Whoa, Wolfe," Eric was at my side in seconds, his hand trying to steady my gun, "What's going on?"

I didn't say a word, I didn't really need to. Because Eric looked at what I was aiming at and frowned. He knew what was going through my head at the time because he knew what I had gone through. I was still uncomfortable being near construction sites and, to tell the truth, I had nightmares about that day every night.

"Ryan.." He used my first name again, and I lowered my weapon back to my side. "Are you okay?"

I turned away from him, completely embarrassed, "Fine."

He was at my side again, looking worried as he stared at me. I was rubbing my eye, it suddenly felt like the nail was in it again. That happened sometimes, I think it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I hated feeling weak, and that's the way I felt at that moment. I had just let my walls down to the person who could hurt me the most. My horrible childhood made my OCD bad, but Eric's constant teasing when I had started as a CSI was the reason I had created the wall. I was trying to keep him out, and here I was letting my guard down.

He put a hand on my shoulder and I quickly pushed it off. There was that sick feeling in my stomach again, damn him for making me feel that way.

"Ryan.."

"I said I was fine, Delko!" I hissed, moving farther away from him, "Stop smothering me!"

He was taken aback for a second before he countered me, "Smothering you? I'm just trying to help you! What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting so bitter?"

"_Bitter_?" I said the word in disgust, "I'll show you bitter!"

My anger was getting the best of me and I leaned my face in close to his, "_Screw you, Delko_!"

He stared in disbelief, he couldn't believe I had just yelled in his face. I took advantage of his weakness and quickly planned my exit. I couldn't stay there with him, not like this. He could easily do something to break me down, and I was already taking a risk.

My wall was back up in seconds, and I said in the most professional way, "I'll take the upstairs, you can handle down here by yourself."

Eric didn't argue, just watched me leave. I hurried up the stair and away from him, taking the steps two at a time. He didn't say anything as I disappeared into a room upstairs. I leaned against the nearest wall, leveling out my breathing. I had to calm down, I couldn't risk another explosion like that. What if Eric told Horatio? I'm sure Eric would get a warning, but me? I was different than anyone else and I would probably lose my job. Everyday was a constant competition for Horatio's attention and I never got it.

I hated my life.

After I had calmed down, I decided to start my job. I couldn't put it off anymore, now could I? Horatio wouldn't like it if I came back with nothing. He honestly wouldn't care if I brought something back with me, I was just Mr. Wolfe, not Eric or calleigh.

"Bedroom has traces of semen." I spoke into my recorder, I loved recorders. I could easily listen to it later when I needed help with evidence. I collected the sample of semen and continued, "Semen looks fresh, couldn't have been here over an hour."

Smiling in satisfaction, I continued to looks over the bed. "No traces of fingerprints or blood in the bedroom."

When I was sure I was done, I walked out into the hallway again. Eric was muttering to himself downstairs, but I really didn't care what he was saying. I'm sure it was about me, and I didn't want to hear it. I was also sure he was mad about having to look around downstairs, I knew there would be less evidence there than the upstairs. That's not why I picked it though, I just wanted to stay away from the damn nail gun.

Where there's a nail gun, there are nails. Where there are nails, there are crazy mothers who would shoot you in the eye with a nail to protect her son. Don't believe me? Trust me, it happens.

I moved on to the next room, which looked like a game room. There was a pool table, dartboard, flat screen TV, lots of video games and a giant leather couch. I wish my house looked like it, but CSI is not exactly the most well-paying job, though lots of people think it is. Obviously, you can tell from my whining, that I don't have an ideal life.

"The game room has large traces of blood, it seems there was a confrontation in here." I spoke into the recorder again, "Not sure if the blood belongs to the victim yet, but the person left a blood trail behind."

I didn't click the recorder off as I bent down to take a sample of the blood trail. If the blood belonged to the attacker, trace would find that out later.

"Blood trail leads outside of the room-" I was cut off by a banging noise. I looked around, but there was no one in sight. Going to the doorway, I called downstairs, "You alright, Delko?"

"I'm fine, Wolfe." He called back to me, I could easily hear the irritation in his voice. Well, I _had_ told him to screw off.

I hear another bang, followed by a shuffling sound. I looked around again, but there was nothing.

"Are you sure?" I called again, figuring it was still just Eric.

Eric growled at this, "Just do your job, Wolfe!"

I glared down the stairs. Though I couldn't see him, my glare was directed at Eric. I figured he could feel it. I sighed, realizing I was being a total hypocrite. I had just done the same thing to Eric, so why would I be mad at him for doing it back?

I walked back into the game room, I was obviously defeated and didn't want to start another fight. I needed my wall at times like these.

"Found a fingerprint on the controller..." I said into the recorder, pulling out a fingerprint lifter. I stuck it on, pressing down so it would get a good fingerprint. When I peeled it off, I smiled. "Beautiful." I stated, placing the fingerprint safely into my kit.

There was that banging sound again, and I didn't know where it was coming from. I stood up straight, looking around and reaching for my gun. There was still no one, what was going on? Was I hearing things?

I suddenly felt like I was being watched. I whipped around, expecting to see an empty room or Eric behind me. But there it was, a gun pointing right at me. I didn't have time to think because, well, I had a _gun_ pointing at me. I was suddenly back on patrol, my body moving without me even knowing it.

I dived for the couch, desperately trying to get away from the line of fire. I heard the loud "CRACK!" as the gun was fired. I landed beside the couch, my face hit the wood floor with a loud BANG! Ignoring the pain, I crawled behind the couch. I sat up and leaned my back against the couch. I could hear swearing from my attacker, he must have been a beginner because he wasn't ready for the gun to fire.

I had my gun drawn and I was ready to shoot if he came near me. My nose was causing me some pain and I figured I had probably broken it. My quick thinking had gotten me out of being shot, but my nose was bleeding all over my nice suit. Great, just _great_! I didn't have the money to buy another one! Wait, why was I thinking about that at a time like this?

I could hear footsteps, my attacker was coming towards the couch. I closed my eyes shut tightly, willing the pain to go away. My breathing was heavy, due to the fact that I couldn't breathe out of my nose and I could feel sweat covering my face. Why was this happening? This guy was going to kill me!

"Wolfe!" My heart dropped at the sound. _Eric_! No, not Eric! He must have heard the gunshot because I could hear him running up the stairs. He was coming to save me, damn him for being so stupid!

I could barely swallow, there was a giant lump in my throat. My attacker had stopped advancing on me, he had a new target now. Eric, he was after _Eric_!

I had to decide what to do and I had to decide now. If I moved, I would surely be shot and probably killed. But if I stayed in hiding, Eric would be shot…again. My mind replayed that event in my head. Eric had been shot. He had lost some memories and had to relearn everything. He had almost _died_, and all I could do was watch him lay in his hospital bed.

I wouldn't let that happen again, not to Eric. I wouldn't sit around and let it happen again. I was _here_ this time, and I would _not_ watch it happen.

"Wolfe!" He was rounding the corner to the door, almost in the line of fire. It was now or never, I knew this. I bit back the pain as I pulled myself up off the ground. I was running, I remember running. I should thank my patrol officer for making me train hard. I would never be able to run so fast if it wasn't for my patrol training.

I surged forward, reaching the door in less that a second. I reached the doorway as soon as Eric did and before he had time to react, I was throwing myself on top of him. There was another gunshot that I could hear behind me as I tackled Eric to the ground. There was excruciating pain in my back as Eric and I hit the ground. But it wasn't over for me, because Eric and I did a roll.

My head hit the wood floor as we rolled and it made my mind fuzzy. My neck was bent in a weird way, I guess it was because Eric had rolled on top of me and his weight had pushed down on it. When we finally stopped rolling, I ended up lying on something warm and comfortable. My head was spinning and before I could do anything else, my eyes rolled back in my head.

Then it was black.

XX Eric XX

I was angry, to say the least. Damn Ryan, how could he just yell at me like that when I was trying so hard to help him. And only a few minutes later, he was calling down asking me if I was alright. _He_ was the one who was banging around upstairs, not me.

I sighed and went back to the evidence. He got most of the evidence upstairs, the only thing I got was an escape route. A few fingerprints were on the doorknobs, but that was it.

I was bored and I found my mind drifting to Ryan. Ever since the whole calleigh and me thing he had been acting strange. He was angry all the time and everything he said was bitter. I didn't understand why he was so mad. Was he jealous because I was spending so much time with calleigh? No, Ryan never seemed like the jealous type.

I jumped as my phone rang, snapping me out of my thoughts. I pulled it out and put it to my ear, "Delko."

"Hey, Eric." I recognized Calleigh's southern voice on the other end, "Tara just got here, so I'm coming over to the house. I'll bring the patrol officer too."

I smiled at this, "Alright, Calleigh. I'll see you in-"

I was cut off by a loud "CRACK!" and I could tell it was definitely a gun being fired. My heart sped up when I heard the "BANG!" that soon followed the gunshot.

"Eric!" Calleigh was calling me through the phone, but I didn't care. I dropped it in shock, hearing it crash to the floor. Before I knew it, my gun was out and I was running up the stairs.

"Wolfe!" I cried, but there was no answer. My mouth suddenly felt dry. What if Ryan wasn't okay? What if he had been shot. No, I didn't want to think about that. I had already lost Speed and there was no way I was losing another friend.

"Wolfe!" I was getting closer to the door now, running as fast as I could to Ryan. I could hear the door downstairs open and I knew it was Calleigh and the officer coming to help us.

I rounded the corner to the door, ready to shoot. But something stopped me, or should I say _someone_. I was expecting to see the attacker with a gun, but instead I saw Ryan. Well, _felt_ him was more like it. He was suddenly tackling me to the ground. I could hear a gunshot go off from behind him, but I couldn't tell where it went.

We were rolling together, I could hear the banging sound as we hit the ground. I landed o n something round and it dug into my back. At the time I didn't know it, but I found out later that it had been Ryan's head.

We finally stopped rolling and my back was aching like crazy. Ryan had landed on top of me and his head fell down onto my chest. I was happy we were stationary because it was making the pain in my back go away.

Then there was a man with a gun, running out of the room Ryan had been in. He raised his gun to us, ready to shoot.

"Eric!" It was Calleigh, and before I knew it she had fired at our attacker. He hit the floor instantly, the gun falling from his hand with a loud thumping noise.

The patrol officer ran passed us, grapping the gunman by his arm and pulling him up. The man was still alive, I could tell, but he had a bad gunshot wound to his leg. We were safe now and I took this time to check myself for injuries.

"You okay, Eric?" Calleigh asked.

I nodded, "A few bruises in my back, but I'm fine." I tried to get up, but realized I couldn't. Ryan was still on top of me and he was pretty heavy. "Wolfe?"

He didn't answer, he was completely limp on top of me. "Wolfe?" I touch the head that lay on my chest, but he still didn't move or answer. When I pulled my hand away, it was covered in blood.

"Calleigh!" I called to her, and she was beside me in seconds, "He hit his head pretty hard, he's bleeding!"

"Okay," Calleigh began to search Ryan, but her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh _GOD_!"

I stared at her in shock, "What? What's wrong?"

She didn't answer, but she pulled off the jacket she was wearing. I watched as she wrapped the jacket around Ryan and tightened it. Was she trying to stop the bleeding? But she hadn't wrapped the jacket around Ryan's head.

"Call an ambulance!!" She screamed to the patrol officer, not waiting for a reply as she went back to helping Ryan.

"What's going on? Calleigh! Tell me what's wrong!" I was starting to panic, something was eating away at my stomach.

"Ryan's been shot!" She cried, she was panicking to, "He's losing a lot of blood!"

"Let me help!" I tried getting up, but she pushed my back down. I could feel the anger swelling up, "What?!"

"He has neck damage!" Calleigh growled, I was going to get a long lecture later on yelling at her. "If you move, you might snap it!"

My heart suddenly dropped into my stomach. Why was this happening? Why was Ryan bleeding to death on top of me? How had it ended like this?

"Support his head, Eric!" I did as I was told, not bothering to argue with her. Once his head was supported, we were able to move him off of me and onto the wood floor. I was up in a flash and was over at Ryan's side.

I could see it now, the bullet hole in his back. I hoped god that it hadn't hit Ryan's spine, I didn't want him to be paralyzed if he made it through this. _If_, I hated that word. Ryan _had_ to survive. He was my best friend, though I had never admitted it to him. I had already lost Speed and had finally moved on. But it ended up here, with Ryan bleeding to death at my feet.

I was on my knees now, trying to stop the bleeding. Calleigh had a gauze from her kit and was wrapping it around Ryan's bleeding head.

"Ryan, can you hear me?" I was whispering to him and I didn't even know it. There was no response, so I went on, "You have to fight, Ryan. Don't give up, _please_. You're going to be okay."

Calleigh was looking at me funny, but I didn't care. Ryan was dying, I could tell. His neck was bent in a weird way and I knew it was going to bruise a lot if Ryan made it. Dammit, there was that word again. Stop thinking about the 'ifs', Delko! Focus!

"Come on, Ryan. You can do it." It was Calleigh this time, her eyes were starting to water as the blood seeped through the gauze and onto her hands.

I could hear the door slam open downstairs and I could feel relief wash over me, the ambulance was here.

"Eric! Calleigh!" it was Horatio, I knew he would come.

"Here, H!" I called back. I heard him order the paramedics and then they were running up the stairs carrying a stretcher.

One of the paramedics pushed me aside, pulling the jacket off of Ryan's back. He looked shocked and called out, "Gun shot wound! He's lost a lot of blood!"

The other paramedics were there now, grabbing on to Ryan to pull him onto the stretcher. They got him on the stretcher carefully, having to place him on his stomach for easy access to the wound. One paramedic placed a brace around Ryan's neck while the others started to carry him down the stairs.

"What happened?" Horatio asked, but I ignored him. I ran passed his, following the stretcher outside.

_Ryan's going to be okay_, I told myself, trying to steady my breathing. I felt nauseas and the blood that soaked me wasn't helping. _Just calm down, Ryan's okay_.

"We're losing him!"

I didn't know I had stopped breathing, I was too busy watching Ryan. The paramedics were working hard on him, trying to get him to breath. He was obviously not cooperation, damn him for being so stubborn!

"There's no heartbeat!"

Then I was running forward, my heart beating so fast in my chest that it hurt. What did they mean no heartbeat? Ryan couldn't be dead!

When I reached the stretcher, Ryan's shirt was open. Ryan had been right, he was starting to gain weight, but it was barely noticeable. The paramedics had the paddles out and I could feel my eyes burning. No, I would _not_ cry! Not in front of them. I could wait until later, like I had for Speedle.

"Clear!"

My heart was jumping just like Ryan's body. They had to turn him on his back to use the paddles, so the wound was blocked by the stretcher.

"No response!"

The tears were falling now. I wasn't a crier, not in front of people at least. When Tim had died, I had hid it until later, and when Marisol had died, I had only shed a few angry tears in front of Horatio. But this was different, this was _Ryan_. I didn't just feel sad, I felt like my heart had been ripped out, thrown onto the ground and stomped on. It hurt more than anything I had ever felt before. It was worse than any death in my life or the gunshot to my head.

"Ryan!" I felt like I was watching myself outside of my body, I was doing things without even knowing it. I didn't know I was running forward until Horatio grabbed onto me, pulling me back.

"Clear!"

Ryan's body jumped on the stretcher again, but there was still no response. I was struggling to get out of Horatio's arms, I needed to get to Ryan. Maybe if I went to him, he would wake up. Ryan would wake up for me, right?

"Eric!" Horatio and Calleigh were yelling at me, telling me to calm down, but I couldn't. My crying had intensified without me even knowing and I couldn't control it anymore. Screw my pride, Ryan was _dead_!

"Wake up, Ry!" I screamed, not even knowing I had used his nickname. "Please, wake up! This can't happen again!"

"We got a heartbeat! Get him on his stomach and into the ambulance!"

I could feel air going back into my lungs as relief washed over me. Ryan was alive, he was _alive_. The ambulance was driving away and Horatio had let go of me. My legs were shaking and I suddenly couldn't hold my weight up anymore. Before I knew it, I had fallen onto the ground.

"Eric!" Calleigh was on her knees at my side, and when I looked at her I could tell she was scared. I had scared her and she was now crying.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my voice was hoarse from my breakdown, "I'm sorry."

Her arms were around me then and I was to exhausted to be the strong one. I was crying as she held me and I could hear her whispering things in my ear to calm me down.

"I can't do it again." I cried, "I lost Speed and Marisol, I _can't_ lose him!"

"I know, calm down." She comforted, stroking my back. I was crying so much that I was choking on the air I was breathing. At the moment, I didn't care who saw me breaking down. I knew Tara was there with Horatio, staring with wide-eyed shock at the scene in front of her. Eric Delko was breaking down, what a sight.

"Come on, Eric." Calleigh was picking me up, pulling me towards the Hummer, "We'll go to the hospital."

All I could do is nod in response. If Ryan wasn't okay, I didn't know what I would do. It would be good to go see him, to know that he was alive.

_If _he was alive.

XX End XX

That's the first chappie, hope you enjoyed it. If so, stay tuned for the second chapter coming soon!


	2. Hospital Dreams

Thank you for all the favorites on the first chapter, I honestly thought only one person would read this. But can you please send me some reviews?

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything, but I'm working on that…**

XX Ryan XX

_I didn't know what was going on. I could feel myself being moved, and I could hear someone calling my name. Eric, it was Eric. And was he crying? It sounded like it. Maybe I was crazy, there was no way Eric Delko was crying, especially over me. Calleigh maybe, but not me._

_There was yelling, then a loud siren. Was I in an ambulance? I had no idea. The only one of my senses that seemed to be working at the time was my hearing. More yelling, but it was fading. I was drifting away to my own little world. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears. It was fading, I could tell. Why wasn't I in the hospital yet? Hadn't Eric and Calleigh helped me? I mean, I was annoying, but they still wouldn't let me die. Would they?_

_My heartbeat was faint and it was all I could hear. Then sudden silence. I was floating like a feather, I must have been dead. It was dark and quiet in this place, and it scared me. Where was heaven? I heard heaven was a place where happy things were. Where were my friends? Where was Eric?_

_Eric. I hoped he was okay. If he got shot I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Oh wait, I was dead. I didn't really have to worry about Eric, did I? If the bullet hit me, I'm sure Eric was just fine. That made me happy, knowing Eric would be okay. I wonder if he would mourn me. I mean, I'm pretty sure we were friends, but were we_ that_ good of friends? He had already lost his best friend and his sister, so I'm sure my death would do something to him. But he would be okay, he had Calleigh to help him through it._

_I started thinking about my funeral, would anyone show up? Would I have an honorable funeral like Time Speedle had? _

"_Hey, kiddo," I jumped as the voice cut through the silence of my personal heaven. I didn't recognize the voice, but I recognized the face from pictures. He was standing in front of me, the darkness around him making his skin glow._

"_Tim?" I stared in disbelief, "Tim Speedle?"_

_He was smiling widely at me as I stood up. I was still in shock, maybe I was in heaven. Or maybe not. I remember when Eric thought he saw Tim and had found out someone was using Tim's credit card. Maybe the same thing was happening to me. But that didn't make sense, I had never met Tim, so why was he coming to me in the afterlife?_

"_Ryan Wolfe." Tie was chuckling at my reaction. He seemed to read my mind as he continued, "Yes, of _course_ I know your name."_

_All I could do was watch him. This was the man I had replaced, Tim Speedle, standing right in front of me. Why wasn't I able to say anything? Because I felt guilty. I was living the life he should be living, he should have never died._

"_You've grown up." He stated, he was treating me like we were old buddies, "You were so small when you became my replacement. Eric could probably have snapped you like a twig if he wanted."_

_I resisted the urge to laugh because, to tell the truth, he was right. I had been so skinny back then that I was lucky Eric never got physical with me. Eric, the person I would never see again because I was dead. I would never be able to tell him…no, I couldn't think like that right now. I had to figure out what was going o. I mean, was I in heaven, or was I just high as a kite on hospital medication?_

_Tim noticed my hesitation and answered my unsaid question, "I'm here because I know you look up to me."_

_I nodded in response, it was true, I did look up to him. He was a good person who didn't deserve to die, and I knew that more than anyone._

"_I don't know why you look up to a dead person, but that's your own problem." He teased me. I rolled my eyes, he was so much like Eric it was scary. I'm sure if Tim was still alive, we would be friends. Just like Eric and I were friends._

"_I'm also here to tell you to wake up, kiddo."_

_What did he mean wake up? And why did he keep calling me kiddo?_

"_Wake up? How?"_

_He just shrugged, "I'm dead, I never figured out how to wake up. But it was my time, and now isn't your time. You have too much to live for."_

_I snorted in response, "Like what?"_

"_Like Eric," His answer caught my attention. _

"_Eric?"_

_Then he was laughing again, I guess he wasn't serious for very long, "You don't see it?"_

_I just shrugged, still wondering what the hell he was trying to tell me. I had to wake up for Eric? Is that what he was saying. But Eric didn't need me, he had Calleigh and Horatio._

"_You and Eric are closer than you think." Tim stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder. His hand was cold, but that was expected since he was dead. "Since I died, Eric started getting bitter. You saved him from that, Kiddo, and he still needs you."_

"_He…needs me?" It still didn't make sense, why would he need me? I was just Ryan Wolfe, no one special._

"_Come on, Ry. Wake up." I just stared at him as he said this. I could see it in his eyes, he meant every word he was saying. "You need to wake up for Eric's sake."_

_Then it was dark again. The light Speedle had created was gone with him. I was left alone in the darkness of my mind. If this was my heaven, it made sense. My life was empty, why wouldn't me afterlife be?_

_Suddenly, there was sound. It was my heartbeat, loud in my ears. I had woken up. Well, not really, but I was alive. I was still floating, listening to my heartbeat. Then there were images. I was reliving my entire life inside of my head._

_There were my parents, the people I hated the most. I could still feel the punches my father laid on me as my mother just watched. How could she just watch her son being beaten and never help?_

_Then there was Avril, my sister. She had been so happy and lively, always trying to protect me, but she was dead now. I had seen her die in front of me by the hands of my father and couldn't do anything about it._

_The sad memories went through my mind, then they were gone. Another image followed this._

_Uncle Ron, the man who took care of me and practically raised me. He was the father I always wanted and he was still here for me. I wondered if he would be in the hospital if I woke up._

_Then there was the CSI team. Horatio, a fatherly figure for me. Calleigh, she reminded me so much of Avril it was scary. Natalia, we had problems before, but I now trusted her with anything. Alexx, the mother I had always wanted. Frank, I had even grown close to him. And then there was Eric. My partner, friend, and brother. The person I cared about the most, and I hoped I would see him again._

_I had been stupid to think that my life was empty. Maybe back in Boston my life was empty, when I was beaten and forced to watch a murder, but not here in Miami. I had friends here who cared about me and would definitely mourn me. They were there in the hospital waiting for me._

_I just needed to wake up._

XX Eric XX

_I was on a bridge and I had no idea why. It was somewhere in Miami, I remember passing it in the hummer on my way to a crime scene. Why couldn't I remember the name?_

_There was Calleigh standing beside me. She was smiling at me like she usually did, the way that made me want to smile back. She was so smart and sweet, not to mention very loving. I would know._

_We were leaning over the railing, looking down the ledge into the water. It wasn't really far down to the water, but no one ever jumped off this bridge. Calleigh was still watching me and I felt uneasy as I turned to her. I smiled back at her and we stayed like that for awhile._

_Then suddenly someone was behind me, pushing me. I was falling off of the bridge towards the water. I could see Calleigh watching me from up on the bridge and I called to her for help. _

_Then I hit the water. It was cold and rough, pulling me down towards the bottom. My mouth was filling with water as I tried to scream. My lungs hurt and I willed the pain to go away. I opened my eyes and saw Tim Speedle. Speed was right beside me, watching me with a sad look on his face as he watched me drown. I tried to call to him, but my lungs were giving out as they filled with water._

_Then there were strong arms around me, pulling me up and out of the water. I was pulled to the shore and I lay on the land taking long breathes. I never knew I would miss air so much._

_I looked up at my savior, expecting to see Calleigh or Speed. But it wasn't them, it was _him_. That's right, Ryan Wolfe was crouching over me, dripping wet and coughing._

"_Ry?" I just stared in disbelief. Those large, hazel-green eyes looked up at me and he smiled widely. His smile made me smile, more so than Calleigh's did. _

"_You need to learn not to play near the water, Delko." His teasing made me smile wider. All the pain was gone as I just watched him moving. It was Ryan, and he was okay. Ryan being shot must have been a crazy nightmare of mine. Because he was here, touching my arm to make sure I was okay. He was alive and that's all I needed. If he was hear beside me, the pain would go away. _

_Suddenly, there was a gun shot. Ryan's smile disappeared to be replaced with an expression of pure shock. He was falling on top of me, his blood soaking into me. I could feel the pain coming back into my body. Marisol and Speed were dead and I had been shot in the head. The pain from those memories were coming back. I couldn't lose Ryan, I needed him to take the pain away._

"_No, Ryan!" I could feel the tears again, and it came with the feeling of Déjà Vu. "Ryan! Wake up! Ryan!"_

I jolted out of my seat, my breath coming fast and heavy. _It was just a dream, _I told myself. But looking around, I doubted it. I was in the hospital waiting room and my stomach churned as it all came back to me. Ryan was shot trying to protect me.

"Eric, you're awake." I looked up to see Calleigh walking in with a doctor. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, I didn't remember falling asleep.

I stopped shaking my head and looked back up at Calleigh and the doctor. Only then did I notice that the doctor was not just a doctor, but it was Alexx.

"Hey, Baby." I stared at her for a minute before I shook my head in response. She sat beside me and put an arm around me, "How are you feeling?"

"Been better, why?"

Calleigh gave me a weird look before she answered, "You don't remember? You had a panic attack."

I was staring in disbelief, "That's never happened before." My mind suddenly went back to something else, "Ryan!"

"He's fine, honey." She pulled me in close for a hug and I accepted it. There was no denying Alexx and, to tell the truth, I needed her right now. I needed comfort from that familiar pain in my chest.

"He's okay?"

She nodded. "His heart stopped when he arrived at the hospital, but the doctors stabilized him."

I stared up at her when she said this. Ryan had died twice in one day? The feeling that brought made me sad. It wasn't fair that no matter what I did, I couldn't protect Ryan from his pain like he could protect me.

"Alexx," Calleigh caught our attention as she spoke up, "You were going to tell us about Ryan?"

She let go of me and nodded, pulling out a clipboard, "Yes, I have it right here."

I looked at her expectantly. I wanted to hear this, but I wasn't sure if I could handle it. What if Ryan was as bad as when I was shot? That was a stupid question, I knew I what would happen then. I would teach Ryan the beginnings of CSI. He was my friend and I would help him in anyway I could, just like how he had tried to help me.

Alexx cleared her throat and immediately switched into doctor mode as she read from the clipboard, "He suffered from a broken nose, a cracked skull, a neck sprain, and a bullet wound to the back."

"Oh my god." Calleigh hand her hand over her mouth in surprise, "Poor Ryan."

I made a gesture for Alexx to go on, I knew there was more she needed to tell us.

She nodded and continued, "The bullet wound didn't make contact with his spine," –I sighed in relief at this-"but he will need to put cream on it to prevent any infections. His cracked skull was not severe, so he should only suffer from some headaches. He'll need to take medication for it every time he feels one. His neck sprain was not severe either, but it will cause him pain for awhile. He won't have to wear a brace, but he will need a wrap on it. He'll need to do neck exercises daily if he wants to strengthen it."

I nodded again, not trusting my voice. This was all my fault, I couldn't protect Ryan from that man with the gun. I had to push the guilt away as an unanswered question came into my mind.

"Alexx, how did Ryan sprain his neck?" I asked and immediately regretted it. Alexx and Calleigh looked at each other and I knew they knew something I didn't, "Tell me."

"He had it bent in an odd way and he must have had a lot of pressure on it." Alexx wasn't exactly answering the answer.

"What pressure?"

She sighed, "You, Eric. You rolled on top of him and created the pressure that sprained his neck."

I stayed silent as I though about it. So _that_ was what had dug into my back? The guilt was cutting its way back into me and the pain in my chest just got worse. I closed my eyes, willing the pain to go away. But the pain stayed and all I could feel was emptiness. It felt like Ryan was taking a part of me with him.

"Listen," Alexx tried to change the subject, "Ryan is in a lot of pain, and you know how he gets stubborn when he is in pain."

I nodded in agreement, opening my eyes again. It had taken so long for Ryan to go to the doctor to get his eye checked after the nail gun accident. He had almost gotten in a car accident before Alexx got mad at him.

"We all know he's not going to take care of himself on his own, and I worry about him."

"I'll do it," I stated, not waiting for her to finish, "I'll take care of him."

Calleigh's eyes widened at me in surprise, "Really?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He's my friend and I want to be there for him."

Calleigh shook her head, "But Eric.."

What was her problem? I wanted to take care of my friend, did Calleigh have something against that?

"Please, Alexx. Let me do it." I didn't care if I was pleading, I just wanted the guilt to go away, "This happened because he was trying to protect me. I need to do this."

She smiled and nodded, "Okay, I trust you."

"So, can we see him?" I asked expectantly.

She nodded, "He's not awake yet, but you can go see him. Let him sleep though, baby boy has been through a lot."

I understood what she was saying. Ryan had gone through a lot of pain and surgery, no doubt. Not to mention his heart had stopped beating twice that day. Poor guy must have been so exhausted, I wasn't surprised if he was out cold. I watched Alexx get up from the seat, kissing my forehead before turning away.

Calleigh was giving me a weird look as Alexx walked away. She looked like she was debating on saying something, and she quickly made her decision, "Are you sure you want this, Eric?"

I knew there was a deeper meaning to Calleigh's question, but I couldn't figure it out. "Yes, Cal. I'm sure I want this." I answered, trying not to think back to my dream. Why hadn't that Calleigh saved me from drowning? Why had she just watched me drown?

"Alright, let's go see Ryan then." It wasn't a question and I didn't care. I needed to see that Ryan was alive, that he was perfectly fine and that I was just overreacting. I needed Ryan to take that pain away. Maybe it was selfish, but I truthfully didn't know what to do without him. I needed the Ryan in my dream, the one that had thrown himself in front of a bullet to protect me.

Calleigh knew where the room was and I followed close behind her. Hospitals always creeped me out, maybe because there were always dying or dead people in them. I had no idea where Ryan's room was, so I had no problem following calleigh around. I mean, what if I ended up in the wrong room and found a dead person? Wait, that was silly. I saw dead people everyday, how was this different?

Calleigh stopped at the door marked 207. The number had no meaning to me, but I doubted I would forget it after this day. She opened the door for me and stepped aside, giving me that look again. What was it she was trying to tell me?

"I'll stay in the waiting room." She stated, "You can see him alone."

"Are you sure, Cal?"

She looked upset about something, I could tell, I just couldn't figure it out. It was about more than Ryan, I knew that for sure.

"You two still need to make up." She forced a smile for my sake, and I was too exhausted to press on.

So I just smiled at her and said, "Thank you."

Then I entered the room, listening to the door close behind me. Calleigh was gone and I was left alone with Ryan Wolfe. I hadn't seen Ryan since the accident, which had been only a day ago.

He was in bed, looking so pale and fragile. His stomach had disappeared and he was completely thin. Ryan had always told me about his crazy metabolism and how it made him gain and lose weight like crazy. He looked like he was passed out, which he probably was from that IV line strapped onto his arm. There were dark bags under his eyes, his lips were as pale as his skin and his broken nose was battered and bruised. Ryan's usually gelled back hair was loose and falling into his face.

I sat down on the chair beside his bed and brushed the loose hair out of his face, careful not to disturb the bandage around his head. I put my hand on his arm, willing his eyes to open, but they didn't. I noticed he was wearing a fabric around his neck, probably his wrap.

I touched his forehead softly and took in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice cracked on the last syllable. Having Ryan beside me made the pain somewhat better, but I still felt like crying.

"Please wake up." I grabbed a hold of his hand, not really caring that it was a weird gesture for a friend. His hand was warm, a reminder that Ryan was okay. "I need you, Ry." The words coming out of my mouth sounded right, even though I had never said it before.

"Tim?"

My eyes opened wide and I stared at Ryan. He was still out cold, but I knew I had heard it. Was Ryan dreaming about Speed? But why would he dream about him, they had never met?

"Eric?'

Ryan still wasn't awake, but he had definitely just said that. Was he dreaming about me now?

"I'm here, Ry." I tightened my grip on his hand, "I'm here. Just please, wake up. Wake up for me."

Ryan went silent then and was completely still. I understood that he wasn't ready to wake up. I'd wait for him to come back, I just had to be patient. Plus, I was perfectly content with sitting and listening to the heart monitor. Ryan was alive and he was right here beside me. The thought made me relax into my seat.

Before I knew it, I was asleep again.

XX Ryan XX

I was no longer floating in the darkness in my mind, but I was falling. I was dropping like a rock down into the endless abyss. Was I dying again?

I landed onto something soft, closing my eyes from the small pain in my back. The intense pain that the bullet had created in my back was dulled, and I guessed it might be because I was dead.

"Wake up." It was a familiar sleepy voice, and was no louder than a murmur.

I managed a whisper through my sore throat, "Eric?"

Slowly, I began to open my eyes. My vision was blurry at first, but my eyes soon adapted to the lighting. That's right, light. I was no longer stuck in the darkness of my own mind, I was free.

I was also high. I could feel the drugs working their magic in my system and I hated it. When people were high, they weren't in the right state of mind. They were weak, and I didn't want to be weak.

Wait, what was I saying? I was in the hospital, how much weaker can you get?

"Eric?" My voice was getting stronger and I was becoming more alert of my surroundings. I could hear a heart monitor, beeping to indicate my every heartbeat. Okay, so maybe I wasn't dead. There was something very warm beside me, mumbling away. Was that a person?

I turned my head to the side, wincing at the pain it cause my neck. What had happened to my neck? And why couldn't I breathe through my nose?

There was Eric, sitting on a chair beside my bed. He had laid his head on the bed beside me and was now sleeping. He looked like he had been crying and I could feel the guilt eating away at me. I never meant to hurt him, I just wanted to save him from anymore pain. He looked tired, he deserved to sleep.

There was a small itch the bed was causing and it was centered in my back. I felt the annoying urge to scratch it, but I couldn't bend that way. Damn these beds for being to itchy and uncomfortable. Where did all our tax money go to if not the hospitals?

Finally sick of squirming around uncomfortably, I decided to move. I moved my legs first and was vaguely aware that I was only wearing boxers under my hospital robe. Great, I was itchy _and_ half naked. I got my legs ready to hold myself up (they hadn't been used in awhile) and closed my eyes as I attempted to move onto my side.

The pain hit me like a stroke of lightening, cutting off all of my senses. I had succeeded on turning onto my side, but the pain was too much. I didn't know Eric was holding my hand until I was squeezing it with a death grip. Screaming, I was screaming too. It felt like someone had just torn my back open, and the pain was excruciating.

Eric was immediately awake, looking at me with wide eyes. I was on my side, curling up in a more fetal position, but the pain wasn't going away.

"God, Ry!" Eric was squeezing my hand back, not sure what else to do, "What did you do?"

My vision was blurring and I was trying to bite the screams back for Eric's sake. I could tell it was hurting him to see me like this and I never knew how much he cared until now.

"What's going on?" Through my whimpers, I could hear Alexx. Relief rushed through me at the sound of her beautiful voice. She _had _to help me, right? She would protect me from the pain.

"I don't know, he just started screaming!" Eric sounded desperate as I clung to his hand, "I think he tried to move!"

Alexx was behind me now, lifting up my hospital gown. I could feel her fingers as they touched the sensitive skin on my back. The pain intensified and I couldn't keep the screams in any longer. My one hand was holding Eric as tight as possible, while the other was clawing at the sheets below me.

"We need to restitch him!" I couldn't tell if she was talking to the nurses, me, or Eric, but I honestly didn't care. The only thing that processed in my mind was stitches and how much pain they brought.

Before I knew it, I was fighting to get up. I was fighting Alexx's hands, which were only bringing me pain and not the comfort I needed.

"Ryan, we're trying to help!"

"No!" I was screaming again, trying to fight the pain they were bringing me. Couldn't they see how hurt I was? Why did they want to make it worse?

"Eric! You need to calm him down!"

Through my blurry, tear-filled eyes I saw Eric. He had let go of my hand, but was now holding my face in his hands. I let the tears fall as I looked into his worried eyes.

"Ryan, we're trying to help you." He whispered so only I could hear, "Please calm down. Don't you trust me?"

I managed to nod through the pain, leaning my face into the touch of his hands. I was in so much pain that I wasn't even considering how weak I was being at this moment. I knew I would regret this in the future, Eric would make sure of that.

I could feel the stitches going in me and the pain was starting to go away. They must have been drugging me again, just _peachy_. I was no longer gripping my sheets, letting the pain fade away. It wouldn't go away completely, but I just wanted it to be better.

"Ryan? Are you okay?" They must be done the stitching because I couldn't feel anything in my back anymore. It was completely numb. Eric was still looking at me with that worried expression and I felt even guiltier to put him through that again.

"I'm fine." My voice was starting to go back to normal and I was smiling up at him. The nurses were gently moving me onto my back again, and I could see the weary look on Alexx's face. I was in a comfortable position now and the itching in my back was gone.

Alexx watched me until the nurses had left, then she stepped towards me. "What were you thinking, baby boy?"

She laid her hand on my sweaty forehead and I could see how scared she actually was. I tried to give her a reassuring smile and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Eric was sitting back in his chair, staring with wide eyes. He looked like he was too scared to touch me, that if he did I would be in pain again.

"I had an itch." I tried to explain, realizing I sounded like a child caught doing something they shouldn't be.

"An itch?" Eric grabbed a hold of my wrist as he said this, "Ryan, you were _shot_! Why would you think it was okay to move?"

I rubbed my eyes with my free hand, I didn't understand. I stared at Eric for a second before speaking, "I got out of the way in time. I wasn't shot."

Eric's face immediately changed, he looked guilty. But why? This wasn't his fault.

"I'll leave you two alone." Alexx cut in, kissing my forehead, "No moving for you."

I nodded and watched her exit the room. She left behind and awkward silence and I stared at the door that had just closed. The memories were starting to flood back into my head. I had thrown myself at Eric to protect him from the bullet. I had been hit and then we were rolling and then…nothing. Everything went black.

"Why did you do it?" I looked back over at Eric as he spoke. He was still holding my wrist, but he was looking at the ground. "You could have _died_, Ry."

I tried not to smile at the nickname, I liked it a lot more than when he called me Wolfe. Noticing that I hadn't answered his question yet, I took a breath and stated, "_You_ could have died too, Eric."

His brown eyes met mine and I flinched away from the anger in them. Eric got up from his seat and leaned in close to my face, "What if you had died? What would I do then? I was being a jerk and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that's how things ended."

I liked the attention he was giving me, but I wasn't just going to sit around while he questioned my decision. I glared up at him, ready to counter, "What was I supposed to do, Eric? Let you get shot _again_? I couldn't just watch my friend go through that again, it was hard enough the first time."

He slammed his fist against the bed frame, "Do you have any idea what I just went through, Ryan? It was worse than being shot. I've already lost Marisol and Speed, and you almost put me through that again."

My face softened at this and my will to fight had burned out. I stared up at him and watched as his face softened too. He looked at the wrist he was holding of mine and went silent.

"I'm sorry, Eric. I didn't know you cared-"

"Of course I care, Ry. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

It was silent again. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the warm hand around my wrist. I was savoring the contact because I knew it wouldn't last long. Eric was still with Calleigh, and would be no matter how many times I got shot.

"I hate hospitals." He stated and I nodded in response, they were too full of death. It was weird for a CSI like me to say that, but I always thought the morgue and the hospital were two different things completely.

"When can I leave?"

He chuckled at me and met my eyes again. I took refuge in the warmth in his eyes and listened to his smooth voice, "Tomorrow, but I'll have to convince Alexx to let you come with me."

"Come with you?"

"Ya, is it okay if I stay with you? I mean, Alexx wants someone to give you your medicine and stuff."

"Fine." I nodded in response, but I was regretting it. I didn't want to become too attached to Eric and have him leave me when I was getting better. I needed to face facts, Eric would never like me. He had Calleigh, what else would he need?

Eric noticed something was bothering me and opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it.

"I should get some sleep." I stated looking away from him, "Do you mind?"

"Of course not."

Eric stood up slowly, watching as though he was waiting for me to change my mind. I didn't and then he was gone, slamming the door behind him. I sighed and closed my eyes, willing the headache to go away. I couldn't do this, I couldn't survive being so close to Eric and not give in. I don't think I was strong enough for that, not yet.

I was scared of what could happen. I was desperately trying to be bitter to Eric, to try and make him leave me alone, but it was so exhausting. It had been stupid of me to let my guard down and I was going to regret it. Eric had been so nice to me lately, but I couldn't give in to it. We were too different to be near each other for two long.

I was the bitter.

Eric was the sweet.

XX End XX

End of chapter two. It kind of explains the title. If Ryan is the bitter and Eric is the sweet, then together they make bittersweet.

Please Review, for my sake.


	3. Haze

Sorry about taking so long to update, I've had three essays to write in a short time. Damn my teacher. Anyway, thank you to a very loyal fan for sending me and email and reminding me I need to keep writing. Third chapter, so enjoy.

**Disclaimer: Own nothing.**

XX Ryan XX

Calleigh was staring at me with wide eyes as I sat back down on the bed. Her mouth was agape and I resisted the urge to comment about how much she looked like a fish out of water. I stood up and tried stretching my unused muscles, watching her even though her facial expression didn't change.

"Excuse me?"

I rubbed my eyes sleepily and looked back up at her. She had that same face on, what had I said wrong? "Will you help me?"

"What?" Her face was bright red and I raised an eyebrow at her. I didn't say anything bad, why were women like this?

"I just need help getting my clothes on, Cal. I'm kinda in pain."

"Umm…okay." Her face was still redder than ever as I tossed the clothing over to her. She pulled the pants out of the plastic bag first and stepped over to me. I was pulling my hospital gown over my head as she walked over and she stopped dead in her tracks as I was left in nothing but my boxers.

"Oh, Come _on_, Calleigh. Like you haven't seen it before." I was starting to get annoyed by her. For once she was the insecure one and I was one the one in charge, but this wasn't the best moment for her to suddenly switch roles with me. "Eric's practically half naked all the time."

Calleigh gave me a small glare, but she didn't make another move forward. I grumbled, pulling the plain blue jeans out of her hands, and managed to get one leg into them. I was working on the second leg when a sudden pain shot through my back. Before I even knew I was falling, Calleigh was at my side keeping me up.

"Decided to help me?" I teased her and she glared up at me.

"Don't ever ask for my help again." She grumbled at me, helping me to stand on my own two feet. I couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction, she was acting so much like me that it was pretty funny.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Ryan Wolfe." She smacked me in the arm and it just made me laugh harder. Resorting to violence? Ya, she was definitely acting like me. "I'm trying to help you. Now, put your hands on my shoulders."

I did as she told me, still chuckling under my breath. It wasn't my fault it was so funny, I had _never_ seen Calleigh like this. Now I understood why so many people weren't very fond of me, I could be really annoying.

"Hey, Ry?"

I looked down at her, but her eyes wouldn't meet mine as she pulled my pants up.

I sighed, "Is it really that weird asking for help, Cal? It's just you helping, that's all."

She finally looked up at me, smiling like her regular self, "That's not it Ry."

I raised an eyebrow at her peculiar behavior, "What is it then?"

"Never mind, it's not important."

"Cal…"

She shook her head stubbornly, looking away again, "It doesn't matter, Ryan. It was stupid."

"Cal…"

"Fine!" Calleigh crossed her arms over her chest in a pout, which is something you don't see a lot from her, "But I want your honest answer."

"Sure." My voice was muffled as I pulled my shirt over my head and flattened it against my torso.

Calleigh's hands made me stop. She grabbed the seam of my shirt, pulling it up slowly. All I could do was stand and stare, trying to contemplate what the hell was going on. Why was Cal trying to take my shirt back off?

"Turn around."

My brain took to long to process what she was saying and when I figured the words out, I couldn't make sense of them. I stared at her face for an explanation, but the look on her face told me this was something serious.

I blinked dumbly a few times, "What?"

"Turn around."

A weird feeling was creeping up on me. Nervous, yes I was nervous. Not because Calleigh was taking my shirt off, but the reason as to why she would want to. I didn't want to get my bullet wound stitched up for a third time, the other times hurt badly enough.

Still, I couldn't come up with a good excuse as to _not_ turn around. So, I turned around.

She pulled my shirt up and touched the skin of my back, and I immediately regretted turning around. It wasn't my bullet wound she touched, but the scars I had from my rough childhood. No one ever saw those scars, let alone touched them, and not even me. Feeling her fingers on my scars made all those painful memories flood back. I couldn't see the scars and therefore tried to forget about the physical pain I had endured, but there was no way to stop those memories when she was touching them.

"No." I didn't know what I was saying it to, but it just came out. I didn't want anyone to see the scars I bared. They were just another reminder of my horrible survival. There were goose bumps all over my body and I could tell she noticed by the way her touch softened.

My father's face came into my mind and I immediately shuddered away from the memory. No, I refused to think about _that_ right now.

Instead, I moved away from Calleigh and pulled my shirt back down, turning to face her.

"Ryan…"

It was too late for her, though, because I had quickly built my wall back up. My face was completely composed and I was exactly the way I was at work, professional.

"Where did those scars come from?" Her eyes were wide at my reaction, but I didn't care.

I would have told her, but I was a stubborn jerk. I didn't want her to find a weakness of mine and use against me. Though I doubted she would do that, there was a chance Eric could find out. The main reason I didn't want to tell her was because I never wanted to relive that day, years ago, when my sister had lost her life and I had _almost_ lost mine. Almost, that's right, I was still alive now. Alive, while she remained dead to the world around her. The world goes on, right? What a _sick_ world.

I had to deal with the nightmares every night and the constant reminders of my sick and twisted father. Even if Calleigh was looking at me that way, trusting and caring, like a true friend, I could never tell her.

"Forget it, Cal, it's not important."

Her eyes grew wider and her mouth gaped, "How could it not be important after you reacted like that? You said you'd be honest!"

I turned my head away from her with no intent on answering. Instead, I busied myself with grabbing my coat off of the bed post and pulling it on. My whole body felt numb and I had trouble putting the coat on, but I was keeping that mask of mine on.

Her hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, "Don't ignore me, Ryan Wolfe!"

I turned around, glaring wildly at her. She was surprised just enough so I could pull her hand off of my shoulder. When Calleigh mouth opened in protest, I ignored her and deepened the glare.

"No."

"But Ry, I'm really-"

"Let it go, Cal."

Calleigh mumbled something incomprehensible, then grabbed my shoulder again, "I'm worried about you. You know that, right?"

"I'm fine." I grunted, pulling away once again. Her touch was so friendly and comforting, but it reminded me too much of Avril. I was too much of a coward to deal with that pain, and instead just avoided it all together.

Calleigh was obviously upset with me, "You're not fine, there's something up with you. You're being so mean to Eric lately and I'm worried about your friendship."

Friends, right. That's all Eric and I would ever be, why did I continue to have false hopes? What was I, stupid? I desperately wanted to tell calleigh why I was so angry lately, that this wasn't her fault at all. I wanted her to know that I liked Eric a lot, but I cared about her feelings too much to say anything. She was like a sister to me, I would never hurt her.

But instead, I said, "Eric and our _friendship_ are just fine."

Calleigh had that glare on her face again, and _damn_ was she scary when she was angry, "Why the hell are you so bitter lately?"

There it was, that word again. No matter how true I knew that statement was, I hated being called bitter. Couldn't they come up with another word to call me?

I let the anger run through my body and suddenly, I was right in Calleigh's face, "You know what, _Cal_? You have no _idea_ what's going on with me! You want to see bitter? Why don't you stay the _hell _out of my life?"

To my surprise, Calleigh didn't yell back. At first she looked a little shocked, but her face quickly changed to a determined one.

"Stop." She stated, grabbing my face in her hands. I suddenly felt like a dog who had misbehaved. "Stop yelling."

All the fight in me was suddenly gone as I looked into those eyes. Calleigh wasn't going to hurt me, what was I thinking yelling at her?

"Sorry, Cal. I'm just a little frustrated."

Her face became soft and she let go of my head, "I know, you have a right to be. I'm just worried about you, that's all."

I let a soft smile appear on my face from her concern, then she spoke again, "You don't have to tell me about those scars now, but one day you will."

I just nodded in response, she was such a mother hen sometimes. Not as bad as Alexx, but still a mother hen.

"I'm just in pain, that's all." I assured her, "Nothing more, alright? Eric and I are just fine."

"Okay."

With that we just smiled at each other and I felt good. It felt like we had an understanding of each other and that's all I ever wanted.

"Hey guys!"

Calleigh and I turned suddenly at the Cuban's voice. My smile immediately faded as realization kicked back in. Eric was looking amazing, as always, but I tried to keep my mind away from those thoughts. Eric was with calleigh. Eric was S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T. STRAIGHT!! He was straight and I was gay, that could never end well.

I tried to get my sexuality out of my head before something happened that I would regret. Trust me, it happens.

"We'll talk later." Calleigh whispered to me, it sounded just as pleasant as before. I wanted to end our conversation here and tell her that I had no more to say, but I didn't feel like starting an argument with both of them. Eric would join Calleigh's side, no doubt. Plus, I was _way_ too tired for a fight anymore.

Eric looked a little skeptical at the way we were looking at each other, "What's going on in here?"

"Nothing, just helping Ryan get dressed." Calleigh smiled to her boyfriend, but I didn't bother.

Eric just smiled at me and I hated the way that smile made me so happy, "Careful, Wolfe. I might think you're trying to steal my girl."

I didn't want to joke around with Eric, my good mood had completely disappeared. Calleigh could thank Eric for that. _'My girl'. _That comment just made me want to get shot again. I could save Eric's life thousands of times and I would still just be the friend. I mean, it's not like I saved Eric's life for him to magically fall in love with me. I knew that would never happen, but I would still protect him from anything.

I willed my mind to, once again, stop thinking about Eric. How the hell was I going to last the next couple of days with him in my house? Damn my stupid hormones.

Not to mention the way Eric was looking at me right then. He was smiling, that's for sure, but there was something deep inside of his eyes I could see. Guilt, it looked like guilt. I remembered yesterday vaguely, when I had woken up with Eric at my side holding my hand. There were tear streaks on his face, right? No, I must have been high and imagined it.

"_**What if you had died? What would I do then? I was being a jerk and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that's how things ended."**_

I seriously wanted to kill myself (figure of speech). Why the hell had Eric said that to me?

"_**Do you have any idea what I just went through, Ryan? It was worse than being shot. I've already lost Marisol and Speed, and you almost put me through that again." **_

I shook my head, trying to stop the memories. Eric had just felt sorry, that's why he had said it. He didn't really _mean _it. He couldn't _ever_ mean it.

"_**You and Eric are closer than you think. Since I died, Eric started getting bitter. You saved him from that, Kiddo, and he still needs you."**_

Dammit, shut up Speed! His voice was hurting my head. Why the hell had I dreamt about Speed anyway? I didn't know him, I had no right. And why the hell did he try to tell me Eric needed me? Eric didn't need me at all, he had so many other people there for him.

Suddenly, my head was hurting again. I could hear something, what was that? Sirens? That sounded like sirens.

Wait, I was in a hospital, of course there would be sirens!

The pain in my back was coming back, but worse this time.

"Ryan?" That was Eric, right? His voice sounded so far away, what was happening? "Are you okay?"

Calleigh noticed the distant but pained look on my face too, "What's wrong?"

They still sounded so far away, and those damn sirens were getting louder! My back was burning in pain, while my neck felt like a stump.

I closed my eyes tightly, willing my headache to go away. I fractured my skull, Alexx told me it was normal to get headaches. But man, I have never had a headache this bad, not even a hangover headache.

I tried to savor the darkness behind my eyes, but it wasn't dark. Suddenly, I was laid on hardwood flooring and covered in my own blood. The house seemed familiar, but I was more interested in the people beside me. Someone's hands were on my head putting pressure, but my headache never went away. I wanted to just get up, but found I couldn't move.

"_**Ryan, can you hear me? You have to fight, Ryan. Don't give up, please. You're going to be okay."**_

It was Eric. He was leaning in and whispering to me.

I gasped as sudden realization hit me. I was in the house I was shot in. I was reliving the day I had gotten shot.

I wanted to open my eyes, but something stopped me from doing it. I tried to respond to Eric, but my voice wasn`t working and I was getting tired.

Suddenly, my vision went black again, but I still couldn't open my eyes. Someone was calling my name, and they sounded like they were in a far off place. Too far away to be more than an incomprehensible murmur.

"_**Ryan!"**_

Eric? His voice was so loud in my head.

"_**Wake up, Ry! Please, wake up! This can't happen again!"**_

I could see Eric's face, tears were pouring down it and he looked practically hysterical. He was running towards me, screaming for me. He _needed _me, and I had this sudden urge to go to him. His tear filled face was scarred into my mind and there was no way I could forget it now.

So Eric did care? I was more than just a coworker?

I wasn't sure what was worse, the pain from my back or the pain from the memories coming back. Still, I cried out from the pain. Then I was falling and I didn't know why.

My eyes shot open when I felt arms warm arms around me. I was back in my hospital room, the memories no longer playing in my head. I was leaning my weight against someone as they held me up. Calleigh was beside me, touching my face softly with worry etched on her face. I looked up to see Eric staring down at me, the same expression as Calleigh.

"Are you okay, Ryan?" Calleigh asked, removing her hand from my face. "You just screamed."

"Fine." I noticed I was panting uncontrollably and I was sweating a great deal. It was hard to breathe, but I still managed one word, "Pain."

"Headache?"

I nodded in response, trying to pull away from Eric.

Eric let me go, but gave me a concerned look, "Are you sure you`re alright?"

I ignored him and tried to walk on my own, but realized my body was too weak. My legs gave out, and suddenly I was back to leaning against Eric.

"Maybe you shouldn't go home today?"

I shook my head at whoever had said it, I honestly don't know who. I spoke between pants, "I…want…to go…home."

Eric smiled down at me, then turned back to Calleigh, "Cal, can you go get his medication from Alexx? I'm going to get him in the car."

I didn't see what happened next, I just closed my eyes and laid my head against Eric's shoulder. The other CSI's amazing smell was slowly soothing my headache. I let him lead me as I dragged my feet and he helped me stay up.

Before I could comprehend what was happening, I was lifted up into Eric's Hummer. He was buckling my seatbelt, but I was too weak to sit up. I fell sideways, my head back on the other man's shoulders.

In the middle of my haze, I could hear Calleigh, "Are you sure he's okay, Eric?"

Eric chuckled, "He's just tired, Cal. It's been a long couple of days."

There were doors slamming and I fell sideways again, leaning against the door of the car. May face was pressed against the glass and I felt like I was going to pass out. What the hell had just happened to me?

Eric's hand was on my shoulder, "You okay, man?"

I wanted to tell him I was okay, but I couldn't ring myself to do it. He sounded worried and I felt horrible again. Why did I keep doing this to him and myself? Why couldn't I be normal?

Instead, I managed to say something else, "I'm sorry I made you cry."

The grip on my shoulder tightened, "What do you mean?"

"_**Ryan, can you hear me? You have to fight, Ryan. Don't give up, please. You're going to be okay."**_

My tongue felt heavy when I spoke again, "I fought, just like you told me to. I didn't give up. I _am_ going to be okay, as long as I have you."

I looked at him through half-lidded eyes. He looked confused, then his face suddenly changed to shock. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

I yawned quietly, falling sideways and onto Eric's shoulder again.

"Speed was right, you _do_ still need me."

A small smile crossed my face before I fell into a deep sleep.

Maybe I wasn't so bitter after all.

XXEricXX

I ran my hair through my hair nervously and sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time that night. I had only just noticed that my hair was growing back after buzzing it off the last time. Everyone liked my hair better long, Calleigh said it was more inviting, but I didn't want to grow it out. When my hair was long, no matter how hard I tried to conceal it, my scar still showed. Plus, the buzz was much easier to maintain. I was saving a lot of money because I didn't have to buy hair products.

I sighed once again, still holding the phone up to my ear. I know it was weird to call someone late at night, but I couldn't help it. I had been debating on whether or not to call Alexx for awhile now, and had finally decided to do it. I was worried, to say the least, about Ryan. He was my best friend, I had a right to be worried. Didn't I?

"_**I'm sorry I made you cry."**_

Ryan's words echoed in my head, making the worry increase ten-fold. I felt like it was eating away at my stomach, and it hurt. I tried to tell myself that Ryan was just fine, but for some reason I couldn't believe it. The phone was still ringing in my ear, indicating that Alexx wasn't picking up.

I was still desperately trying to figure out how Ryan remembered what had happened after he was shot. He was unconscious at the time, and I distinctly remember the paramedics trying to revive him. How could he have known how I reacted?

The concern for my partner was taking over and I found myself moving down the narrow hall and towards his small bedroom. There was Ryan, on the bed where I had put him just over an hour ago. The thing was, he hadn't moved from the position I had laid him in. His head was titled back, as though his neck couldn't hold it up and his mouth was slightly agape. Ryan's face was colorless and looked almost chalky, and his breathing was so quiet I couldn't hear it unless I put my ear to his mouth.

His face looked serene, but his eyebrows gave away the pain he was feeling on the inside. Ryan`s nose was still bruised and slightly swollen, a light bandage wrapped around his head, and a tensor bandage wrapped tightly around his bruised neck. It was killing me to see him like this, looking so pained and vulnerable.

Ryan looked dead.

No, I wouldn't think like that. I immediately discarded this thought, Ryan was perfectly fine. He was vulnerable, he was a strong, independent person who could take perfect care of himself.

_Then why are you calling Alexx?_

I shook my head, trying to get rid of that inner voice inside of it. I was just an overly concerned friend, right?

Sighing again, I turned the phone off. Ryan was just tired, he would be fine.

"_**Speed was right, you **_**do**_** still need me."**_

What the hell did that mean? Speed was dead, Horatio had watched him die. Alexx had seen the dead body on her table. We _all_ watched our friend get buried. How could Ryan be speaking to him?

They had never met. Ryan and Tim, I mean. Sure, maybe they had seen each other once or twice, but that was expected from CSIs and Patrol. Even if they had talked, which I doubted, why would Speed mention me? Ryan and I didn't know each other back then.

So why did Ryan think Speed had talked to him?

I finally remembered the reason why I had wanted to call Alexx. I was worried about Ryan's health. I mean, he had fractured his skull just a few days ago, and Alexx had said herself that he might suffer from headaches from time-to-time. But what had happened at the hospital earlier today was not normal behavior. One second Ryan, Calleigh and I were standing and talking, and the next Ryan was screaming and swaying. He had fallen over and had almost passed out, luckily I had caught him.

And he looked so _scared_. To see my friend's large and innocent green eyes filled with fear made _me_ scared. Trust me, I didn't scare easily.

"_**I fought, just like you told me to. I didn't give up. I am going to be okay, as long as I have you."**_

He was right, Ryan did fight. He didn't give up and for that I was proud of him. But what did he mean when he said 'as long as I have you'? Hearing Ryan say this made a weird feeling erupt in my chest. Why did Ryan believe I needed him so badly? _I_ was the one taking care of _him_!

_He took a bullet for you, Delko. He would give his life for yours._

I nodded, my inner voice was right. What the hell was I thinking being so bitter, Ryan had saved my life! Was that any way to treat your savior?

_He saved you._

I shook my head at this. I _know_ he saved my life! It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me, and for some reason I wasn't surprised that it was Ryan who had done it. He had always been there for me. Even when he first started on our team and I hated him for replacing Speed, he had still been by my side.

Suddenly, I remembered when I had been shot. Calleigh had told me about Ryan's evasive behavior, and how he had demanded to be in my room as soon as possible. How he had almost punched the suspect and saying 'you shot my friend'. She had said that Ryan had just stood on the other side of the room and stared at me, running his hand down his mouth like he did whenever he was upset. I could remember after I got out, how Ryan constantly wondered if I was okay. He was so understanding of my problem and was patient as I relearned the CSI basics. How had I repaid him? By getting defensive and yelling at him.

I looked at Ryan in his bed, still not moving aside from that tiny rise and fall of his chest. This man had taken a bullet for me, and I had treated him like _that_? What had I been thinking?

Feeling even guiltier than I had ever felt before, I sighed once again. Hesitating slightly, I slowly sauntered into Ryan's bedroom. I got close to Ryan's bed, but the other man didn't move at all in response. I stared down at the almost peaceful face of my friend, hoping he was okay. I watched Ryan's long, boyish lashes resting against his cheeks and willed his eyes to open so I could see their beautiful green.

"Please wake up, Ryan." I mumbled, sitting down lightly on the side of the bed, "You're killing me with this."

There was no response to my movements, so I turned my attention down to the floor. It was odd how much I had started caring for my friend since he had been shot. I found that I wanted to take care of him more now than ever. He was my patient and my job was to fulfill his every need. It was really weird, but this man had just saved my life. Plus, he was my best friend, one of the people closest to me. Of course I was supposed to care about him.

But this much? I'm not sure it was right. I mean, after Ryan was shot with the nail gun I was like this, on a lower scale of course. Ryan was just hurt that day, he hadn't been as seriously injured as he was a couple of days ago. His heart stopped twice on the same day and since then I had this horrible feeling in my stomach that it was just the beginning.

I was started to miss the color green.

Green. It was now my favorite color, and I had no idea why. I found myself dreaming of green. It was that same dream for the last couple of days, the one where I was pushed off of the bridge. Calleigh watched me fall, then Speed was in the water when I was drowning. And every time, Ryan would save me from my potential death. Only this time, he wouldn't be hurt. He'd just hover above me with this look on his face, like he was relieved I was alright.

The green I dreamed of was his eyes. Those bright, lively eyes would look at me and I felt something I had never felt before.

My dreamed were starting to scare me. I had always believed they were signs for the future, so what were they trying to tell me? To not trust Calleigh? I would always trust Calleigh.

No, they were telling me something about Ryan, but I just couldn't figure it out. It was starting to kill me.

"Eric…"

I jumped at the voice, my gaze shot up from the floor to look at the other man on the bed. Unfortunately, Ryan's eyes were still closed and he still looked asleep.

"Eric?" His mouth moved, and I was sure that he definitely said that. But he was still asleep, so that meant…he was dreaming about me.

I guess I wasn't the only one of us dreaming of the other.

"Eric, please…" He mumbled again, and I watched his eyes shut even tighter. He sounded s lost and desperate in this state, "Stop Eric, don't go…"

My chest hurt again, why would I ever leave him?

I leaned in close and whispered soothingly into his ear, "I'm right here, Ry. I'm not going anywhere."

His face seemed to calm slightly before his eyebrows pulled together. I watched him for a few minutes, without his facial expression changing in anyway. The need to touch him was only getting worse, he looked like he was in pain and I just wanted to help him. But what would happen after that? What if Ryan woke up and started screaming at me?

Ryan hadn't been himself for a few weeks now. It was easy to notice how angry and bitter Ryan was. If it wasn't for how weak Ryan was, he would probably be telling me to leave him alone and that he didn't need my help. It was so hard to see him like this, where had my friend gone? Ever since he had found out about Calleigh and I, he hadn't been the same person I had grown to care so much for. I missed him, to say the least. This is the closest we had been for weeks, and it had taken Ryan being shot to get us to this point.

I was losing him. I was losing the Ryan that I thought would be around forever. It took Ryan being shot to make me realize that I really needed him.

Ryan was the person who kept me level-headed, the one who made me laugh at the stupidest things, the person who made me want to smile when he did, the one who theorized with me, annoyed me, and fought with me on the simplest things.

_Is Calleigh any of those things?_

Shut up, stupid inner voice. I couldn't think like that, Ryan was my best friend! I just wanted him back, I wanted him to be the same person he had been before he found out about Calleigh and I. I wish he had never found out at all, then maybe he'd be the man I wanted. Why had he gotten so angry?

_Jealousy?_

It was crazy, but it made sense. I never spent any time with Ryan anymore. I mean, he would always come over to my house after work and drink beer, while watching a movie. We would laugh about something on the movie that was never meant to be funny, and it would be great.

When was the last time we had done that? Over a month, ever since I started dating Calleigh. I hadn't spoken to him outside of work, hadn't even called once. Maybe Ryan _was_ jealous, maybe he thought Calleigh was taking his friend away.

That's when it hit me, Ryan and I weren't so different after all, were we? Ryan wasn't _jealous_, he was _scared_.

Ryan was losing his best friend too.

I had changed, just like he had, and I had been a giant hypocrite this whole time. But not anymore, I wasn't going to be that person who ignored their friends.

"Eric?" I looked down at Ryan again when he spoke my name, but he was still sleeping. I sighed, why hadn't I seen it sooner? I needed Ryan, and I had been pushing him away the whole time. This was _my_ fault, and I was going to fix it.

"Eric?" Ryan's voice got louder, sounding more desperate, "Eric?"

"I'm right here, Ry." I tried to sooth him, but he still looked pained.

He calmed down for a moment and I just sat and watched him.

"Eric!!" I nearly jumped out of the chair when Ryan yelled. He was crying out for me, sounding not only desperate, but pleading. Something was scaring him. "Eric!!"

I opened my mouth to calm him, but didn't have time. Ryan was suddenly thrashing around on the bed, screaming my name. I watched him squirm in pain, staring in disbelief. I was too shocked to do anything but watch him panic.

"ERIC!!"

Ryan's bright green eyes shot open in surprise as he screamed my name again. He was panting, sweat pouring down his face and chest. I was sitting close to him, and I moved my hand to touch him. He didn't seem to notice I was there, and before I could touch him he had moved.

Ryan threw himself out of the bed and I was suddenly panicked when I realized he was running out of the room.

"Ryan!!" I called, jumping off the bed and running after him, "Wait!!"

He wasn't listening because he didn't stop. Ryan was running so fast he was stumbling over everything in his way. He had already run out of his bedroom and I realized where he was going.

The door!

"Stop!!" I called as loud as I could, not caring about Ryan's neighbors. I'm sure they heard me, but Ryan didn't seem to. He was still running as fast as he could towards the door.

"Eric!" He called as he reached the door. He tried to throw the door open, but he hadn't realized it was locked.

Ryan was fumbling with the locks in a hurry, breathing heavily and mumbling something I couldn't understand. Having Ryan busy with the locks gave me time to finally catch up to him. Man, was he fast. I sprinted over to him, panic running through my veins.

I reached the door the same time Ryan had gotten the locks off. He tried to throw the door open, but I shot my hand out and slammed it closed again. Ryan's face was filled with shock as the door slammed in front of him.

It only took a second for Ryan to recover, then he was trying to open the door again. I grabbed his hands as he reached for the handle and pulled them away.

"No!" He screamed, fighting desperately to try and get out of my grasp. His eyes were shooting around the room, obviously looking for a weapon. But my grasp was too tight ad there was no way he was going to get free.

"ERIC!!" He screamed again, lunging towards the door, but I pulled him back in time. I heard him gasp in pain as the skin on his back pulled. If Ryan kept at this, he was going to seriously hurt himself.

"Ryan, you need to calm down!" I tried to sooth him with a touch, but he flinched away when my hand got near.

"No!" His foot was suddenly thrown forward and before I had time to register what was happening, his foot was sinking right into my stomach. I fell back from the force, releasing my grip at the same time. My back hit the floor and I was gasping for the air that Ryan had knocked out of me. Why the hell did he have to be so strong?

Ryan had fallen to the ground after I released him, and he was now desperately trying to get up and to the door. He crawled quickly across the floor, reaching the door and grabbed the handle. I was up in a flash, pulling him away from the door again. He creamed in protest and started fighting. He was suddenly attacking me with legs and arms and anything he could find.

"Ryan!" I managed to dodge one of his punches. I grabbed his wrists, bringing them above his head. His legs were kicking at me, but I pinned them down with my own. I tried to calm him, but he was squirming on the ground under me.

"Ryan!!" I called again, moving one of my hands to his face. He flinched and tried to move away from it, but I wouldn't let him. "Look at me!"

"No! Eric, he needs me!!"

My stomach dropped to my throat and for a second I was too shocked to speak. Ryan was trying to get to me? He thought I was in danger?

I recovered quickly, "I'm right here!"

"No!"

"Look at me!"

"No!"

I grabbed his face with more force, "Look at me, Ryan!!"

Those amazing green eyes shot up, and they were suddenly on my face. Ryan lost all the fight in him and his tense body collapsed on the floor. He looked so lost as he searched my face for an answer. An answer I didn't have.

"You…you're…okay?" He sounded so scared, like he couldn't believe it was me.

"I'm okay, Ryan." I let go of his wrists to bring my other hand down. I cupped his face with both hands, trying anything to soothe him, "Please calm down."

Realization crossed his face and he stared straight into my dark eyes. For some reason, I didn't want him to look away. His eyes had so much emotion in them, emotion I hadn't seen from him in weeks. His eyes were so large and innocent looking.

"Eric…" He whimpered and his eyes were watery.

I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence because I didn't want to hear him in anymore pain. Instead, I moved my hands to the back of his head and pulled him closer. He didn't fight back and quickly buried his face into my neck.

Ryan Wolfe was crying. I had never seen him or even heard of him crying before, but here he was crying. And over me, Ryan was crying for _me_. He was so scared and weak, I couldn't just let him go.

Instead, I sat up slowly. I could feel him grab tighter onto my shirt in panic.

"It's okay." I whispered in his ear, "I won't let you go."

I pulled him closer to me and into my lap. He wouldn't take his face away from my neck, so it was hard to settle him in my lap. I could feel his legs wrap around my waist and his arms were around my chest. A blush covered my face when I realized how we were sitting. A very intimate part of Ryan was pressing against my stomach. The worst part was, I liked the way we were sitting. Even though we were friends, it didn't seem wrong.

_Just don't think about what's on your stomach. You have a girlfriend, Eric, and this is your best friend. Keep your hormones in check._

"Eric…" Ryan whimpered again and I threw my arms around him to pull him closer to me. He relaxed into the hug, and I could feel his tears drying on my neck.

"Shhhh.." I soothed, and before I realized I did it, I had laid a kiss on his temple. Ryan didn't seem to mind. If anything, he relaxed even more.

"I'm sorry." Suddenly, Ryan was sobbing into my neck again.

I pulled him back, staring at his face. His face was wet from tears and his bright eyes were rimmed with red.

"Don't be sorry." I assured him and cupped his face in my hands again, "Just calm down."

Ryan nodded slowly in response and looked at the ground. He looked so vulnerable and it hurt me to see him like this. Ryan was never vulnerable, he _hated_ feeling weak. But here he was, weaker than he had ever been before. His wall had been broken temporarily and he had completely opened himself up to me.

I wasn't going to disappoint him.

"You need some sleep."

Ryan just nodded again and moved to get up. He gasped suddenly and fell back on top of me. A blush reached my face at the way his gasp had turned me on. What the hell was I thinking, this was my _friend_!!

"My back…" Ryan mumbled and I smiled softly at him.

"It's okay, Ry." I assured him, picking him up as carefully as I could. His legs wrapped tighter around my waist as I lifted him off the ground. He was heavier than I had imagined, maybe it was those new muscles. Still, I was able to lift him up. He didn't move a lot, he seemed completely comfortable in my arms. Instead, he buried his face back into my neck. His face was not, I could feel it, and I realized Ryan was blushing.

I moved quickly to Ryan's room, but not quick enough to cause any more pain in the younger CSIs back. It didn't take long to get to the room and to Ryan's bed. I tried to bring the brunette onto the bed, but he only wrapped his legs tighter around me.

"Ryan?"

His head lifted up and his green eyes were on me again. They looked scared and almost pleading, and I was turned to mush under them.

"I don't want to be alone." Ryan whimpered.

"Okay." I agreed. It was wrong, I knew it, but I couldn't say no to those large eyes. I was like putty in Ryan's hands, and for some reason I didn't seem to mind that.

I laid us both on the bed. It was difficult because Ryan chose not to move in any way. When we were finally settled, we were laying facing each other, with Ryan's legs still wrapped around my waist and his arms still wrapped around my neck. I could feel his face still buried into my neck, but he was no longer crying.

I sighed in content, why the hell did this feel so good? It felt so right, to be here with Ryan wrapped around me. There was this weird feeling inside me, like something that had been missing was finally there. I had my friend with me, for now. But what would happen in the morning? Would Ryan resort to bitterness again?

I tried not to think about the future and concentrated on the present. I was happy, to say the least, but I could feel Ryan slightly tense.

Without my consent, my hands were moving again. They landed on the hem of Ryan's shirt and he tensed even more.

"I won't hurt you." I whispered to him, then I moved my hand into his shirt. I brushed over the soft skin of his back, running my hand over some old scars he had on his waist. My hand traced the scars, I knew Ryan had a bad childhood. I wondered how he had received the scars, but I choose not to mention it now.

My hand was running up his back and stopped suddenly. I could feel it, the small bandage that covered his bullet wound. Ryan hands had moved to my chest, and he was grabbing at my shirt clad chest. My fingers moved softly on the sensitive skin of his back and he suddenly relaxed. I smiled happily, content with taking some of the pain away from my partner.

"Go to sleep." I whispered to him, running my other hand through Ryan's hair. I t was so soft and smelled so good.

Ryan smiled against my neck and nuzzled into it. "'night." He mumbled sleepily.

"Good night, Hermosa." How Hhhhjjjjjjjj88It sounded so right saying it to Ryan, it was true.

Being this close to Ryan made me happier than I have been in weeks. I had my friend back, and there was no way I was losing him again. Never again.

Ryan was bitter.

But I was dumb.

And it was time for me to grow up.

XXXX

**Translation: **

**Hermosa- beautiful (not exact translation. I mean, I did use Google)**

Chapter 3 is done. Took a while but I got it. I promise the next chapter won't take so long!


	4. Shopping Part One: getting there

**Note: In Season 5: episode 3 "death Pool 100", Calleigh confronts Ryan about his gambling. She states that he paid her back with it after she bought his niece an iPod. When I heard this, I just **_**had**_** to mention Ryan's niece in this.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, unfortunately.**

XXRyanXX

I grumbled in frustration, swearing uncontrollably. I stabbed the eggs in the frying pan with a spatula, trying to take my frustration out on them. I was stupid, _god_ was I stupid! What had I been thinking yesterday? Obviously, I hadn't been thinking at all. I remembered almost collapsing at the hospital, but after that everything was blank.

I had done something wrong, I had known it when I had woken up this morning. It was odd, waking up and knowing that you have been crying, I'm sure everyone knows that feeling. Why the hell had I been crying? And that wasn't the worst part, oh no, there's much worse. Because I just _had_ to be lying against Eric, our limbs tangled together. Do you have any idea how bad that is, waking up in such an intimate position?

What happened to me yesterday?

I shook my head furiously, going back to concentrating on the eggs. They were Eric's eggs, so I had to make them just right. Okay, that sounded weird, but it's not what you think. You see, the eggs were a bargaining chip. If I had done something really wrong last night, I would give these to him. Eric couldn't stay mad at someone who had made him breakfast, right?

It was killing me not knowing what happened. I had been in a haze, I knew that. I mean, I guess my body just shut down. I could remember the pain from my back, then the headache I had gotten by suddenly remembering my shooting, maybe it was too much for me to handle. That, or I was crazier than I had ever imagined. I mean, I knew I was messed up in the head, but this much? Ya, I don't think so.

I sighed rather loudly, which turned into a full on yawn. I was never tired, why was I today? How late had I stayed up last night?

_No, don't think about that. You'll just get upset._

"Of course I will…" I grumbled to myself, stabbing the eggs with my spatula again. "This is so…" I growled rather loudly, unable to finish the sentence.

What if I had said something to Eric I shouldn't have? I did cry, something must have happened. Something important and I couldn't for the life of me remember.

_Dammit, Wolfe! Why are you so useless?_

It was true, I was useless. Why couldn't I remember anything from yesterday? What had Eric and I done?

No, nothing like _that_. Eric didn't swing that way, and even if he did, he would never be interested in _me_. Why was I always getting my hopes up?

"Ryan?" Speaking of the devil, there he was. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a surprised look on his face. Damn, I really wasn't ready for this. Proving how vulnerable I could be wasn't very appealing to me, especially to Eric.

I sighed quietly so Eric couldn't hear me. I couldn't just ignore him, it was now or never.

_Here you go, Ryan. You can do this, just find out what happened._

My pep talk gave me enough courage to speak to him.

"Hey, Delko." I greeted cheerfully, pretending everything was okay. I hated being fake, but lately, that's exactly what I seemed to be. Willing my guilty thoughts away, I spun around with the frying pan in my hands. "You're finally up. Good sleep?"

Eric could tell I was slightly teasing him and he mumbled something under his breath. I looked away briefly to hide my smile, teasing Eric was just too much fun. When I turned back to him, I realized his eyes were still on me.

"Eggs?" I asked, not even waiting for a reply before I moved forward towards the table. He was watching me carefully as I shovelled the eggs out of the frying pan and onto one of the plates on the table.

Eric looked at the full plate and frowned, "How long have you been up?"

Why did that matter?

"Six," He looked at me in shock and I just shrugged in response, "I'm OCD, it's hard to break a routine."

Eric nodded in response, coming into the kitchen and towards the small table. He once again looked down at his plate and frowned deeply.

"What are you doing, Ryan?" He asked suspiciously.

I turned to him and rolled my eyes, "Cooking us breakfast, _someone_ has to do it."

Why was he so upset? For god's sake, this was killing me! What happened?

"But there are eggs here." Eric stated, as if he thought I knew what he meant. I didn't, of course.

I raised an eyebrow at my friend, wondering why he was acting like this. He was starting to catch on, so I figured saying something closer to the topic, "I know how much you like your eggs, so I made you some. Plus, I figured after yesterday it was the least I could do."

That seemed to peak Eric's attention. He suddenly sat down, a look of determination on his face. He was still watching me carefully. I figured he was getting ready to talk about it.

"Listen, Ryan," Eric picked his fork up, staring at his eggs nervously, "What _did _happen yesterday?"

I sighed, Eric was definitely straight to the point, wasn't he.

I shrugged again, turning back around to continue cooking the bacon. "I don't know," I mumbled.

He went quiet for a moment and I could feel his eyes on me. My face went red at the way he was looking at me, what _had _we done?

"Ryan..." He sounded like he was going to start a speech and I was suddenly reminded of the day on the beach. The day I had yelled at Eric, then ended up getting shot to protect him.

Before he could continue, I turned back around with another frying pan. I tilted my head to the side, holding the frying pan out for him. "Bacon?" I asked.

He nodded, though I noticed he hadn't even touched his eggs. If he was just doing this to be nice, I was going to be pissed. I didn't need his sympathy.

I shovelled the bacon onto his plate and finally looked him in the eye. Suddenly I stopped moving and just stared. Eric's warm brown eyes were looking right back into mine with worry and...What was that? It was an emotion I had never seen in his eyes. Not even with Calleigh, and it felt _good_.

Then another thing hit me, he hadn't called me Wolfe since I was shot. I was Ryan to him now, and that felt even _better_.

"Ry, you were crying last night..." His statement was so sudden and unexpected that I was caught off guard. I stared at him in disbelief, searching his face for some kind of joke. But there was only seriousness on his face, mixed in with worry and that other emotion. Compassion? Was that what it was?

I was still staring at him in shock, "Are you serious?"

He nodded with a straight face and this only made me feel worse. I suddenly turned away from him, rushing over to the sink. My hands were going numb and I had to put the frying pan in the sink before I dropped it on my newly cleaned floor. I grabbed each side of the sink, breathing in deeply and watching the frying pan as I tried and control my emotions.

I could feel the panic rise in me. I had been crying! What the hell was I doing crying?

"What happened after that?" I asked breathlessly.

"I....comforted you." Eric sounded awkward saying it, and I gripped the sink tighter.

_Comforted?_

More panic rose in my chest and I found my breaths getting harder. My OCD gave me panic attacks a lot when I was younger, but lately I hadn't gotten any.

Until now.

I was gasping for air, making odd choking sounds as I leaned more of my weight on the counter. My legs felt like jelly and I thought they would collapse any moment. I needed air in my lungs so badly that they were burning.

"Ryan?" Eric was beside me now, touching my arm with that worried and unknown expression again.

My eyes were starting to water from the lack of air and I looked right into Eric's brown eyes. He seemed to notice the fear in my green eyes because his face changed expression.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't...breathe..." I gasped loudly, and lost my grip on the counter. Eric's arms were around me instantly, holding me up as I gasped for air.

"Breathe, Ry!" he sounded panicked, and definitely looked it.

But I couldn't breathe. I didn't usually have panic attacks, and I had a horrible feeling that this was just the beginning.

Eric had sat himself on a chair, pulling me into his lap. My back was against his hard chest and I could feel not only his breathing, but his heartbeat.

"Breathe with me," Eric instructed, moving his chest as he took in air, "Breathe with me, _Hermoso_."

That word triggered something in my brain. _Hermoso._ Where had I heard that before?

I was immediately listening to Eric, doing as he told me. I moved my chest to try and mimic him. It didn't take long until we were breathing in perfect sync, my chest rising and falling normally. Eric arms were tightly around my waist, pulling me incredibly close to his body. I didn't care, for once, because it felt so_ nice. _Eric and my heartbeats were in sync as well, and I had this odd feeling that I was suddenly whole.

Our heartbeats were one and it was the most amazing thing Ihad ever experienced. I found myself closing my eyes, leaning even closer to Eric to just savour the moment.

But it was over too soon. Eric lifted me up on to my feet, standing up after I did. His face was slightly flushed as he watched me. I was blushing more than a school girl, trying to move away from him and towards the support of the counter. There was this weird warm feeling that made all my limbs tingle and made it very hard to walk.

We stood in heated silence for a moment before Eric spoke, "Your OCD gives you panic attacks?"

I nodded sheepishly, still staring at my incredibly clean floor. Anywhere but his face, that gorgeous face. Don't look there, no matter how red he is. Damn, I looked! What's wrong with you, Wolfe?

"I have a headache."

Eric's eyes met mine, chocolate and emerald staring into each other. I could see the understanding in his eyes and he moved forward towards me.

"Hang on." He whispered reassuringly to me. He lifted his hands to my temples and, to my surprise, started messaging my head. I smiled at the feeling, and at how nice this was. Eric was definitely amazing, that was for sure.

"Where are your meds?"

I nodded towards the counter, wincing at the pain that increased in my head. Damn these headaches, they sucked!

Eric's ,massaging stopped when he went to get my meds. I resisted the urge to protest, knowing that's not what a friend would do.

It's funny how I used to watch soap operas with my Uncle. People would be in love, but stuck in the friend zone. I always thought it was funny and completely unrealistic. How ironic was it that I would be stuck in one of those situations? I was in stuck in a twisted love triangle where Eric and Calleigh didn't even know it. Talk about clichéd.

Eric was back again, my headache pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. I took them from him, and as I took my pills, he was massaging my temples again.

"What about my OCD pills?"

The massaging suddenly stopped and Eric was staring at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked, confused.

He shook his head, "You're not supposed to take other medication with these, _Hermoso._"

"You're not?" I sounded so dumb as I just stared at him. He looked concerned and I tried to make him feel better, "But I took them yesterday and I was perfectly f...."

I trailed off mid-sentence as realization finally made itself known. My eyes were wide as I looked up at Eric, who was even more worried than before.

"You took painkiller and OCD pills...together?" He didn't sound sure, but I nodded in response.

Eric was suddenly laughing. Well, more like _chuckling_. I glared at him, smacking him in the arm. What the hell was so funny to him?

"So...When you were acting all weird in the hospital yesterday..." He tried to control his laughter to speak, "You were actually..."

"High." I finished the sentence for him, feeling like a total idiot. I pushed passed him, collapsing into the nearest chair. My head immediately dropped to the table and I sighed in exhaustion.

"I was high!" I grumbled, smacking my head down again and throwing my hands up carelessly into the air, "Who makes that mistake?"

Eric's hand on my shoulder made me look up. He had that giant smile on his face that I hadn't seen in weeks. It made me want to smile, so I did.

"Its okay, Ry." He assured me, giving my shoulder a small squeeze, "I was worried about you last night. It's good to know that you were just really drugged and not completely insane."

He laughed sarcastically and dropped my head down to the table again.

"So that's why I don't remember what happened?"

Eric nodded, still smiling down at me, "That would also explain the nightmare that caused your little freak out."

My head shot up from the table, "Nightmare? What nightmare?"

His smile was suddenly gone with my incredible reaction. He looked down at me, studying my face to see if I was serious. I guess I was because he continued.

"You woke up screaming my name, Ry. You ran for the door to get outside and I tried to stop you. But man, are you strong. Where did you learn to kick like that?"

"I take Tai Kwon Do, good stress reliever."

Eric ignored my answer and continued, "I ended up pinning you down and tried to calm you down. Apparently, you thought I was in danger and you had to help me. You suddenly started crying and hugged me."

My face went red at this and a small smile appeared on his lips when he continued, "You wouldn't let me leave you, I guess you didn't want to sleep alone."

I grumbled in frustration, slamming my head back down on the table.

"You're going to fracture your skull again if you keep doing that." Eric teased.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring his comment and sighed loudly. "I must have been pretty drugged last night to do all that."

Eric's smile disappeared and he looked slightly hurt. But as soon as I saw the emotion, he quickly hid it.

_Maybe there's more to Eric Delko than I thought....interesting...._

"I'm really sorry about last night, Eric." I turned to him and smiled, he smiled back. "I must have been acting crazy with all those drugs on my system. I swear, it will never happen again."

He nodded at me, then quickly turned around again. I watched him in surprise as he went back to all my medication on the counter, neatly organized like any OCD person would have.

_How the hell does someone with OCD mess up their pills? It's called reading the label, Wolfe! You do that with your shampoo bottles!_

I felt like the stupidest person in the world. Why hadn't I read the label before taking my pills yesterday? It would have prevented so much.

Eric had turned back around again and was beside me in seconds. I looked up at him, feeling that pain in my neck again. Eric was looking down at me, holding my tensor bandage in his hand.

Without a word, I raised my chin to give Eric perfect access to my bruised and battered throat. Eric was careful when he wrapped the bandage around my neck, fastening it as slow as possible. His hands were shaking slightly, and there was a small look of fear in his eyes. He looked scared to touch me, like I would break under him. But I wasn't weak, and I was going to be just fine, I knew it.

"Is your back okay? Do you want your cream?"

I shook my head, looking away. He took this as his cue to shut up and he turned away from me. I watched him as moved to the other side of the table, once again sitting in front of his full plate. He grabbed his fork eagerly and took one last hungry glance to the food before he started shovelling it in his mouth. I looked down at the table, scared to look at him and not be able to look away.

"OH MY GOD!" My head shot up as Eric cheered. My green eyes widened in surprise as he whooped and took another bite. "THIS IS AMAZING, RYAN!"

Eric's smile was so huge and _genuine_, that I smiled just as wide in return.

"Really? You like it?"

"Better than my mother's cooking!" He winked at me, "But don't tell _her_ that."

I chuckled in response, no longer feeling weird as I watched him eat, "You can thank my Uncle Ron for that, he taught me how to do everything."

Eric took another bite and moaned in pleasure. I shifted in my seat when the moan sent my brain into some _very_ inappropriate thoughts.

Eric smiled up at me again, "I need to meet this Uncle Ron then."

I raised an eyebrow at him and chuckled, "I'm sure I could arrange that, but not today."

Eric tilted his head to the side, somehow still eating his food at the same time, "Why not?"

"We're busy today."

Eric's dark eyebrows rose on his forehead as his interest peaked, "Busy with _what_ exactly?"

"Well, if you wanna stay here, you have to help out a little." I smiled at Eric's gaping mouth, "You can help me grocery shop."

Eric looked confused, "Grocery shop?"

"Yepp. Haven't you done that before?"

Eric shrugged, "Bought a few things at the store, but never really went with anyone or did any major shopping."

A sly smile found itself around my face, "Then you're in for a surprise, Mr. Delko."

"I'm sure I am."

XXEricXX

I was tired. That's right, the great, athletic Eric Delko was _tired_. And why? Because we were walking. I mean, who walks to the grocery store nowadays? That's what cars were for, so you didn't have to waste your time and energy on walking there!

_But then you wouldn't get to spend more time with Ryan._

True, I _was_ spending a lot of time with my friend. It felt good to be with Ryan after so long without him and I _had_ promised myself that I would be with him more.

But why did it have to be so _HOT_! Okay, maybe it _was_ Miami, but I don't remember it ever being this hard to walk around. At least the sidewalks weren't too full. Sure, a few cars would drive by us, but not very busy.

My pride was taking a lot today, that was for sure. Not only was I sweating like crazy, but I was falling behind. Believe it or not, Ryan was _ahead_ of me, and by a lot too. I wasn't really complaining about _that_ either. Ryan was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, the most casual outfit I had ever seen him in. It was nice to be casual with him after years of seeing Wolfe's fancy suits. And the way he looked in his shorts, his hips swaying in the most toxic way...

"You better keep up!" Ryan called after me without even looking back. His voice broke me out of my haze, but I couldn't get myself to stop looking at those hips.

_I wonder if I could make those hips sway with mine..._

What the hell was that? No, I had _not_ just thought that, there was no way! He was my best friend, and I had a girlfriend! This was so wrong! I was probably getting heat stroke or something, maybe it was best to stop.

"Ryan..." My voice sounded hoarse as I called to him, why the hell was my body reacting this way? I had never had this feeling with Calleigh before, why would it happen now? And with _Ryan_?

Ryan spun around on his heel and I found my gaze leaving his butt for once during our walk. It was his face that caught my attention. His whole face was flushed a bright pink colour and his mouth was only open slightly. Those amazing green eyes of his were bright from the sun, and wind was blowing his soft brown hair around his face. Even his skin, the perfect colour and covered in sweat, looked like it was glowing under the sun's rays.

"Eric?" I watched his mouth as it moved, not registering what it was saying.

"Hermoso." My voice came out as a whisper and Ryan's green eyes changed into an expression of confusion. It felt so right calling Ryan that because it was true. I was so mesmerized by his beauty that I couldn't speak or move properly. There was this weird feeling in my chest and I found it hard to breathe as I just stared at him.

This had never happened to me, not once. I had always thought Calleigh was pretty in her own feminine way, but she had never caused me to react like this. It didn't make sense that _Ryan_ could do this to me. I had known him for years now, and sure, when he first started at the lab he was cute. But he was the young boy, _everyone _thought he was cute.

But Ryan was older now, around his thirties, and he looked better than he had ever looked when he was younger. He had the features of a man, with large muscles and...Well, you know! But he also had the qualities of a woman, soft skin and beautiful, innocent green eyes. He was perfect and I hadn't realized it until now. Seeing him caught in the wind, sun shining down, he was glowing like nothing I had ever seen before. My mother always told me I would meet an angel one day, that they would come to me in a brilliant light and guide me to happiness...

_He's everything you want, your mother was right._

I shook my head at this, prying my eyes off of Ryan's wonderful form. An angel? What the hell was wrong with me? I was calling my best friend an angel, the heat _must_ have been getting to me. I had never really believed I would meet an angel, my thoughts had just gotten the best of me, right?

Right?

"Eric." I jumped when I felt a hand on my upper arm. I spun around, now face to face with Ryan Wolfe. He was frowning slightly, his green eyes glowing in the Miami sun. I just stared into those eyes, analyzing every shade of green that they were. There were a lot, that's for sure, and I was enjoying looking at them.

"Are you alright, Eric?" I could see the concern in his eyes now, and I couldn't really blame him. I _was_ acting weird, if I were him I would think I was crazy. But it definitely wasn't helping that he was rubbing my upper arm in that friendly, reassuringly way.

Finally snapping out of my haze, I managed to smile at my friend without giving anything away, "I'm fine, Ry. Just tired. Why are we walking again?"

Ryan seemed to buy it and chuckled at my question, "It's not that far, Eric, just a few blocks. I do it every day. Exercise is always good, and saving money on gas is even better."

I sighed rather loudly, my shoulders slumping over. How the hell did he do this every day? Walking blocks to get groceries, and he said this morning that he takes Tai Kwon Do. That explains why he got so many muscles so fast. He was no longer that naive and scrawny rookie CSI he used to be, that was for sure.

No, Ryan was a completely different person. He had made so many mistakes, but he always learned from them. Whenever he did something wrong, which wasn't often, he came back with something incredible to make up for it. He had grown a lot, toughened up to be the CSI he always needed to be. But he still never lost his funny personality. He was the same Ryan Wolfe, just more improved.

_And he saved my life._

I snapped out of my thoughts when I realized Ryan was looking at me funny. I sighed again and tried to come up with something fast. It took a moment, but I got a good one, "Why do you need to save money on gas? Your house is amazingly expensive looking, not to mention large, and you live in a nice neighbourhood. Looks like you have it made, Ry."

He laughed out loud, the loudest laugh I had ever heard. He had an amazing laugh and his smile was to die for. The sun reflected off of his white teeth and nearly blinded me, but no complaints if I got to see _that_ smile.

"It wasn't always like this, Eric." He said with a small chuckle, "I used to have a major money problem. That's one of the reasons I switched from patrol to CSI."

I nodded in agreement, "I remember after the nail gun incident, when I drove you home. You lived in this tiny apartment in the worst part of town. How did you make such a big move so fast? Don't tell me you're ...."

"Gambling?" He finished my sentence and shook his head, "I've learned my lesson. Gambling is bad."

"Then how did your money problems disappear so easily? Luck?"

Ryan smiled and started to walk again, but I was right behind him. I could tell he didn't want to waste time with standing around on the street, who was that eager to go shopping?

"Something like that." Ryan stated in a chipper voice, not exactly answering the question.

But I wasn't going to let him get away with that, "Then what was it, Ry?"

"My money was going elsewhere."

I glared at him again, he was avoiding the answer. But I stared him down and pressed on, "Where?"

Ryan turned his head to look at me, our eyes meeting. I could see something in his eyes that showed he was uneasy about this topic. I didn't like seeing that expression on his face, but my curiosity demanded me to know. I wanted to know everything there was to know about Ryan Wolfe, whether it was bad or good, I didn't care.

We stood looking at each other in silence for a moment, the only sounds were our footsteps on the pavement. At first, I didn't think he would answer, but suddenly he looked up at the sun and smiled, "That was when my niece got into university. _That's _where all my money was going."

I remembered Calleigh mentioning Ryan's niece a few years ago. It was Ryan's niece that made Calleigh realize Ryan had been gambling. She said she had bought his niece an iPod and he had paid her back with a fake $100 bill. At the time, it didn't seem to matter much, and the only fact that processed in my brain was that Ryan was gambling. So Ryan had a niece, but why was he paying for her schooling?

"I thought that's what her parents are for?"

Ryan turned back to me and nodded, "That's right, that is what parents are for...if she had any."

I stopped walking suddenly and stared at him in disbelief. Wait, it didn't make any sense. She had no parents? How could she have no parents? I stood staring at Ryan for an answer, confusion and surprise evident on my features.

"I suppose you want me to explain?"

I nodded, continuing to walk again when I noticed Ryan hadn't stopped for me. Ryan had never really mentioned much about his family and it made me feel special that he would share it with me. I needed to know all about him, and I had no idea why. I couldn't explain it, I was just getting more attached to Ryan every second I spent with him.

"When I lived in Boston, I had a sibling. My sister was seven years older than me." He turned and waited for my look of disbelief, which, sure enough, came, "She was a good person, but she was way too trusting."

I looked down at the ground, trying to figure his story out before he even told me. Nothing, I got nothing. So I had to ask, "What do you mean?"

He sighed and continued, "When she was sixteen we found out she was pregnant. Her boyfriend took off when he found out, but she refused to get rid of the baby."

"She wanted to be a mother as a teenager?"

"I guess so," He mumbled, shrugging slightly, "Of course, I supported her. I was only nine, so maybe I was being stupid, but I didn't really care about what my parents thought. Apparently, she didn't either."

I looked back at him, trying to read his expression. I could see something in his eyes, something was wrong with him. I needed to know what happened, so I urged him on, "Then what happened?"

"She had the baby." Ryan's smile erupted again and as I looked at it I imagined it lighting up the whole city. As bright as a 1000watt light bulb, like he was creating his own light. "Little baby Jessica." Ryan said sweetly and I had to smile at this, he was obviously very attached to this baby.

"So...happy ending?" I asked expectantly, smiling widely at him. "You help your sister out with the expenses?"

His smile disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared and I immediately regretted asking him about this. He looked more depressed than ever and I was already missing that smile. It was toxic, like a drug that I couldn't get enough of.

_My own personal brand of Heroine._

Okay, Delko, don't start quoting Twilight. Remember, that's a book for little girls, you're a grown man.

But the words seemed to fit. Marisol had made me read Twilight when I was younger, and I thought it was a load of bull. But now, with Ryan walking beside me, I kinda understood what that Edward guy was talking about. Maybe it _is_ possible to be addicted to someone so much.

"My sister was killed."

I was blown back by the pure shock of this, gasping loudly in surprise. I had assumed his sister was still alive, but she was dead? And _killed _too?

"Why the hell have I never heard about this?" I growled, grabbing his wrist to stop him from walking. He flinched at this, tensing the moment I touched him. His eyes met mine, and I could see what my anger was doing to him. He had just shared one of his secrets with me and I reacted like this? What was I thinking? I could easily see fear in his eyes. Why was I so damn angry?

"I didn't want sympathy." He shrugged and looked away from me suddenly, trying to concentrate on anything but me, "They found her killer."

"That doesn't mean its okay." I protested, still holding onto his wrist, "I found my sister's killer, but I'll _never_ be okay about her death."

"I'm _not _okay with it, Eric. But the world still turns, and I shouldn't dwell on the past."

I tightened my grip on his wrist, "Some things you can't forget."

"Tell me about it." Ryan mumbled under his breath, looking away again. His eyes were sad again, and he laughed at his own dark humour. There was something in his eyes that made me believe that this was about more than his sister. What other secrets did Ryan have in his past?

"What about your parents?" I asked, finally letting go of his wrist. He turned back to me in surprise, obviously not expecting me to continue the conversation after finding out about his sister.

"My parents?"

"How did they react?"

"They didn't seem to care." He stated nonchalantly, absently running his hands through his hair. Man, did his hair look soft. And his fingers, so long and slender, I wonder what they would feel like running through my hair and pulling on it.

_Concentrate, Delko, he's still talking._

"It didn't take long until my parents were known as unfit parents. I went into foster care for a year. Was passed around from home to home, and I guess that really did a toll on my mental health."

He had started walking again and I was close behind him, having some trouble keeping up though, "Your mental health?"

Ryan smiled over at me, "That's when my OCD first developed. I had a bad case of OCD at the time, and liked to keep to myself. Anti social, I think that's the word they used. I was ignored that whole year and I liked it that way."

I chuckled slightly, slamming him on the back in laughter, "You? Anti social?"

He nodded at me, smiling slightly at my reaction, "I know, preposterous, am I right?"

"So you went into foster care for a year, then what?"

"My happy ending." He stated, teasing me slightly for actually using that expression, "My uncle Ron finally found me. He had been taking care of my niece for the past year, and he took me in too. All three of us moved here to Miami."

"So _that's_ where your uncle Ron fits in to all of this."

Ryan nodded and did a little skip, kicking a small rock on the pavement in from of him. I watched the rock skip along the pavement until it disappeared off the cement into a nearby bush. Ryan turned back to me and, even though I hadn't asked, he continued, "Uncle Ron raised me, taught me everything he knew. He worked a lot to support us, so in return I became the parent for my niece, Jessica. She thinks of me as her father, the same way I feel about Uncle Ron. I guess it was a cycle."

"So...your uncle Ron didn't want to pay for her university?"

He rolled his eyes, "Of _course_ he did, but I wouldn't let him. Jessica was my little girl, and I wanted to show that I could take care of her on my own. I paid for everything for her, spent all my time with her, slaved through long nights of studying and homework with her, I was so proud when she got into university."

"So how old is Jessica now?"

"She's ten years younger than me, by a few months," He stated, raising an eyebrow at me, "Do the math."

I rolled my eyes at his teasing. He had his walls down today and I wanted to be careful not to make him put it back up again.

"And here I thought you were a spoiled little rich boy," I replied honestly, stopping again. He stopped walking to and we just looked at each other, "But that's not you, Ry. You struggled for everything you have, and you sacrificed a lot for your niece." I scratched the back of my neck nervously, "I think that makes you, well, really _brave_."

"Brave?"

"Ya, I mean, when I was ten I couldn't even take care of myself. But you were a parent when you were ten, I would never be able to support someone like that without a parent around 24/7."

Ryan's 1000watt smile was back and he looked away, his face redder than usual. Was that a blush? I made Ryan Wolfe blush, that was new.

"What else don't I know about you, Ry?" I asked teasingly, "You have a third leg or something?" Ryan chuckled slightly and smacked me in the arm as I laughed at my own joke. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me, but I could tell he wasn't really mad. _This_ was the Ryan Wolfe who was my best friend, not the one that chose to hide every emotion except for anger.

"Let me think." He stated, putting a hand up to his chin, "My sister's name was Avril, Jessica is the person who cuts my hair.."

"Your niece cuts you hair?"

"Shut up," he grumbled when I started laughing again, "She's good at it."

"Got that right." I rasped, running my hand through his hair. I was right, it was the softest thing I had ever felt. Maybe because it wasn't gelled today, just hanging loosely in his face. Ryan smiled at my action and closed his eyes in satisfaction. He looked like a hurt puppy who finally got to be pet. It was cute, and I could feel this weird electricity running through me. Among many things with Ryan, it was very new...and _exciting_.

"Go on." I urged him, my hand still absently running through his hair.

His eyes didn't open as he continued, "I worked at a diner when I was younger that's just a block away, my uncle taught me how to pick a lock and get out of handcuffs..."

"Great skills."

"I hate tofu, but I like to eat healthy..." He thought for a moment then kept speaking, "I have a criminal record."

I pulled my hand back and stared at him like he had just burned me, "You what?"

"Eric, relax," Ryan put his hand up in defence, smiling at how dumb I looked, "It was back in Boston, when I was in the foster homes."

"How come I never heard of this?"

He shrugged, "Changed my last name to Wolfe when I moved to Miami, it's not my first given name."

"What did you _do_? Did you kill someone?"

"No!" He burst out laughing, rolling his eyes at me and gripping his sides from the pain of his laugh, "Nothing bad, Eric. A few B&Es, though I just broke the door down and left without stealing anything, and some cases that involved assault."

"Assault?"

"There were a lot of kids who bullied me and, well, I had a temper."

I nodded in understanding, smiling at this. So Ryan had changed his last name to Wolfe to hide the mistakes he made when he was younger? That made sense, but I never considered Ryan the criminal type. True, he had a temper, he _had_ assaulted a police officer. He would lose his temper occasionally at the lab and end up yelling at someone, but it was only if they tried to pry into his personal life. Or maybe doubting him, like when he is accused of something he didn't do. When he was gambling, he had a horrible temper.

But Ryan was different now, that was for sure.

"I like pancakes." Ryan stated, a goofy smile on his face. "Drenched in maple syrup, I owe the Canadians so much for making that. I'll put it on anything, you just name it."

I felt a blush rise in my cheeks as he said this. My mind went to other thoughts, some very inappropriate ones. Ryan and I, drenched in syrup. He was licking it off of me, his tongue running along every part of my body...

No! Stop! Why did this keep happening to me? I _couldn't _like Ryan. I mean, I was with _Calleigh_! Think of her, just think of Calleigh. Calleigh, Calleigh Calleigh, Calleigh, Ryan's ass... God dammit Delko!

"I used to have a pet rabbit, but my neighbour's cat ate it." I rolled my eyes at this one, of _course_ he'd tell me _that_ one, "I'm gay, I really hate documentaries..."

I nodded, but stopped suddenly. My mind took a moment to process what he had just said. Did he just say what I think he said?

"What was that?"

He looked confused, "I don't like documentaries, I didn't think you had a problem with that."

"No, the one _before_ that."

Ryan thought for a moment, trying to remember everything he had said. He finally got it, I could tell because his eyes went wide and his mouth hung open in shock at himself. His face was incredibly red, the biggest blush I had ever seen, "Oh crap."

"You're gay?" I yelled in surprise.

"Shush, Delko!" He growled with a glare, one I knew was completely serious, "I don't really want the whole world to know!"

"But.,.." I was speechless for a moment and had to think over what I was going to say next. I finally got it, trying to even out my voice, "Why have you never told me?"

He stammered his reply, "I just...didn't think...it mattered. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I mean...uhhh..."

"Why are you apologizing, there's nothing wrong with you being gay."

Ryan's head shot up and he stared at me in disbelief, "Really? You're not homophobic?"

"Of course not!" I laughed loudly, covering my hand over my mouth to stop the laughing, "I'm bisexual, Ryan! There's no way I'm homophobic!"

There was that shocked face again, "Your bi?"

"That's right, . I guess we didn't really know much about each other before, did we?"

"Guess not."

I threw my arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close as we walked on the sidewalk, "But things are going to change from now on, okay? You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either."

I smiled in satisfaction with this giddy feeling welling up in my stomach. Hearing someone say this, and _Ryan Wolfe _of all people, made me feel special for the second time this day. It was kinda funny how good Ryan could make me feel with just one comment.

"I missed you, Hermoso." I admitted, watching as his face went red again. He looked down at the ground again, looking sad despite his red face.

"I know."

XXXX

This was sort of long so I made it into two parts. I swear I'll update more frequently, I've just been really busy. Please Review!


	5. Shopping Part Two: First Kiss

**Author's note: I wanted to include Ryan's family in this chapter. Then I remembered that this is my story and I had the power to do that. So I did.**

**Author's Note (2): I wanted to personally thank **_Plesa _**for being such a loyal fan. I was actually almost done the chapter when I got your email and you drove me to finish it. I got this stupid problem with my internet that prevents me from updating my stories. Oh well.**

**Disclaimer: I own Jessica Wolfe, but nothing else! Episodes mentioned are 4.19 "Driven" and season 5 "Death Eminent."**

XXRyanXX

I still couldn't believe I told Eric that. I had opened up to him so much, telling him about Avril, Jessica...I even told him I was gay! But for some reason, I couldn't tell him the _whole_ truth.

_You already shared so much with him, just tell him the rest!_

But I couldn't. I wanted to, _god _did I want to, but then what? Eric had gotten so angry when I had mentioned my sister's death, what would happen if he found out the _real_ reason for those scars along my waist? I had seen the way he would constantly glance at my sides when I told him about those bullies when I was younger.

But it wasn't the bullies who did that to me, I could only _wish_ the bullies did it to me. No, it was someone more "caring" and "loving" who did that to me. My _father_. Sick and twisted, right? He was the man who had loved to cause me pain. He would smile every time I cried, all he wanted was to make me weak. And he succeeded. He beat and abused me for years...until Avril stepped in...

How the hell was I supposed to tell Eric _that_? Some part deep inside of me wanted to just tell him what happened all those years ago in Boston, but what would he think of me then? I was scared he'd see it as my fault, that my sister had died because of me. I had been useless, and I _never_ wanted Eric to know that.

It was killing me, not telling him after opening so much. Especially seeing him in front of me, wasting so much thought on what strawberries to buy for me. He seemed so nice, so _innocent_, like he would never hurt me. But I had learned differently years ago, when Eric would make me miserable every day just because I wasn't Speed.

_What do I do, Speed? Why can't you help me like you did before?_

That was stupid, Tim Speedle was _not_ going to come to me again. I had been hallucinating last time, I had a right to since I was dying! Speed couldn't help me now, not in this situation. I was on my own, as always, and I had to decide this by myself.

And I couldn't do it.

Eric wouldn't want to be near me anymore, not after he found out. I _needed_ Eric, he was my best friend and the man I cared about more than anyone. I couldn't lose him.

_You're just too ashamed to tell him, Wolfe, you know he'll understand._

Shut up, that's not the reason I'm not telling him! What happens when he finds out? He gets angry because I never told him! Who would want to be near a person who keeps that big of a secret? What's next, I tell him I have a crush on him? Ya, because that would be just a _great_ idea!

"I think I got one!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Eric yelled out. I had been completely lost in my thoughts that I forgot where I was. I noticed I was still standing by the apples, a bright red apple still in my hand from ten minutes ago. Dammit, Wolfe, pay attention! You're in a public place, at least _try_ to act normal!

Eric had spun around to face me, his face erupted into the biggest grin I had ever seen. He was so pleased with himself, holding the package of strawberries out to me. I slowly put the apple back down on the display, watching him with an eyebrow raised.

"So?" He asked, I could detect a hint of uneasiness in his voice, "How did I do?"

I took this as my cue and moved forward, his eyes following my every movement. I took the strawberries from his hand and turned it over in my own hands to fully examine it, just like I did with the evidence at a crime scene. Believe it or not, this was a normal thing for me to do.

After a short moment, I decided that they were good enough.

"Looks good." I stated, nodding at him, "I think you have what it takes to be OCD."

Eric's smile returned tenfold, and he burst out laughing from my comment, "Really? You think so?"

"Sure, you have great attention to detail. Comes with the job, I suppose." I shrugged and smiled up at him. He just gave a goofy looking smile back. It felt good to make him smile and laugh, it just felt so _right_. Why would I want to ruin this by telling Eric my troubled childhood? It just didn't make sense.

_You'll feel better after you tell someone, it's not good keeping that all inside._

I've been hiding it for years now and I'm perfectly fine. There was no reason to tell him.

_Except he deserves to know. He cares about you._

Cares about me? I _wish_! No, Eric didn't care about me as much as I wanted. And maybe he _did_ deserve to know, but I had made up my mind. I couldn't tell him, I couldn't risk hurting our already rocky friendship. I knew he'd hate me keeping this secret, but he would never have to find out.

Never.

"You okay there, Ry?"

I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. When I was finally broken out of them, I looked back up at Eric. He was looking down at me with that worried expression and I didn't blame him. He had been talking to me and I hadn't responded in any way.

"I'm fine," I lied, smiling widely up at him.

But he didn't seem to believe me. He just stared into my eyes, squinting as he thought hard. I knew what he was doing, he did it often. He was analyzing my eyes, trying to read my emotions through them. That was one of the reasons I hated my eyes, they were so large and innocent. No matter how hard I tried, my emotions would still show through them.

Eric's hand was on my shoulder now, trying to comfort me, "You look upset, what's wrong? And don't tell me that nothing is wrong, because I know you better than that."

Well, he got me. What the hell was I supposed to tell him now? I was a good liar, that was for sure, but there was no way I could lie to Eric so easily. He was my friend, he trusted me, was I supposed to betray that trust so easily?

"I guess I _am_ upset." I admitted, deciding not to look at Eric as I spoke. Instead, I targeted my gaze just above his right shoulder. I was the perfect height to see right over his shoulder and look normal doing it. Except Eric was smarter than most people, he noticed I was avoiding looking at him and he knew why.

"I know it was hard for you to tell me about your family," His voice was almost a whisper and it wasn't until then that I realized how much he was affected from learning about my childhood. His hand was on my shoulder again and it was squeezing it tightly, almost possessively, "And I know I`ve been a total jerk to you in the past, but I'm different now. And you're _definitely _different now."

I still couldn't look at him, even though he was being so nice. When I was younger, I had always thought Eric and I would be good friends, that we'd always be there for each other no matter what, that we'd tell each other everything without fear of being hurt. I learned very fast, Eric wasn't that person. He would constantly hurt me and, after awhile, I learned how to deal. My mind created roles for both Eric and I, in order to keep me at a safe distance.

His role was the partner, to have my back on the field and nowhere else. His role was the womanizer, to be surrounded by girls or, in this case, have a girlfriend.

And my role was to step aside and watch. We were friends in the lab, but not outside. I was supposed to let him be with his girlfriend, to stay out of his way. Sure, I would fight with him sometimes, but it meant nothing. Just coworkers fighting over theories. My role was to keep us just coworkers, to be angry and bitter, to never let him to my feelings. It was routine, and I hated to break routine.

I guess that's how my mind worked, everyone had a role to play and they were never meant to break it. Except here was Eric, trying to be the supportive best friend, and something inside of me wanted to let him, to give in to him.

"You're my best friend, I don't want to hurt you." His words had to be lies, they just _had_ to be. He couldn't do this to me again, lead me on and then let me down.

It was just like the nail gun accident. He had come to my rescue and saved my life. That was the day I had fallen for him. But he wasn't with me, was he? He was with Calleigh, and it was time for me to accept that. I needed to accept my role in his life, or I couldn't be part of it.

So I lied, "I know you won't, Eric. I trust you."

He wasn't convinced, I could see it in those amber eyes. He was looking at me in a way that made me feel sick, Eric Delko was _never_ supposed to look at me that way. I was Ryan Wolfe, no one important.

I lifted the grocery list up to my face, causing it to block the view of Eric. I couldn`t see him like this, it was _wrong_.

_Then why does it feel so right?_

"We need eggs, Eric." I stated, changing the topic completely. I didn't lower the list from my view as I spoke, "Can you go get some?"

"Ryan..." The way he said it, like he was about to start one of his bogus speeches. He had been doing this for weeks, trying to have that serious talk with me, but I never gave him the chance. He had done it a few days ago when I had been shot. Shot for him, and did I even get a thank you? Hell no, Eric Delko didn't give thanks.

"I'll get some pop." I stated, turning around to indicate I didn't want to hear his stupid lecture. He was full of crap, I knew that, but I always found myself falling for it.

Well not this time.

Apparently, Eric didn`t get the message. He was following me, trying his best to catch up to me. I walked as fast as I could without drawing attention, but Eric was catching up to me quickly. Damn those long legs of his!

"Ry..." He was trying to talk to me as we walked, but I wouldn't listen. I turned sharply into the drink aisle, thankful that it was empty. Eric was still following me, though, and I could feel the red hot anger spreading through my body.

"Wait, Ry..." He grabbed my wrist and I finally stopped, turning to him with the darkest glare I had ever given him. But for once, he wasn't scared. He stood his ground, pulling me towards him by my wrist until our bodies were almost touching.

I looked up at him, but not by much. I may still be the shortest one on the team, but I had grown. I was almost as tall as Eric and barely had to look up to meet eyes anymore. I didn`t feel weaker than him anymore, we were now equal. In the past, I would have given in then, but not anymore. Instead, I deepened my glare, looking him in the eye and challenging him to do something.

We stood there sizing each other up for what seemed like forever. I finally realized Eric wasn`t going to say anything, so I did. "Let go of me." My voice was low and was laced with an unspoken threat.

But he didn't get it because he didn't let go. If anything, he tightened his hold on my wrist and his jaw tightened. He had made his decision, and he was completely sure of it. Eric wasn't going to let me go, and for some reason this made me angrier. I tried to rip my arm from his hold, but he held onto my wrist with an unbreakable hold.

"Let go of me!" I growled, my voice rising to almost a shout. I continued to struggle against him, my breath coming out in angry puffs.

Eric finally let my wrist go, but I wasn't free for long before he grabbed my face. His hands cupped each of my cheeks, holding me where I was standing. I was still fighting his hold, but once again he didn't let me go.

"Screw off, Delko!" My voice raised an octave on the last word. It was a feeble attempt at getting free, and obviously didn't work. If I really wanted to, I could get out of his hold, but that would mean hurting him. And I couldn't hurt Eric. No matter what he did to me, I would always feel this way towards him. So, I guess I knew I had been defeated.

Eric and I may be equal physically, but not mentally. My feelings for him made me weaker, he would always beat me.

"Stop." Eric commanded me, the anger in his face was gone now. His voice was soft, he knew he had won. He could see it in my eyes. Those eyes that would always betray me.

"Screw off." It sounded more like a mumble than a threat and I threw my arms out. I pushed him away, causing him to stumble backwards.

Something happened then that changed the atmosphere completely. Because Eric stumbled back into one of the nearby shelves, knocking the contents off of it. I just watched as pop bottles collided with the ground, their caps blowing open from the impact. Pop was shooting everywhere in the small aisle, spraying all over not only Eric, but on me too.

For once I didn't care.

It didn't take long for the carbonated pop to calm down and stop spraying. Eric and I just stood there in silence, staring at each other in shock. We were dripping wet in Diet Coke and neither of us could find something to say. We stayed like that for moment before what happened registered in my head.

I suddenly burst out laughing, surprising Eric. He seemed to register what happened too because he started laughing too. I shut my eyes tightly as laughter racked my body. Eric had his head resting on my shoulder as he laughed loudly. The loudest and most addicting laugh I had ever heard. I didn't even mind Eric touching me, the tense atmosphere from moments ago was completely gone.

We were friends again, no roles. Just Eric and Ryan, acting like idiots in a public place. This was the way it was supposed to be, and we both knew it.

My sides were starting to hurt and I was laughing so hard that I was crying, but I honestly didn't care. I wasn't tired of hiding everything, it felt so good to just let it out.

"Come on!" Eric ordered lightly, still booming with laughter. He pulled me down the aisle and away from the mess we had created. I could see one of the workers coming over to assess the mess, and I realized why Eric was pulling me away.

"Let's go!" I managed to say, the laughter making it hard to speak. There was no way I was going to get in trouble.

Eric and I sprinted back over to our cart, reaching it in seconds. He grabbed the handle, spinning it around towards the exit and ran. I ran after him, following him to our exit. We skipped the check out, going to the self checkout instead. I pulled my wallet out and threw it open as fast as I could, swiping my credit card. Eric was throwing our items into grocery bags and, for once, I didn't mind if they were in order or not. We paid quickly and both Eric and I grabbed a handful of bags before we sprinted out the door.

We were still laughing when we got outside. Eric didn't waste time and was running again, I followed after him. He led me through the empty street, entering the park across the road. He suddenly turned and grabbed my hand, pulling me behind a tree big enough to conceal us both. We burst out laughing in unison, both of us crying like children.

It wasn't actually _that_ funny, and if I was alone I'd probably stopped laughing long ago (actually, I probably would have had some sort of OCD panic attack). But I was with Eric, and his laugh was contagious. I couldn't stop laughing if he still was, it just wasn't possible. We dropped the groceries on the ground and I didn't care if there was anything breakable in them or not. Eric still had a hold of my hand and his head was on my shoulder again. I could feel his arm snake around my waist too, but I didn't push away.

Before I knew it, we had fallen to the ground, lying beside each other and laughing like boys would. That's what I loved about Eric, he could make me happy without ever trying.

It took awhile, but we finally got our breathing under control. Eric was still chuckling when he turned his face towards me. Our eyes met and we just stared at each other, faces inches away.

"I can't believe you did that." Eric stated, smiling widely at me.

I chuckled, "Me? You're the one who knocked them over!"

He was laughing again. Not as hard, but still laughing. My smile grew wider and I just concentrated on his breath hitting my face. God, he smelled so good. It was perfect, us just sitting close and staring at each other, no anger.

Eric's smile suddenly faded as he realized how close we really were. His expression changed. It was an emotion I couldn't explain because no one had ever looked at me that way. He was gazing at me in the most hypnotic way and his eyes glazed over with something indescribable. Eric moved as though in a trance, his face coming closer to mine.

My face heated up from how close we were and my breath was quickening. But Eric didn't stop his advance, and it didn't look like he would any time soon.

"Eric..." I breathed, staring down at his lips in my own trance. Eric didn't speak, but instead raised his hand to my cheek. I didn't pull away for once and just let him touch me. I couldn't stop looking at those moist, full lips that seemed to inch closer to me. I wanted to feel them on mine, to be close to Eric.

Eric's thumb was rubbing against my jaw line, moving up to trace the thin line of my lips. His finger touched the sensitive skin of my lips and I could see a small smile pulling at his own. It was happening. After years of waiting and _wondering_, it was finally going to happen.

Our first kiss.

But something stopped us. Less than an inch apart, we had been so close. Something else caught my attention and held it there. Eric was _vibrating_. That's right, vibrating. It seemed to be coming from his pants, the right pocket to be exact.

And once my OCD mind had noticed something, it would focus on that and nothing else. The vibrations were in thirds, actually. It would vibrate three times for 4.8 seconds, pause for 1.4 seconds, then vibrate three times again. It did this continuously and it was as though Eric wasn't there. The only thing I could process in my mind was that stupid phone and exactly how many seconds it would vibrate.

"Your phone." I stated finally, still staring at his vibrating pocket.

Eric's eyebrows knitted together and he stared at me in confusion. He suddenly broke from his trance, eyes widening in realization. He took in our compromising position and I watched as his perfectly tanned face turned bright red.

"My phone." Eric gasped, sitting up quickly and fumbling with the button on his pocket.

I watched him curiously as he rushed to answer his phone, panic stricken as he tried to quickly get his cell phone. It was entertaining, Eric didn't seem to realize his panic was making the task take longer. Eric finally retrieved his cell phone, flipping it open and throwing it to his ear.

"Delko?"

But it was too late, I could see it on his face. Eric had missed the call and who knows how much trouble he was in. Serves him right for panicking so easily, panic couldn't help anyone. He just needed to stay calm, then his mind could process things better.

"Dammit!" Delko growled, looking at his cell phone screen that was now flashing to indicate his missed call. "I missed a call from Calleigh!"

I felt like I had just been shot through my chest as realization hit me. I had been lead on again, just like Eric would always do. I had trusted him, thought he wanted to _kiss_ me, but this whole time he had been...

What _had_ he been doing?

He seemed like he wanted to kiss me, or at least I thought he did. The way he touched me was never a way you touch a friend.

I had completely forgotten the role I had in his life, the one I had created to protect me from him. I had thought that maybe things could be different than they were before I had been shot for him. But nothing had changed. Eric had Calleigh now, he didn't _need_ me, not matter how much I wanted him to.

And I had learned my lesson.

"You okay?" Eric was giving me that concerned look again, the one that made me want to believe him. But I couldn't anymore, I needed to protect myself from him. From everyone, just like I had when I was younger.

_You're going to shut them all out again?_

Whatever it takes. This relationship with Eric wasn't good for anyone, and it had to end. I knew that now.

"I'm fine." I stated, smoothing the wrinkles on my shirt as calmly as possible. I had put my wall back up as fast as I could, reminding myself to be professional. "You better call _Calleigh_ back." I hadn't meant it to sound bitter, but my anger had seeped through my wall and into my words. "God forbid you leave _her_ waiting."

Eric's jaw dropped at my sudden change of emotions. I ignored him, standing up and walking away from him. He watched my every move, but I didn't really care anymore. Eric could watch me all he wanted, but he could never figure me out.

_No one can._

I dropped to my knees by the groceries, busying myself with putting them in the right bags. I went over the organization in my head like a routine. Once you had done something thousands of times, you tend to do it without even knowing.

"Let me help you." Eric suggested, taking the apple juice from my hand. He opened one of the bags, ready to place it inside.

"No!" I screamed (rather loudly I might add) and ripped the juice from his fingers. He stared at me in wide eyed shock, unable to comprehend what had just happened. I felt bad for getting mad at him when all he was trying to do was help me. But I couldn't help it, I really _couldn't_, it was because of my OCD.

Eric was still staring at me, "What...?"

"It doesn't go there." I mumbled, looking away and feeling very ashamed of myself. I didn't mean to yell at him, and now I felt like a total idiot. I opened the correct bag, placing the juice in and then turning back to Eric's still shocked face.

"It's your OCD again, isn't it?" His hand was on my shoulder and all I could do was nod, still feeling like a dumb ass. My OCD broke through the carefully designed wall in my head. No matter how many times I went over it, I couldn't find a way to conceal my OCD. It was like it ran my life, constantly reminding me that I would never be like everyone else.

I would never be like Eric.

"Come on, let's get our stuff." He suggested.

I finally looked into his amber eyes, trying to conceal my emotions as I spoke, "Shouldn't you call Calleigh back?"

Eric was taken aback for a moment, but not from my sentence. He was staring straight into my eyes and I knew that he saw a hidden emotion there, one I didn't _want_ him to see. Still, Eric recovered from it and quickly explained, "There's no service here."

"It's the trees." I stated matter-of-factly, looking away again, "There's a place nearby that has great service, I go there all the time."

I could see him nod in the corner of my eye as he grabbed the grocery bags I had packed in the most organized way.

"Hey, Ry?"

"Mmmm?" It wasn't really a word, but Eric seemed to get what I meant.

"Who's this?"

I spun around to face him, looking at him in confusion. Eric was genuinely curious and expected an answer. He looked down at something in his hand and I followed his gaze to what he was holding.

_Oh crap!_

It was my wallet, a fancy brown leather one that Uncle Ron had bought for me last Christmas. But that's not what Eric was looking at, of _course_ not. I must have dropped the wallet when I had dropped the grocery bags because it had fallen open. It revealed a picture, an old one from back in Boston.

There was a young boy with brown hair and bright green eyes. He was sitting on a small bike, smiling widely and staring at the camera with wide, innocent eyes. There was a young teenaged girl beside him with bright, golden hair and soft green eyes that weren't as intense as the boy's. She had an arm around the boy, holding him so close that their cheeks were pressed together.

I could remember that day, when I had finally gotten the training wheels off of my bike. I had taken longer than any other kid I knew to get over my fear of getting hurt, all the other boys had had them off for years. But Avril liked that I was different and claimed caution was to be valued. The picture was one among a few that I had kept from Boston, not wanting to be reminded of my childhood.

"Is this you?" Eric asked, meeting eyes with me. "It must be, I would know those eyes from anywhere."

"Don't look at that!" I warned, thrusting myself forward and tried to grab for my wallet. Eric looked shocked and pulled the wallet away, too far for me to reach.

He looked at the picture again, "Is this your sister Avril? So, this picture is from Boston?"

"Give it to me, Eric!" I yelled, once again jumping for the wallet. Eric pulled it out of my reach again and studied the picture.

"What's this sign in the background?" Eric squinted his eyes to see it better, "_The Balhomey's_? Who is that?"

"Dammit, Delko!" I screamed and threw myself for the wallet again. This time, Eric was too concentrated on the picture to see me coming and couldn't pull it away. I fumbled for the wallet and finally got a hold of it, ripping it out of Eric's grasp and out of his reach.

When the wallet was safely in my hands, I closed it quickly and pulled it close to me. Eric looked at me in sympathy as I held the wallet against my chest protectively.

"I'm sorry, Ry." Eric whispered, putting his hand on my shoulder, "I didn't know."

"Screw off!" I growled, pushing his hand off of my shoulder with more force than needed. I stood up quickly, wanting to get away from him as quickly as possible. But Eric got up too and he was right behind me. Before I could get away, he had grabbed my wrist and spun me around.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to screw off again!" Eric warned, his face inches from mine.

"Or what?" I challenged, glaring daggers into him, "I know you won't do anything! So why should I listen to you?"

"Because I said so!"

"Not good enough." I mumbled angrily looking away from his heated face. I ripped my wrist out of his grip and tried to walk away again, but his time, he didn't grab my wrist. Instead grabbed a hold of my shirt and pulled me back towards him again.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Instead of answering his question, I turned to face him again and growled, "You don't understand."

"Of course I understand!" He sounded angry and exhausted at the same time, "I lost _my_ sister too!"

I froze as he said this, suddenly realizing that it was _true_. This whole time I had been feeling sorry for myself, when Eric had lost someone too. He understood what I was going through. He was just trying to help and here I was yelling at him. Once again, I was the jerk of the situation.

Eric had been trying to be there for me for weeks now, but I wouldn't let him. I drifted farther and farther from him, hiding my feelings and becoming bitter. Eric hadn't ignored me, I had _avoided_ him.

This was _my_ fault.

Eric could feel my muscles relax and he loosened his tight grip on my shirt. He spoke quickly, as though I would change my mind and leave, "I'm really sorry, Ry. I know I shouldn't have looked at that picture."

I shook my head at him, "I know."

He didn't seem to hear this and continued just as fast as before, "I can't help it, I'm curious. I always thought you were a spoiled rich kid, but you're completely different. I want to know everything about you and-"

"Eric." I cut him off quietly, putting my hand up to stop him from speaking, "I understand. It's okay, I'm just..."

"Defensive." Eric finished my sentence and I nodded. He smiled and put a hand on upper arm, squeezing it softly, "I know how you feel, I went through the same thing after Marisol died."

I just nodded again, meeting his eyes. Those amber orbs were bright and...happy? I couldn't understand why he would be so happy after talking about his sister. And the fact that he was looking at _me_ that way was even more confusing. That sick feeling I always got around him was there again, but it wasn't as bad as it usually was. Now I was confused on a whole other level.

Eric sensed my confusion and laughed out loud.

"Don't think too hard." He joked, chuckling slightly, "I can hear the gears moving in that brilliant head of yours."

I couldn't help but blush as he called me brilliant, looking away and mumbling, "Shut up."

He laughed hard again, throwing his arm across my shoulders and smiling like a little boy. I looked up at him (and only slightly, I remind you that I am _not_ that short!) and amber eyes met green. Almond shaped eyes staring into large, round ones. We were complete opposites, so why did it seem like we fit together?

_Opposites attract?_

It didn't matter, all that mattered was that Eric was looking at me that same way. He was happy, I could see, and that unknown emotion showing through. There weren't words for his look, but for some reason I understood it. And I felt the same way, I knew that, so I stared into his eyes and tried to show him the same emotion through my own.

Eric seemed to get it because he smiled even wider and pulled me in even closer.

"Let's go." He stated, glancing forwards, then turning back to meet eyes again, "You know somewhere with some good service, right?"

I just nodded in response, not wanting to say anything and ruin the moment. He wanted to call Calleigh, I had to remind myself that constantly. He didn't want me, he wanted her. I just needed to calm down.

"Let's go." I repeated his words quietly and smiled. He smiled back and repeated it again.

"Let's go."

XXEricXX

"Balhomey?" I could hear Calleigh shuffling around in the background, "I've never heard that name before."

I shook my head and sat down on the counter of the public bathroom, "This is important, Cal. Can you look it up please?"

I heard her slam something down on the other end of the line as she spoke, "I'll try, Eric, but I've never heard of any Balhomey family in Miami."

I rolled my eyes at her and stared at myself in the mirror, trying to decide if I should tell her or not. I frowned when I noticed that one of my hairs was sticking up, my hair was getting way to long and was starting to get out of control. I wet my hand using the bathroom sink and attempted to tame my wild hair, but it still didn't look right no matter how hard I tried.

"You still there, Eric?"

Calleigh's voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I jumped so hard I nearly fell off the counter.

"Sorry about that," I recovered quickly, still playing with my hair, "I was trying to fix my hair."

"Your hair...?" Calleigh trailed off, trying to figure out what the heck I was talking about. There was silence on the other end for a moment before she continued, "Please tell me you've been cutting your hair."

"Uhhh..."

"Eric Delko!" Calleigh slammed something down again and I finally recognized what it was. A pile of papers, she must still be at work then. I suddenly realized she was still talking, "You know your hair gets crazy when it gets long! That's why I always cut it before it gets too long!"

"But you buzz it all off, Cal." I protested, returning to fixing my hair, "And sometimes I miss my hair."

"I don't care if you miss your hair! You look crazy when your hair is that long!"

I sighed rather loudly and gave up on trying to flatten my do. I knew Calleigh didn't like my hair long, so much that she got embarrassed to be seen with me. Apparently, I looked like a homeless person, but I just wished she would understand that it's my decision, not hers. I mean, what if I wanted to keep all my hair? It wasn't up to her.

"Can you just look that name up?" I asked, trying to change the subject completely before we started another fight (which had been happening a lot lately), "It would mean a lot to me."

"Okay, but I've said it before, I've never heard of that family before in Miami."

I glared at my hair in my the mirror and hopped down from the counter, "Try looking it up on the Boston database."

There was silence on the other end again and Eric had this weird feeling that Calleigh somehow understood why I had asked her about all of this. The silence was starting to kill me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what she had to say. For some reason, I felt bad about asking her. Not only that I was making Calleigh do my dirty work, but the fact that I was betraying Ryan's trust. He had told me so much already, but I couldn't get rid of the feeling that he was still hiding something. I wanted to help him, and I couldn't do that until I understood what was wrong with him.

"Ryan..." Calleigh breathed into the phone, sounding awestruck.

I raised an eyebrow in confusion, "What?"

"This is about Ryan, isn't it?" I suddenly couldn't reply because my mouth had gone dry, but I didn't need to say anything. She knew, of course Calleigh would know what this was about. "Listen, maybe you should just leave him alone."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed and responded calmly (too calmly, if you ask me), "He might not want you to know and I think you should accept that. It's the least you can do since he saved your life."

I glared at the phone for a moment before I replied, "You know you'd do the same thing if you were in my situation. So don't get all high and mighty to make me seem like the bad guy here."

"Don't use that tone with me, Eric." Her voice was warning and I usually backed down when I heard it, but somehow the anger didn't go away. I finally understood how Ryan felt when I said things like that. "I'm just worried about Ryan. I know he doesn't like to show it, but he can be emotionally unstable sometimes."

My anger deflated from her words. She was right, as always, Ryan _was_ emotionally unstable. It may have been caused by his OCD, and he was really good at covering it up at work or around other people. Even so, sometimes he just couldn't control it. Like the time when a man had put a gun to Ryan on the field and the brunette had completely frozen. God, I had been so scared when I had heard that story around the lab, I had thought Ryan was hurt. Or maybe the time when he had let his anger get the better of him and he had assaulted an officer.

"I know." It was almost a whisper and didn't sound like me at all, "He doesn't have to know. Please, just do this for me."

Calleigh seemed to notice my pleading tone (I hated to beg, but it was necessary in this situation), because she sounded more willing than before, "I'll have to get permission from the Boston Police, but I'm sure I could find something."

I sighed in relief, happy that I had convinced her.

"Please be careful."

My eyes widened at Calleigh's troubled voice. I could hear that tone under her voice again, the one I had been hearing ever since Ryan had saved me from being shot. Every time Ryan's name came up, Calleigh would get nervous and sad. I couldn't understand it, what was she worried about? It's like she knew something was going to happen and was afraid of it. I couldn't figure out what it was she knew and it was making me frustrated.

"I'll talk to you later."

I opened my mouth to respond but stopped when I heard the dial tone in my ear. Had she just hung up on me? What the hell had I done to her? What was her serious problem with Ryan? I mean, they seemed great together, but as soon as I was added into the equation, everything got awkward. Ryan acted the same as Calleigh at times. They both knew something I didn't and they didn't want to share it with me. Was it that bad?

"...Eric?"

I turned at the timid voice and noticed the door into the bathroom was open ajar. Ryan's face was peeking in and he looked really embarrassed. I couldn't understand why he was acting this why, but I had no complaints. That blush on his face was totally worth the confusion.

"Are you all done?" His face reddened further as he asked this and I suddenly realized why he was embarrassed. He thought I was actually _using_ the bathroom, and I had been in the bathroom awhile. I would probably be acting the same way if I was in his situation.

"Ya, Ry." I flashed a smile in the direction of the door, "I was just talking to Cal on the phone."

He looked too relieved to hear this and opened to door further. Ryan entered the bathroom fully, closing the door behind him and walking towards me. I suddenly got this strange feeling when I realized Ryan and I were in a confined space alone. I couldn't quite describe the feeling, but it was making my skin crawl. The scariest thing was I liked being near him. Earlier today, after we had run away from the grocery store, it was like I had been in some kind of trance. Just looking into those hazel-green eyes, I had totally lost control of my body and had almost..._kissed _him.

What if I had kissed him? Did I really feel that way about him? He was my friend, and surely our friendship would be ruined. Calleigh would find out and surely our relationship would go down the drain. Then what would I be left with? No, kissing Ryan was not a good idea.

So why did I still feel like doing it?

Ryan was staring at me in a weird way, confused by my spaced look and silence.

"Sorry, just thinking." I explained and he nodded in understanding.

We were silent for a moment and I couldn't help but stare into his eyes again. They were so bright and large that they drew me in. They showed Ryan's emotions and when I looked at them I couldn't help but feel that I was looking right _into_ him. Like I could understand him by his eyes.

"Hey, Eric?" I almost jumped at his voice, but still couldn't draw my gaze from _those_ eyes.

"Ya?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

I suddenly became nervous, hoping his question didn't have anything to do with my phone call to Calleigh. I didn't want to see him upset again, I had seen too much of that lately and I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Deep down though, I don't think going back was even possible anymore. I was too involved with Ryan's life right now and I refused to take a step back and just watch him again. Not anymore.

"Anything." I finally answered and I wanted to make sure he heard how confident I was. I couldn't just run away from Ryan's questions, I had to face them like a man.

"What's up with your hair?"

I felt like I had just deflated. My shoulders slumped as my self esteem took a major blow. Two people making fun of my hair in one day? That wasn't even fair. I mean, my hair wasn't _that_ bad!

I sighed and looked away from him in shame, "I look like a homeless person, right?"

"What?" I looked at his face and noticed he was genuinely shocked. His eyes were wider than usual and his mouth was hanging open slightly, "Of course not. Who would say something like that?"

I shrugged, not really wanting to answer the question. Ryan and Calleigh's relationship was already sort of rocky, I didn't need to make it worse. Ryan wasn't stupid though, because he understood right away. I could see the realization in his eyes.

Instead of saying anything, he just smiled and said, "I meant the way you styled it."

I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed again. My hair was a little odd right now, but I thought I had fixed it to look decent.

Ryan shook his head with a chuckle and moved forward without a word. He moved to the sink and wet his hands with the tap, looking at me in the mirror the whole time. When our eyes met I felt nervous, which is something that doesn't happen a lot. Ryan turned back to me, holding up his dripping wet hands.

"Can I?" he asked me insecurely, not wanting to touch me without my permission.

I nodded in response and he smiled again. He moved forward again towards me and I just watched him move. He moved so gracefully, something I've never been able to notice about him before. Ryan kept moving towards me until our faces were inches apart. I cursed my face for turning red from his closeness.

Ryan took one last look into my eyes and I nodded to assure him again. Then he lifted his hands over my head and put his hands on my head. At first I thought he wasn't going to do anything, but after a second his hands started moving on my head. Ryan's fingers started to move in my hair and I trusted him completely with my hair, which doesn't happen often. I was still looking into his eyes, even though he wasn't looking back. His eyes were on my hair and his eyes showed that he was completely concentrated on this task. He looked like he was at work in the crime lab, analyzing every detail. I couldn't help but smile and close my eyes as I concentrated on those fingers in my hair.

_He smells so good._

My face went red again at my thought, but I couldn't help but take in another greedy breath. It was true, he did smell good. It was a mix of coconut and coffee, and I just couldn't get enough of it.

"There." All too soon Ryan's hands were gone. I opened my eyes and stopped myself from protesting against it. Instead, I looked at Ryan and couldn't help but smile when I noticed he was smiling widely and obviously proudly.

"Go ahead." He stated, nodding his head toward the mirror. I hesitated for a moment before turning towards the mirror. I froze when I saw my reflection. I knew Ryan had had good haircuts, but I didn't know he was actually good at styling hair. I never knew my hair could be this long and still be this nice. It was pushed back out of my face completely, but with a small flip to it.

"Well?" I looked at Ryan through the mirror and noticed he was staring at me uneasily. He was standing right behind me, looking over my shoulder and running his fingers through my hair nervously.

"It looks great!" I exclaimed, letting a smile break upon my face. He smiled in return, blushing slightly at my excitement, "I'll need you to do my hair everyday! Maybe then I won't embarrass anybody."

Ryan looked surprised for a moment, but his warm smile appeared again and he shook his head, "You could never embarrass me, Eric. You know that, right?"

"Thanks." I smiled at how nice his words were and that feeling came back again. I wished Calleigh would say things like that to me, but she seemed to be getting distant from me lately. Wait, I shouldn't think about stuff like that right now.

"Come on." Ryan's voice was right in my ear and it gave me goose bumps, "Let's go."

He turned around and sent one last smile over his shoulder before he headed for the door. I was close behind him, not wanting to be too far from his warm personality.

"So this is the place with the best service, huh?" I teased as we exited the public washroom. We stepped out the door onto the golden sand of Miami Beach. Ryan just shrugged and looked down at the sand. I rolled my eyes at him, "You didn't come here just for some service on my phone, did you?"

Ryan smiled sheepishly and looked out at the water, "I like the beach, and I wanted an excuse to come here."

I shook my head at him, "You don't need an excuse, I would have gone with you if you asked."

He smiled up at me, his teeth shining in the bright Miami sun. I smiled back, putting my hand on his shoulder. He started walking in the sand now and I didn't move my hand from his shoulder as we walked beside each other.

"How is Calleigh? Not too mad, right?" Ryan looked up at me as he asked, looking guilty for something.

I looked at him in surprise, "No, she's just tired because she's working."

He nodded in response and he looked back out at the waves. I looked at them too, marvelling in how amazing they looked. The waves came in fast and crashed along the beach, before they were pulled back into the ocean again. The water was a good colour, not greenish like it was sometimes, but cerulean blue. They shone in the sun.

Just like Ryan's eyes.

It was true, even now they were the brightest green I had ever seen. Sometimes they changed colour, depending on his mood, and green meant he was happy. I was completely content on seeing green for the rest of the day, all I wanted was Ryan to be happy and…I mean…who could really complain about those beautiful eyes?

_Hermoso._

I forced my eyes to look back at the water. The sand was bright in the sun, but what I was interested in was what was _in_ the sand. Even from a distance, I could see the redness of crabs as they shuffled along the beach.

"Look at that!" I pointed it to Ryan excitedly, my face stretched from my smile, "There's got to be, like, 20 crabs over there!"

"16." Ryan stated calmly and I looked at him in confusion. Had he just corrected me on how many crabs there were?

Ryan's face went red when he saw my expression. "I'm sorry," He apologized quickly, turning away, "Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out."

I still stared at Ryan in confusion as he turned his back towards me. I was still trying to process what had just happened when I remembered what happened earlier with the groceries. He had yelled at me when I had ordered them wrong, but it wasn't his fault.

"You are _not_ weird." I stated confidently, putting a hand on his shoulder. I was glad when he didn't move away, that was a good sign. So I went on, "I think your OCD gives you character. There's always something new to discover about you."

Ryan turned back to me, but his expression wasn't one I was expecting. He was angry and he glared at me, "Glad to be one of your interesting _specimens_."

I was shocked again at his words. What the hell had just happened in the last few seconds. He had been so open, and now he was being bitter again. What had I done?

"Ry, that's not what I meant." My hand slid down his arm as I spoke. Ryan was relaxing in my touch, I could tell, and it made me smile. He trusted me to touch him without hurting him, that was the first step in a good direction. "You know you're more than that to me."

By this point, my hand was rested on the small of his back. He was accepting it there, so I didn't push anything. Ryan had turned his head upward to look at me and I hadn't realized I had moved forward towards him. My chest was pressed up against his own and our faces just inches apart. His mouth was only open slightly, showing a small amount of his teeth, but I could also see his tongue. I was getting those thoughts again, imagining his tongue in my mouth, swirling around with my own. I was starting to get excited from these thoughts and I didn't know how much longer I could last just looking at him.

I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to kiss him so bad and the worst part was I couldn't understand why. I had never felt this way before, let alone with _Ryan_. I never thought about him that way, but things seemed to change after he was shot. He took a bullet for me, he definitely wasn't the person I thought he was. Ryan was a new person, and a person I liked.

_So you finally admitted it, huh? It's about time, Delko._

Okay, so maybe I did like him. _Maybe_. That would explain my feelings, right?

"Eric…" I watched Ryan's mouth move as he spoke, intoxicated in his bright pink lips. His voice was so quiet and sounded almost pleading. I could see it in his eyes, he wanted this too.

No, Ryan didn't want this. And neither did I because I had Calleigh now. I didn't need to do this, I was happy.

_She said you looked homeless, do you really think your happy?_

My thoughts became jumbled, confusing me to no end. I was fighting with my body to remain control, but eventually my body moved. I was inching closer slowly and I could actually _see_ the need in Ryan's eyes. He had to want this, why else would he look that way?

His arms raised slowly, one reaching behind my head and grasping the back of my neck. The other came to my face and rested a hand on my cheek, somehow guiding me to his face. And I was going willingly, no longer registering that this was my best friend and I had a girlfriend. I was in a trance again, just like earlier today after the grocery store. I couldn't stop myself from what I was about to do.

"Eric…" Ryan's voice sounded more like a moan and it came with a new wave of excitement on my body.

I was moving closer again until our lips were brushing each other. We were barely touching mouths and it didn't really count as a kiss, but it make me shiver to touch his lips. Ryan was breathing heavily and I could see his incredible flushed skin. God, did he look good like that.

I didn't care if we were out in the open like this, I just wanted our first kiss to happen already. Ryan's hot breathe was blowing into my open lips, mixing with mine. If his breath tasted this good when it was in my mouth, I wondered what it tasted like when it was in his. I couldn't control myself much longer.. I moved forward to capture his lips. I needed this or I was going to go insane.

Our first kiss.

"Ryan?" We both jumped in surprise and pulled apart as quickly as possible. Ryan's head shot around so he could see who had called him while I tried to calm my trembling body. I had been so close! Our lips were touching, all I needed to do was lean forward!

But my anger disappeared when I saw Ryan's face. He was red, of course he was embarrassed, but I could also see a giant, goofy smile on his face. I suddenly felt jealous that Ryan was smiling lovingly at someone other than me. I followed his gaze, trying to see who had called his name and interrupted our moment just seconds ago.

I froze when I saw who it was. Golden hair blowing in the wind and haloing around her head, framing her face. Her large, bright green eyes and lightly tanned skin were just like Ryan's and she was watching us from across the beach. I could feel goose bumps coming up onto my skin when I recognized her. She was the spitting image of a girl I'd seen before, the one I had seen in the picture Ryan had in his wallet. Ryan had been small in that picture and I had assumed the girl was Avril, his sister. Ryan had said his sister was dead, so how was it possible that an exact replica of her was standing on the same beach as us?

"Ryan?" She called again, putting her hand up to block the sun from her eyes to try and get a better look at us. She was trying to figure out if it really was Ryan that she could see.

Ryan still had that loving smile on his face as he called back, "Jess?"

"Ryan!" She screamed in excitement, jumping up and down a few times when she realized it was him. She jumped once more and when her feet landed on the ground, she burst into a sprint across the beach.

"Jess!" Ryan smiled wider, carefully placing the grocery bags on the warm sand. He straightened again and immediately opened his arms open widely.

Realization finally hit me. This was Jessica Wolfe, Ryan's niece. No wonder she looked like Avril, it was her daughter. The girl that had such importance in Ryan's life, the one I had just found out about this morning, was right in front of me. Jessica Wolfe, in the flesh.

Jessica's face erupted into a giant smile and she threw herself forward at Ryan. He caught her midair, pulling her into a giant bear hug. I watched in awe as Ryan lifted her feet off the ground and spun her around a few times, carefully putting her back down on her feet when he was done.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked in excited disbelief, "I thought you had University Exams this week."

Jessica threw her arms around Ryan and he wrapped his arms around her in response, "I did, but my teacher let me take them early because I had a family emergency."

Ryan's smile remained, but I could tell it wavered slightly, "Family Emergency?"

"Uncle Ron called and told me." She looked up at him and I could see how worried she actually was. Just another person worried about Ryan Wolfe, did he not see how many people actually cared about him?

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Jessica pulled away, throwing her arms up dramatically, "You were shot and you almost died! What else would I be talking about?"

I wanted to correct her and tell her that Ryan _had_ died. Twice, actually. And both times I had felt so much pain that I wanted to die too. I could never lose Ryan, that was for sure. Especially not now, after I had become so attached to him recently.

Ryan tried to reason with her, "Look, I'm f-"

"Don't you dare tell me your fine!" She cut him off and he went completely silent. He looked defeated and I wanted to laugh at him. She had him wrapped around her finger and he knew it. I was already starting to like her. Anyone who could stop Ryan from making excuses was alright with me.

"You didn't even call me!" She grumbled, punching him in the arm. Ryan faked being hurt, receiving another punch in the arm, "I'm serious right now! What happened?"

He rolled his eyes and put his hands on her shoulders, "I wasn't thinking, okay? But I don't regret what I've done."

"Erica Sikes said you jumped in front of someone else to protect them." Jessica stated matter-of-factly, putting her hands on her hips. "I know you don't like her, but she's right, isn't she?"

Ryan mumbled something inappropriate about Erica under his breath and looked down at the ground. I knew what that action meant, and apparently so did Jessica. It meant Ryan had been defeated again, that Erica _had_ been right. Man, I hated saying that.

"Who would you throw yourself in front of a bullet f-" She cut herself off when realization came across her face. A sly smile made its way across her face and Ryan's eyes widened at her. "I know who, don't I?"

Ryan didn't answer her, but instead looked over at my direction. He hadn't forgotten I was there, so I could tell he was choosing his answers carefully. He still wasn't completely trusting of me, but at least it was better than before.

Jessica didn't seem to notice me until now. She turned and followed Ryan's gaze, freezing in shock when she actually realized I was there. Her eyes widened for a moment before they quickly narrowed again. She was looking me up and down and I felt completely uncomfortable under her scrutinizing gaze. She was really important to Ryan and if she didn't like me than things with Ryan were going to get worse. I had never felt this awkward before, not even when I had met Calleigh's family. I didn't know why, but once again I had this feeling that Ryan's opinion was more important.

Jessica had one hand on her hip and the other tapping a finger to her chin thoughtfully, "Hmmmm...amazing hair, darkly tanned skin, intoxicating chocolate eyes and a smile to die for...?"

I glanced at Ryan from the corner of my eye and his face was redder than I had ever seen it before. Jessica was clearly quoting someone by the way she was speaking. Had Ryan said those thing about me? To be honest, I actually hoped he had.

"You must be Eric Delko." I nodded in response and she smiled a white, straight toothed smile at me.

"I'm Eric." I greeted, sounding sort of stupid since she already knew that, but I didn't care. I wanted to be polite, putting my hand out to offer a friendly handshake to her. Jessica stared at my hand, then dragged her eyes back to my face with an odd look. She was looking at me like I was crazy and I felt a lump forming in my throat.

The lump disappeared when she threw her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. My eyes widened in surprise and my face went red at the closeness she chose to share. I glanced over at Ryan again and all he did was nod in approval. I smiled slightly, putting my arms around her to hug her back.

When Jessica pulled back, she laughed at my still red face. "Sorry, should have warned you." She giggled at my embarrassment, "I've just heard a lot about you and feel like we're friends already. It's good to finally meet you, any friend of Ryan is a friend of mine."

I smiled widely and looked at Ryan again, who looking proudly at Jessica. He should be proud, I mean, he practically raised this girl and look how good she turned out. I sort of agreed with her, I could imagine Jessica being my friend.

"You know you can hang out with me anytime you want." Jessica laughed, punching me in the arm like she had with Ryan. When I barely felt it I realized how small she really was. Small, just like Ryan. But man, was she _tall_. "Ryan doesn't even need to be around."

Ryan rolled his eyes at her, and turned to me, "Don't listen to her. She's just a runt."

Jessica turned to him with a joking glare and punched him in the arm again, "Who are you calling the runt? You're the shortest person I know!"

Ryan glared at her and she glared back. I chuckled behind them because it was true. Ryan _was_ really short, he was the shortest person I knew too. Even the girls at the lab were taller than he was, but that could be because of their heels. Jessica was almost taller than him too, her mother must have been tall.

"Come on! It's nice in the water!" Jessica was calling, grabbing Ryan's wrist and pulling him towards the water. Ryan was rooted to the spot and being stubborn, as always.

"I'm not sure I'm supposed to go in the water."

I walked up behind him with a smile and placed my hand on the small of his back again. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled slightly.

"I thought it was going to rain today, so I put the waterproof bandage on your back." I explained and I could see a smile spreading across his face when I told him, "You can go in the water."

"Yay!" Jessica cheered enthusiastically, already turning and running towards the water. Ryan bounced up a few times and then ran after her, making sounds of excitement that I had only heard a few times before. He threw his shirt off when he ran and splashed into the water. He ran straight in without hesitation and tackled Jessica. They fell over in the water already soaked and laughed so hard their faces were going red.

"Come on, Eric!" Ryan called after me, picking Jessica up again. He lifted her in the air (she was still laughing the whole time) and threw her father into the water. She resurfaced again and laughed, then they both turned to me again. Ryan smiled warmly at me and waved me over, "Don't spoil the fun, A-Rod!"

I glared and both Ryan and Jessica were laughing. _Of course_ he would tell her that story, one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me and he tells his niece. But they were right, I was starting to ruin the fun. Maybe some relaxation would be good for Ryan and I both.

I picked up the grocery bags, carrying then over to where Ryan's forgotten shirt lay in the sand. I placed them there carefully, my shirt joining Ryan's a moment later. I walked over to the shore just inches from the waves and looked at the two already in the water. Jessica and him were both treading water, talking about something. I concentrated on their conversation as I stepped further into the water.

"Uncle Ron wanted to come, but he said he was busy with work." Jessica was explaining, looking worriedly at Ryan.

Ryan just nodded slowly, "It's okay, Jess."

"I'm sure he would have dropped everything if he knew you were here. He's been really worried about you." She tried to make him feel better because the disappointment was obvious in his eyes, "How long has it been since you've talked?"

Ryan shrugged, looking away with a sad smile, "I've been working overtime at the crime lab and I've had some personal problems to deal with. So...I haven't spoken to him in a few weeks."

By this time I had finally reached them and they stopped the conversation all together. I couldn't understand what Ryan meant by 'personal problems.' Did that have anything to do with me? It would make sense.

"Let's not spoil the fun, right?" I tried to lighten the mood and it worked because they both smiled genuinely at me when I said this.

Ryan stood on the floor underwater so the water only went up to his waist, "You got a beach ball, Jess?"

"Of course!" She jumped up and started running towards the beach (and failing at it too, since she was in the water), "I'll be right back!"

As soon as she was out of earshot, I turned back towards Ryan. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the way you looked at it), Ryan was still standing up and I was met with his stomach instead of his face. He had been complaining a few days ago that he was getting fat, and he _was_ getting a little bigger, but that weight was gone. He was really skinny right now and I could see, though they weren't as big as mine were, that he had muscles in his stomach. He had the starting of a six pack forming, and if he kept working out like he did now he would have a full six pack like mine.

I followed the muscles hungrily, looking over soft, lightly tanned skin. My eyes trailed along his large and muscular chest, around his arms that were the most muscular part of him. He was turned slightly away from me, so I looked at his back. The muscles on his shoulders were amazing and I had trouble resisting touching him. Who knew he had been hiding all of this under his shirts (or suits, since he wore those more than anything).

I looked at the bandage on his back, a pang of guilt running through me, then trailed back down to his waist. I stared at the scars that lined his waist and tried to study them. They were consistent with knife wounds, I could tell that, but I didn't know where they had come from. Had the bullies been that bad in Ryan's past?

I looked at Ryan's face that was lit up by the sun and stopped. I had never noticed before but in this light I could see something on his face. There was a small white scar on his eyelid that must have been from when the nail was shot at him.

Suddenly, Ryan's eyes were looking into mine. He smiled down at me and raised an eyebrow, "See something you like?"

"Definitely."

XXRyanXX

I sighed deeply, resting my head against Eric's shoulder. I was getting sleepy, and sitting down for so long was pulling on the skin on my back. I needed my medication soon, but I seriously didn't want to move, especially away from Eric. His arm was around me, holding me close to him in the limited space we had.

Eric was right, it was supposed to rain today. Jessica had left and hour ago because it was late and she was getting tired. It started raining right after she left, the time when Eric and I decided to go get something to eat. That's what led us to this situation, sitting huddled under a lone umbrella, trying to keep us and the groceries dry.

I shivered from the cold and Eric pulled me close to his warm body.

"You're so cold." Eric stated, smiling down at me. "I think you might get sick."

I shrugged lazily, admitting easily, "I'm more sleepy than cold."

I yawned after speaking, just proving how tired I actually was. Eric chuckled slightly and the movement of his body made me slide from his shoulder to his chest. I was about to move away when something stopped me. His heartbeat, I could hear Eric's heartbeat. The sound gave me comfort and I closed my eyes, totally content with listening to it the rest of the night.

"I had fun today, Jessica is great." Eric whispered, his hand had made its way to my bare back and was trailing slowly along it. I could feel him getting closer to my gunshot wound, but I trusted him. I got this weird déjà vu moment and, to tell the truth, I kind of liked it. When had Eric been this close to me? Eric moved his hand as he spoke, "I'm sorry it had to rain."

"I don't mind," I mumbled against his chest, enjoying the feeling of his every breath, "I like the rain."

By this time Eric's hand had reached my bandage and he had begun rubbing around the wound. I enjoyed the blissful feeling while it lasted because once it was over, I knew we would go back to the way we were before. I didn't believe we could change and I just had to live with that.

"Marisol liked the rain too." Eric stated, smiling down at me again. "She would always make me sit outside with her whenever there was a thunderstorm. Said it was-"

"Exciting." I finished his sentence and looked up into his amber eyes, "I know just how she felt."

Eric went quiet again and looked back out at the water. It was night time by now and things had gotten even darker from the clouds. I didn't know what he was looking at, but I could tell he was getting upset. I watched his eyes carefully and could see the sadness within them.

"Do you miss her?" I asked him seriously and he looked down at me once more, "I know I miss Avril."

Eric's eyes became even sadder when I mentioned my own sister, "I miss her every day. I visit her grave every Sunday to leave flowers."

Eric looked away again, but this time he wasn't sad. He looked thoughtful, like something had just clicked in his head. Then he spoke again, "It's weird, but every time I go, there's already flowers at hers and Speed's graves. Lilacs, they were always her favourite."

I stared up at him in shock, trying to hide the fact that I knew about what he was talking about. I had more secrets than Eric knew, that was for sure.

It wasn't my fault. I didn't personally know Speed, and I had only met Marisol a few times, but I couldn't help it. It had started when I was caught gambling. When I was fired, I had major emotional problems. My OCD got worse and I suffered from insomnia. I just wanted someone to talk to who wouldn't put blame on me. The only person I could think of was Avril, but she was buried back in Boston. So I went to talk to Marisol. It was a stupid decision and I chose to never tell Eric, but it had made its way into my routine life. I even decided to leave flowers for Speed, it was the least I could do since I was living his life.

"I asked everyone I knew, but no one has been there." Eric continued, looking away again, "I go at random times now trying to catch the person, but they always seem to outsmart me."

"Like a mystery." I stated and he seemed to buy my 'I-have-no-idea-what-you-are-talking-about' attitude. As far as he knew, I was perfectly innocent.

Eric went quiet again and I closed my eyes to listen to his heartbeat again. It felt like it was in synch with my own and that made me smile again. I felt safe, safer than I had in a long time. It was good to hear Eric's heartbeat and know that he was safe too. I had protected him from that bullet and saved his life. Man, did it feel good that I had made a difference. I don't know what I would do without Eric, I probably wouldn't know how to live anymore. I needed him in my life, even if he did hurt me sometimes.

He was the most important aspect of my life and without him I would never have been able to grow. He was the reason I was the person I am today, and the reason I was even _here_. He saved my life so many times that it was only fair I returned the favour.

"The rain's letting up." Eric stated, standing up, "Let's get home before it gets really bad."

I nodded slowly, still feeling sleepy, "Okay."

I already missed Eric's warmth and was already shaking from how cold it was. But if Eric said we should go home, then we should go home. I needed my meds before I fell asleep, and that was obviously soon. My meds were probably the reason I was so tired in the first place and, to tell the truth, I didn't really wanted to be drugged out of my mind again.

When I had stood up completely, Eric wasn't beside me. He was in front of me with his back facing me and he was crouched down low.

"Get on." He stated and I stared at him in response. I tilted my head to the side and made a sound in confusion. Eric rolled his eyes at me and motioned his hand for me to come forward, "Get on my back."

"Why?"

"You can barely stand, Ry." Eric chuckled at me, "Those drugs are making you really droopy, just let me help you. Please."

I noticed the pleading in his voice and nodded in response. He wanted to help and who was I to deny him that? Plus, being on Eric's back didn't seem so bad. So, I stepped forward until my legs were on either side of him. He looked up at me and I nodded in confirmation.

My face went bright red when I felt his hands on my butt. He pulled me closer and then stood, tightening his hold on my behind. I could easily see the smile on his face as he moved his finger slightly. He was enjoying this. Eric Delko was touching my butt and _enjoying_ it. What was wrong with the world?

"Hold on tight." He laughed, jumping and in doing so pushing me up into a more comfortable position on his back. "You can hold the groceries."

I nodded in response and put my arms around his neck to his front. He lifted the grocery bags up to my waiting hands and I grabbed a hold of their handles. I held onto them at his chest level and Eric looked back at me with a smile. I smiled back, then rested my head on his shoulder.

"I think I might fall asleep on you." I warned him, taking in a breath of Eric's amazing scent and closing my eyes against his shoulder.

Eric shrugged lightly, trying not to disturb me as I drifted off, "That's okay. Just don't drop the groceries."

I wanted to nod, but my head was suddenly heavy. I had lost the tensor bandage for my neck after I had gone in the water and my neck was starting to hurt again.

But the pain didn't matter because I was on Eric Delko's back. I was falling asleep to his scent and he was touching my butt. I almost burst out laughing at this, Eric Delko touching my butt was funny. Eric was here, he was alive. I had protected him and that was enough for me.

He didn't have to like me the way I liked him. I was perfectly content with just knowing he was alive. Just having Eric in the same room as me was enough for me to survive.

I needed him and because of that I would always protect him. No matter how many bullets I had to take, I wouldn't let him down.

And that's when I realized it. Right there, on Eric's back in the rain and vowing to protect him. I realized that I liked Eric even more than even I knew. I mean could it be possible? I had never felt this way before, but was I being rational?

Was I in love with Eric Delko?

"Ry?"

"Mmmm?" I mumbled sleepily, snuggling into his shoulder.

"Nice ass."

XXXX

**Chapter 5 done and I hope I didn't get you too angry with the delaying of the first kiss. It will come soon enough, as soon as Eric realizes his feelings for Ryan!**

**I'll update sooner next time...I hope. Maybe my internet will stop being so stupid lol.**


	6. Pancakes

**Author's note: Hopefully, my internet will keep cooperating with me and I won't have problems adding chapters anymore.**

**Author's note (2): Only one person seemed to notice my Avril Lavigne reference. When Ryan said "Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out," it's a lyric from the song Anything but Ordinary. I've been listening to old Avril songs lately, and completely loved that line!**

**Disclaimer: I only own Jessica.**

XXEricXX

I grumbled loudly, rolling over to shove my head into the many fluffy pillows around me. The pillows smelled like Ryan, even though I was in his guest bedroom. I smiled and buried my nose farther into the bed, content on smelling Ryan for the rest of my life. How the brunette smelled so good _all_ the time was beyond my knowledge, but no complaints here.

I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, my mind racing back to the night before. The way Ryan had practically fallen asleep on my back, snuggling into my shoulder without hesitation. It felt good to have him near, touching me like that.

_You like him, stop denying it._

Then I had to _carry_ Ryan to his room, that's how purely exhausted he was. I laid him in bed and left him for about a minute to get his medication, but when I returned he had moved. He was sprawled out on the bed, his limbs spread out to cover the whole queen sized bed.

I had sat down then, watching the sleeping face carefully. He looked so peaceful, when he was asleep there was no anger or hurt, and I liked Ryan this way. And he snored. Not loud, obnoxious snoring like Speed used to, but soft breathes coming from his mouth.

Ryan looked so small and innocent, and I don't know when I started to like that.

I wanted to spend all night with him, sleep in his bed with him like I had a few days ago. But I knew that would never happen, not again. Ryan had self respect, he wouldn't let just anyone in his bed. It was one of the qualities that made him who he was, and what made him completely different from me. I wondered how many one night stands Ryan had had, not a lot, if any.

Knowing that I couldn't be with him all night, I pulled myself together and left his room, quickly and quietly making my way to his guest bedroom. I had to drag my unpacked suitcase up the stairs and that wasn't fun late at night. When I finally fell back on my bed, I didn't feel right. I missed Ryan's little snores, and was uncomfortable with being on a whole different floor than him. I mean, what if he woke up in the middle of the night from a bad dream? Would I be able to hear him?

I had trouble drifting off when all I could think about was the sleeping man just down the stairs. And that's what brought me to this situation. It was already morning and I had only gotten a few hours of sleep because all I could think about was the younger man.

I couldn't understand it, how he could make me feel this way without even trying. Did he realize what those amazing smiles did to me, or that I could stare into his emerald eyes forever?

Man, I _was_ getting sappy! I never talked like this with Calleigh, what's wrong with me?

I rolled over again and yawned loudly, pulling the covers up over my face. I remember there being only blanket on my bed last night, but now there had to be at least 5. It was odd for Miami to be this cold, but I didn't care because my blankets were really warm. I kicked my legs a little, trying to add more warmth to my feet, but froze when I kicked something at the bottom of my bed.

What was that, and why the hell was it so _warm_?

I opened my eyes slightly, having trouble since they were still so heavy. Man, was I tired. My lazy eyes drifted down the bedspread, noting that those blankets _definitely_ weren't there last night. My eyes kept moving until I reached what was at the end of my bed.

Ryan Wolfe was sitting cross-legged at the bottom of my bed. He was facing my way, but wasn`t looking straight at me. His eyes were down at his lap, concentrating on his task. He had a shirt in his lap and was folding it in the most professional way I had ever seen. The thought made me smile, Ryan doing laundry.

His eyes lifted and suddenly caught mine. I could feel my heart speed up when those doe eyes were staring at me.

"It's okay, Eric. You can go back to sleep." He stated, head titled to the side ever so slightly to make him look like the cutest thing in the world, "I gave you some more blankets, it got pretty cold after the storm last night."

I smiled in response, looking back down at the blankets wrapped carefully around me. I knew for sure that I moved a lot when I slept, so there was no way the blankets could be this straight unless...

...unless Ryan had tucked me in. Well wasn't he just the most cliché wife I'd ever heard of, laundry _and _tucking in.

Wait, what? Had I just called Ryan Wolfe my _wife_? _The_ Ryan Wolfe? Like OCD, always-has-to-be-right, hottest-thing-in-the- lab Ryan Wolfe? There was just no way, he was just a guy. And a very manly one at that, even if he _was_ gay...

I paused briefly to take another look at the other CSI, but he had gone back to folding another shirt. I guess he was serious, he wanted me to go back to sleep. I smiled at the thought of falling asleep with him here with me, even though I wanted him to be _much_ closer.

That's when I saw it. Ryan was done folding the shirt and moved on to another article of clothing, boxers. Not his boxers, no they were too big to be his. He may look muscular, but Ryan truthfully had the skinniest waist I have ever seen.

Those were _my_ boxers.

And now that I thought about it, those shirts he had been folding were mine too. Why the hell was Ryan folding _my_ laundry, in _my_ room (his guestroom, actually, but that wasn't the point)?

"What are you doing?" I accused angrily, sitting up quickly in bed. He stared at me in confusion and I watched him suspiciously, trying to find out what kind of game he was playing.

His head tilted to the side and I resisted the urge to burst forward and capture those now pouting lips. He crossed his arms over his chest, raising a dark eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

I glared at him, pointing an angry finger at his lap, "What are you doing with my boxers?"

Ryan looked confused for a moment before he looked down at his lap and smiled.

His smile turned sly and he looked back up at me, "Are you embarrassed that I'm touching your underwear?"

I was fully awake now, watching the brunette carefully. I noticed, which is completely unrelated right now, that he was dressed in only sweat pants and a black wife beater (is it weird that I think he looks sexy in the most casual clothes ever?).

"Give them to me, Ry." I warned, narrowing my eyes at him.

He smiled wider and answered teasingly, "Come and get it."

_Trust me, I want to._

I ran my gaze up and down Ryan's body, he looked rather exposed in contrast to those suits he usually wore. I smiled slightly, cocking an eyebrow in interest. Ryan seemed to follow my gaze because I noticed his face turn bright red in realization.

Ryan was distracted and I took this as my cue. I suddenly threw myself forward at him, arm outstretched to grab at the thin material of my underwear. Ryan was completely shocked by my movement and leaned back to get farther away. I growled when I couldn't reach my clothing and threw myself forward again. This time, our chests collided and the sheer force made Ryan fall back. I had leaned my weight on him and was suddenly falling with him.

My head hit the wood at the bottom of the bed, making everything dizzy. I collapsed onto something soft, trying to will the pain away. I laid there a few moments until my fuzzy head started to clear. Then, I lifted my head slowly, pinching my eyes open and shut to clear my vision too. I froze suddenly when I realized what I had been lying on.

Ryan's thin form was right under me, pressed tightly against mine. His arms were spread out at the side of his head, one hand still clutching my boxers. His face looked flushed and his eyes had gotten incredibly wider, if that was even possible.

"I...uh...I didn't mean to..." I've never heard Ryan Wolfe so lost for words, he always seemed to know what to say even in the most uncomfortable situations. He stopped to think for a moment, and my eyes followed his tongue as he licked his thin lips.

_Oh. My. God._

I wanted that tongue in my mouth so bad. Okay, that sounded weird, but could you really blame me? He was sexy! And here I was on top of him, obsessing about what I wanted to do to him and not actually _doing_ it.

"Kiss me."

Ryan's eyes widened in pure shock, his mouth hanging open in surprise. I felt more than heard him gasp in surprise, face darkening from a blush. He searched my face for any sign of a joke, but all he could see was confidence on my face.

"What?" It sounded more like a squeak and didn't sound like himself at all. He gulped rather loudly as I leaned in further.

My breath was against his face and he looked as though he might pass out from the heat. I smiled, dropping my voice to a whisper, "Kiss me, Ryan Wolfe."

Ryan practically flinched when I said his name. He looked nervous and uncertain and I wanted to take that feeling away from him. God, would he just kiss me already, before I chose to do it myself.

"I..uh.." He was staring at me like I had just grown a third head. Was it _that_ weird that I wanted him to kiss me so bad?

"Do it, Ryan." I was starting to get impatient, and Ryan could tell. I could see him leaning up towards me and I did the same, content on meeting halfway.

We were so close, just when we were at the beach. It was going to happen this time, it had to happen. Ryan's lips parted slightly and I smiled, ready for it to just happen already. I wanted his mouth on mine so much, that's all I had been thinking about at night.

"I..." Ryan sounded like he was going to say something, but he trailed off after just one word. I didn't mind, as long as I could touch him. Oh _god_, it was happening.

"Hehe." I feminine giggle cut through the heated silence of the room. Both Ryan and I shot our heads to the side in surprise, staring at our intruders.

Two woman stood at the entrance to the bedroom, both smiling at us. Jessica was there, covering her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing her head off, her smile was so wide it could be seen from behind her hand.

The second woman was Alexx, standing tall and slightly in front of Jessica. She had her hands on her hips, an eyebrow raised and a small smile on her full lips. She was looking mostly at me, and behind her smile I could see question in her expression. Alexx never thought I liked Ryan, I was just glad she didn't know about Calleigh and I. I couldn't really handle that kind of judgement right now.

"Are we interrupting?" Alexx chuckled, her smile widening when our faces turned red. Jessica burst out laughing, unable to cover her hand over her mouth anymore. Ryan looked back up at me at the same time I looked down. Our faces reddened deeper and suddenly we were scrambling to get off each other.

I only stopped when I hit the headboard, unable to move farther away. It was one thing when I was alone with Ryan, but with other people around I wasn't able to be as manly as I wanted. Damn me.

Ryan was still at the very bottom of the bed, trying to get off without hurting himself. He tried to conceal his blushed face and put the item in his hand in front of it. He made a not very masculine sound when he realized my boxers were what was against his face. He panicked and threw them across the room, landing right in front of the girls. They realized what it was immediately and burst out laughing again.

"Did we come at the wrong time?" Jessica asked teasingly and they burst out laughing again.

Alexx recovered from laughter first, turning to smile at Ryan. Even though he was still red, he smiled back just as wide. There was like a conversation going on between them, and it was making me mad that I couldn't understand any of their looks. In the end, Ryan smiled widely and jumped up, rushing to Alexx. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly to her.

I don't know what just happened, but I had no complaints if Ryan was comfortable again.

"You had me worried, baby boy," Alexx whispered, pulling away. She put raised her hand, placing it on Ryan's cheek (apparently, Alexx was ignoring what had just happened for the time being), "Are you feeling better?"

Ryan nodded slightly, smiling so wide that his eyes were scrunched up. I didn't know very much about Ryan's family, but I knew that he was very close to Alexx. Sure, she was motherly to everyone in the lab, but it was Ryan who actually considered her his mother.

"I was on my way over when Alexx called!" Jessica stated excitedly, her bubbly personality filling the room, "So of course I invited her over!"

Ryan whispered something to them, then turned back to me. I hadn't moved from my spot, trying to gain control of myself. I couldn't maul Ryan when the girls were over, I would never hear the end of it.

Ryan walked over to the bed, grabbing the pile of folded laundry still on the bed. Then he walked over to the dresser and began placing the items inside. Carefully, of course, since his OCD was starting to run all of his actions.

"I unpacked your suitcases." He stated, smiling over at me, "You should get dressed. Alexx, Jess and I will be downstairs making breakfast."

He winked and walked back over to the door. I looked down and noticed the only thing I was wearing was a pair of boxers. I had been on top of Ryan Wolfe with only a pair of boxers on!

"See ya, A-Rod." Jess giggled, winking at me. Then she turned around, bounding out the door rather cheerfully. Alexx gave me one last smile before she followed after. I could see Ryan moving out the door too.

"Uh...Ry?" He looked over his shoulder at me, his bright green eyes meeting my amber ones, "Thanks. I mean, for unpacking my stuff."

"It's fine, Eric. I want you to be comfortable if you're going to be living here."

With that he was out the door, closing it behind him. As soon as I heard the door click shut, I dropped down heavily on the bed.

_So close._

If only I could just kiss him already, then I would know if my feelings for him were real, or just a fragment of my imagination (which I doubted, I have never been that inventive).

I closed my eyes, trying to imagine the younger man's mouth against mine. I wondered if it was as good as I always imagined. God, how could I have missed these feelings for so long? All those years wasting time being Ryan's friend, what was I thinking? He was gorgeous, and had the most amazing personality ever.

I jumped when I heard a noise. I turned my head in surprise, looking at my phone on the bedside table. It was vibrating, who was calling me at this time? I sat up tiredly, checking the screen.

_Calleigh._

I sighed, leaning over and pressing 'ignore' on the phone. I sighed again, lying back down on the bed again. I couldn't deal with talking to Calleigh right now, not when my feelings for Ryan were jumbling my head.

I rolled back over on the bed, shoving my face in the pillows. I breathed Ryan in again and smiled happily, slowly drifting off from the scent.

"You better not be falling asleep in there!" I jumped as Alexx yelled through the door. I managed a grunt in response and rolled off the bed.

"Ryan!" I could hear Jess running around downstairs. It sounded like she was chasing her uncle Ryan. "Get dressed!"

There was laughing before I heard a door slam, I knew it was his bedroom door. I strained my ears last night to hear Ryan sleep, so of course I memorized where his room was.

"Stop knocking on the door, Jess!" I heard Ryan complain, but I could hear the laughter behind it, "I _am _getting dressed!"

There was silence for a moment and I strained to hear what was happening.

"Hey, Ry?" Jessica called through his door.

"What?"

"Kiss me." She teased, and I could hear Ryan's door open. Then there was more running, was Ryan chasing her now? I felt my face go red when I realized what she was teasing him about.

They had heard us when I said that. Oh my god, I didn't even know they were there, and they had heard me. For some reason, the thought made me blush and smile at the same time. Maybe now that Alexx knew, she could help me work this thing out. If one more person interrupted us when we were about to kiss, I think I would kill them.

Another smile came to my face when I heard Jess again.

"Kiss me, Ryan Wolfe!"

XXRyanXX

"So, I'm guessing you guys know each other." Eric stated suddenly, looking between Alexx and Jess.

Jessica smiled that huge smile, the one that looked just like mine, and laughed at Eric, "I've known Alexx for years, I went to school with her son and didn't know it until Ryan introduced us."

"Oh, really?" Eric looked over at me and I dropped my gaze to the floor. I knew that look on his face, he was upset. I had only told Eric about Jess yesterday, when Alexx had known her for a long time. I couldn't help but feel guilty, but he had to understand that we had a bad relationship at the time.

"Actually, it was an accident that I found out." Alexx admitted, lifting her coffee up to her face to drink, "She came into the crime lab to find Ryan, she kind of wandered into my morgue."

"Thanks about that, Alexx." I mumbled, looking away, "She had nightmares for 2 weeks about those dead bodies."

Jessica glared at me, getting defensive, "I got used to them."

Eric took a sip of his coffee and agreed, "You need to if you want to be friends with Alexx."

Alexx shrugged in response then continued, "She was actually delivering a lunch she had made for Ryan. Of course I asked her how she knew him, and that's when she said she was his niece."

"Who he raised." Eric added bluntly, glancing over at me for a moment, "I was surprised when he told me too."

I shrugged and tried not to make eye contact with Eric right now. He was pissed, but I knew he wouldn't say anything around them. He would wait until they left later, then would start one of his serious conversations again.

"So, where are we exactly?" Eric asked, choosing to completely change the subject. It was the best subject changer, since I knew a lot about where we were.

"It's a diner I used to take Jess to all the time. They make more breakfast foods than any restaurant you have ever been to." Eric seemed to smile at this, obviously happy that I was including him in an aspect of my life (outside of work, of course). "Remember when I told you I used to work at a diner? Well, this is the place."

Jessica was bouncing up and down in her seat, "I used to love this place! It's so close to the beach that Ry-Ry and I would walk over there after his shift!"

"Too bad Uncle Ron never came." I stated, my voice gave away how upset I was. I didn't mean to say it, it just sort of slipped out. And I know it wasn't his fault because he had been working to try and support two children. I loved him, but I couldn't get passed the fact that he spent so much time with work he only had enough time to raise me. That's how I ended up raising Jessica, Uncle Ron just didn't seem to have enough time.

Everyone was watching me now, Jessica had suddenly stopped bouncing. They seemed shocked by my sudden seriousness and I immediately regretted even saying anything. I didn't want to make anything awkward, it seriously wasn't my intention.

I forced a smile and met eyes with every one of them before saying, "Don't go all serious on me, guys."

I was impressed that Eric sensed how uncomfortable I felt, I didn't think he could read me that well.

"Is that a picture of Ben Stiller?" He asked, pointing to said picture with a laugh.

Jessica started bouncing up and down again and began a whole story about the picture. Alexx was completely concentrating on Jessica's story, which I had heard thousands of times before. Ben Stiller came to eat in this restaurant or something, I didn't really care right now.

Eric wasn't listening either, he was watching my face carefully. We were sitting at a table of four, Alexx and Jessica sitting beside each other on one side, and Eric had ended up sitting with me on the other. I don't know how that happened, but I didn't mind it when he leaned his shoulder against mine. He was trying to give me comfort without them noticing, which seemed to be working.

"Thanks." I whispered so the girls wouldn't hear. The look in his eyes was enough to tell me that this subject was going to come up again, I knew he wanted to talk about it.

What was with him and talking?

"...and that's when Ryan had sex." Jessica finished her story and I just nodded, as though I was listening.

Her statement suddenly clicked in my head and I looked up in surprise, "What?"

Alexx laughed at my incredibly red face, and Jessica continued, "Just seeing if you were paying attention, _Daddy_."

Eric chuckled at her teasing, but I just let it go. I looked back down at my coffee in defeat, grabbing the cup as hard as I could without breaking it. It was starting to bother me being in a public place, I had a feeling I was going to do something embarrassing.

I took a long breath, only half listening to one of Alexx's ER stories. I needed to calm myself before I did something I would regret. I couldn't take my OCD medication with my painkillers, so my OCD was getting harder and harder to control each day.

Just when I thought things would be normal, my eyes caught on to the sugar and salt packets on the table. I reached forward without thinking and started stacking them in threes in the basket. Alexx and Jess were still talking and didn't care, but Eric was watching my every move. He looked like he was smiling and it was starting to piss me off.

"What?" I hissed quietly at him, thankfully Alexx and Jess didn't hear me, "That's funny to you?"

Eric was chuckling and reached his hand out, placing it on my shoulder, "No, no. It's just, your little quirks are so cute."

I glared at him for making me feel embarrassed again. He was still chuckling at me and I pouted at him. He stared at my bottom lip and something appeared in his eyes, almost making me gasp. Heat, hunger, _lust_. And _I_ was doing that to him.

A sly smile came across my face when I came up with an idea, "You'll regret the day you called Ryan Wolfe cute."

Eric rolled his eyes at how dramatic I sounded, still laughing at me.

"I'm _so_ sure."

XXEricXX

Ryan had been right, I was completely regretting calling him cute. Not because it wasn't true, he _was_ cute, but maybe I should have used a more masculine word to describe him. I guess he took offense in being called cute, but I had though he was totally joking when he said I would regret it.

Now I couldn`t sit still, my pants getting tighter and tighter each moment that went by (damn my uncontrollable body!). Ryan Wolfe was good at revenge, I should have known that already. I mean, _of course_ he got the pancakes! Why couldn`t he get bacon like I did, there was nothing sexual about _bacon_!

And this wasn't just ordinary pancakes, they were like the world's best pancakes. Topped with syrup, whipped cream and a cherry. Whipped cream and cherries, I mean what the _hell_? Did Ryan pay these people to give him the most sexual foods, just so he could get back at me?

That wasn't the beginning of it, not even close. Because Ryan was eating the food in the most sexual way possible. His facial expressions and those soft moans he was making was killing me. Why the hell didn't Jessica and Alexx notice these things?

I couldn't look away from him when he ate, completely ignoring my own food. He was eating slowly, making sure I was watching his lips moving. Every time he had a spoonful of whip cream, he would slowly lick at it. I watched his tongue move across the white substance and I could see him looking at me in the corner of his eye.

Damn, he was enjoying this! He _wanted_ me to squirm, maybe he was trying to make a fool of me. No, that wasn't it, no one else seemed to noticed either of our odd behaviour. The girls were talking, just like they had been all day. I didn't expect them to stop any time soon, Alexx and Jess had a lot to catch up on.

But I wasn't really paying attention to anyone else, because Ryan was much more interesting. He was still eating in that sexual way and I was twitching uncomfortably again. Whipped cream dripped from his mouth and I watched it as it slowly made its way down his skin. Oh god, I wanted to lick that off of him so badly. It was getting harder and harder to resist not throwing Ryan against the table and mauling every part of him.

_I wonder why you want that, Delko. Maybe because you _like_ him._

Ryan smiled when he knew he had my attention. He flicked his tongue out, running it slowly along his lips until he got all of the whipped cream. That damn tongue again, it was so _intoxicating_.

"Don't you love whipped cream, Eric?" He asked teasingly, smiling playfully at me, "I know I do." He lowered his voice, whispering seductively, " I could lick it off of _anywhere_."

My jaw dropped at his comment and I almost fell out of my chair in surprise. Surely _someone _had heard that other than me.

"...my teacher said that joining the volleyball team was a good idea..."

What the _hell_! Why didn't these girls hear him? Why were they carrying on with their girly conversations when I was being sexually harassed by Ryan Wolfe?

"You better stop that, before things get out of hand." I warned him, hoping he would back down. I had always seen Ryan as a good looking man, but he never seemed very interested in sex. I didn't know he knew how to seduce someone, but he was doing one hell of a good job.

Ryan's smile turned into a smirk and he winked at me, "Bring it."

I had to control myself, there were people around for god's sake! I couldn't just jump on top of him in the middle of the cafe.

I had a _girlfriend_! What the hell was I doing, thinking all these sexual things about my best friend? I had Calleigh, why would I feel this way about Ryan? Calleigh was enough for me, I didn't need Ryan like that.

_But you _want_ him like that._

Shut up, stupid inner voice! I loved Calleigh, I could never cheat on her! Especially not with Ryan, my best friend! Imagine what that would do to us, imagine what kind of tension that would build in the lab. If I did do this, Ryan would probably be so angry with me that he would tell Calleigh. Then they would _both_ hate me. There was _no_ way I was going to lose the two most important people in my life because of something like that.

_But what if Ryan likes you?_

Then he wouldn't tell Calleigh. I could break up with her, Calleigh and I could still be friends. I could be with Ryan for awhile, until enough time had passed that we would tell everybody. Calleigh would see how happy I was and would support it, she would never have to know that I cheated on her.

But I couldn't do that. I couldn't cheat on her, and I definitely couldn't break up with her. She had been there with me through so much, had taken care of me when I had no where else to go. I couldn't hurt her like that.

_Sounds more like a best friend to me._

Why did I keep thinking things like that? Calleigh was my _girlfriend_! I loved her!

Ryan probably didn't even like me anyway.

Crap, Ryan had the cherry now. Dammit Delko, control yourself!

Ryan licked the whip cream off of the cherry, before he popped it into his mouth. I could see his tongue moving around inside his mouth, then he pulled it back out. The stem on the cherry had been tied into a knot by Ryan's incredibly skilled tongue. Skilled tongue, the thought made me shiver.

_I wonder what else that tongue can do._

No! I did _not_ just think that!

Ryan smiled in victory, dropping the cherry onto my plate. It stood out against the eggs and bacon that I had completely forgotten.

"I'm going to pay," He stated, smirking at me before he rose from his chair. I watched him walk away, my eyes dropping to his bottom.

Had I really told him he had a nice ass last night? Surely he had been asleep, or too groggy to really understand me. At least I hope he didn't hear it. I really didn't want some sort of tension between us.

_Like sexual tension? I think it's a little late for that._

XXRyanXX

Jessica threw her arms around me again as she walked, laughing about something she had just said. She had been teasing me all day, but I didn't really care anymore. Because I had gotten Eric Delko back, I had _finally _gotten my revenge on him.

He was hooked, I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. Actually that wasn't really a good thing. I was scared of Eric, even though I would never admit that to him. He could be so nice at times, but most of the time he ended up being a jerk. Well, not around Calleigh.

But I could help him, right? I believed everyone could change, they just needed to believe in themselves. It was all in their head, and I had enough faith that Eric could be a good guy. He was _already_ starting to change and it had only been a few days.

It was starting to get late and I knew that I would have to take my meds soon. I didn`t want to end up like I had last night. Or the night before. That night was still a little fuzzy, but I distinctly remember being in Eric's arms, wrapping my legs around his waist, and him carrying me to bed. I knew nothing sexual happened, but I was still worried about what we had done.

We had gone to the beach again, just the four of us. It was nice to have so many people I loved around me at once. And after I had sort of sexually harassed Eric at the restaurant, he couldn't take his eyes off me. Especially when I was half naked at the beach, there was so much lust in his eyes I was starting to get scared.

Alexx had gone home from the beach, since she had a family she had to go home to. Of course I understand, she needed to spend time with them. That was the whole reason she had left the crime lab in the first place, and no one had put any blame on her.

Jessica's car was still at my house, she would leave when we got home. Uncle Ron would be getting home from work soon and would most likely be worried if she wasn't home. He probably thought she got shot too, just like me. He was probably using Jessica to find out how I was, since I had been avoiding his calls.

Thankfully Eric didn't notice every time I hung up seconds after I picked up the phone. It wasn't that I was mad at my Uncle, I wasn't. But I was tired and still in a little pain, I didn't want to really talk to him. He would probably get mad that I got hurt, it didn't matter whether I protected someone or not. My emotions were going crazy lately, and I really didn't want to get angry. I had a temper and sometimes I would say things that I regretted later.

"There's my car!" Jessica cheered, grabbing my wrist and pulling me forward. I tried to keep up with her, stumbling because she was practically _dragging_ me.

Eric was behind us laughing as he ran. Jessica had long legs, like Avril used to, so she ran extremely fast without even trying. She had always been athletic, while I was the nerdy boy who, for the most part, stayed indoors. So, basically, I wasn't even close to being as fast as her.

We rounding the corner leading to our house, but I suddenly froze. I was rooted to the ground, Eric stopping beside me in confusion. Jessica turned to me in annoyance, then swung around to look at what had made me stop so suddenly.

There was a woman on our front porch, sitting on one of the steps looking through some papers. Her head was down, so her blonde hair covered most of her face. She seemed to just realize we were there, because she suddenly looked up and smiled at us.

"Calleigh." Eric breathed, and he was right. It was Calleigh, I would know that face, and the hair, from anywhere.

Jessica looked at me in surprise, "You know her?"

I nodded slowly, my breath was coming out in weird ways. I looked at Eric's face and felt even worse when I saw the smile on his face. That's right, Eric and Calleigh were still dating.

Jessica had grabbed a hold of both my shoulders, drawing my attention, "Do you want me to stay?"

I saw the look in her eyes, and the way she was completely ignoring Eric. She could see the discomfort in my eyes and she was worried about me. I wanted her to stay, but I knew that would just raise up questions with Eric. I really didn't need to start another fight with Eric right now.

So, I lied again, "It's fine, go home."

She nodded, not looking very satisfied. She hugged me tightly, obviously trying to give me support. Jessica was the only person I told about my feelings for Eric and how he was with Calleigh. She understood what I was going through and I could tell she really didn't want to leave me alone.

"If you need me, just call." She whispered, kissing my cheek. I gave her a short nod before she pulled away. She said goodbye to Eric, hugging him tightly, then turned around and bounded towards her car.

"Who was that?" Calleigh asked, talking with that southern belle accent.

"Ryan's niece." Eric stated and I glared openly at him. Calleigh gave him a questionable look and he shrugged, "Long story."

Calleigh laughed, "You'll have to tell me it some time."

I looked away from her, watching Jess's car pull out of my driveway and drive away. I hoped that Calleigh never found out about my family, it was something I didn't enjoy sharing. I had trusted Eric with that information, and if he ever told Calleigh than I wouldn't be able to forgive him.

I don't care if he apologized.

I turned back to them just in time to catch Calleigh in Eric's arms and them kissing. I could feel my chest being squeezed, making it hard to breathe. I hated how this always happened, it always hurt so much.

They pulled away and smiled those lovey-dovey smiles they always seemed to use on each other. How other people in the lab didn't know about them, I didn't know. If you really paid attention, these things were easy to spot. I had figured them out a long time before I had caught them.

"Can we go inside?" Calleigh asked, turning to ask me. She always had manners, I guess that was one of the qualities that attracted Eric to her. Eff. My. Life.

I faked a smile, telling myself that I had to be strong. I hated to be weak, and was surprised at how even my voice was when I said, "Of course, Cal."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, just like a sister would. It was awkward, if she even _knew_ what I wanted to do to her boyfriend, I don't think she would be hugging me then. Not saying I didn't like the hug, I loved Calleigh like family. It was just weird with Eric being there, that's all.

I lead them inside quickly, trying to come up with an escape plan in my head. It took me a moment, but I finally came up with one. I hurried into the kitchen and immediately went to work making coffee.

"You guys want some coffee, right?" I asked, them both nodding enthusiastically. One weakness for our team was coffee, we couldn't seem to live without it.

The coffee was easy to make, and when they sat down I took that as my cue to get out of there. I grabbed my medication bottle and turned to them, they both looked up at me in return.

"I'm really sorry about this, Cal." I was genuine about that, I really _did _want to spend some time with Calleigh, just not with Eric around. I took a calming breath and continued, "But it's late. I think I should take my medication and go to bed."

"It's okay, Ryan. We need you to get better so you can come back to work." She smiled, and I knew I was completely forgiven for trying to flee. I knew she would respond this way, she was too nice for her own good.

"We were just going to discuss this new case." Eric explained, looking at Calleigh. She nodded and I could see that they were having another one of those mental conversations. Some things never changed.

"What kind of case?" I couldn't help that I was curious, even though I wanted to run away.

Calleigh eyed Eric, they knew something I didn't. What was it they didn't want to tell me?

"It's from years ago, a child case." Calleigh stated carefully, "Eric requested it himself."

I couldn't remember hearing Eric talking about that. Maybe from yesterday, when he was talking to Calleigh on the phone in the beach bathrooms. I thought I heard him asking her to look something up, but had thought it was my imagination.

"Well, goodnight." I waved at them and both of them stood. I headed for my bedroom, walking as normally as I possibly could. I heard them grabbing some coffee in the kitchen, then heard them on the stairs. I stopped myself from looking back, afraid of what I'd see.

When I got to my room, I closed the door as lightly as I could. I stood staring at my door, waiting and listening. When I heard Eric's door close too, I let everything out.

I slammed my fist hard into the door. The tears fell down my face and I fell against the wall to support my body. My knees were weak because they were shaking. I slid down the wall, bringing me knees further into my chest and cradling my hurt hand. I could hear someone go down on the bed in Eric's room and I covered my ears, trying not to hear.

It wasn't fair. What had I done to have to hear _this_? I had thought that Eric had changed, but here he was having sex in my house! While I was still in it! I deserved better than this!

_It might take time._

"No.." My voice was an octave higher than normal, "I can't do it."

There was more movement on the bed upstairs, I could hear the springs squeaking. I whimpered from the sound, my body shaking. How did Eric not see how I felt? Why did he continue to put me through this pain?

I covered my hands over my face, curling in on myself as I sobbed. I sobbed so loud I wondered if they heard me, but they were probably making their own sounds to actually hear me.

I stood on shaky legs, stumbling forward to my bed. I collapsed onto it, pulling a pillow in close to my stomach. I looked around the room with blurry eyes and paused when I heard the murmur of someone's voice. Dirty talk.

The thought made me suddenly angry. A low growl escaped my lips with tears still dripping down my face. The pillow was still against my stomach and I grabbed it harshly, sitting up and slamming it down harshly against the mattress. I slammed my already injured fist against it, the soft pillow cushioning my blows. I stopped when the pillow had a giant dent in it and I was breathing heavily, sweat and tears running down my face and dripping off of my chin. I had to stop before my breaths got out of control, I didn't need to have another panic attack.

I looked around the room again and stopped. On my bedside table was a glass of water and two pills. Eric must have left them there from the night before. I lifted my hand and stared at the bottle of my medication still in the hand I hadn't assaulted my pillow with.

I rubbed my head, already feeling the headache that comes from crying. I opened the container in my hand, pulling two pills out. Then, I closed the bottle and set it aside. I swallowed the pills in my hand first, then the ones on the table. I was only supposed to take two, but I took double because I just wanted to go to sleep and not hear what was going on upstairs.

I lay back on the bed, pulling the blankets around me. I just wanted to sleep, that's all I wanted. I wasn't going to hurt myself, I just didn't want to hear Calleigh and Eric. I didn't want to feel this pain again, Eric had done this to me too many times.

I just needed to sleep.

XXEricXX

I shut the door to my room, sighing heavily and turned around. Calleigh was just sitting down at the bed and I walked over to join her.

"I got permission from the Boston Police Department and looked up the name Balhomey." She stated, looking up at me, "I got most of the information."

I sat down on the bed beside her, motioning my hand for her to go on, "And?"

Calleigh smiled widely and pulled a stack of papers out of her purse. I watched as she flipped through them to make sure they were all there. Then, she looked back up at me, "And there was a boy named Ryan Balhomey."

I had sort of guessed that before, but hearing it still surprised me.

"_Changed my last name to Wolfe when I moved to Miami, it's not my first given name."_

Ryan had been telling me the truth, which made me smile. He was being honest to me and it showed that our relationship was definitely improving.

"What kind of stuff did you find out?"

Calleigh picked up the first piece of paper out and scanned it quickly, "This is a list of his criminal offenses."

I stared at her speechlessly and Calleigh went on, "There's two counts of grand theft auto, both vehicles were stolen from his foster parents at the time. He has one charge for robbery. He stole a t-shirt from a clothing store."

Ryan had stolen his foster family's car? Twice?

"He was only nine, why would he steal a car?" I asked, leaning over to get a better look at the paper, "He's smart, didn't he know he'd be caught?"

"Maybe he wanted to be caught." Calleigh shrugged and I gave her a confused look. She sighed and continued, "Some children do drastic things to gain attention, sometimes it's because they want people to find something out."

I shook my head, "What do you mean?"

"There was this one case, a 12 year old boy stole his dad's car and drove it into a water fountain." Calleigh pushed her hair behind her shoulder, "turns out he _wanted_ the police to find him. If they hadn't arrested him, they would have never found out that his father was physically abusing his mother."

I nodded in understanding, "The situation was so bad that the kid had to go to those extremes to draw attention to it. Smart kid."

Calleigh just nodded, then looked down at the papers awkwardly. I looked at the floor, wondering what to do next. If Ryan had been trying to get attention for the same reason that other boy did, then something bad must have been going on. Something to do with his sister?

"There's more." Calleigh went on, turning to the next page, "There's a few counts of assault, Ryan beat up a few boys from school. They were all older too."

I chuckled at that, "Even as a kid, he could take on guys much bigger than him."

"The funny thing is, out of all he has done, he was only charge twice, one for the robbery and one for an assault. Went to a juvenile detention centre for two weeks before he was bailed out by Ronald Wolfe."

"And after that?"

She shook her head and passed me his criminal record, "Nothing. No adoption papers or anything."

I fell down on the bed, listening to the mattress springs squeaked. I rubbed my hand over my face and sighed rather loudly, trying to imagine what Ryan's life had been like back in Boston. My mind raced back to the conversation we had yesterday.

"Anything about his sister?"

I looked up at her and her eyes widened in surprise, "So that girl _was _his sister?"

"Her name was Avril." I stated, looking away from her to stare up at the ceiling, "She died."

"The Boston Police could only find Ryan's information on such a short notice."

I shook my head, "And?"

"They promised they would send me the files on his parents and sister later on tonight. You can come to my house tomorrow and we'll look them over together."

"Sure." I nodded, not bothering to look at her. I had to wait until tomorrow to know about Ryan's family, and I was very impatient.

I sighed again, still staring at the ceiling. At least Ryan had told me the truth today, he really _did_ have a criminal record. That would explain his name change, I would have changed it too if I were him. I mean, it would be hard to be a cop with a criminal record. I guess he just wanted to keep it a secret.

So why did I feel that there was something else he was hiding from me?

He could trust me, he knew that.

_Going behind his back like this isn't making things any better._

But I had to know. What if he was in danger? I wouldn't be able to protect him, like he had protected me. I couldn't sit around and do nothing when something bad might be happening to him.

Calleigh spoke up, "Eric, I need to talk to you about something."

I sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time that night, "Listen, I'm sorry I never told you about this stuff, Cal. But Ryan just told me some of this yesterday."

"That's not what I needed to talk about." There was silence and I could hear Calleigh's heavy breathing, "There's this new case we got today..."

I put my hands behind my head, lounging lazily on the bed, "What about it?"

"Horatio is worried about me, he's been considering taking me off of the case." She took a deep breath and continued, "He says I'm becoming emotionally distracted."

I sat up quickly and stared at her in disbelief. Calleigh? Emotionally distracted? That _never_ happened. Okay, maybe it happened a _little _bit when her father was involved, but never enough for Horatio to be concerned.

She looked so sad, something was definitely bothering her about this case.

"What is it?" I asked, grabbing her hand to support her. I needed her to tell me more, I couldn't see her like this.

"Five dead bodies have been found in the past two days. They were all severely beaten, then shot once in the head." Calleigh, ran her hand through her hair and then continued, "We haven't been able to find _any _evidence, so we haven't been able to find the killer."

I squeezed her hand reassuringly, "I'm sure something will come up, you shouldn't be this worried."

"That's not why I'm upset." She looked back down at the ground and fidgeted nervously beside me.

"What is it?"

Calleigh looked as though she didn't want to say anything, and at first I didn't think she would, but after a moment she took a deep breath and continued, "They all look the same, brown hair and green eyes. Their features remind me of..." She trailed off, looking up at me nervously.

I knew she didn't want me to make her say it, but I tried to push her further, "Remind you of who, Cal?"

She breathed deeply and her watery, blue eyes bore into mine. I watched her mouth as it moved, not believing the words that came out of her shaky lips.

"They all look like Ryan."

XXXX

**We're almost at the kiss, I promise. I will update soon, please review.**


	7. Gas Station

**Author's note: I tried really hard not to make this chapter angst, I know angst always makes me nervous. A little bit of drama in this chapter too, but who doesn't like drama?**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. I only own Ryan's parents, his sister, his niece, and his past.**

XXRyanXX

I opened my eyes slowly, they were hard to open since they were so heavy. I drowsily lifted my head, looking around the room (thankfully, my neck was healing nicely and moving my head was getting really easy). I sleepily blinked my eyes, adjusting to the sunlight that was pouring through my open blinds.

I turned my head to look at the clock on the bedside table. 1? As in PM? How had I slept in that long?

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to remember what had happened the night before. I remember taking twice the amount of pills than I was supposed to. I wanted to sleep, I remember that. And I was crying...

It came back to me quickly and my eyes shot open. Eric and Calleigh in my guest bedroom (which had become 'Eric's room' rather quickly) and they were making sounds...

I rolled out of bed, my clothing from yesterday was on and was clinging to my body. I tried to steady myself when I got up on my feet, then took a step forward to test my balance. When I realized my balance was fine, I threw myself through the doorway and started running.

I ran up the stairs, almost tripping on my own feet as I ran. I grabbed the railing and spun myself, turning towards Eric's door. The door was open halfway and I couldn't hear his incredibly loud snoring. I was already missing that snoring.

I pushed the doorway open and frowned when I got a full view of the room. His bed was made and he wasn't there. It didn't feel right without Eric in the house. I was starting to get used to him being here, and now it seemed so lonely without him.

I turned back around and headed back down the stairs, just as fast as before. I needed to find Eric before my mind came up with some crazy, irrational thought. I had a good imagination, and who knew what I would come up with without Eric being here?

"Eric?' I called, running down the hallway of the main floor and peaking in every door. But there was no sign of him anywhere.

"Eric?" I called again, rushing to the living room. I hoped he would be spread on the couch, lazily watching TV. But there was no one, no sign of life.

I was starting to get worried and I rushed to the kitchen, maybe he was making breakfast (or lunch, since I had slept in so much). I couldn't be here in this big empty house without him, he wouldn't leave me without telling me. I kept telling myself this as I entered the kitchen, but was met with yet another empty room.

"Eric!" I yelled, throwing my head in every direction. But he wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere.

Eric was gone.

I sat down heavily on one of the chairs, the realization finally hitting me. Eric was gone and I was alone. Again. He had left me, made his bed and probably skipped out on me.

I didn't blame him, I wasn't even close to being normal. Eric had been with Calleigh last night, now he realized what he already had. He didn't need me anymore, he never really did need me. Nobody needed me.

"_**You think you can leave? I'm your father, I love you! Who else do you think will put up with a piece of crap like you?"**_

I shook my head, my breath starting to get heavy. I couldn't think about that right now, I would just make myself upset. My father was insane, I couldn't listen to him. I wasn't that person anymore, I didn't need other people to take care of me. I always knew I'd be on my own and I accepted that fact, but with Eric it was different. I liked when he took care of me, I wanted him to be around me all the time.

But now Eric was gone.

"_**If you leave, you're going to be alone forever. No one will ever love something like you."**_

My father had been right, leaving him was the biggest mistake I had ever made. If I hadn't tried to leave, my sister would have never been killed. It was my fault. Everything bad that happened in my life was my fault. Eric had left because I had tried to be more than a friend with him. I had scared him off, it wasn't his fault.

I was alone again, and it was all _my_ fault.

I could feel my breaths getting harder and harder until I was suddenly gasping. Another panic attack was starting and I gripped the edge of the table in fear for myself. I was making choking sounds and couldn't seem to grasp air.

I was alone and no one was here to help me. I was going to die.

"_**Breathe with me."**_

I gasped loudly, but couldn't get any air. My arms went numb and suddenly I couldn't keep my grip on the table. I slid form the chair and hit the ground hard. I opened my mouth again, still trying to get air into my burning lungs.

"_**Breathe with me, Hermoso."**_

I closed my eyes and tried to remember what had happened a few days ago. Eric had pulled me into his lap and pressed his chest to my back.

I remembered the way he breathed and I opened my mouth to try and imitate him. I could remember the way his chest moved and started copying it. It was working, I was starting to get air again.

I was on the ground for a long time, laying there on my stomach and breathing in and out slowly. I could feel the tears in my eyes from the pain, my back was already starting to sting, but I didn't want to move. It was cool on the floor, just like it was still cool outside.

_Hermoso._

If only I knew what that meant, then maybe I could understood why Eric would leave. Maybe these past couple of days, Eric had been calling me a mean name. Or maybe it was good, maybe Eric had created a nickname for me. But I doubted it, I'd been a victim to Eric's 'nicknames' before, and they were never nice.

My home phone started ringing, but I didn't get up to answer it. I closed my eyes and listened to the high pitched ringing, hoping the person would just give up and hang up already. I wasn't really in the mood for talking right now. I just wanted to lay here on the kitchen tiles, just like years ago back in Boston. I had lain on the ground beside Avril that night, hoping death would come soon.

But not anymore, I didn't want to die. I had too much to live for now, I just needed some time to calm myself. That's all I needed, Time.

"Hey Ry-Ry, It's Jess." I heard the answering machine and slowly opened my eyes, staring up at the ceiling. Jess? Why was she calling me? "I guess you must still be sleeping. Eric said he was going to Calleigh's today and asked me to come keep you company. I'll be over in a few minutes, I'll see you then."

There was a click and the message ended. I sighed and sat up slowly, staring at the answering machine now. I loved Jess, but I didn't want to talk to her right now. Eric was with Calleigh, it was over now. The feelings I had for Eric, those moments we shared together, they weren't enough for him.

I could be his friend again, I knew I could do that. He needed me as a friend and that's exactly what I would be. Nothing more, nothing less.

I gripped the table and pulled me up to my feet. I just needed some time to think right now. My emotions were a mix of anger, pain, betrayal, and humour. Dark humour, of course. I guess I should have seen thins coming from a womanizer like Eric.

I laughed at myself, then frowned. What had I been thinking? Eric was Eric, this was just who he was. I was Ryan Wolfe, and that wasn't enough for him. I wasn't going to go changing for him, no matter how much I cared about him.

"_**One day, you'll find someone very special..."**_

Avril's words echoed in my head as I walked towards my bedroom, stripping out of yesterday's clothes. I threw on a pair of board shorts, a t-shirt, then a hoodie on top. I turned back around and went into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth quickly, then went to gelling my hair. I pushed it all the way back, just like I did at work, but quickly covered it up with my hood.

"_**...it may take some time and patience, but believe me Ry, it will happen..."**_

I tried to shake Avril's voice and went to the door, grabbing my car keys off the counter, then threw the door open. I locked the door behind me and ran to my car, slipping in and buckling up. I turned the key in the ignition, listening to the car purr, then pulled out of my drive way. I just needed to leave before Jess got there. I couldn't let her see me like this, I was a total mess.

I closed my eyes briefly, hearing Avril's voice once more.

"_**...they're out there, somewhere."**_

"I want to believe you, Avril." I whispered, stepping on the gas and the car flew down the street, "But you're wrong."

XXEricXX

I knocked again, leaning against the door frame and waited impatiently. I had been knocking for over ten minutes now and Calleigh wasn't answering. I knew she was home, her car was here. So why the hell wasn't she answering?

"Oi! Calleigh!" I called, slamming my fist against the door. Okay, so maybe that was a little dramatic, but I was really impatient right now. When it came to Ryan, I wanted to know everything, and now the only thing standing in my way was Calleigh's stupid door. I was seriously considering kicking it down. "Open up, Cal!"

I heard footsteps, but kept hitting the door anyway. Could she walk any slower?

I heard the click of the lock and then the door opened slowly. I opened my mouth to complain to her about not answering, but stopped dead.

Calleigh was a mess!

Her hair was mussed up, probably because she kept running her hand through it. Her eyes were red and puffy, tear streaked mascara running down her face. I just stared at her in disbelief, not quite understanding what was going on.

"Eric!" Calleigh threw herself forward into my arms, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back, but was still completely in shock. What the hell was going on?

"What's wrong, Cal?" I asked, pulling her back to look at her in the eyes. Calleigh didn't answer, just pulled away from me. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me into her house, closing and locking the door behind us.

She turned to me suddenly, "Where is Ryan?"

I shook my head, "Uhhh...at home sleeping."

"Alone?"

I scratched my head, confused by her question, "No, his niece is there with him."

"Good." Calleigh turned back around, heading towards her bedroom.

I ran after her, trying to keep up, "What's going on?"

She ignored me, entering her room and rushing to her desk. But I grabbed her wrist, stopping her suddenly. "What's going on, Calleigh?"

"It's Ryan." She stated, pulling away from me. I felt my heart do a sort of flop in my chest. Ryan? What was wrong with Ryan that Calleigh would cry over? Oh god, was he in danger like I had thought?

To answer my question, Calleigh pulled a pile of papers off of her desk and shoved them in my direction. I took them from her and my eyes widened when I read it. It was an official document of some sort.

"What is this?" I asked, not looking up from the papers.

Calleigh breathed rather loudly before she spoke, "It's the case involving Avril Balhomey's death." She swallowed loudly and I could tell she was really affected by this, "It says who they arrested as her killer."

I read over the document and read the name aloud, "Jordan Balhomey."

"Her father." Calleigh stated and I suddenly looked up at her, "Ryan's father."

I stared at her in disbelief, shaking my head, "Ryan's father killed Avril?"

She continued without paying attention to my stupid question, "The mother, Samantha Balhomey, was charged with accessory to murder. She didn't stop him, just sat there and watched."

I closed my eyes briefly and my mind went back to the conversation Ryan and I had had a few days ago.

"_**What about your parents?"**_

"_**My parents?"**_

"_**How did they react?"**_

"_**They didn't seem to care."**_

Of course they didn't care, they were the ones who took her life in the first place! What kind of parent could murder their own child? No wonder Ryan had been so hesitant when talking about his family, it wasn't exactly something I'd like to talk about either.

"That's not all." Calleigh stated sadly, her voice breaking through my thoughts. I opened my eyes and looked back up at her, but she was looking back down at the ground. I looked down again and skimmed a few more pages. Apparently, Ryan stood up as a witness in a court of trial. He was a brave kid, for a nine year old. I know I would never be able to stand trial with my parents being the accused.

Then, I turned to the next page.

"That's the investigation they had on the Balhomey family." Calleigh answered my unsaid question and went on, "This wasn't the first case of violence from the father."

I read over the page. It said the jobs the parents had. Jordan Balhomey was a construction worker (Ryan used to say that construction workers could be jerks, but I always thought it was because of their many cat calls), while Samantha Balhomey was a therapist (no wonder Ryan hated therapists, I would too.).

I turned the page to another official document.

Calleigh, who was sitting on the bed now, spoke up again, "They had a trial after the investigation. Jordan Balhomey was charged with child abuse against his son, both physical and emotional. Samantha Balhomey was charged for neglect of her children, and apparently stood around and watched her husband beat the boy."

My legs were weak and I suddenly fell down onto the nearest chair. I landed on the swivel chair by Calleigh's desk. I was breathing heavily now, a giant knot in my throat. Jordan Balhomey had abused his son? But that was Ryan! Ryan had been abused as a child! Is that why he hated talking about his family? The memories surely scarred him more than anything.

I didn't think I could continue, but I needed to see this. So I turned the page, my eyes widening in shock. They were pictures of the crime scene, both sketches and photographs. There were many photographs of a blood soaked body. A young woman, with bright blonde hair and green, lifeless eyes. I wanted to look away when I realized that it was Avril, Ryan's sister, but I couldn't tear my eyes away.

I turned the page, next was the autopsy. Avril died from three stab wounds to the neck, apparently she bled out. She was found on the kitchen floor, surrounded by a pool of blood. The thought made me shiver.

I went to turn the page, but Calleigh's hand was suddenly grabbing my wrist.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked, looking uncertain. I could see the tears forming in her eyes and I knew that the next page was something bad. But I couldn't stop myself, I _had_ to know. I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded. She let go of my wrist and looked away, so I flipped the page.

I gasped and covered my mouth in horror. I thought I was going to throw up from the pictures. They were of a little boy lying on the floor next to Avril. He was soaked in his and his sister's blood and there were paramedics surrounding him, tending to his wounds. The boy had brown hair and bright, round eyes.

"Ryan." I breathed, tears bunching up at the corners of my eyes. I worked around bodies all the time, but the thought that this was _my_ Ryan, lying on the floor and bleeding, it made me want to scream. The fact that this happened to Ryan was too much for me to take and I just wanted to get up and leave right now. My mind raced through the past through days, trying to find something, _anything_, that had hinted at this ever happening.

"_**Some things you can't forget."**_

"_**Tell me about it."**_

That`s what Ryan had meant. He had lain on the floor beside his sister's body and had only been able to lay there and bleed out. He must have been so scared. Damn his father for doing this to him!

I turned the page forcefully, almost ripping the pages from my anger. The next page was the form from the hospital explaining Ryan's condition.

I flinched as I read off the injuries: broken arm, broken leg, two broken ribs, minor bruising...

My grip tightened on the paper when I read the last injury.

...eight stab wounds to the waist.

I thought it was the bullies who had given Ryan those scars along his waist. But now I knew who had done it. His father, who had killed Avril at the same time.

I turned the page once more and read it over. It was Ryan's statement from the trial. I read it over carefully, trying not to picture the younger man on his stomach, bleeding out all over the floor.

"His father had been beating him again, his mother stood by and watched as always." Calleigh spoke softly, and I followed her words on the paper. She had read this a few times before I came, she already memorized it, "Avril had come over to tell them about her baby, she wanted Ryan to meet his niece. But when she walked in the house and saw what was happening, she got angry."

I swallowed the giant lump in my throat and managed to speak, "Go on."

She nodded sadly and continued, "Avril stepped in to protect Ryan, but that made their father angrier. He attacked Avril, stabbed her in the neck. As soon as Avril fell to the ground, he grabbed Ryan and...and..." Calleigh sounded as though she was going to break down. She stopped speaking and covered her hand over her mouth, tears dripping down her face. She couldn't handle it either, the thought of a nine year old Ryan being stabbed and left to die like his sister. It just wasn't fair.

I turned the page, but the only thing left was Jessica Wolfe's birth certificate. Nothing else on the trial, no adoption papers, just a birth certificate.

I growled and threw the papers down, standing up. Calleigh was crying hard and staring at the floor. On another day I would have comforted her, but she wasn't my concern at the moment.

"That bastard!" I screamed, angry tears pouring from the corners of my eyes and down my face. I had never felt this angry before, but I had never been in this situation before, "How _dare_ he do that to Ryan!"

"What do we do, Eric?" Calleigh's voice was so small that it didn't sound like her, "We can't tell Ryan we know, he'll be so mad."

I glared at her (I know it wasn't her fault, but I was angry) and growled again, "I don't _care_ if Ryan is mad! He kept this secret from me the whole time! I gave him the chance to tell me and he didn't!"

I rushed out the room, heading towards the door. Suddenly Calleigh's hand had grabbed onto my wrist and stopped me.

"There's more, Eric." She stated and I stopped, turning to her with a shocked expression. More? How could there be more? "His father was released from jail three months ago, they had insufficient evidence."

I yelled out angrily, pulling away from her to slam my fist into the wall by the door.

"Dammit!" I growled, punching the wall repeatedly, trying to let all my anger out. But it was no use, I would never stop hating Ryan's father for what he had done. He tried to kill his own children, he was a monster. And right now I just wanted to find him and shoot him myself. He deserved to rot in hell for what he did.

"Horatio found two more bodies today," Calleigh went on, I could hear some anger in her voice too, but obviously not as much as me, "The same as the others, they all have resemblance to Ryan, but we found something else in common. They were all found with a pin stuck in their chests."

"A _pin_?"

Calleigh nodded, her eyes sad, "There was a black bat on the pin, but that's all we know."

I turned sharply to look at her, "Is it him? Is that monster back to finish the job?"

Calleigh shook her head, trying to calm me, "I don't know if it's even related to this. Eric, you need to calm down."

"Calm down? Ryan could be in danger!" I turned and slammed my fist against the wall again, "If it's him, I swear I'm going to hunt him down and kill him with my bare hands!"

Calleigh's eyes widened in surprise. I've been angry before, especially when Marisol had died, but never like this. She was scared because this was so new. But that feeling I got in my chest, the way I wanted to protect Ryan from _everything_ now, it was new to me too. Now I knew for sure that these feelings for Ryan were real. I liked him, a lot, and not in a friend way. I had a crush on Ryan Wolfe, and I knew that now.

"I have to go to him." I stated turning away. I could see the pain in Calleigh's face, she wanted me to stay, but I couldn't. I had to see Ryan right now, tell him what I had just found out. I didn't care if he was mad, I just wanted to see him, to know that he was alright.

My phone stopped me and I panicked, reaching for it in my pocket. I was hoping it was Ryan, or else I wouldn't answer, but I when I looked at the screen I knew I had to answer.

Jessica.

XXRyanXX

I took another swig of my beer, titling my head back to get as much as possible. When I reached the bottom, I slammed the empty beer bottle down on the counter. The bartender turned around and I motioned for him to come over.

"Another." I stated and he turned around to get me one. He placed it in front of me and gave me a quizzical look, tilting his head to the side.

"Bad day?" The young bartender asked, he smiled over the bar at me, "That's your third. Though I have to say, you're drinking them pretty slowly."

"Better to savour them." I mumbled, looking down at my beer bottle. It had been awhile since I actually went drinking out in a sleazy Miami bar like this. I remember the last time, when I had been fired because of my gambling. That had been a bad time for me, just like now.

I was letting go, that's why I was here. I don't know why I had planned to come here. What was I going to do, drink until I forgot Eric? Right now, that sounded pretty good. This was my life, my sad, lonely life. Drinking alone at bars, then sleeping it off at home, where I was once again alone.

I never seemed to have anyone too close in my life. Even Uncle Ron and Jess were put at a distance, though they were much closer than anyone else. Eric was the person I wanted to let in, I wanted to tell him everything about my life and my family.

About my father.

But he had run off with Calleigh the first chance he got. And now I was here, drinking everything away. I wanted to forget so badly, but something inside of me wouldn't let me.

I had been here a few hours now and had only drinking three whole beers. Some part deep down in me didn't want to forget these days with Eric, which is why I was drinking so slowly. Every time I took a sip, I would set the beer down and stare off into space for about ten minutes. I was doing too much thinking. I mean, what was I going to do? How would I get Eric to be with me instead of Calleigh?

It just wasn't possible. They were meant to be together, I guess, and it was best for me to just stay out of it. If Calleigh made Eric happy, than he should stay with her. End of story.

"So, is it a girl?" The bartender asked, suddenly becoming nosy. Would he just leave me alone to drown in my own misery? "Is that why you're here?"

I shrugged, not making eye contact, "Sort of." It was true I guess. Eric wasn't a girl, but the situation was very similar, I suppose.

I hoped that if I answered the boy would go away, but he just laughed and continued, "She break up with you?"

I shook my head, my shoulders slumping in towards my chest. I hated people who tried to pry into my life, it creeped me out. Made me very angry, actually, and with my temper and the few beers I had drunken, there was a chance I would just slug the guy for even talking to me. That wouldn't have been a very good idea, there were some sketchy looking people in this bar who would probably enjoy beating the crap out of me.

The bartender didn't seem to notice my uneasiness, "She with some other guy?"

I nodded slowly, still staring at my beer bottle. The bartender laughed and I looked up from the sound, why the hell was this guy laughing at me?

"Well aren't you antisocial." He stated, then turned around to pour another customer a drink. I glared at his back, why did everyone think I was antisocial? The boy shook his hips slightly as he spoke, "You've been here a few hours and barely said two words to anyone."

I opened my mouth to defend myself, or maybe tell the guy to screw off. At this point, I wasn't really sure what I was capable of. But I suddenly closed my mouth when I felt a presence beside me.

"Aww, come one Reg. Leave the poor guy alone." I flinched as a new voice came into the conversation. It was the person right beside me, their breath in my ear.

The bartender, Reg, turned back to me, "Sorry, didn't mean to be offensive." He laughed, then turned back around, "Just starting a conversation." Then he walked off to a customer down the bar from me.

"How are you doing, little guy?" The man beside me asked and I glared up at him for calling me 'little guy', but stopped when I noticed how big he was. Okay, so I was little compared to him. He was _huge_, with the most intimidating muscles I had ever seen. Too in-your-face, unlike Eric's, which were just right.

Man, I really needed to stop thinking about Eric.

The man was not only big, but dirty. He had the longest, scruffiest beard I had ever seen, and he was dressed in leather with a bandana. He looked like he belonged in a biker gang or something. Bikers were always bad news, especially at bars. And this guy's breath reeked of all kinds of alcohol. If he was drunk, who knew what he would do. He looked like one of those guys who would start a bar fight over nothing.

"Want me to buy you anther beer?" The biker guy asked, "You look like you need it." The large man ran his rough hand through my slicked back hair, making me shiver. I moved away instantly, my mind immediately thinking of an escape. This man was already starting to get touchy-feely with me, that was a sure sign that this was a bad situation. The man was drunk, I had to get out of there right now.

"Actually," I began, choosing my words wisely as to not offend the huge man in any way, I really didn't want to make him angry and get hit, "I was just leaving. The beer here is no good."

I place a bill under my beer bottle then hopped off of the bar stool. I headed for the door, but the man grabbed my hood to stop me. I stiffened instantly, preparing for a fight in case this guy was testy. I think I could take him, but he was big and would probably hurt me pretty bad. I hadn't taken my pills today, so my previous injuries were already hurting. I wasn't really in the mood to get beat up right now.

"I know a better place." The biker stated, his smile a mix of crooked and yellow teeth. A smoker, even better. Well, at least he wasn't angry with me...yet. "Let's get out of here together."

Together? Oh great, a gay biker? How original! Why the hell did I always attract the crazies? I didn't want to go anywhere with this guy!

"My girlfriend is probably getting worried." I lied, barely managing to free my hood from his tight grasp. Why the hell was this guy holding on so tight? I walked towards the exit again, needing to leave already, "I should really go."

"Come on, little guy, you sure about this?" He asked me, and my skin crawled from his creepy voice. Oh yeah, this guy was sure a winner. "I'll make it worth your while."

I stiffened again, worth my while? Was this guy talking about sex? No, no _way_ was I going to go with him! He was insane!

I looked over my shoulder and answered in the calmest way possible, "I'm sure."

The man shook his head at me, "Okay, but you're going to regret it."

I quickly rushed out of the bar, hoping to get some distance from him. Man, was he creepy. And he freaked me out when he said I would regret it, what the hell did that mean?

I shrugged it off, concentrating on just getting the hell out of here. It was already dark outside and cold, so I pulled my hood up over my head. I had parked a few blocks away and had just wandered into the bar, but I was really starting to regret it now. Walking alone in the Miami streets was dangerous enough, but night time was even worse. I didn't even have my gun with me. What happened if some other creepy guy tried to make a pass at me? I wouldn't be able to defend myself.

But for some reason, I wasn't worried. I'm sure nothing was going to happen to me, I just had to stay alert. Like on the job. Eric had taught me that when I had first become a rookie. Stay alert, no matter what you're doing.

Eric seemed to always be right.

_You just can't get enough of Eric, can you?_

I sighed and started moving, walking along the street in a fast pace. I was freaked out a little to say the least, and a little _too_ alert right now. I looked up at the sky, trying to calm myself a little by seeing the stars, but it was no use. It was too cloudy to see the stars tonight. But clouds meant rain, at least I had one thing to look forward to tonight.

"_**Marisol liked the rain too. She would always make me sit outside with her whenever there was a thunderstorm. Said it was-**_

"_**Exciting. I know just how she felt."**_

XXEricXX

I spun around the corner, grabbing the steering wheel in a death grip. My knuckles had turned white and my hands were starting to go numb, but I didn't care. Because Ryan was gone. He was _gone_. I mean, where the hell would he go?

I was driving like a maniac, shooting my head in different directions and hoping to catch a glimpse of Ryan walking on the streets. But I couldn't see anyone, aside from a few late night strollers and dangerous looking characters. They were normal in Miami, which had me so worried right now. Ryan was alone out there and no one knew where he had gone.

Jess had asked me to meet her at the park, she said she was going to check the graveyard before we met up. Apparently, Ryan went to the graveyard every week to put Lilacs in front a few graves.

Marisol and Tim. That's what Jess had said.

Another thing Ryan had never told me, _he_ was the one who visited Speed and Mari. Not that that mattered right now, I was more concerned with getting Ryan back safely. There was someone out there killing people who resembled Ryan. Whether they were after Ryan himself or just after people with similar features, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Ryan was a potential target, and could be in danger at this very moment.

I knew the park was up ahead, so I managed to slow down. Luckily, there weren't many cops out tonight, or I would have been pulled over a few times already. But could they really blame me? The person I cared about the most was missing! How was I supposed to go the speed limit?

I slammed on the breaks when I caught sight of the Miami park sign. I threw the car into the first parking spot I could find and jumped out of it. I didn't even know if this was a parking spot, but I honestly didn't care. Ryan was worth so much more than a lousy ticket.

"Jess!" I called, looking around. I couldn't see her, but probably because it was so dark. It was spitting outside at the moment, which was even worse. Finding people in the rain was a hard thing to do, that's for sure.

"Eric!" I turned around and caught sight of Jessica. She was already pretty wet and I could see the tears pouring down her face. She was so worried and I felt so bad for her, I knew how much Ryan meant to her. I opened my arms slowly, and Jess flew forward, throwing herself in my arms.

"I can't find him anywhere!" Jess cried, her tear streaked face buried into my chest. "He took his car, but he left his phone behind!"

I wrapped my arms around her to try and give her some comfort, but I wasn't in the best position to be comforting anyone. I was freaking out as much as she was, especially after what Calleigh had showed me.

"its okay, Jess." I whispered in her ear, softly stroking her hair. It's the way I used to comfort Marisol, and it seemed to be working, "Don't worry, we'll find him."

Jess looked up me with red eyes and nodded slowly, wiping her tears. I pulled back, patting my hand against her cheek lightly, which made her smile slightly. I never noticed how close Jess and I really were, I guess since we had something in common. We both cared about Ryan.

"We need to find him." She stated, grabbing my wrist, "Please, let's go already."

I nodded in understanding, running back to my car. I forgot to turn it off, which was actually pretty convenient at the time. I slammed the door and buckled up, Jess doing the same beside me. Then, I pulled out of the parking space and slammed on the gas pedal. We flew down the street, but Jess didn't complain about my speed.

"I got to his house and he was gone." Jessica was saying, running her hands through her hair, "I should have known he would do this, after last night."

I shook my head, squinting through the rain outside, "What do you mean 'after last night'?"

Jessica avoided looking at me, choosing to look out the window. I could feel her uneasiness and could tell she was trying to avoid answering.

"Jess!" I growled, glancing over at her, "Tell me!"

"He told me not to tell you!" She yelled back, glaring at me. It was weird to see Jess so angry, but I could also see the fear in her eyes. She shook her head and continued, "Its Calleigh."

I stared at her in surprise, "Ryan doesn't like Calleigh?"

"He loves Calleigh like a sister!" Jess defended Ryan, still glaring at me. She looked away again, then sighed. When she turned back to me, all I could see was worry in her eyes. "It's Calleigh and _you_ he doesn't like."

"What does that mean?"

Jessica rolled her eyes at me and smacked the back of my head, "Think, genius! He likes you!"

My eyes widened in surprise and stared out the front window. Ryan liked me? All this time he had liked me? For some reason, the thought made me smile. Ryan liked me, and I liked him. Nothing else mattered anymore.

Jess's voice broke through my thoughts, "Stop!"

I stomped on the brakes and turned to her in surprise, "What's wrong!"

"Is that Ryan's car?"

XXRyanXX

I pulled the zipper of my hoodie up all the way, burying my face in the collar. It was cold and the rain was making it worse. I loved the rain, but getting wet wasn't really in my top things to do tonight. Then again, there wasn't a lot I had planned to do anyway.

I sighed and did a little skip, kicking a small rock on the sidewalk. I watched it skip forward on the pavement, then bounce into the streets. A car drove by and I watched as it just ran the rock over. I sighed, looking away and up to the sky. The raindrops that hit my face were cool, but I didn't really mind anymore.

"Ryan!"

I spun around, peering down the street. I swear I had just heard someone call my name. I looked around me, but there was no one in sight. Was I imagining things?

I shrugged it off, turning back around and started walking again. The rain was starting to come down harder, and suddenly it was pouring. I shivered and looked around, trying to see through the rain and find my car. It was no use, I couldn't see a thing and I had no clue where the hell I was. Getting lost in the streets of Miami was a bad idea.

Still, I wasn't too worried about my safety. I mean, how many people were roaming the streets in a storm like this? Not many, I guess I was the only insane one around here. The thought somehow made me feel better.

A bright light tore across the sky and I jumped from the loud crash that followed the lightening. No matter how much I liked storms, there was no way I was going to stand in the middle of the streets during a lightning storm. Plus, I was freezing. I needed to find some cover, before I died of either hypothermia or a lightning strike.

I looked around, looking for something I could use to protect myself from the storm. My eyes caught on to a bright light across the street. I could see what sort of looked like a roof, which was good enough for me.

I looked around for cars, but saw none, so I quickly crossed the street. The other side of road was mostly tree area, I must have been near the park then. I didn't really like the trees, not only did they attract lightning, but it was very easy for people to hide behind them. Okay, maybe I was just paranoid.

"Ryan!"

I swivelled my head around, peering over my shoulder. I know I heard it that time, someone was calling my name. But there was no one there, and even if there was, I wouldn't have been able to see them. The voice was getting closer, I could tell, but they were still quite a distance away. Who was following me?

Another crash of thunder and I jumped in surprise, looking up at the sky as it light up with another streak of electricity.

I started running forward towards my potential shelter. If someone was following me, they could find me there. I shouldn't stand out in the open near a bunch of trees, I would probably get struck by lightning, and that wasn't good for anyone.

The raindrops stung as they hit my face, but I ignored them as I kept running. I just needed to get to cover, then I could figure out something to do. I guess I really didn't really have a plan on what to do. I didn't have my phone or my car, and I was completely lost in the middle of Miami. I wasn't sure how I was going to get home tonight, or if I even wanted to go home.

Home to Eric? Even if he was there, it didn't sound like much fun. Like I said, I needed time. What I would do in that time, I wasn't really sure, but I guessed it would include a lot of thinking.

I finally got under the overhang. I took in my surroundings and noticed a few gas pumps. Okay, so I was at a gas station, that's not so bad. I ran towards the small shop that were always found at gas stations. I pulled at the door, but it didn't open. I kept pulling and pulling, but the door wouldn't budge.

"Hello!" I called, peering into the glass doors. There were a lot of posters on the doors, but there was enough empty space for me to see through. There were lights on inside, but it didn't look like anyone was in there. What gas station closed this early?

I sighed rather loudly, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. Maybe going home to Eric wasn't my favourite idea, but right now it seemed pretty good. I was really starting to miss my home, I was safe at home. But here, at a creepy gas station, I had no idea what lay around the next corner. It was scary to be out here all alone in a thunderstorm, not knowing where exactly you were.

"Dammit!" I growled, slamming my fist against the door frame in anger. It was metal, so it cut my fist when I punched it. Still, it didn't hurt. Okay, maybe a little, but it was easy to block out the stinging pain.

"Little guy's got a temper."

I turned around quickly in surprise, coming face to face with another man. A much bigger, much hairier man. I would recognize him from anywhere, those biker features and his creepy voice. It was the man from the bar, the one that had tried to make a move on me. But why was he there? Was he following me?

"Hey, little guy. You look like you could use some help." The man stated, smiling that crooked, yellow smile like earlier today. He reached forward and tried to grab for me, but I easily moved away.

"I don't need help." I brushed him off bitterly, moving closer to the door and farther away from him. He gave me a bad vibe and was really creeping me out.

The man laughed and put a hand up, scratching his nasty beard, "You wanna take a ride with me?"

I looked over his shoulder, seeing a motorcycle parked under the overhang of the gas station. I was right, he was a biker. The thought made me cringe, bikers were very gross people, with very bad tempers. There was no way I was going to get in a fight with him.

"No thanks." I said politely, but with an edge to my voice, just so he knew I was serious, "I don't like motorcycles."

The biker laughed, it was a booming laugh that made my whole body shake. Then he winked at me and whispered seductively (I didn't consider it seductive, but I guess that's what he tried to sound like), "I wasn't talking about the motorcycle."

My eyes widened in surprise and I tried to back up more, but I was already placed so tightly against the door that I was stuck. I felt trapped, like he was a hunter and I was his prey. The look in his eyes went from friendly to a mix of anger and pure determination. That was never a good think.

My mind was racing with a hundred possibilities, and in most cases this situation didn't turn out well for me. If I fought him, there might be a chance that I got even more hurt and even lose. If I just stood here, he would surely attack me, the element of surprise would put the fight in his favour. For once, I wasn't sure what to do.

I didn't have much time to think, because suddenly the large biker growled. It was an inhuman growl, the man sounded like some sort of animal. Then he burst forward, throwing his body at me. I gasped in surprise, dropping to the ground in an attempt to protect myself. When I was out on the field, whenever we heard a gunshot, we dropped to the ground. I guess it was stuck in my head now, because that's the way I reacted.

Apparently, dropping to the ground was a very good idea. The man completely missed me and his large body collided with the metal doorframe. He grunted in pain, cursing rather loudly, then turned around. I was still sprawled out on the pavement on my stomach and he was leering over me.

"You piece of sh-" I flipped over on my back, cutting him off with a sharp kick to the stomach. He stumbled back from the force, and I took this as my cue. My mind though of one thing and one thing only.

_Run._

I pushed up off the pavement with my hands, getting onto my feet quickly. When both my feet hit the pavement, I burst into the hardest sprint I had ever run. All I knew was that I needed to get away from here. Far away, I didn't care where, just not anywhere near _this_ guy. I'd go home and face Eric, I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to be away from here.

"Grab him!" The biker yelled, "Don't let him get away!"

Suddenly there were hands on me, grabbing my arms. They yanked me back, throwing me down hard against the pavement. I could feel my head collide with the ground and lights quickly danced along my vision. I squeezed my eyes closed to clear them, then looked back up. The biker guy was looking down at me again, along with four other men who also looked like bikers. They were all gross, and all very big. There was no way I'd be able to fight off five men that big, especially with a split head. I could already feel the blood seeping through my hood.

"Get him up!" The man from the bar ordered and two of them grabbed both my arms, pulling me to my feet. I was barely able to stand and if it weren't for the men holding on to me, I probably would have fallen onto the concrete again.

I blinked again, looking around for any sign of people. It was no use, I couldn't see anything passed the thick rain. The light on the overhang above us was slightly dimmed, and a few others were either off or flickering. What a place to be getting my ass kicked.

The man from the bar seemed to be their leader of some sort, since he was ordering them around. He moved forward at me, grabbing my hood and roughly pulling it down.

"See this, boys? I think we found another one!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, the rest of the men were smiling at me. Not happy smiles, but smiles that made me want to run again. They weren't normal, that's for sure. The leader was still staring at me, so I looked him in the eyes and gave him a cold, hard glare, trying to intimidate him. The leader grabbed a hold of my chin and stared into my eyes, "Green eyes." He stated, making his men smile wider. Then, he grabbed a hold of my hair, "And brown hair." He tugged my hair roughly and I cried out from the pain, trying to pull away from the men restraining me. It was no use, they were too strong. The leader then grabbed my chin again and moved my head in different directions, examining my face.

"He's got all the facial features we're looking for!" He called and his whole group cheered enthusiastically, "Let's get him to the boss, we should make good money for this little guy."

Boss? Money? What the hell were they talking about? Why were they getting people that looked like me, it didn't make any sense!

"Get your hand off me." I grumbled, glaring at said hand that still had a hold of my chin. Then, I looked back up and met his eyes, my eyes narrowing as I looked at him.

"Well aren't you a brave one, trying to scare big guys like us." The man holding my right arm said, speaking to me like I was a little kid.

"So cute." The man holding my left arm joined in, cooing.

I just remained glaring at the leader and repeated, "Get your _filthy_ hand off of me."

He just laughed, his calloused thumb running against my chin, "Why don't you make me, pretty boy."

I growled, almost as inhumanly as he had before, then moved my head down. When my head was at a perfect angle, I shot forward and took part of his large, sweaty hand into my mouth. As soon as it was in my mouth, I bite down hard. The man screamed in pain, pulling at his hand, but I only bit down harder. I could taste the biker's salty blood in my mouth, but I still didn't let go.

I waited until all of his men were distracted, then I quickly thought up my escape. Luckily for me, I had a very creative mind, and had the muscles to put my plans into action. The men being distracted was the best part, because the two on each side of me didn't seem to notice when I moved my legs behind theirs.

I let go of the hand and pushed myself back, pulling my two restraints with me. They stumbled back, then suddenly caught onto my legs behind them. I watched as they both flipped over, bringing me onto the ground with them. When we hit the ground, I instantly started scrambling around and trying to put myself together. I got to my feet again and started running.

"Help!" I called to no one in particular. I didn't even know if someone was out here, but at the time this was all I could do. I was breathing heavily from the danger, but managed to call out, "Eric!"

A hand grabbed my wrist and spun me around, put I threw my fist hard into their face. They let go and stumbled back, but before I could run another man had grabbed me by the neck. He pushed me forward, making me gasp for air, then pushed me hard against the wall of the gas station.

"Let go." I gasped, trying to pull the man's hands off of my throat. He was strong, just like the rest of them, so I couldn't get his hands off of me. I _was_ able to pull them off slightly, just enough to be able to breathe. I pulled the air into my lunges, savouring in it while it would last. Sure enough, the man's hands tightened once more.

"Don't kill him." The leader ordered the man choking me, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Boss wants him alive, or we won't get paid."

"Yes, sir."

The hands on my throat loosened their hold on me, but I was still barely able to get enough air. I had enough air not to pass out, but not enough to breathe comfortably. My lungs still hurt and I just wanted to get the hell away from here. To go home to Eric and Jess, that sounded really good right now. Much better than getting beat up and taken away to this 'boss' I've been hearing so much about. He didn't sound like a very nice person. I mean, who knew what he would do with me, not to mention why he was after people similar to me.

"Got the pin, sir." One of the men (he had a bloody nose, so I guessed he was the one I had punched) said to the leader. I blinked rapidly, trying to see what they were talking about. A pin? Why did that matter that they had a pin?

"Good work." The man from the bar said with a laugh, stepping closer to me. I tried to make an escape, but another man had a hold of my arms, so I was pinned against the gas station wall. I could see the lights flash against something in the leader's hand and I started frantically kicking at my various attackers.

The leader moved towards me, throwing his hand out with the object still in it. His hand flew to my chest, but I jerked my arm suddenly from the other man's grasp. I had just enough time to move my arm, but wasn't able to hit the offending object away from me. It didn't hit my chest, but instead penetrated the skin on my arm. I cringed from the stinging pain that followed it, once again kicking forward.

I hit the man grasping my throat and pushed him back, freeing my neck from his hands. I took in a large breathe before kicking again, my foot colliding with another man's chest. Thank goodness for Tai Kwon Do, or I would never have been able to defend myself in this situation.

My arms were free now and I immediately, moved my hand to the injury on my arm. There was something shiny stuck in my arm, and when I took another look at it I gasped in shock. It was a pin, like the ones they used for sorority houses in college. I squinted through my blurry vision to make out the symbol on it. A bat? Why would they stick this in me?

I looked back up, but regretted it instantly. All five of my attackers were up and completely surrounding me. I was trapped again, my back pressed up against the wall of the gas station. These men looked like they could put up a pretty big fight and I was definitely concerned for my safety, but I couldn't just let them take me to their 'boss'. Imagine what he would do to me. Kill me? Torture me? I had no idea, so getting captured wasn't really an option.

I had to fight.

I spread my legs, taking on the fighting stance my Tai Kwon Do teacher had taught me. I could take them on, but I was going to be seriously hurt after this. I guess I just had to take the pain, there was no other option.

They started advancing on me and for a moment I feared my life, but that feeling quickly disappeared. I could see something over my attackers' shoulders and the sight made my heart flop in my chest.

A car.

I had seen its headlights when it was on the road, but the driver must have seen us. They were turning into the gas station. They were coming to save me.

"Ryan!"

I could feel the tears of relief start to form in my eyes (or maybe it was because I had just been slightly choked). I knew that voice, I would know it from anywhere. He was here.

_Eric._

XXEricXX

I pulled the car to a stop, ripping my seatbelt off. Then I threw the door open and jumped out of the car. The men surrounding Ryan turned towards me and I took in their appearances. They were all really scruffy and very large, clad in all leather. Bikers, just _great_. Ryan always attracted the wrong crowds.

"Get away from him!" I warned, pulling my gun out of its holster. In another situation I would have tried to reason with them, but I was angry and could see the blood on Ryan. Ryan was in danger, I couldn't risk his safety like that. I glared and raised my gun to them, "Step back, or I'll blow _all_ of your brains out!"

Jessica was beside me, glaring and doing her best impression of Ryan. She wanted to look intimidating, but that wasn't really her thing. Still, she was doing a pretty good job of it.

"Calm down." One of the men said, the largest one. He must have been their leader. The man moved closer to Ryan, making me even angrier.

"Get away from him, Dammit!" I screamed, my finger on the trigger twitching. I swear if he touched Ryan anymore, I was _definitely _going to shoot him.

"Come on man," another man said to the leader. The four other men were as still as stone. They were scared, I could see the uneasiness on their faces. I wished their leader was more scared.

A second man chimed in, "He's not worth getting shot over."

They were wrong, Ryan _was_ worth getting shot over, but I wasn't going to tell them that. They would probably go after Ryan again, and I couldn't put him in that kind of danger. Not again.

"He might be the one the Boss is looking for." The leader tried to reason, but it was no use. I could see it on the group's faces, they weren't willing to get shot over this.

Who was this Boss? And why was he looking for Ryan?

"You can get shot all you want, man, but we're outta here." I wasn't sure who said it, but it didn't matter. The whole group, aside from their leader, moved quickly away from Ryan. They ran towards their bikes, a few of them took off already, but some stayed to see the outcome of this situation They were twisted, that's for sure.

The man was whispering something to Ryan, making the younger man's green eyes widen in shock. Ryan then turned to the man and glared at him, making the biker laugh at him.

"Get away from him!" I yelled again and began walking forward, gun still in hand. If he made any move too quick, I was going to shoot him.

The biker put his hands up defensively, moving away from Ryan slowly. He smiled over at me and winked, "This isn't over."

"Yes it is!" I growled, aiming my gun at his head. I smiled from the fear that passed across his face. That's right, he better be afraid. "_Nobody _touches Ryan!"

I saw his eyes widen in realization and a sly smile spread across his face. He turned back to Ryan with that smile and winked at him again, "Ryan. You're friend here just signed your death sentence."

With that, the man turned and ran towards his bike. Not fast enough, I pulled the trigger before he got there. Of course I didn't really shoot him in the head, but the bullet ended up hitting him in the leg. He cried out in pain, but still limped over towards his bike. He hopped on with a wince of pain, taking one last look at me. I glared darkly at him and he revved the engine, spinning and speeding out into the rain. The few men that had stayed behind were hot on his tail, and soon it was just the three of us under the gas station overhang.

"Ryan!" I called to him, holstering my gun and turned back to him. He was leaning against the wall, a dazed look across his face. He didn't seem to hear me because there was no sign of recognition.

I ran forward towards him just in time. His legs had been shaking and had finally given out, I caught him before he could fall. He leaned all his weight on me and I pulled him close and hugged him protectively. I was still trying to process what had just happened. We had been driving along the road, calling Ryan's name out the windows, when the sight stopped me dead in my tracks. I would recognize Ryan from anywhere, being surrounded by a group of men.

I should have been there for him.

"They attacked me." Ryan whispered, that dazed look still on his face, "Because of the way I looked."

"It's okay." I soothed him, running my hand through his hand. When I pulled it out, I gasped in surprise. There was blood. Ryan was bleeding!

I moved his head to better examine it and noticed the blood soaked hair. There was a cut on his head that I could see, that's probably why Ryan was so out of it. When Ryan had been shot, he had fractured his skull. A blow to the head like this could have either given him a concussion, or fractured his skull again.

"I need to get you to a doctor." I whispered to him, putting my hand against his cheek. He was extremely hot and there was sweat covering his whole face. He must have tried to fight those guys, even though they were a lot bigger and stronger than him. That wasn't a surprise, Ryan was always reckless.

Ryan was nodded at something, but I steadied his head quickly. I didn't want him moving it too much, he might hurt himself even more.

"Come on." I told him, grabbing a hold of his arm to lead him to the car. He cried out from this, pulling away from my touch instantly. I stood in complete shock, staring at him. He was cradling his arm and I could see his face scrunched up in pain.

I moved forward, grabbing the wrist of his injured hand and pulling it carefully, examining the arm. The light caught onto something that stood out from the purple material of Ryan's hoodie. A pin. I squinted and looked at the picture, gasping in surprise when I realized what it was.

A black bat.

"They tried to put it in my chest." Ryan stated quietly, looking away.

I stared at the pin in shock and closed my eyes. I concentrated and tried to remember what Calleigh had said today.

"_**Horatio found two more bodies today. Same as the others, they all have resemblance to Ryan, but we found something else in common. They were all found with a pin stuck in their chests. There was a black bat on the pin, but that's all we know."**_

A pin with a black bat on it, just like the bodies being found around the city. The pin had been found in their chests, and these guys had tried to do the same to Ryan. All the bodies had resemblance to Ryan, and now Ryan was attacked with similar aspects of those murders? It was too much to be a coincidence anymore. Those were the men killing people that looked like Ryan, or at least helping to kill them. And I had just _shot_ one of them.

This was a break in the case.

I grabbed Ryan and handed him over to Jessica. Jess took him in open arms, but Ryan was still staring at me. He looked confused, I guess I didn't blame him. I had that look on my face I always had when I made a break in a case.

"I have to call Calleigh." I stated, reaching for my cell phone. Something stopped me dead in my tracks though, something I hadn't expected at all. Ryan had pulled away from Jessica instantly and started screaming.

_Screaming_! Not words, but just one, long scream. Like someone trying to get some frustration out. I think that's what Ryan was doing actually. He was gripping handfuls of hair and his face turned downwards, his mouth open wide from his scream.

I stared in complete shock, glancing over at Jessica for help, but she didn't seem to know what to do. She looked scared, a hand over her mouth in surprise. I could see something in her eyes, she had _definitely_ seen Ryan like this before. I mean, I knew Ryan had some mental issues from the tragedy of his past, but I never expected _this_.

"SCREW THIS!" Ryan yelled when his scream died out. He was suddenly stomping away from us, heading to outside of the overhang.

Jess recovered from her shock first and ran towards her uncle, fear still on her face.

"Ry," She grabbed his shoulder, but Ryan quickly spun around and shoved her away. She stumbled backwards and I rushed forward. I caught her just in top before she hit the ground. If I hadn't made it, she'd probably have a head injury to match Ryan's.

Ryan had turned around and was already out of the overhang and in the rain. I let go of Jess carefully, jumping to my feet and running after him. Ryan had gotten into this mess because I had left him alone, there was no way I was going to do that again. Those men could still be out there, and next time they might actually get him. I wasn't going to let Ryan be the next body in the morgue.

"Ryan!" I called to him, grabbing his wrist to stop him. That was a mistake, because he spun around again and, instead of pushing me like he had with Jess, he threw a punch. His fist connected hard with my jaw and the force pushed me back, causing me to let go of his wrist.

I steadied myself quickly, wiping the blood from my mouth. What the _hell_? Why had he just hit me? What did I do?

"Don't touch me!" Ryan screamed. I moved forward again, but he threw another fist into my face. This time I was expecting it, quickly dodging and grabbing a hold of his wrist again. He tried to pull away, but I held on to him tightly.

He was glaring at me, but I was scarier as I growled at him, "Stop it!"

Ryan was struggling against my grasp, and he was a pretty good fighter, but I was better. There was no way I was letting go of him and he knew it. He wasn't getting free any time soon.

"Go back to Calleigh!" He cried, his voice cracking at the end. I stared at him in shock and he took my surprise as an advantage. He ripped his arm from my grasp and backed up slightly.

"What do you-"

"Don't give me that _bullshit_!" He cut me off, his hands turned to fists at his side. I could see his knuckles turning white as he screamed, "You _know_ what I'm talking about! You think you can just _use_ me, then go back to having sex with Calleigh when you're bored?"

My amber eyes widened at his statement, as well as his cursing (I didn't like when he cursed, especially when he cursed at me), "Sex?"

Ryan's green-hazel eyes were on fire, and I hated seeing this anger in him, "I thought you'd have a _bit_ more respect than that, but NO! You have to have sex in my _house_ when I'm _in there_!"

Sex? In his house? When the hell had this happened? I _never_ did that!

"You sleep with Calleigh last night, then leave me the whole day to be with her? "

All I could do was stand in the rain, feeling useless. I hadn't had sex with Calleigh in his house last night, I hadn't had sex with Calleigh in a _long_ time! So why did he think I had sex with her?

"_**He loves Calleigh like a sister! It's Calleigh and **_**you**_** he doesn't like."**_

"_**What does that mean?"**_

"_**Think, genius! He likes you!"**_

Ryan really _did_ like me. He was jealous. That's why he was acting this way, he thought that I had led him on, then went back to Calleigh the next day. But that was crazy, I wouldn't do that to him! I cared about him, didn't he know that? I wanted to protect him from pain, not _inflict_ it!

"I didn't have sex with Calleigh!" I tried to reason, taking a step closer to him, "I wouldn't do that to you! You know that!"

"Don't lie to me!" He growled, pushing me back and away from him again, "You _would_ do that! You've been playing these stupid mind games ever since I became a CSI!"

What was he talking about? I didn't play any games with him.

My eyes widened in realization. I _had_ played games with him. When he started as a CSI, I would do anything I could to hurt him. But that was _years _ago, I was just mad that he replaced Speed!

"I'm not that person anymore!" I tried to reason with him, anything to get that glare off of me, "Haven't I proved that these past couple of days?"

Ryan shook his head at this, confused by my attempts to calm him. I could see the incredible frustration in his face, and there was a whole pool of emotions in his eyes. There were so many that I was unable to even identify one of them, it was too confusing.

"It doesn't matter anymore. It's over." Ryan mumbled. He turned back around and started walking towards the road. I didn't care if he said it was over, I wasn't just going to give up and let him walk away. I had finally realized my feelings for him and I wasn't just going to pass this opportunity up.

"It's not over!" I called, grasping his hood and stopping him. He stiffened instantly, at least he wasn't walking away anymore. I tightened my grip on his hood, feeling the heat from his body close by and it was much better than the cold rain dripping from mine. I softened my voice this time and almost pleaded, "_Please_ don't say it's over. It _can't_ be over."

Ryan turned around again and I could see the sadness in his eyes. But it disappeared just as quickly. I could actually _see_ Ryan put his wall back up, that wall he used to keep everyone out, especially me. I hated the wall, he had been using it on me these past couple of weeks and I didn't want to see it anymore. I thought we were passed this!

"I don't want to do this anymore, Eric." He stated calmly, looking just above my right shoulder. He wasn't making eye contact, that was never a good sign. I had to convince him, before it was too late. I _couldn't_ lose him.

"I don't want to do this anymore, either." I tried to reason again, reaching out and grabbing his hand. Ryan flinched from my touch and tried to move away, but I grasped his hand too tightly. I sighed and tried again, "You've been keeping secrets from me. I know about your father, I know what he did."

Ryan's green eyes widened in surprise and I saw his mouth gape. His wall had crumbled and I could see all his emotions again. The most prominent one this time was pain. Pain, and I had caused that.

"How did you-"

"I asked Calleigh to get the files from the Boston Police." I cut him off with an explanation, giving a comforting squeeze to his hand, "Balhomey, I saw it on that picture in your wallet."

"Why?" Ryan screamed, the pain was obvious in his voice. I could see a mix of emotions in his eyes. Anger, sadness, betrayal, but mostly pain.

I put a hand up to Ryan's cheek to try and calm him down, "I was worried about you, I thought you were in some sort of danger. I wanted to protect you, like you protected _me_."

Ryan slapped my hand away from his cheek angrily and once again attempted to pull his hand from my grasp. When he failed to free himself, he looked back into my eyes with a death glare, "Why the _hell_ would you want to protect me?"

I opened my mouth for a moment, but completely froze up. I wanted to tell him everything, all of my feelings for him, but my mouth wouldn't make the words. I had gotten this far, but I was too scared to even tell him how I felt. Man, was I a _joke_.

_Just tell him, Eric. You can do it._

"**Speed was right, you **_**do**_** still need me."**

Suddenly, my mouth was working again. I opened it wide and sighed, letting the words fall out of my mouth without even thinking about them, "I want to protect you because I need you."

Ryan's eyebrows pulled together in anger and he opened his mouth to send back a retort, but I placed a finger lightly to his lips. Those amazingly kissable lips, and I was silencing them.

"When I realized what your father did, all I could think about was how I wanted to kill him." His eyes widened in surprise as I said this. Why did everyone look so surprised? I mean, I've been violent before!

Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it, "But I also needed to find you. I was so scared, Ry. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

He opened his mouth to speak again, but all he managed to get out was a choked, "Why?"

"Because I want to be with _you_, not Calleigh!" I grabbed his face in my hands as I spoke and was relieved that he was keeping that wall of his down. I was pouring my heart out to him, I couldn't handle if he shut me out again. I took a deep breath and continued, "When you were shot, I wanted to die _with_ you! I've never felt like that before!"

Ryan was speechless, he was too shocked to say anything. There was fear in his eyes now and I tried to calm him by rubbing my thumbs against his cheeks. He relaxed slightly into the touch, which was enough for me to continue.

"I didn't know how much I cared about you until I almost lost you." I whispered, my voice cracking at the end. Ryan's incredibly wide eyes seemed to widen even more when he saw my own start to water. He was so scared, I could see it in his eyes. I understood why, I had never said anything like this before, especially not to _him_. I also never acted like this, crying wasn't really my thing.

"I...I don't..." Ryan gulped loudly, trying to get the words out of his mouth. He was having trouble, I knew how he felt. I rubbed my thumbs against his skin again, and this seemed to push him to say what he had started, "I don't understand. Why would you go this far for a joke?"

"I'm not playing anymore games, can't you see that?" My tone was pleading, hoping he would just listen to me. I was so close, I couldn't lose him like this. He _had_ to believe me, I didn't know what I would do now if he walked away. I think I would die if he said 'no' to me. My heart was aching for his response, _god_ this was killing me.

"But I'm damaged." Ryan's voice was steady, but I could see the tears start to form in his eyes. I didn't care, I was already crying slightly. The thought of losing Ryan was causing me so much pain. I couldn't help but picture that little boy on the ground in the kitchen, so scared as he bled out beside the dead body of his sister.

I took in a shaky breathe and managed a hollow chuckle, "I want you, Hermoso." My hands drifted down to his waist and pushed up on his hoodie. I touched the soft, scarred skin underneath and he flinched in response. "Scars and all."

Ryan suddenly broke down, the tears dripped down his face just like the rain. He was shaking his head repeatedly, still trying to get away from me. Man, was he stubborn. I wish he would just let this happen instead of always trying to push me away. He was being such a _man_, and I was being such a _girl_.

"Hermoso." Ryan whispered, looking down at the ground. I gave him a confused look, what did he just say? It was a moment before he got the courage to go on, "What does that mean?"

"It's Spanish." I whispered, smiling slightly. That was the most perfect thing for Ryan to ask, I wanted to tell him what it meant before he made his decision. I had been calling him this for a few days now, before I even knew about my feelings for him. I took his chin in my hand and made him look up. Emerald eyes met golden and I spoke softly to him, "It means Beautiful."

"You're an ass." Ryan stated, looking away from me. I was already missing those eyes, green was my all time favourite colour now, that was for sure.

"Would you just listen to him!" Both our eyes widened in surprise and we turned around to see the new person who had joined the conversation. Jessica, I had totally forgotten she was there. And she looked pissed, her hands on her hips. She rolled her eyes in Ryan's direction, "He just said he wants to be with you, Ryan! He called you _beautiful_!"

I looked down at Ryan hopefully, but he had quickly pulled away from me. I felt empty without Ryan's body heat close to mine.

"You've waited too long." Ryan stated, glaring at me, "I thought that after the nail gun accident..." He trailed off and shook his head, "But I'm not that naive anymore, I'm not falling for your tricks anymore."

I grabbed his shoulder tightly, holding on for dear life, "This isn't a trick. I want to be with you, and I _know_ you want to be with me too."

Ryan was glaring even harder at me, "What about Calleigh? You're playing with her too?"

I growled and ran a hand roughly through my hair, "I didn't play anyone! Calleigh will understand, she just wants me to be happy!"

Ryan snorted at my response, rolling his eyes. He didn't believe me, he never believed me. I was losing him and I didn't know what to do. Even Jessica wasn't convincing him, I had no idea what to do anymore.

I grabbed Ryan hard, and pulled him back under the overhang (well, I actually manhandled him). He screamed and fought back, kicking and punching at me, but I bit back the pain. I dragged him over to the nearest wall and shoved him hard against it. He attacked me again, but I quickly grabbed both of his wrists. I used one hand to keep them above his head, while the other hand was pushing his waist against the wall and keeping him from moving too much.

"Let me go." Ryan warned, I could feel the hatred seeping through every pore of his being. It was scary, but I didn't let my fear show. Instead, I kept a straight face and stared him down.

"No." I growled, pushing him harder into the wall, "I won't let you run off when those crazy guys are still out there. People are dying in this town, and I will _not_ let _you_ be in the next body bag."

Ryan snorted again and started fighting me again. But it was no use, I had a death grip on him. I might be bruising him, but at the time I didn't really care.

"LET ME GO!" He screamed, kicking at me. I leaned forward and pushed my body against his. His entire body was pinned between me and the wall. I doubted he could get out of this hold, it didn't matter if he used Tai Kwon Do. I had him and he knew it.

I could see the fight starting to leave him and he looked down in defeat. I had won, we both knew it, because there was no way he was getting free.

"What do you want from me?" Ryan growled under his breath, obviously hating to feel this weak.

Before I had time to think, my mouth created the words, "Kiss me."

Ryan's head shot up to stare at me in disbelief. He obviously wasn't expecting that and I could see the blush on his face. He was adorable when his face went red, and he looked incredibly sexy all wet like this. I almost couldn't control myself with our wet bodies pressed up against each other like this. So many fantasies, so not the time.

"W-what?" Ryan breathed, still staring at me in utter shock.

I rested my forehead against his and whispered seductively, "Kiss me, Ryan Wolfe."

There wasn't any time to think, only enough time to take a quick breathe. Because Ryan didn't hesitate, he just surged forward and captured my lips. My eyes widened in surprise from his eagerness, but that wasn't all that surprised me. Ryan's lips were soft and thin, they felt amazing against mine. It was just a small lip to lip contact, but the feeling got my heart racing. My whole body seemed to warm up with Ryan this close to me. My breathe was instantly gone and we were barely even touching. It was the best thing I'd ever experienced, so much better than I had ever imagined.

So much better than when I was with Calleigh.

I pulled away from him taking in that much needed breath. How Ryan could take the air out of me was beyond my knowledge, but no complaints here. It felt so _good_.

"Wow." I whispered, my forehead was against his again and I was looking straight into his eyes. I was still holding onto Ryan, but not as hard as before. He was calmer now and seemed to be melting into my body, instead of trying to resist it.

"You're still an ass, but you're not lying." Ryan stated, sure of himself now. That kiss seemed to convince him because all the fight in him was gone. I had done it, I had actually convinced Ryan Wolfe to change his mind. How many people could say that?

I chuckled and kissed Ryan's cute little nose in return, "Took you long enough to realize. It's you, Ry. It's always been you. I want to be with-"

His lips cut off my words, but I wouldn't complain. Not if I got to feel those lips against mine again. Ryan's lips were starting to move against mine almost shyly, and I moved mine back. My hand that was gripping his wrists slowly drifted down to join the one on Ryan's waist. How could someone so muscular have such a small waist? I loved his waist, to say the least. I found myself pushing up Ryan's large hoodie to feel him underneath. I could feel his soft skin, mixed with those sensitive scars.

"Eric..." Ryan breathed, lifting his arms to wrap them around my neck. He gently pulled me closer and I went without protest. I pressed his body hard against the wall, my hands rubbing all over his waist area. I wanted to feel every bit of him, and this was a great place to start.

I dove in for another kiss and this time our lips were moving the instant they met. Ryan was smiling slightly in the kiss and I the realization made a new heat spread through me. Ryan was happy that we were kissing, so he _had_ liked me.

"_**I thought that after the nail gun accident..."**_

Did that mean what I think it meant? Ryan had started liking me after the nail gun accident. He had been in pain and I had come to help him. That's how long he liked me for, and this whole time I had been so naive. How could I have missed this?

I guess Ryan and I had something in common, we realized these feeling at the weirdest times. Ryan started liking me after I had saved his life by driving him to the hospital. I started liking him after he saved my life by throwing himself in front of a bullet for me.

He had repaid me.

I broke away from the kiss with a gasp, pressing our foreheads together again. I took in my partner's face and was taken aback by what I saw. I had never seen Ryan like this, _never_. We were in the harshest light I'd ever seen, but it somehow seemed to work with him. His skin was practically _glowing_, and his eyes were bright green and filled with want. The rain probably made me a mess, but made him look amazing. His gelled hair was starting to slip into his face and his shirt was clinging to his chest in just the right way. His face was completely flushed and the colour was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Okay, adorable wasn't exactly the right word to describe Ryan, not manly enough. Hot. Sexy.

Beautiful.

I swiftly brushed the stray hairs away from his face and whispered to him, "All this time. Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt?"

Ryan smiled sadly and shook his head slightly. He stared straight into my eyes as he stated, "Because you were a jerk."

I smiled widely at this, kissing his nose again. Man, I _really_ liked that nose. Okay, to be honest, I liked _every_ part of Ryan. He was just so amazing, what was there not to like?

Without another word, Ryan had grasped harder on the back of my neck and eagerly pulled me in. I complied and our lips were pressed together again. Ryan was no longer shy when we kissed, he was _really _moving his lips. I kissed back just as eagerly, thoroughly enjoying being able to touch Ryan this way. He usually never let me get close to him, but now was completely different. Better, actually.

"Eeeeeehhhh!" It was a very girlish squeal and it surprised Ryan and I apart. We both looked over my right shoulder to see Jessica. We had totally forgotten she was there again, she had been so quiet. Jess was cheering excitedly, bouncing up and down in excitement. She had the widest, goofiest smile on her face that made me smile too.

"Finally!" She cheered, winking at us, "I've waited so long for you guys to get together!"

I turned around to look back at Ryan, who looked at me at the same time. Both our faces turned red when we realized the position we were in. I smiled widely and Ryan smiled back awkwardly.

I pulled away from Ryan, letting go of his waist, then coughed to clear the tension, "We need to get you to a doctor, Ry."

Ryan coughed too, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. He reached his hand up and touched his injured head. I watched as his face scrunched up in pain and he winced.

"Let's get in the car." Jess offered, motioning towards said vehicle, "I'll call Alexx on the way. She won't mind coming over to help."

Jess gave Ryan one last knowing smile before she turned around and bounded towards the car. I turned to Ryan, who was looking down at the ground and looked thoughtful. I tilted my head slightly, trying to figure out what he was thinking so hard about. Us, maybe? That would make sense.

Ryan seemed to feel my stare because he looked up and instantly met eyes with me.

"You okay?"

I expected him to lie and say 'fine' like he usually did, but was surprised when he answered with, "Not really."

Before I even thought about it, my hand went to the small of his back. He didn't tense this time, just gave me a slight smile.

"I'm kind of dizzy." He admitted, shrugging slightly and looking around. He was acting like that statement was a normal thing to say, but I had the opposite reaction.

"How hard did you hit your head?" I asked, my other hand grabbing one of his small hips and turning him towards me.

He scratched his head thoughtfully, but winced when he touched his injury. He shrugged again, "I...uh...don't know. It all happened so fast, all I remember was that it hurt."

I sighed and put a hand ever so gently against his forehead. "I don't think you fractured your skull again, you wouldn't be standing if you had." I explained, moving my thumb soothing against the soft skin there. Ryan was smiling and had closed his eyes. "You might have a concussion. Alexx will know for sure."

"And the pin?" He asked, his fingers lightly pressing against the pin that penetrated through his clothes and skin.

"It's evidence of an on-going investigation." He looked up at me in disbelief, looking around the gas station. I followed his eyes and noticed the amount of blood in the area. There was a trail of blood from when I had shot the leader, but there were also more dark red spots on the pavement.

Ryan.

He must have tried to fight them off. How did I know he was going to do something as reckless as that? He never seemed to give up. No wonder the bikers didn't stop attacking him, he kept fighting back.

"So this is a crime scene." It wasn't a question, Ryan had caught on pretty quickly. I mean, he was really smart, so I wasn't really surprised. "And these guys went after me because of the way I look."

My grip tightened unconsciously on his hipbone when I thought of this as a crime scene. There was just too many possible outcomes to this situation. If I hadn't gotten here on time, if those _animals_ hadn't run off scared like the cowards they were, then Ryan would be...

No, I couldn't think about that, the thought was too painful.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked as he looked down at my tightening hand on his hip, then looked back up at my face.

I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off by a rather loud honk.

"Come on, Love birds!" Jess called through one of the windows of the car, "I want to get home! It's late!"

Ryan glared at her for interrupting us, but I just laughed it off. I personally liked Jess, she reminded me a lot of Marisol. She was a good kid, Ryan raised her well. I wasn't mad that she had broke into our conversation because I knew this wasn't our only chance. Ryan and I had a long time to talk, there was no need to rush.

"We're coming!" I called back, using my hand on the small of Ryan's back to guide him towards the car. He followed my lead without protest and I opened the car door to let him in. Despite his constant shooing, I helped him into his seat and did his seatbelt up.

"I'm not helpless, Eric." He mumbled, pouting slightly at me.

"I know." I whispered, kissing him lightly on the lips, "But it's fun."

XXXX

**The next chapter will have some really **_**good**_** Ryan/Eric moments, trust me.**


	8. Time Together

**I had some trouble writing this, but I finally got it!**

**IMPORTANT! ****This chapter has a few sexual comments and scenes, but it involves **_**no**_** smut! I made sure everything in this chapter was appropriate for Teens, so there is **_**no**_** graphic sex scenes involved!**

**Hope you enjoy my eighth chapter.**

XXEricXX

I took another swig of the beer in my hands, trying to drown out the images that were clouding my mind. It was no use, I couldn't seem to shake them.

Ryan lying on the dirty pavement, limp limbs covered in cuts and bruises. Huge bikers surrounding him, laughing as he bled out at their feet. Ryan's face covered in sweat and dirt, mouth hanging open as he let out his last breathe. Bright green eyes dulling and losing the life they once possessed.

I shook my head at my thoughts, slamming my head rather loudly on the table. I couldn't think about something like that. Ryan was okay, he was sitting right in front of me. Just across the table, not dead. His mouth was pressed in a straight line, his eyes staring right into me. He was very much alive.

And I think he was mad.

His eyes felt like he was looking right into me, like he knew exactly what I was thinking, but that was impossible. There was no way he could know something like that.

"Ry..."

His eyes narrowed when I decided to speak. Okay, he was _definitely_ mad at me. I didn't really know why, I hadn't done anything wrong tonight.

Jess and I had taken Ryan home, just like we said we were going to. Jess called Alexx, who was more than happy to make a house call for her 'baby boy.' The moment Alexx entered the house she bombarded Ryan with questions. She was obviously just worried about him, but he was very distant. I think he may still have had a headache because his answers were pretty obvious.

**Example**

"_What happened to your head?"_

"_I hit it."_

Alexx did a pretty good job ignoring Ryan's dumb answers and was able to check his injuries. Since he hit his head, she said he would get more headaches. That was _great _news for me (That's sarcasm for those of you who can't tell)! Ryan hated headaches and tended to complain every time he had one. Alexx also removed the pin from his arm, apparently it wasn't in too deep and was no problem to get rid of. She said the cut would sting for awhile before going completely numb.

I called Calleigh and told her all about Ryan being attacked. I even told her about Ryan and my fight. I didn't say anything about me liking Ryan or the fact that we had _kissed_ tonight, I decided that I could tell her that at a better time. Instead, I just told her we were fighting about his father, that I had told him about the files we read and Ryan had gotten angry.

Calleigh was worried, but I assured her everything was fine.

Apparently, the gas station was a crime scene now. Alexx had put the pin in a plastic bag and was taking it to Calleigh as soon as she bandaged Ryan.

Alexx was gone now and Ryan had insisted Jess go home. I would have liked her to stay, you know, make things less awkward, but Ryan wouldn't let her. He told her he was fine and said, I quote, "Uncle Ron is worried about you, probably thought you got shot too." This seemed to worry her and after that, she was in a rush to get home. I guess they didn't like it when Uncle Ron was worried, I didn't know why. I decided I would ask Ryan about that some time, but not now.

Right now, I had to find out why he was glaring at me like that.

"Listen, Ry..." I was unable to create words for this situation and those images were flashing in my head again. Ryan being zipped up in a body bag, hauled away by the large Coroner's van.

_No, Delko. That didn't happen, you found him. He's right here._

I reached my hand across the table to touch him, wanting to interact with him in any way possible. I stopped short though, fear coursing through my body. I _couldn't _touch him, not when he was hurt like this.

Ryan's eyes were watching my hand as it retreated back to my beer bottle. I took another sip of the beer, trying to kill the brain cells that kept showing images of Ryan hurt. I couldn't handle seeing this every day, it was too much to think about. My brain wouldn't give me a break, though, because the images wouldn't stop.

Ryan lying gray and lifeless on a table in the morgue. A surgical Y cut on his chest and Tara opening him up for the world to see...

I shivered before my mind got too graphic. I didn't want to think of Ryan as just another body, just another victim. He was still alive and I wasn't going to let anything happen to him.

I set my beer down and looked up just in time to see Ryan stand up from his seat. His chair scraped against the kitchen floor as it moved and I flinched as the sound assaulted my ears. I opened my mouth to say something, but he just turned his back to me, obviously not interested in anything I had to say. I watched as he started walking away, my chest hurt more and more with each step he took. I didn't understand him sometimes, right now especially. Usually, I would just let him go and vent about it to Calleigh, but not this time.

I stood up suddenly, my beer forgotten on the table as I followed him outside of the room. I knew he would later complain about leaving my beer out, especially since I hadn't used a coaster. As an OCD person, he _hated_ water marks. I just hoped my beer didn't leave a mark, Ryan would _kill_ me.

I ran after the younger brunette and he looked like he was heading for his room. I knew that if he went inside he would shut himself in there for the rest of the night. He would shut me out and I didn't want that anymore. I couldn't keep doing this, opening up just to be shut out. Enough was enough.

"Wait." I put my hand out to grab him, but thought better of it. I didn't want to accidently hurt him again. Last time I had grabbed him, he had a pin stabbed into his arm. I didn't realize it until he had cried out. The last thing I wanted was to hear that sound again.

"I'm sick of this!" Ryan whirled around to face me and I took a step back in surprise. I didn't expect him to yell, I didn't think he was _that_ angry. Then again, Ryan was always hard to read when he got in this mood.

"Sick of what?"

He glared deeper and stabbed a finger into my chest, "I'm sick of _you_ treating me like I'm helpless!"

My eyes narrowed at him, what the hell was he talking about? I didn't think he was helpless, I was well aware that Ryan knew how to protect himself. It was his recklessness that made me worry. I fidgeted when his finger hit my chest again, the feeling was really annoying. It was making me angrier actually, and that look he was giving me just pissed me off. That look that said 'I'm-better-than-you-and-you-know-it". It was the look that Ryan had used back when he was a newbie, the look I always _hated_ when he directed it towards me.

"_You're _the one who throws yourself into danger before even thinking about it!" I don't know why I countered, I guess I was just tired of him getting angry all the time. I grabbed his finger and pulled it away from my chest, throwing his hand aside. I don't know why I was so angry and I wanted to stop, but my mouth didn`t seem to agree, "Just like you did tonight!"

Ryan looked taken aback from my comment and I immediately regretted what I had said. He looked so incredibly shocked from what I said, but quickly covered it up. Ryan had a thick shell and it was almost impossible to get through it. That`s why he was so good at fights, he knew how to close himself off to the world. It was a skill he learned when he first started at the lab, but I guess he _had_ to learn it if he was going to survive my brutal emotional assaults. I guess in the end, this was my fault.

Ryan's hands had become fists at his sides and I could see his knuckles turning white. His eyes seemed to flare with anger and his finger was back to stabbing into my chest, "You think what happened tonight was _my_ fault?"

There was no hesitation in my answer, "If you hadn't fought back, they wouldn't have hurt you like that!"

"If I didn't fight back, I wouldn't be here!"His response seemed reasonable and I wanted to agree with him, but that damn finger was stopping me from ending the fight. What the hell was his problem? I hated being poked, God Dammit!

"You were just entertaining them, you idiot!" I hadn't meant to call him an idiot, but it just seemed to flow right through my lips. He wasn't an idiot, far from it. He was actually a genius, who's mental 'problems' (_he_ thought they were problems, _I_ thought they were quirks) helped him do the best of his job.

By now, Ryan was leaning his face in close to mine, "They would have taken me to their god damn boss and who knows what _he_ would have done to me!"

I shook my head, trying not to think about what he _would_ have done to Ryan. Judging from the other seven victims, who were all severely beaten and shot once in the head, what that man did to Ryan wouldn't have been good. The thought made my anger suddenly peak.

I grabbed Ryan by the collar, shoving him hard against the wall. His eyes widened in surprise and I could see fear flash in his eyes before he quickly covered it up. That hard expression was back and it felt like just another heated fight on the job. This seemed to happen a lot.

"What the hell were you thinking, running off like that?" I screamed straight in his face and he flinched away from me. He still had that face on, the one he usually used with suspects, but I could easily see the fear in his eyes. Still, I kept yelling, "What if I hadn't gotten to you in time? They would have killed you!"

Ryan opened his mouth to respond, probably say something like 'I can handle myself', but I quickly shoved him against the wall. I ignored his grunt of pain and leaned my face in close to his, our noses inches apart, "I was so scared, do you know that?"

"_You_ were scared?" He tried to push me away from him, but I just grabbed his wrists and pinned them against the wall above his head. He glared, fighting against me, "Do you know how scared _I _was? I was stuck in the middle of nowhere and I just wanted to come home!"

"You should have, instead of roaming around Miami _ALONE_!" I screamed back at the top of my lungs. We had gotten in many fights before, but the two fights we had already had tonight were by far the worst. Ryan had punched me in the face back at the gas station, we had never been _this _physical.

He wouldn't let me win the fight, though, since he was _very_ stubborn. He tried to shove me away again, but I pushed my whole body against his. He was trapped between my body and the wall. I wanted to be mad, but to tell the truth, having him this close made me excited. I tried my best to ignore the feeling, pressing my nose against his and glared down at his smouldering eyes, "There's no running away from me _this_ time, Wolfe!" I hadn't meant to call him by his last name, it was just an impulse. I called him that a lot and I guess I had said it unconsciously.

Ryan caught it quickly and suddenly yanked one of his wrists from my grasp. I struggled to pin it down again, but apparently not fast enough. Ryan's fist connected with my jaw for the second time tonight and before I had time to comprehend what had just happened, he was yelling, "Now my name is _WOLFE_! What the hell is your problem, _DELKO_? Just let me go!"

"Never." I growled under my breath, finally able to catch and contain his free wrist. I looked up briefly to make sure I had both of his wrists pinned above him, the last thing I wanted was to get hit again. He hit the same spot as earlier and there was definitely going to be a bruise there in the morning. If I didn't control him, he would have no problem with breaking my jaw.

When I looked back down at his face, I suddenly froze. It's like time itself had stopped and I wasn't sure how to start it again. I had been expecting to see anger in his eyes, but was shocked when there was none. He looked completely shocked and..._scared_. I wasn't sure what he was afraid of, but I wasn't sure I liked him feeling that way.

"Never?"

It suddenly clicked in my head and I knew what I had to say. I had the chance to end this fight and I wasn't going to pass this opportunity up.

"Never, Ry. I'm never going to let you go. I meant everything I said tonight, I want us to be together."

I could feel him shaking and it seemed as though his body was starting to curl onto itself. I couldn't remember why I was angry anymore because I was too worried about the brunette CSI in front of me. He hadn't cried, and I doubted he would in front of me, but his eyes were filled with unshed tears. He leaned into me, pressing our bodies together and touching his forehead to mine.

"They're still out there, Eric, and they're coming for me." I kissed his nose, hoping to give him some sort of comfort. It worked and he relaxed into the touch.

_Note to self, Ryan likes it when you kiss his nose._

"I won't let them get you." I assured him breathlessly and pushed him further into the wall. I could feel his heartbeat rapidly increasing and my own was just as fast as I leaned in closer. I kissed his throat next, touching the skin gently. He flinched slightly, it was still sore from his choking and I could see hand shaped bruises on the skin. "I'll always be here to protect you."

"Why are you doing this?" He asked, heat rising in his cheeks. He wasn't used to me being like this, but with him this close I was having trouble controlling myself. We were all alone in the house and I don't think I could resist him much longer.

"Because I want you, Ryan Wolfe." I whispered and he shivered when his name fell from my lips. The way he squirmed under me just excited me more. If he kept this up I think I was going to lose it. He was incredibly sexy and he wasn't even _trying_.

"What about Calleigh?"

"I've never felt this way before, Ry. Not even with Calleigh." I breathed, moving to kiss a freckle along his jaw. I never knew he had freckles and I was looking forward to finding out where else he had them. "It's just you, it's been you this whole time. I can't live without you." My mouth trailed down his neck until it reached the collar of the black wife-beater he was wearing. God, he looked so good in it, and I just wanted to rip those sweatpants right off of him.

I pushed his shirt down as much as possible and felt the soft skin of his chest. Ryan opened his mouth and I thought he was going to respond, but all that came out was a whimper. The sound made me lose control and I quickly nipped the skin on his chest before leaning back up to kiss his thin lips. Our lips connected together and a bolt of electricity shot through me. I was suddenly moving my mouth against his and he was moving his back just as persistent. Our fight just a few minutes ago had been completely forgotten and I was glad that there wouldn't be any more yelling.

I moved my hands off of his wrists and slid our palms together. I marvelled at his long fingers, tracing every line on his hand before intertwining our fingers together above his head. I was too lost in the kiss to feel his fingers tighten on mine in approval. I didn't need to feel it because when he pressed his body flush against mine, I knew he liked it.

"Eric..." I don't know he managed to say my name with me still half attached to his mouth, but I didn't really care. The way he said it, he was so breathless and I could feel the heat between us. If this wasn't right, I don't know what was. Despite the many women I've been with, including Calleigh, it had never felt this good from just a _kiss_. Ryan _had_ to be the one. If he wasn't, then I would rather be alone forever than not with him.

Wait, what did I just say?

_Who cares? It's finally happening!_

I broke the kiss and he made a sound that was kind of like a whine. Oh, I _definitely_ wanted to hear that sound again. I moved lower and he looked confused, before I latched my mouth onto his neck. The skin there was like nothing I'd ever tasted before, it was by far the best taste ever. I had always marvelled at how Ryan's skin looked so soft and tanned, even before I liked him. But who knew that it would _taste _great too. I could really get used to this.

Ryan was gasping above me and I loved the way his chest heaved up and down, trapped under my own. _I _was doing that to him. Me, Eric Delko! I would have never thought this could _actually_ happen. My hands left his, only for me to grab his waist. Like I said before, he had the smallest waist I had ever seen a man have, but I loved it. My hands fit perfectly on his hip bones and it just assured me more that this was _meant_ to happen.

"I had a dream about you." I didn't know why I said it, my mouth was just moving without my consent. That seemed to happen a lot when I was with Ryan. I moved back up and kissed his lips.

He smiled against my lips, "Oh _really_?"

I pulled back from the kiss to look at his flushed face, "If I fell off a bridge, what would you do?"

He looked shocked and was obviously caught off guard, "Is that a trick question?"

"I'm serious, Ry." I leaned my forehead against his and stared straight into those green eyes I loved so much, "If I was pushed off a bridge and fell into the water, what would you do?"

Ryan chuckled at me and shook his head slightly, "Did you even need to ask that question? Of _course _I would jump in after you."

He would jump off a bridge after me? Was he crazy? That could kill him! I couldn't take a day without him, I knew that now. Not after this, after what was happening right now.

"If you _ever_ do that again, take off without telling me..." I trailed off, slamming our hips together. He gasped from the contact, and threw his head back. My eyes focused on the tanned skin of his neck. Before I could think, I had attached my mouth to his Adam's apple.

"You were with _her_." He growled, his hands coming up to tangle in my hair. His throat rumbled when he spoke and it felt good against my mouth. Now I realized that I _liked _it when he defied me, it just gave me a chance to prove who the boss was. One bite to his Adam's apple and he knew that _I _was in charge.

I looked back up at him and was taken aback by the lust in his eyes. I never knew he liked me _this_ much, but I wasn't complaining at all. He grabbed the front of my shirt rather roughly and pulled me back up. Our lips met for only a few seconds before I felt his tongue run against my bottom lip. I smiled and spread my lips ever so slightly. It was surprising how intense Ryan actually was, he never seemed like this around anyone else.

He pushed his tongue through my mouth and spread my mouth open so he could enter. I met his tongue instantly and started fighting it for dominance. We fought for awhile before I won, of course. He didn't complain, just tilted his head to the side to give me better access. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and delved into a tonsil stealing kiss.

When I pushed my tongue into his mouth again, this time he let me without a fight. He sucked on my tongue like it was a Popsicle and it made me moan into his mouth. Ryan just smiled in return and brought his hands to my chest. I was so caught up in what he was doing to my tongue that I hadn't realize he was undoing my button up shirt. I actually didn't realize he had undone my shirt until he had pushed it off of my shoulders and it fell to the floor.

The cold air hit my skin and I finally realized where this was going. Much to my protest, I pulled away from his mouth to look at his face. I could see it in his eyes, but I still wasn't sure if this was what he wanted.

"I want you." I stated, giving him a peck on his kiss swollen lips.

Ryan smiled and leaned in close. I felt a shiver run down my spine when he moved in and whispered hotly into my ear, "You think you can handle me?"

I almost laughed right there, Ryan seemed to tease me no matter what we were doing. Still, I took this as his agreement and finally let my body take over.

I grabbed a hold of his wife-beater and pulled it off of his head, throwing it away. I didn't know where it landed, but I really didn't care at the moment. Because Ryan had pressed his chest up on mine and the skin to skin contact was enough to make me stop breathing. I caught my breathe just in time before Ryan pulled me into another kiss. He titled his head immediately and our tongues danced together.

I was a ladies' man, so I had kissed _a lot_ of people, but this was different. Ryan's mouth seemed to _fit_ mine, like they were meant to be together. Just like I knew our bodies would fit together perfectly, while he moaned and whined...

I couldn't control myself and suddenly my hands were on his butt. I had touched his butt a few days ago, but this was _completely _different than giving him a piggyback ride. His ass was much better than I had ever imagined, and it was all _mine_. I pulled Ryan forward by that amazing ass and made our hips meet again. My tongue was too far down his throat, I had no idea who moaned, but it didn't matter because Ryan's long legs were now wrapped around my waist.

I slammed him hard against the wall, harder than I mad meant. I was about to ask him if he was okay, but his rather loud moan stopped me short. Okay, that moan was much better than the one from the diner yesterday. Then he had been only teasing me, but now it was happening. It was _actually _happening.

"Eric..." He panted into my ear and I felt very smug that _I _had made _the_ Ryan Wolfe _pant_! Screw all those other cops that would flirt with him, he was now officially mine!

Ryan leaned forward, biting and stretching my lower lip to get my attention. It worked because I immediately met eyes with him.

"Bed."

I pushed him up higher on my hips and started stumbling towards the bedroom. He was much heavier than I had expected, but I was still able to carry him. It was hard to not just throw him on the floor and take him there, since he was biting along my neck and shoulders. I knew we knocked a few pictures over on our way and they smashed on the floor, Ryan would be angry about that later.

It felt like forever before we actually made it to the bedroom and I threw Ryan down impatiently on the bed. I was quickly on top of him, my hands roaming everywhere I could see on his body. I pulled his sweatpants down and threw them across the room, leaving him in only boxers. I stared into his eyes, marvelling at the look he was giving me. Love, maybe? I couldn't really tell but I knew it was good.

Ryan wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me down for another wet kiss. His hands roamed down and I could hear the sound of my belt. If someone were to tell me days ago that I'd be in bed with Ryan Wolfe, I would have laughed straight in their face. But here I was, it was just so surreal.

Ryan pulled my belt out with one swift motion, pressed open the button of my jeans and unzipping the fly. He bit my bottom lip again and slipped my pants down my legs. I got up just enough to rip my jeans off before I returned to him on the bed.

"Sex is so messy." Ryan mumbled against my mouth and I chuckled in return, "I'll be cleaning the whole house when we're done this."

"My little OCD baby." I teased, but suddenly gasped. Ryan had arched off of the bed and our hips met together again. With just our boxers separating our naked bodies, I almost stripped him there. _Almost,_ but I knew I couldn't too quickly or I would scare him off.

"I'm your baby now?"

"Definitely." I leaned in, licked his lips and ground our hips together. He squirmed under me again, his mouth hanging open with no sound coming out. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen and just urged me to see what other faces he could make.

I could feel his hand on the back of my head and through my thick hair. He had found my scar and was rubbing tenderly at it as he caught his breathe again. The way he touched me made everything bad go away, it was just so soft. I had always thought there were only bad people in the world, I guess it came with the job. But now I knew different, because Ryan wasn't bad at all.

He had been hurt since a young age, but he was still able to pull himself together and raise his niece. He had joined the team to put bad people in jail, he never wanted to outshine Speed. He had been there for me, even when I turned my back on him. When I had been shot, he had been so angry he had almost punched the shooter in the face. He had kept Calleigh and my secret even though he wanted to be with me.

And he had thrown himself in front of a bullet for me a few days ago.

Sure, he had made mistakes, but he was an amazing person. The kind of person I wanted in my life, the one I should have noticed a long time ago. What the hell was wrong with me? Ryan was _perfect_, why had I wasted my time with all those girls (and occasionally boy, but not many)?

I grabbed Ryan by his wrists and flipped him over onto his stomach, causing him to make a very unmanly squeaking sound. I didn't care, I still thought he was very manly.

"Eric, what are you doing?" He looked over his shoulder at me with a questionable look. I couldn't help but bring my mouth to his smooth shoulder, feeling the intoxicating muscles underneath. I bit along them, making sure I marked then very clearly. They would bruise, but by the way Ryan was breathing, I didn't think he would complain much.

"I love your shoulders." I whispered huskily into his ear, then moved lower. My lips met the bandage that covered his bullet injury and I kissed lightly around it. Then I moved even lower and touched the soft scars his father had made on his waist. I pressed my lips against them, making sure to kiss every single one tenderly. When I was done, I flipped Ryan back to face me and he stared at me in shock.

I moved up to his face wordlessly and pressed my lips to the faded scar near his eye. When the nail had been shot in his face, I had been so scared, but I was able to get him to the hospital. That was when Ryan said he started liking me, after I had saved his life. I had treated him different after that, I suppose I unconsciously started liking him too. It had taken this long for me to realize it, and there was no way I was going to let it go.

I still couldn't believe this was Ryan Wolfe. The antisocial, independent know-it-all, who always seemed to annoy me. The man who would disagree and fight with me, but would always have my back no matter what. The OCD brunette who could pull off sweater vests or incredibly colourful suits. I had missed this whole other side to him, but now I got to see him. _All_ of him.

Ryan's dull nails dug into my skin and trailed along my back. It was enticing and I knew that there would be much more of it in just a few minutes. I realized he was trying to get my attention and I finally met his eyes again.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Do you trust me?" I asked him, staring straight into his large green eyes. They were glazed over, something I'd _definitely _never seen from him before. I reached down and touched the waistband of his boxers, hearing him take a calming breathe in return. He grabbed the waistband of my own boxers and smiled up at me.

"With my life."

With that said, and one swift motion, both our boxers were gone and I had all the time to take in my new, and naked, partner.

XXRyanXX

I closed my eyes again and tried to forget what had just happened. It couldn't have happened, it _shouldn't_ have. Eric had a girlfriend, and I was his _best friend_!

What would happen to Calleigh after this? Even if Eric _did_ break up with her, which I highly hoped he would, what then? She'd be alone, just like I had been. Then again, Calleigh always _was_ better at playing the field than I was, so maybe she'd be okay.

How _could_ she be okay? Her boyfriend had just cheated on her with his best friend, how eff-ed up was _that_?

_She doesn't have to know._

What was I thinking, of course Calleigh had to know! No matter how much I wanted to be with Eric, Calleigh was my friend. You don't do things like this to friends.

_So what, you're just going to pretend this never happened?_

Maybe it was best that way, but I don't think it was possible. I'm sure plenty of girls agreed, sex with Eric couldn't be forgotten. I mean, it's not like it was bad. To tell the truth, it was the best sex I've ever had. And the fact that it was with _Eric_, that was enough to blow me away.

But was it fair to do it again?

Finally giving up on trying to forget what happened, I lifted my head as slowly as possible. It had been hours since the..._incident_ had occurred, and we had both fallen asleep pretty quick afterword. Not a surprise, Eric put a lot of energy into it. He _wasn't_ fast, that was for sure, and I found that my lower body was kind of sore.

_But it's a good sore._

For once, I seemed to agree with my inner voice. I was a man, so I liked to be in charge. But with Eric, since he was more dominant than I was, he had decided on being the one on top. Usually I would argue, but not in this case. He had completely controlled me hours ago and even my rebellious, loner side had enjoyed it.

I pulled the sheets off of me as slowly as possible, trying not to shake the bed too much. I could feel Eric's heat beside me and his rather loud snores were right in my ear. I had grown accustomed to how loud he was, I was actually starting to enjoy it now. His chest rumbled with each sound and after awhile it became a lullaby. I had actually been sleeping on his chest and I really wanted to just lie back down and drift back to the world of sleep.

But something was telling me to get up and I wasn't really going to fight it anymore. It had told me to sleep with Eric a few hours ago and that had turned out in my favour. Maybe listening to this voice was a good idea.

Eric seemed to feel me move because his hands tightened around me. He was lying on part of my body, a hand on each of my hips. He seemed to like my hips because he had been grabbing them a lot. I looked up at his face cautiously, but his eyes were still closed and he was still snoring. Content that he was still asleep, I peeled his hands from my waist. His arms were pretty limp so they were pretty easy to move. I wiggled under him, using the incredibly soft bed to free myself from underneath him.

I slipped from the bed soundlessly, my feet hitting the hardwood floor in silence. I stood in my room, staring at the form on my bed. Eric Delko in all his glory. Dark, smooth skin that was on display to me. Completely naked, from the waist up, the bed sheets covering most of his lower half.

Eric grunted and for a moment I thought he was going to wake up, but he stayed asleep. Instead, he rolled onto the fresh imprint where my body had once been. I rolled my eyes at him when I realized what he was doing. He had noticed my heat was gone and was trying to find it again. My spot was still warm. I'm sure that would last him for a little while.

The cold air hit my naked form and I searched around for something I could wear. I found my boxers hanging off my dresser, how they got there I don't know. I had been too occupied to think about my clothes at the time. I slid the thin material onto my lower half and gave one last look to Eric. His face was smooshed into the many pillows and I turned away with a quiet chuckle, stepping out of the room. I hadn't realized how warm it actually was in there until I stepped into the hallway. I guess heat comes with the sex, right?

Cautiously, I stepped around the many pieces of broken glass. A few broken picture frames were on the ground and I picked them up as I passed. There were only three that had fallen off the wall. I usually didn't keep many pictures up, since my past wasn't exactly that nice in remembering.

The first one was of Jess, uncle Ron and I and I could remember the day perfectly, even after so long of a time. It was after Uncle Ron had taken me from my foster home and was the first day he brought me into my new home with him and Jess. Uncle Ron was holding Jess then, which happened for the first few months after my arrival. I had been so distant and you could see it in the picture. I looked angry and was standing as far away from Uncle Ron while still being in the frame. I couldn't believe I had been that way, Jess was the cutest little baby ever, why wouldn't I hold her?

I sat down at the kitchen table and placed the picture down. The second was one of just Jess and I, since Uncle Ron had been taking the picture. We were in a grassy area filled with a bunch of chairs and a small stage. Jess was wearing a bright red dress and she looked so beautiful. I was wearing a big blue robe with a funny looking hat. It was my graduation from college. I looked so happy, compared to the last picture. My hands were around Jess's waist and she was kissing my cheek. We weren't looking at the camera, so I guessed Uncle Ron had taken it by surprise.

I smiled and placed that picture carefully down on the table. The last was a picture of the CSI team, but I couldn't really remember when we had taken it. In the picture I still had some dark spots around my eye, so it probably wasn't long after the nail gun incident. I think we were at a work party or something, but there was a beach view behind us. I was in the front, smiling like the idiot I was. Alexx and Natalia each had arms around my neck and the three of us were squished unbelievably close together. Frank was in the back looking serious as always, beside him was Horatio with a warm smile, even though he had his sunglasses on.

My breath caught when I saw Eric in the picture. He was right behind me, his chin and one of his hands rested on the top of my head. He was smiling so warmly, not that cocky smile he usually had. Calleigh was beside him with grip on his free arm and cheerful as ever.

I stared at Calleigh's face, how happy and unaware she was. If she knew what I had just done, if she knew what Eric was doing behind her back...

Suddenly I felt queasy and I slammed my head against the table. Okay, I had to figure this out. Do I stay with the man of my dreams and help him cheat on his girlfriend, risking my best friends in the process? _Or_ do I tell Eric to be faithful and go back to watching him and Calleigh together?

I wasn't sure what to do. If I picked to stay with Eric, I was being selfish, but if I ended things with him I was risking my own happiness. What the hell was I supposed to do? Do I live with the guilt of Eric's cheating, or live with the pain of being alone again?

Eff. My. Life.

I ran my hands through my hair, looking around for an answer. I knew it was a stupid thing to do, but it wasn't my fault. I was desperate!

Just when I realized there were no answers in this room, I heard a stern knock at the door. The sound made me jump up in surprise and I rushed over to the door. I moved to the doorknob, but I froze the moment my hand met the cold metal.

"_**This isn't over."**_

The biker's words rang in my head and suddenly my heartbeat increased. They were coming back for me, I knew that, but would they come to the door? I mean, who _could _be at the door? If it was Jess, Natalia, Uncle Ron or Alexx, they would just walk right in. They _never_ knocked. And who visited this early in the morning?

"Mr. Wolfe?" I recognized the voice immediately, plus he was one of the only people who referred to me as 'Mr. Wolfe.' "Are you there?"

"Ugh...yah H, hang on a second." I looked down to see if I was in appropriate clothing. My eyes widened when I realized all I was wearing was my boxers. I spun around and took off down the hallway, careful of the glass still on the floor. I reached the bedroom and grabbed the first article of clothing, which happened to be a pair of jeans.

I ran back through the hallway, finding a button up shirt on my way back to the door. I threw the jeans and shirt on, buttoning up as quickly as possible. It was only when I had the clothing on that I realized they were much too big for me. Great, just _great_! These were _Eric's_!

I pushed the cuffs up to my elbows so the sleeves didn't look too long, then pulled the shirt down as far as possible to try and cover the fact that Eric's pants barely held onto my hips. I didn't have time for different clothes and, after quickly running my hand through my messy hair in an attempt to comb it, I opened the door.

I was met with bright, cerulean eyes, fiery orange hair and a soft expression. It was common for Horatio Caine to take his sunglasses off, but it wasn't common to show up at my house. He'd only done that once before, after the nail gun accident. He had come with Alexx, though, just to check how my healing was so I could go back to work.

"Hey, H." I greeted, glancing behind me to the messy home. I didn't want him to see it, but I also didn't want to wake Eric up. After last night, I think it was only fair to let him have some shut-eye. "Do you mind if we stay outside?"

Horatio looked thoughtful for a moment, as though he was analyzing me, then he nodded with a small smile, "Of course."

I took one last look behind me, then left the peaceful house. I closed the door quietly, still hearing Eric's snores, even though he was on the other end of the house. Man, was he _loud_! How the hell had I slept with that much noise?

When I turned back to Horatio, he held something out to me. I looked at what he was holding and smiled when I recognized what it was. Coffee, I _really_ needed that right now. I took the cup graciously, mumbling a quick 'thanks' before I took a long sip of the drink.

Horatio watched me for a moment before he moved passed me to lean against the railing at the front of my house. He had a file in his hand and I had a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I know it's early," H stated and met eyes with me, "But I have a few questions about last night's...incident."

I sighed and moved to lean against the wall across from him. He had opened the file and was looking through some of the papers. I watched him curiously, but couldn't really see any of the contents he was looking at.

"You mean at the gas station, right?" He nodded in response. I guess I knew that's what he meant, but I had to make sure. A lot had happened last night, and some of it wouldn't be good if I told Horatio. He didn't need to know about Eric and my...relationship? I wasn't really sure what Eric and I were anymore.

Horatio's eyes met mine again and my face went serious, "There were no cameras at the gas station, it's been closed for a few weeks now."

Closed? So that's why no one would answer me when I yelled in there. Just my luck.

"So, I need to know everything that happened."

I nodded in understanding and took another sip of my coffee before I answered, "I'll answer any questions you want."

He watched me carefully as though he was reading my movements, then took in my baggy clothes. I tried to control my colour, the last thing I wanted was H to catch me blushing. Then he would _know_ something was going on.

"The first thing I need to know is why you were out in the storm alone."

I froze from the question, thinking of my answer. I couldn't really tell him why I was _really_ out there, that I had felt betrayed that Eric had gone to see Calleigh. That I thought Eric wanted me, but then thought he had sex in my house with someone else. I mean, how do you tell someone that?

I decided the best thing was to tell _some _of the truth.

"I was upset and decided to go out. I parked my car a few blocks away, then went to have a few drinks. The storm didn't start until I left the bar."

"What did u do after you got out of the bar?"

I didn't really see how this had anything to do with what happened, but I answered anyway, "I tried to find my car, but I got lost. I saw the gas station and thought maybe there was someone who could give me some help."

Horatio looked into the file and nodded as though my statement made sense. He was writing something down and I tried to read what he was writing. It was no use, I couldn't figure it out.

He turned back to me and something in his eyes told me that his next question wasn't going to be nice, "I need you to explain everything that happened, Mr. Wolfe. From the beginning of the attack to the end."

I stiffened and closed my eyes, trying to recall what exactly _had_ happened last night. It had all happened so fast and, to tell the truth, I didn't really enjoy reliving my own pain. It wasn't exactly fun, that's probably why Horatio had given me that look. He knew what I was feeling, but there was no use. I _had_ to tell him, if I didn't then those monsters would keep attacking people.

"_**Little guy's got a temper."**_

I let out a breath and finally spoke, "They took me by surprise. At first there was only one and he attacked me, but I dropped to the ground and kicked him."

I could already hear my voice starting to get breathy and it was starting not to sound like me. I couldn't react like this, not in front of Horatio.

"What happened next?"

I gulped rather loudly and continued, "I tried to run away, but there were more. They grabbed me and threw me to the ground..." I touched my still bandaged head from the memories, "...I hit my head hard and after that, everything gets sort of fuzzy."

I looked up at Horatio and felt sort of ashamed that Icould barely remember what happened. H didn't look disappointed, just gave me a sympathetic smile. It made me feel better, but at the same time it made my throat dry.

I took a sip of my coffee to soothe my throat and thought really hard, "I remember biting someone's hand...I tripped someone and ran. I think I punched another guy too." I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, why couldn't I remember what had happened? Why was it so hard, and why was it giving me an even worse headache?

"Mr. Wolfe." I looked up at H and realized I had zoned out for a minute there. He looked worried, but I just waved him off. I was fine, I just hadn't had my meds yet.

"They grabbed me the second time and threw me against the wall." I stated, my memory getting less and less fuzzy the more I concentrated on it, "I was choked, then they tried to stab me in the chest with a pin."

Horatio's eyes widened at this and I saw the recognition in his face. The same look that Eric had when he saw the pin. Apparently, people were dying in Miami and both Eric and Calleigh thought those bikers had something to do with it.

"Can you describe the pin?" Horatio asked sternly.

"It was gold, looked like a sorority pin. There was a design on it, a black bat...I think. They tried to stick it in my chest, but I fought back and it went in my arm..."

Horatio watched my dazed look and started writing something down. I wasn't worried though, I knew Horatio wouldn't analyze my behaviour for reasons other than worry. I would be worried if I was him too, I was acting sort of odd right now. Distant I guess, but I was trying to concentrate really hard. My mind kept coming back to _another_ memory of last night, one with Eric on top of me, tongue in my mouth, naked bodies pressed together and a tight grip on my hipbones...

I bit my lip not to moan from the memory, this wasn`t the time to be turned on. Your _boss_ is right in front of you, Wolfe! Stop being an idiot!

"I got away from them again, but they had me surrounded."

"Do you remember how many there were?"

I thought hard on this one, how many were there again?

"Five."

Horatio nodded, "And did they attack again?"

"No," I was sure this time, the last part I could remember without much problem, "A car came into the gas station. It was Eric and Jessica."

"Jessica?"

"My niece." I said it without thinking, but Horatio didn't seem to be fazed at all. If he was, he didn't show it.

"And what happened then?"

"Eric pulled his gun out and threatened them. Most of them took off, but the leader started whispering things to me."

"What did he say?"

I ran my hand through my hair, thinking back as hard as possible. What had he said? What had he said?

_Come on, Wolfe! Remember!_

"_**The Boss wants his little boy back."**_

I froze in disbelief, had he really _said_ that? It couldn't be possible, but I remember it. It had been so quiet that I doubted anyone else heard it, not even Eric.

_His little boy?_

A sickening feeling rose in my stomach and I unconsciously slid down against the wall. It couldn't be possible, it _couldn't _be! Jordan Balhomey was in jail, he was arrested after what he did a _long_ time ago! There was _no_ way he was out of jail, not after what he had done.

_Calm down, Wolfe. It's not him._

"Mr. Wolfe?" I looked up at Horatio and realized I was bent over slightly. He looked worried again and his hand was on my shoulder for support. I had to pull myself together, I was just over-reacting.

"I don't remember, H." I stated and looked away from him in embarrassment, trying to change the subject, "They all got away, but Eric shot one of them in the leg."

"Where is Eric now?"

I motioned towards the house, "Asleep, why?"

"He could be in potential danger too."

My eyes widened in surprise, but I shook my head at this. I could see the serious look on his face and reassured him quickly, "Don't worry, H. Delko's staying at my place until this whole thing is over, so we'll both me fine."

Horatio smiled widely at this and I could tell how relieved he was by that statement. I could see it in his face, he knew we could take care of ourselves. Still, I could see the worry there as well.

"When do you want us back at work?" He looked sort of surprised by my question, maybe he wasn't going to ask us back to work until this is over? I hoped not, I _really_ wanted to go back to work, I was already missing the pieces of evidence that would occupy my mind. Much better than the many _other_ things in my mind.

"Tomorrow."

I just nodded I response and took a sip of the coffee I had forgotten about. I stood up straight and tried to look professional, which was pretty pointless after what I had just done. There was no taking it back and, to tell the truth, I don't think Horatio judged me by it. I just didn't want him to worry, which was dumb because I _knew_ he was going to be worried no matter what. That's just what made Horatio such a good person.

I looked up and flinched when I felt a hand on my shoulder again. Horatio had that stern, yet supportive look on his face that he liked to use often and I just smiled reassuringly in return. I was okay, why was everyone so worried? I wasn't dead, and that's all that mattered.

"If you remember anything, let me know." He stated and I heard something underneath his understanding voice. Suspicion, maybe? I wouldn't blame him, I _was_ keeping things from him, which wasn't good when five (six counting the 'boss') lunatics were after you.

"I'll keep you informed." With that he gave me the genuine Horatio smile and turned around. I watched him walk away quietly, then waited until his Hummer pulled out of the driveway. I sighed, running a hand over my face to calm myself. I just had to relax, that's all. Everything would be fine. I mean, I'm sure Calleigh would match the blood at the gas station to my attackers. She'd catch them, I just had to wait a little while longer.

I spun around then and opened the door, re entering the house. It was really quiet and I quickly found out why. Eric was awake, standing in the kitchen with one of my bed sheets held around his waist. He looked incredibly sexy, but his body wasn't what I was looking at. It was his facial expression, the same worried look, mixed with shock. He must have been there the whole time. There was an open window, he must have heard our conversation.

"Ryan, I didn't know they did that to you. I just-"

"I'm going in the shower." I cut him off stepping past him. His eyes followed me in confusion and when I passed him, I handed him my coffee. He took it without even looking at it, still staring at me in the same way. I turned away from him and walked down the hallway as though in a trance. A shower, that's all I needed. Just to relax.

My brain seemed to be on autopilot that I didn't even notice I left the door of the bathroom open. I didn't care, I just stripped out of Eric's clothes and quickly hopped in the shower. I turned the water on, not really caring if it was hot or cold, I just wanted the water. Luckily for me, it had come out warm and just the right temperature. Truthfully, I probably would have hated cold water.

I lifted my shaky hands through the water and closed my eyes, running my hands over my face. Eventually I would be calm and could go face Eric, I just had to be patient until then. I grabbed the body wash off of the shower shelf, not even caring what it was. It was my brand, some Axe gift pack I had received from Jess on father's day.

I poured a small amount into my hands and set to work cleaning my skin, spreading it all over my body. I didn't really want to smell like I had just rolled out of bed, that's for sure. Especially not around Eric, I wanted to always smell good when I was with him.

"Hermoso?"

I jumped in surprise, I hadn't heard Eric come in the room. Before I could turn around and respond, large tanned arms wrapped around my waist from behind. My nose filled with Eric's sweet scent and I instantly moved back into his touch, my back pressed firmly against his chest.

"I heard you and Horatio." He whispered softly and I shivered when I felt him kiss the skin just below my ear, "I got worried."

I pushed back as far as possible into Eric, unconsciously noticing that he had ditched the sheets and was now completely naked. Of course, Eric didn't seem to wear clothes much anyway.

"I was just..." I tried to think of the best way to describe what exactly I was doing, "...helping with the investigation."

Eric's slightly rough hands rubbed my waist before trailing their way up my thin torso. I leaned my head back against his shoulder and let out a breathe that sounded more like a gasp. It wasn't my fault, I couldn't resist him. Even in the hot water, his touch gave me goose bumps. His hands had reached my shoulders and they lingered there for a moment before he moved them along the length of my long arms.

"Why are your knuckles bruised?" Eric breathed in my ear, lacing fingers with me. I looked down at our hands together and just shrugged in response. I realized I liked the way our hands looked together. They were total opposites, kind of like us. Eric's were large, strong and darkly tanned, while mine were smaller with long fingers and were pale in comparison.

_Opposites attract._

"If there is anything you need, Ry-Ry," He brought my hands up so he could kiss every battered knuckle before he continued, "Just tell me. No more punching me."

"Sorry." I mumbled, spinning around to face him. I stopped when I saw his face, an expression on it I wasn't quite expecting. He looked worried and slightly...scared? I didn't want him to feel like that, especially because of me.

"I won't hurt you, I was just mad." I promised and leaned in, pressing my lips gently against his. An electric shock ran through my body and I wondered if that was normal. I couldn't remember ever feeling like that from just a little lip-to-lip contact.

"You better not." Eric was smiling and pushed back against me. I opened my mouth immediately to let him in and moaned when I felt his tongue slip into my mouth. My arms wrapped around him to pull him flush against me and my fingers unconsciously started digging into his back. I could feel scrapes along his back that I had given him from last night. I never knew I was a scratcher, but I guess I was with Eric.

Eric pulled away from the kiss and stared straight into my eyes. I stared back in complete awe, trying to decipher all the emotions playing across my partner's face. Eric had always been a very stiff kind of guy, the one that kept their feelings at a distance. He usually had a serious look on his face, but now was so different. It was incredibly new and I liked it.

"I woke up alone." He stated, pulling me in for a tighter hug. My arms tightened their hold on him in response. I was still emotionally exhausted from what had just happened and it felt like Eric was holding up my sanity. I needed him with me and, finally, he was here. "I couldn't try and seduce you again."

I stared up at him in confusion, tilting my head to the side and raised a questionable brow at him. Eric had that playful smile on his face and he kissed my nose. Just like he had last night, and it made me feel so loved. I raked my fingers along his muscular back and gave him a quirky smile, "What do you mean, Delko?"

That playful smile widened and it was so big for a second, I thought his face would crack. His hands took a hold of my hips and pushed me back. I gasped when my back connected with the incredibly cold shower wall. One thing about tiles, not matter how hot the room is, they always stayed cold. Eric was in front of me suddenly and his intense stare was aimed down at me again. I wiggled against the wall, knowing it would drive Eric crazy, and he grabbed my hips harder in response.

"Your fingers fit on my hipbones." I don't know why I said it, or if it even made sense, but there was no taking it back now. I looked up at Eric's face to see his expression, but was taken aback when that huge smile was still plastered there.

"Everything about us fits, Hermoso." He leaned in and whispered into my ear. I shivered and grabbed his forearms tightly in response. Eric pressed our chests together and gave me a peck on the lips. He then kissed my cheek and moved down to place kisses along my jaw. I breathed in deeply and tried to control myself in this situation, but suddenly Eric's voice rumbled through the shower, "It's as though we were made to be together."

I felt as though my chest was going to explode. Was this real? Did _the _Eric Delko just say something incredibly romantic to me? _Me_, Ryan Wolfe?

"Have you ever heard of 'morning after' sex?" I looked up at him in surprise, he wasn't very subtle, was he? Did he really want to do that _again_?

"I don't know if we should-" I cut myself off with a moan when Eric's mouth was on my Adam's apple. After last night, I think he officially found my weak spots. The feeling of his molten hot mouth against my skin was enough to shut me up.

"You didn't think last night was good?" I couldn't figure out how he could talk when his mouth was against my neck, but I really didn't care. Because he had grabbed my butt and was pushing me higher up the tiled walls. I moved my hips forward, but he pushed them back down before we could make any contact. I growled in frustration, glaring down at him while he detached his mouth from my neck.

"I asked you a question, Wolfe. I expect you to answer it." There was that damn dominant side of him again, the same from last night. I opened my mouth to defy him in any way, but one nip to my Adam's apple and I was suddenly turned to mush in his arms.

"It was amazing." I admitted and my face reddened in embarrassment. Why did I always say the stupidest things around him? I was supposed to be a man, not a total _SAP_!

"You're letting your walls down."

I smiled and shook my head at the Cuban/Russian, "I don't need them with you."

"It's about time." He grumbled, but softened his statement by pulling me in for a long, passionate kiss. I grabbed the back of his neck in response, my other hand combing through his unruly hair. Man, that hair was getting pretty long, maybe it was time for a change...

"If we have 'morning after' sex, you have to do something for me." I bargained, pulling on his hair when he didn't answer right away. His eyes had been trailing over my body and he was looking at me the same way he looked at evidence. Examining, memorizing, so that when he came back he would know everything about it. The thought made me smile, there were going to be many more times.

Eric's eyes finally met mine and he looked confused, "Like what, Baby?"

"It's a secret." I whispered and raised a finger to my lips to show that it was in fact a secret. I wasn't going to tell him, better to keep him guessing.

Eric seemed to think it through for a moment and I got nervous for a minute. I don't know why my insecurities came back, I knew there was nothing wrong with me in Eric's eyes. He had continually said things like "Perfect", "So sexy" or "All mine" the whole time last night. He talked a lot, which was kind of surprising. He had even stated last night, and I quote, "I've never rambled during sex before." The statement made me roll my eyes just thinking about it, of course Eric would say that! Then again, I think that was a good thing. The last thing I wanted was to be the same as all his other lovers.

He could talk all he wanted, it's not like I was doing any talking. I just made weird sounds, that was my thing.

Eric's hips finally met mine and I cried out not only in surprise but from the feeling that coursed through my body. It was as though someone had shocked me with 1000 watts of electricity. I was panting, I knew that, and Eric was staring at me with wide eyes.

"Did I hurt you?"

I thrashed my head around, ignoring the headache that was threatening to appear behind my eyes again, "No, no, no. Just so...good..."

Eric smiled at this and leaned in to kiss me lightly, "I've made my decision."

"...And?"

"We have a deal."

XXEricXX

I grumbled rather loudly, glaring at Ryan from my seat across the kitchen. It was hard to stay mad at him when he was swaying his hips around like that, but I managed to glare all the same. When we made that deal, I never thought _this_ was what he wanted from me. I thought it would something exciting, stimulating for us both, you know? But _no_, Ryan had to do something incredibly boring in my opinion.

The brunette looked over his shoulder to smile at me and I looked away when he did, trying to use the silent treatment against him. I was hoping this was just a joke, that he wouldn't really do this to me. But I knew Ryan wanted this, and what Ryan Wolfe wanted, he got. I had to get used to that, I guess.

"Stop pouting, Delko." Ryan rolled his eyes at me and practically glided to my side. He pulled a garbage bag over my head, the one he had just cut a hole into. A hole big enough for my head. "You got shower sex, now I get to this."

I shook my head quickly, trying to reason with him, "If I remember correctly, you thoroughly enjoyed shower sex too."

Ryan rolled his eyes at me again and reached across my body to get the scissors he had left on the table. I grabbed his arm and stopped his actions momentarily, just before he could grab the scissors, "Maybe we should get a professional to do it."

Ryan glared at me and I knew I had said something wrong, "Cutting each other's hair is a tradition in my family. Don't you trust me?"

I leaned in a little and kissed Ryan's thin little lips to reassure him. Of course I trusted him, why would he think otherwise? I've just had some bad experiences when other people cut my hair (actually, just Calleigh and her evil electric razor). I was just a little nervous, I didn't want to disappoint Ryan if I didn't like it.

Ryan pulled back from the kiss with a smile, I had obviously gotten the point across. I don't know why people bothered with talking, kissing was such an easier way of communicating. Or at least, it was with Ryan. I don't know why, it just seemed as though we understood each other. Especially now that we weren't keeping secrets. I hated secrets.

"Ready?" Ryan smiled down at me, looking expectantly with scissors in hand. I wanted to say no, that I liked my hair this way, but I couldn't bring myself to tell Ryan that. He just looked so excited, like all he wanted to do was help me out. I mean, my hair _did_ need cutting, especially since H wanted us back at work soon. Knowing Ryan, he'd want to start working again as soon as possible.

I noticed Ryan was still staring at me, so I gave him a quirky, reassuring smile, "As ready as I'll ever be."

Suddenly, Ryan was gone. I could feel his presence behind me and his hand start to run through my hair. There were butterflies in my stomach and I didn't know why. I guess I was just sensitive about my hair, it wasn't everyday that I trusted someone with cutting it. I had trusted Calleigh once and had regretted it after. I should never have given her access to my locks, now she chose to jump me and shave it all off before I could fight back.

_I told you, Ryan is the one you should be with._

I agreed with my inner voice this time. After last night and the whole shower thing, I was starting to really fall for Ryan. My best friend, how had I been so oblivious for all these years? He was amazing in bed, but that's not why I liked him. He was also incredibly _perfect_. He had the best personality, with the looks to match. He treated me with respect and, judging by the way he was cutting my hair, wanted to take care of me. I mean, why else would he cut my hair for me?

I loved Calleigh, I knew that, but not the way I should. She was a good friend, someone I could turn to for help. But Ryan was the one I _wanted_ to turn to for help. He was the one I wanted by my side to help guide me through the tough times. I knew he would be there no matter what I did and the thought made smile like a kid in a candy store.

Ryan would be there. Sexy, sweet, brave, loving Ryan. Sure he was an OCD know-it-all with a rough past and a tendency to get under my skin, but I liked all those things. They gave him character and I didn't care if being with him meant a few fights, tears and (dare I say it) days of nonstop cleaning. I would gladly scrub a toilet for him, and that's saying _a lot_.

I closed my eyes briefly, tried not to think about the snipping sound behind me. Ryan wasn't going to ruin my hair, I knew that. Still, it was making me nervous that he didn't put a mirror up. "It would ruin the surprise" he had said. Okay, I don't think I liked surprises.

I felt him suddenly pinch the skin on the back of my neck with his long fingers. I yelped and jumped from the sting that ran through my neck before it quickly disappeared. I looked over my shoulder at him in shock and he just glared in return.

"Stop squirming." He warned me, showing me the scissors as though they were a weapon to threaten me with, "Or I'll end up cutting your ear off."

I gave him the 'you're-kidding-right?' stare when he made his threat. I rolled my eyes at him and mumbled, "I'm not a child, I know it's a lot harder than _that_ to cut an ear off."

Ryan raised a brow at me, as though testing me to continue. I closed my mouth when I noticed he was annoyed, that last thing I wanted was to get in a fight with him right now. He had scissors and full access to my hair, who knew what he would do to me. Ryan smiled triumphantly and grabbed my head, spinning it back around until I was facing forward again. I grumbled something under my breath about how he was being unreasonable and I could hear him chuckling at my childish pouting.

I could feel Ryan press his lips to the scar on the back of my head. "Relax, you're almost done." He teased, softly ruffling my hair. "I just have to do the front."

He came around the front to face me and I smiled when I saw him. I could never get enough of those soft features. Bright pink lips, big doe eyes (that were usually green, but were closer to brown today) and dark brows raised high with his look of interest. He might have been wearing his own jeans, but that red dress shirt wasn't his. After the whole shower thing, we had gotten dressed together and Ryan ended up putting one of my shirts on. I told him it looked better on him, and here he was wearing it. It was only a little bigger than him and he had rolled the long sleeves up to his elbows, so you couldn't even tell it wasn't his.

"Have I told you how sexy you look in my shirt?" Ryan didn't look at me as I spoke, just remained concentrated on my bangs as he trimmed them.

"16 times already," Ryan stated matter-of-factly, smiling slightly, "but I still like hearing it."

I smiled back up at him and his eyes finally met mine. He leaned down and kissed me slowly, making my heart suddenly race. My hands were suddenly moving and grabbed a hold of his shirt (mine, but I decided it could be his instead), pulling him down into the chair I was sitting in. He straddled my lap and smiled into the kiss, grabbing handfuls of my hair. As long as he still grabbed it, I really didn't care what my hair looked like. Not with Ryan Wolfe in my lap.

"You're amazing, did you know that?" I asked between kisses, grabbing his hips. Those hips I would _always_ love.

Ryan chuckled against my lips, "Took you long enough to realize, I've been waiting for years."

I laughed at him and rolled my eyes at the same time. Ryan was always like that, teased me when things were supposed to be serious. Oh well, that's one of the reasons I liked him.

He pulled back from me, raising an eyebrow, "Don't you want to see your hair?"

I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, nervousness and excitement both coursing through my body. I wasn't sure what it looked like, but I'm sure Ryan tried his best with it. Ryan got off of me in return and grabbed my hideous looking garbage bag bib, pulling it over my head. He leaned in close and blew against my neck, causing hair clippings to blow off of me and on the ground. His breath made me shiver, but he turned away too soon. I could see him pull out a broom and dustpan and that was my cue to go. I didn't want to stick along while he cleaned. Plus, I wanted to see my hair. I stood up and walked towards the bathroom, running a hand along Ryan's muscular shoulders as I passed him. I walked down the hallway, stopping at the door before entering the bathroom.

I stopped suddenly when I caught my reflection in the mirror. My hair was much shorter than it made been before, but definitely _not_ shaven. It was long enough that it had a sort of flip at the front and something was telling me I've seen this hairstyle before. I stared hard at my reflection, willing my mind to tell me how I knew this hair from somewhere.

My eyes widened when I realized where I'd seen it before. I used to wear my hair like this, but that was a long time ago. Back when Ryan had been shot with the nail and before I had been shot in the head.

_The time when Ryan had started liking you._

A spun around and headed out the door, marching into the kitchen. Ryan had just finished cleaning the floor and was dumping the clumps of hair into the garbage under the sink. I didn't know that much hair had come off of my head, I really _did_ need a haircut.

I crossed the room in three quick steps and threw my arms around the younger man, pulling him in for a long kiss. He kissed back hesitantly at first, then with more confidence.

"I'm guessing you like it?"

"Definitely." I enveloped his mouth again, licking his lower lip for access. He smiled against my mouth and spread his lips without protest. I brought my tongue into his mouth and delved into the incredible taste that was Ryan Wolfe.

"He he." We pulled apart suddenly and spun around in surprise. Standing in the doorway to the kitchen, smiling triumphantly and giggling like a school girl, was none other than Jessica Wolfe.

We stood in silence, Ryan blushing, Jessica giggling and I was just standing there with my arms around the other man.

Jess smirked at us and wiggled her brows playfully.

"So, who's on top?'

XXRyanXX

I sighed rather loudly, pulling my sunglasses over my eyes to block out the incredibly bright sun. Miami had been getting a lot of storms lately, it was nice to see the weather getting better. I could work on my tan, since I thought my skin was an odd colour. Eric liked it, but I thought getting a little darker wasn't such a bad idea. I might as well enjoy the nice weather, hopefully it would last. Don't get me wrong, I liked storms, but too many can get boring. Sometimes, you just want to see sunshine again.

Eric and Jessica were on their hands and knees on the ground, working in the garden. I totally forgot it was Sunday, the day Jess _always _came over. She would come look after the garden, since I was completely useless when it came to plants. I could water them, sure, but getting down in the dirt with them wasn't really my thing.

Chasing bad guys, that was my thing.

Sunday was also the day that Jessica and I would pick what flowers would go on Tim and Marisol's graves. They were always Lilacs, but there were so many in my garden it was hard to decide which ones should be picked. Eric had offered to help, of course, taking over my job for the day. I was glad, I didn't really want to garden anyway. I'm sure Eric would do a better job than me, and probably bond with Jess while he did it.

I was just going to lie on my lawn chair and stay out of everybody's way.

"It would go faster if you helped." Eric stated, resting his sweaty head on the lawn chair beside mine. I shrugged at him and chuckled, wiping a little dirt off of his cheek.

"No, it would go faster if you stopped complaining." I corrected him, receiving a glare in return. I smirked at him and looked back up at the clear skies. Eric didn't seem to want to go back to work, though, because he moved his sweaty face closer to my own. I turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow behind my sunglasses.

"You look sexy in those." He whispered to me, kissing me briefly before pulling back to smile sweetly at me. I stared at him sceptically, then rolled my eyes at his feeble attempts to win me over.

"Don't even try that." I warned him, placing my finger on his tanned nose as though I was scolding a puppy, "I'm not saving you from your work."

Eric grumbled something under his breath about me being lazy, then turned back to me with a pout, "But it's so hot!"

"You _volunteered_." I stated matter-of-factly and could see how annoyed Eric was with my tone. He never liked when I used it with him, it was the same way I used to talk to him when I was still a newbie.

"I volunteered because I thought I'd get to see you sweaty, bent over in the dirt with that golden skin of yours glowing in the sun." His hand came up and I could feel my face heat up when his fingers started tracing along my stomach. A shiver ran down my spine with every touch and I turned my head to look at my friend. Or at least, he _was_ my friend, but now I wasn't quite sure _what_ we were anymore.

"You're still doing your work."

Eric grumbled again, then reached forward to grab a hold of my nose. I opened my mouth in order to breathe and glared openly at him. Eric raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't let go of my nose.

"Whaf?" My voice sounded so weird like this and I just wanted him to let go. He didn't, though, but instead gave it a little pull. I grumbled rather loudly at him, why the hell would he grab my nose? How childish!

"Since you're not doing anything, why don't you get us some water."

"I'll make some lemonade!" Jess suddenly cheered, but I could see how red her face was. Was Jess embarrassed to be around us when we did this? I was starting to feel bad, thinking maybe we should be more conservative around her, until she winked and whispered, "I'll check your mail. Try not to disturb the neighbours when I'm gone, Ry."

Then she bounced away, disappearing into the house. I turned incredibly red and Eric just smirked, receiving a smack in the arm from me.

"You promised not to hit me anymore, remember?" Eric teased and pointed to the bruise on his left cheek. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't stop myself from pressing a tender kiss against the bruise. Eric smiled at that and kissed me back on lips. I kissed back just as persistently, Eric was quickly turning the kiss passionate, I started getting excited and this caused me to nip at his lips. Eric didn't seem to complain, just opened his mouth to push his tongue into mine. I opened up to him and grabbed the front of his shirt, trying to pull him closer. Which was hard, since he was sitting on the ground and not on the lawn chair.

Suddenly, Eric had climbed onto the lawn chair with me and was looming over me. I felt his hands roaming all over my body and his face was just inches above mine. I closed my eyes, trying to think about anything but what he was doing to me. I couldn't do this, not right out in the open with Jess just inside. She could walk out any second, then what?

_Knowing Jessica, she'd probably take pictures and send them out to everyone._

How did I raise her to be a pervert? I don't remember ever letting her see that kind of stuff when she was younger. Internet, that's probably what it was. Damn the internet.

"Open your eyes, babe." His hand twisted in my hair and gave a slight pull, jolting my eyes open. He smiled when I looked up and met eyes with him, then leaned down to place a kiss to my nose. It always made me smile when he did that, I don't know why, I just really liked it.

"Do you know how amazing you look?" My face reddened from his statement, but he moved down to capture my lips again. I opened my mouth to him and felt his tongue in my mouth. I moved mine against his to excite him a little, then let him win. He liked it when he won, so I decided I wouldn't fight him anymore. I grabbed handfuls of his hair, the hair _I _had just cut, while he moved his tongue along the roof of my mouth, receiving a moan from me. I could feel his hands running up and down my legs, from my knees all the way to my thighs. I pulled at his hair, trying to give him permission to go a bit further.

Eric's mouth was suddenly gone and my eyes shot open in surprise, "Eric, what are you-" My throaty whine cut off anymore words because his tongue was suddenly trailing along my chest and down to my stomach. It swirled around my belly button playfully, then made its way back up to my chest. By this time, my chest was starting to heave. I was breathing so heavily, panting maybe, and I didn't know why. Eric just had that effect on me, as though I had just run a marathon or something.

"Your skin is so warm." Eric stated, trailing his tongue along my torso to prove his point, "You're so thin, but so muscular."

I opened my mouth to respond, but a low growl rolled off my lips. Something suddenly overcame me because I grabbed Eric and flipped us over on the lawn chair. Eric was completely shocked from what I had just done, staring at me in disbelief. I glared down at him and leaned in close.

"You've been teasing me all day," I leaned down to the side of his head, my tongue flicking out to trace the shell of his ear. I could feel him shiver under me and it made me smile, he deserved it for what he had been doing to me all day. I was straddling his waist, so I ground my hips down onto his. Eric gasped at the contact and took hold of my hipbones. I grabbed his earlobe between my teeth and pulled, whispering into his ear, "You want it, Eric?"

I was swaying my hips against his and every time it caused him to make an odd sound. His breathe had become heavy, but he was still able to moan into my ear, "I want you, Ry."

I smiled and bit his lower lip, pulling and stretching it slowly to entice the older man. It was working and once the Cuban's hands groped my butt through my shorts, I knew that I had him. I bent down again, rubbing our chests together before whispering cheekily into his ear, "Too bad."

Eric looked confused and made a whining sound when I slipped off of him. I landed on the grass, standing up straight and smiled down at him. He lay on the lawn chair in complete shock, still incredibly red and very turned on. I raised an eyebrow at his obviously excited lower half and Eric just stared at me, still very confused in what just happened.

"Looks like you have a little problem there." I teased him, pointing to his lower half and chuckled. Eric looked down at where I was pointing and gasped, trying to cover it up. It was no use, though, because there was no way he could hide _that_. You could see his excitement through his pants, which made me laugh very hard.

Eric sat up quickly and glared, "You tricked me."

I shrugged and bent down to smirk right in his face, "That's what I'm here for."

Eric moved forward and tried to grab my waist, but I practically glided out of his reach. His glare only deepened and I could see how annoyed he was. Good, now he knew how I felt when he teased me.

"That's not fair." He grumbled and I raised both brows over my sunglasses, sticking my tongue out at him childishly. Eric's eyes met my tongue and he watched it carefully. I realized what he was thinking and I decided to explore on that, moving my tongue across my lips. Eric followed every movement and he slowly stood up from the lawn chair, not even daring to look away from me. He moaned slightly, but it wasn't enough. I got an idea and brought one of my hands up just inches from my face. Eric watched carefully as I curled every finger in except my pointing finger. One last glance at Eric's face, then I popped the finger into my mouth.

"Dammit, Wolfe!" He growled and threw himself at me. I dodged away quickly, leaving him sprawled out on the ground. I laughed at him on the ground, but my laughter died when I saw the look on my partner's face. Lust and pure determination.

_Oh crap._

Eric was up again and coming after me, but I was good at avoiding him. He was annoyed, I could see that, but I knew he liked it. Eric Delko wasn't used to chasing someone for sex, but there were a lot of things he had to get used to if we were going to be together.

_If._

That was a bad word, I didn't like to use it much. Especially not when it involved Eric and I. I mean, everything in our relationship was confusing. First we hated each other, then he spontaneously saves me and I fall for him. We were good friends, then Calleigh came along and I became distant. I spontaneously saved Eric and he fell for me. It didn't really make sense, yesterday we were best friends and now we were sort of a couple. _Sort of_, since he was technically still dating Calleigh.

Eric was still chasing me around, but I was much faster. Probably because I was younger and the fact that he was incredibly horny might have also been an aspect. I was laughing uncontrollably, making my breathing twice as heavy as it needed to be. It wasn't my fault, it was just so damn _funny_!

Eric was getting close and I grabbed the first thing I could find to use as a weapon. I smiled when I realized I had grabbed the hose, how _perfect_. I aimed it at my attacker and flipped the switch. Eric cried out in surprise when a blast of water shot at him. I laughed as he was soaked and he fell over onto the grass from the force of it. I smiled in satisfaction, knowing I had won. Finally, it was about time. Eric had won so much, it was only a matter of time until I beat him.

I swayed my hips at him, smirking when I saw that predatory look still on his face. As _if_! There was no way Eric Delko was getting me again. He had to work for me, and now he knew that.

I had zoned out for a second, I _swear_ it was just a second. I should have paid attention because suddenly another body collided with mine. All the air was knocked out of my lungs and I tumbled backwards, the other person landing on top of me. They thoroughly pinned me down and I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of this. A very wet, very annoyed Eric Delko was pressed down tightly against me, intense eyes staring down into mine. He was getting me wet, and water was dripping off of his hair. It hit my face, trailed down it and Eric's eyes followed the water drop until it dripped all the way off of my face.

"Well, Well." I teased with a smile, squirming under him the way he liked me to, "Someone's _horny_."

A small smile played against Eric's lips and he was looking at my smile. See, I _knew_ he would enjoy a little chase. Eric Delko was so easy to read sometimes.

I leaned up and gave Eric a peck on the lips, but he pulled me in to give me a more passionate kiss. I grabbed at his shirt and pulled him father on top of me until our bodies were pressed as close as they could get.

"You think you can tease me and get away with it?" Eric growled dominantly, grabbing me in for a long kiss. I opened my mouth to him without any protest and he obliged by entering my mouth. I moaned into the kiss and tried to pull him even closer, which was stupid since we couldn't get any closer. Well we could, but that wasn't something you don't do in the back yard. Even if there _was_ a fence covering you.

Our tongues were playing together and I didn't mind losing the battle of dominance to him. I could feel Eric start to move away, but I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back down. He wasn't going _anywhere_, not after he had excited me this much.

"Who's horny now?" Eric teased me and I ignored him, pulling him in for more contact. Our tongues met again and I pulled his all the way into my mouth. I could feel more than hear Eric's deep moan and released his tongue in return. I felt his hands roam down and cup my ass through my shorts again and when he pushed it up, I moved my hips up until they met his. My back was completely arched off the ground and my hands were moving in his hair. I wondered how we got here, from me teasing him to him on top of me, pressing into me...

I don't care how, I wasn't really complaining.

"RYAN!"

We both jumped at the sound, eyes wide in shock. Was that a scream? It was coming from the house and it sounded just like...

"Jessica!" I called back and pushed Eric off of me, jumping up to my feet. Eric was right behind me, but I didn't pay much attention to him. I didn't have time for that, not if Jessica was in trouble.

I was sprinting towards the house before my brain could register what was going on. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins and I couldn't really understand this. Usually when I got this way, I tended to be violent. But did that really matter if Jess was in danger?

I ran into the house, calling her name desperately. If Jessica was hurt, I swear to god someone was going to get killed for it.

"Ryan!" That voice, it was coming from the...kitchen?

I threw myself through the doorway to the kitchen and spotted Jessica immediately. She wasn't hurt at all, but she looked scared. My mail was in front of her on the counter and she was clutching an envelope in her hand.

"Jess?" She looked up when Eric said her name and my chest ached when I saw her face. Her eyes were so wide and there were tears running down he cheeks as she just stared at us. I opened my mouth to say something-_anything_- but I somehow couldn't create words. I had never seen Jessica this scared. She was usually stronger than this, and seeing her scared made me feel the same. Something bad was going on, I could feel it.

Eric moved passed me and went to Jessica first, who dropped the envelope on the counter and threw her arms around him desperately. I walked forward slowly, being extremely careful for some reason. This felt really weird, as though I knew exactly what was going on. But that was impossible, I had _no_ idea what had just happened. Eric was holding onto Jess while she bawled into his chest and I was just standing there like an idiot.

I made it to the counter, picking up the envelope that had scared my niece so much. I opened it up as carefully as I could and pulled the large pictures out of it. I made a mental note that someone _had_ to have developed these photos, or else they wouldn't look this professional.

The images were all from a distance and all the people in it were never looking at the camera. The photographer must have hid close by, somewhere they could take pictures without being caught.

The picture on top was of Eric and I at a crime scene, standing side by side and talking. I turned to the next picture and it was a close up of Eric and my faces, smiling at each other because we had just figured out what the murder weapon had been. Panic rose in me when I could recall that exact moment and I flipped through the many more photos to see if I could remember any more of them. They were all similar, Eric and I at many different crime scenes, driving in the hummer, _inside_ the lab. Who the hell got inside the lab to take these pictures?

The pictures changed suddenly. They were still of Eric and I, but were a lot different in the others. I was being pulled away in a stretcher while Eric followed. The pictures seemed to move frame by frame and I shivered when I realized when these pictures had been taken.

Only a few days ago, when I had been shot.

My hands went completely numb and suddenly I lost my grip on the pictures, causing them to fall to the tiled floor below. They scattered across the kitchen floor and I just stood there, unable to move. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was pictures of me on a stretcher, covered in my own blood.

I looked at Eric with wide eyes and he looked back at me the same way. He could easily see how upset I was and moved towards me. But when he did this, Jess let go of his chest and looked down. I dropped to the floor immediately, scrambling around as I snatched all of the photos off of the ground. I moved quickly, before she could see them and freak out again.

She opened her mouth to say something, but I had collected all of the pictures before she got a really good look at them. I turned my back to her suddenly, hoping she wouldn't speak to me. I had been shot just a few days ago and I _really_ didn't want to talk about it.

I moved quickly, throwing open one of the counter drawers and pulled out a large plastic bag. I carefully placed the envelope full of pictures into the bag and zipped it close. When I turned back around, both Eric and Jess were staring at me like they expected me to break down at any moment. I wouldn't, of course, but they still waited cautiously. Just in case.

I moved forward and grabbed Jessica by the fore arm, trying to be stern even though I was careful not to hurt her. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her. I pulled her quickly towards the exit and out the door. Eric was following, looking extremely confused, but I ignored him completely. I lead Jessica all the way to her car and opened the door, pushing her inside. She remained silent throughout this whole thing, looking at me like I had gone insane. To tell the truth, I probably had.

"You're going home." I stated, leaving no room for arguments. I didn't have time to fight with her, I just wanted her as far away from me as possible. If someone was following me, they would find her too, and the last thing I wanted was to put her in any kind of danger. It was too late for Eric, but I wouldn't bring Jessica down with me.

"But-"

"No." I cut her off quickly, there was no way she could talk me out of this. "This never happened. You never saw those pictures, don't even _mention_ them to Uncle Ron."

"But you're in trouble."

I grabbed her face in my hands, trying to get her full attention, "Listen to me, I'm going to be fine. But I need you to go home and forget this ever happened. Don't come back until I say it's safe."

Jessica stared at my face for a moment, as if to read my expression. Finally, she gave me a sad smile and nodded in understanding. She pulled the door of her car closed and turned the car on, turning to look at me one last time.

"I love you guys." She whispered before she pulled out of the driveway. I watched her car drive down the street and sighed. That look on her face when she said that, I could tell what she was thinking. Jess knew something bad was about to happen.

_That's the last time you can see her until this is over._

I turned back around and froze when I saw Eric's face. He was shocked, confused, but underneath that I could see something like understanding in his eyes. He knew why I sent Jessica away and I couldn't see any judgement in his eyes.

"Ryan, can we go see Mari?" He said suddenly, staring straight into my eyes. I looked at him, confused for a moment, before I registered what he just said. He wanted to go to the graveyard? Now? I opened my mouth to say something to him, but the look in his eyes stopped me. I couldn't say no, not when he looked so...I couldn't really understand what the emotion was.

"Let's go."

XXEricXX

I sighed and sat down slowly, staring at the grave in front of me. It was uncomfortable to be at the tombstone, which was weird because I came here a lot. But this time was different and I couldn't really figure out why. I think it was because of what happened today. Jess was gone now and I was afraid this whole situation was affecting Ryan more than he wanted me to know.

I placed a Lilac on Marisol's headstone carefully, I had picked it from Ryan's garden earlier today. I didn't know what to do in this situation, I couldn't really create thoughts in my jumbled mind. I mean, I didn't really _understand_ what was going on with Ryan. What would I have to do in the future, if I wanted to be with Ryan? Something was telling me that the consequences wouldn't be good.

Speaking of Ryan, I could see him not very far away. He was standing at Speed's grave, dropping the Lilac on the headstone. I could see the look on his face when he stared at my former best friend's grave. He looked sad, of course, grateful, but also guilty. Ryan was guilty, the thought made my stomach churn.

I always used to tease Ryan, told him he wasn't _ever_ going to be Speed. I didn't notice until now how emotionally I had affected him by saying that. Ryan thought he was living someone else's life, he used to say things like that sometimes. I remember one day I had started yelling at him and he suddenly just snapped. I remember what he had said, and once again I quote, "I can't be Speed, okay? I _know_ I don't belong in this lab! This is where Speed belongs, but I can't change that! He's dead, deal with it!" I remember how angry I had been, almost punching him right there, but Horatio had stopped me from doing anything.

But that was wrong, Ryan _did_ belong in the lab. Sure he wasn't Speedle, but I was okay with that. If Tim hadn't died, I would have never met Ryan Wolfe. We wouldn't be the people we were today and I liked my life the way it was. I missed Speed of course, but I had Ryan now, I had a new best friend.

And a new partner.

"Hey Mari." I whispered, brushing my hand over her name, engraved deeply into the granite slate, "I'm back, and I brought company." I motioned towards Ryan, who was still in his own little world by Tim's grave, "You remember Ryan Wolfe, right?"

I don't know if I was expecting a response, but of course I didn't get one. I sighed, why did I keep trying? It was no use, I would never hear my little sister's beautiful voice again. I guess it was time to move on.

Still, my mouth kept moving, "Something's going on, Mari. I mean something _big_, and it has to do with Ryan. I think someone's after him." I shook my head and looked away for a moment, "He was attacked last night."

There was still no response at all, but I continued, "It's getting worse, I think he's in trouble and I'm worried I can't protect him."

I smiled at this, standing up slowly. I didn't want to be here long anyway, I just wanted to talk to someone about this. I took in a deep breath and continued, "He's always so reckless and tries to do _everything _on his own," I ran my hands through my hair and shrugged, "I can't lose him. He thinks he can do this on his own, but I won't leave him alone when his life is in danger."

"I'll be fine." I spun around in surprise to see Ryan standing behind me, a sad smile on his handsome features, "You need to stop worrying about me."

Ryan was staring at Mari's headstone, but when I looked at him his eyes met mine. I could see something in his eyes and it took me by surprise. Support? No way, Ryan Wolfe was _not_ trying to support _me._ I was a man, I could handle myself.

I felt his presence beside me and I wondered how I didn't notice him moving closer to me. It didn't matter because here he was, shoulder pressed against mine. He _was_ giving me support, but I didn't know if I really wanted it. I had a thing with my pride, but this was _Ryan_. I could trust him, right?

Ryan's hand touched mine hesitantly and I looked down, confused on what was going on. I couldn't understand what he was doing, and became even more confused when he intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked down at our hands, then looked back up at his face. I could see an expression on his face that seemed familiar. I had seen it last night, the first time we had actually slept together. I had thought it was love, and I still did. Was Ryan Wolfe in love with _me_?

"Wolfe." I didn't mean to call him by his last name, but Ryan caught the name quickly. He practically flinched in response, looking away from me. I could feel his fingers untangling from mine and he was pulling his hand away. I stood in surprise, trying to understand what had just happened. Somehow, I had called him by his professional name. He had taken this as some sort of warning because his hand was gone and he was moving his shoulder off of mine too.

I turned around and caught him just as he turned away from me. I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers, pulling him back to me until we were flush against each other.

"I didn't mean to call you that." I whispered, running my hand soothingly through his hair. He didn't look too upset, but then again he was good at hiding it. He must have had his wall up again, but it quickly fell and he squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"I know you're upset," Ryan stated and intertwined the fingers of our other hands, "But I don't want you to be."

I smiled sadly at him and pulled our hands apart. He looked upset for a moment when we lost the contact, but the look went away when my hands were suddenly on his waist. He looked confused, but I didn't pay attention to his confusion. My chest was aching badly after seeing those pictures today and I hated when it felt this way. Someone had been watching Ryan and I for awhile now and they wanted us to know that.

I wrapped my arms around the slim waist of my partner and pulled him closer to me. I could feel my eyes starting to burn, so I hid my face in the junction between Ryan's shoulder and his neck. It fit perfectly, just like I knew it would. Just like everything else with the younger man seemed to fit.

I held on to him tightly, trying to control my emotions. Ryan's hands were around my neck and they were running through my hair in the most comfortable way possibly. I found myself melting into him, feeling his heartbeat through his neck. It just reminded me that everything was okay. Ryan may be in danger, but he was safe with me. I just needed to calm down.

"There's something I need to tell you." My voice was slightly mumbled from Ryan's neck, but he was still able to hear me. A hand rubbed my back and I took this as my cue to continue. I could read Ryan and I knew that a little rub like that was giving me enough permission to explain. I sighed into his neck and spoke again, "It's about your father."

I could feel his whole body stiffen against me and I suddenly felt horrible about even mentioning something. Still, what would happen if I _didn't_ tell him. He would be so upset and would probably lose trust in me. No, I _definitely_ didn't want that.

"You know everything that happened," Ryan stated rather calmly, but I could feel the way his heartbeat sped up. He was obviously upset about bringing this up and it just made me feel worse, "We don't have to talk about this."

I shook my head at his statement, if only he knew how wrong that statement was. We _did_ have to talk about it, it was important.

_He has to know._

I pulled away from the brunette, meeting eyes with him. His expression was distant, but I could easily see the discomfort he had with this topic. If I had another choice I wouldn't even bring this up. I mean, he was right, I _did_ know everything. But that wasn't the problem, _he_ was the one who didn't know everything. It was his father, he deserved to know.

I was starting to get second thoughts, and those were never good. I took in a deep breath and let the words rush out of me before I could back out, "He's out of jail."

I expected to see pain in my partner's face, but was taken aback when a smile spread across his features. I stared at him in shock, why was he smiling? It didn't make sense at all, did he not understand what I had just said? His father was out of jail! The man that had killed his sister and had tried to kill him too!

Ryan just rolled his eyes at me, "Very funny, Delko."

"I'm not joking!" I didn't mean for my voice to be that loud, but I was mad. I would _never_ make a joke about Ryan's father, that would just be cruel. I wasn't that kind of person and Ryan _knew_ that.

His smile was had disappeared so quickly I wondered if it had even been there. Instead, he just looked shocked. His eyes were incredibly wide, I've never seen _anyone's_ eyes go that wide and it just made my chest ache again. I felt bad for Ryan, but I had no choice. He deserved to know about his father, it wasn't fair for me to keep it a secret from him.

He was shaking his head repeatedly at me, as though he was denying it, but no words were coming from his mouth. I was starting to get worried, the younger man tended to be emotionally unstable at times and I didn't want to be the cause of that.

"It's him." I was surprised by his voice, I wasn't expecting him to speak. If it were me I think I would have just stayed silent, but then again, Ryan was _very_ different from me. He seemed to be strong in the areas that I lacked strength. Man, that's a blow to my pride!

"It's okay, Ry." I tried to soothe him, not exactly knowing what else to do. I didn't know what he was saying and I had a bad feeling I didn't _want_ to know. Whatever it was, if it had something to do with his father, it could never be good. Jordan Balhomey was a bad man who did bad things, as simple as that.

I was rubbing my hands soothingly through his hair but he didn't relax like I thought he would. Instead he let out an angry growl and shoved me away from him. I stared wide eyed at him, but was met with a dark glare that was _way_ too familiar.

I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything Ryan had turned his back to me. I stood there uselessly, just watching his back as he walked away from me. What had just happened? I had been honest with him, why did he suddenly get angry with me?

"_**It's him."**_

The statement finally clicked in my head. Had Ryan meant what I think he meant? All those dead boys who looked like Ryan, the bikers who attacked him last night, they were all because of his father?

"Ryan!" I called, running after him. I grabbed his wrist to stop him and spun him around, but froze when I saw his face. His whole face was pale, his bright green eyes filled with unshed tears as he stared back at me.

"He's going to kill me," Ryan's lower lip trembled as he spoke and I could only watch as the tears started to drip down his face. I had _never_ seen Ryan Wolfe cry, _never_. I mean, he had a little last night, but not like this. He was practically sobbing and it was all so new to me. He had put on a tough act for so long that I guess he was finally just breaking. His father was after him and we were both scared of what was going to happen, he deserved to shed a few tears.

I grabbed him and quickly pulled him to me, hugging him as tightly as possible. He was shaking in my arms, but I didn't care. I usually made fun of men who cried, but this was a completely different situation. Ryan could cry if he wanted, it didn't make him any less of a man. Especially not in my eyes.

"He's not going to kill you, Hermoso. I'll protect you, just stay with me." I whispered, pressing our foreheads together.

Ryan laughed bitterly in response, trying to wipe his tears away, "You can't always be at my side, Eric. We're going back to work tomorrow and we'll probably be on different cases."

"No." I mumbled, looking away from him, ""You're going to be okay."

"If you really thought that was true, you'd be looking me in the eye when you said it."

I looked back at him and just watched him for a moment. He was too smart for his own good, he seemed to be reading every movement I was making. I was worried about him, to say the least. I didn't care that _my_ life was in danger, just that _his_ was. If his father got him, I don't think Ryan would survive. I mean, sure, he was tough and strong, but who knew how many men were after him. He was still injured for god's sake, he couldn't fight off a bunch of those huge bikers!

"It's just going to keep getting worse, Eric." Ryan admitted, shrugging nonchalantly as though he wasn't _still_ crying a little. I could see the fear in his eyes and I knew why. He was afraid that I would leave him, probably go back to Calleigh or something. But I wasn't like that anymore, I was tired of playing people.

"I'm already involved and I'm not going anywhere." I assured him, cupping his face with my hands, "Especially after what we did today."

He chuckled lightly and the sound made me smile. It was true, a lot had happened today. I mean, we had slept together twice already, Ryan had insisted on cutting my hair, I did his gardening with Jess, and he had successfully seduced me. Ryan Wolfe, the seducer. Who knew?

"If something happens to me, I want you to know it's not your fault."

"Nothing's going to happen." I stated angrily, why would he even say something like that? I wouldn't let anything happen to him!

Ryan rolled his eyes at me and kissed my forehead lightly, "I know. But if it does, I'm not going to go down without a fight. He wants to see me break, but you know I won't."

I unconsciously tightened my grip on him, "Then I guess I'll have to keep an eye on you."

Ryan smiled up at me and I bent down, kissing him softly on the lips. His arms went around my neck and I could feel him playing with my hair. I drew circles on his waist and marvelled at the way his skin felt.

What if something happened to Ryan like he kept saying it would? If they got him, he said he wouldn't give up. They'd kill him just because he wouldn't give up and I _couldn't _let that happen. I couldn't live without him. What would I do without his cocky, but caring attitude, his brains, his soft skin, or his handsome features? And those hip bones God, I think I'd _die_ without those.

I needed to wake up to him every morning, to have him at my side through all the hard times, for him to tease and torment me no matter how much it annoyed me. I needed his OCD induced cleaning, his out of control emotions, that beautiful smile and laugh, even all the scars his body bared. The good and the bad, I needed them in my life if I was going to survive.

My eyes widened when I finally realized why I felt this way. Ryan was never going to be just the guy I cheated with, I wanted him to be more. Calleigh was great, but it was always so different with Ryan around. He was all I cared about anymore and I finally knew why.

I was in love with Ryan Wolfe.

XXXX

**End of Chapter 8. Kind of long, my bad, just got carried away with the pure slashiness of the whole thing. Eric loves Ryan, but does Ryan love him back? I'll update sooner next time, thanx for reading! Next chapter will be more dramatic because we're getting close to the ending!**


	9. I Love You

**A/N: I actually didn't expect to get this far with Bittersweet, but I'm already on my 9****th**** chapter! Like I said, this chapter is going to get dramatic!**

**Disclaimer: Still own nothing, just the idea.**

**Thank you **_**Plesa **_**for sending me a message. I didn't have my laptop for most of the summer, but now that I'm back at school I can update a lot sooner. So, without further ado, Chapter 9 of Bittersweet.**

XXEricXX

_I love you._

I didn't know why I couldn't sleep, my body just seemed to want me awake. I was scared, to say the least, of drifting off and risk not watching over my partner. I mean, what if those monsters snatched him away and I couldn't protect him because I was asleep? No, I wouldn't let that happen.

Okay, so maybe I was taking this whole protection thing a little too far, but could you really blame me? I had just realized I _loved_ Ryan, I couldn't risk the chance of him being taken away from me. I couldn't lose him, I needed him with me always.

I closed my eyes briefly in a last attempt to get some shut-eye, but they didn't stay closed for long. Ryan's leg probably moved just an inch, but my brown eyes shot open at the movement. I looked down at my sleeping partner, worried he had woken up or was somehow uncomfortable, but he was still in a peaceful sleep. He looked very comfortable, all of his muscles were loose in his quiet sleep.

Being in bed with Ryan Wolfe would probably sound awkward, but it wasn't at all. He had fallen asleep pretty quickly and I was fully content on listening to his soft little snores all night. The bed was a queen, plenty of room for both of us to cuddle, but I guess that's not what Ryan liked to do. He had started out with just his head on my chest, but eventually his whole body had moved. That's what led us in this position, both completely naked, with Ryan's body sprawled out on top of mine. I didn't mind it much, even if his hair tickled skin every time he moved.

I stared down at my lover's sleeping face, it was so calm and serene that I felt kind of jealous. Ryan seemed to be relieved of all his stress and I wish I could sleep like him. I couldn't really understand it, how he could sleep so easily when his insane father was after him. He had been crying about 10 hours ago, now he had his cheek smooshed into my chest like a pillow. It was actually kind of cute, but looking at him just reminded me that I still hadn't had any sleep at all.

I was going to be very cranky at work.

I sighed at this, completely forgetting that the brunette was on my chest. I looked down again, hoping I hadn't disturbed him, but he remained as peaceful as he always was. It was weird, Ryan Wolfe usually wasn't this quiet. He was usually either fighting with me on something, or just talking about the newest case. He was almost completely silent and, even though I enjoyed it, I was starting to miss that sweet voice of his.

"_**He's going to kill me."**_

Ryan had been so scared when he said it. He had been _crying_ and I had no doubt the younger man thought this was true. Inside that content, sleeping man was obvious fear. He had sent his niece away from him, he knew that something bad was going to happen. He knew we couldn't prevent it, but I wasn't going to give up hope. I loved him and there was _no_ way I was going to abandon him when he was in need. They wouldn't lay a finger on him, not when I was around. If they wanted Ryan, they'd have to go through me first.

I knew what Ryan would say in this situation. Probably something like, "Don't do that, risking your life over something stupid like that." But what was stupid about wanting to protect the one I loved? Ryan might not think he was worth it, but I would risk my life for him. He was more than worth it, that's for sure.

I close my eyes again, just in case sleep decided to take me away by surprise. That would be nice, since it was probably already morning by now. I needed as much sleep as I could get, the last thing I wanted was to spazz out on one my coworkers. I'm sure Horatio would understand, but Stetler would probably find a way to get me in trouble.

**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**

My eyes shot open in surprise from the rather loud noise to my right. The alarm clock, just _great_! So much for sleep before work.

Ryan's head shot up from my chest and he looked around the room with large green eyes. He looked frightened and the way his hands had grabbed a hold of my waist almost protectively told me the whole story.

"It's okay, babe, just the alarm clock." I reassured him, lifting a hand to brush my finger tenderly against his cheekbone. It was still puffy from sleep and, even though he had just woken up, he was still incredibly beautiful. He relaxed into my touch and smiled that sweet little smile of his. The one that made my heart melt whenever I saw it. Waking up to Ryan Wolfe was definitely something I could get used to.

"Time to get up." He mumbled back at me, but instead of getting up like he had said, he laid back down on my chest. I looked down at him and raised a questioning brow, but he stayed on my chest, green eyes staring back into mine.

"Just give me one more minute." Ryan's voice was muffled as he pushed his face back into the skin of my chest. I gave a nod to him, not sure if he even saw it, and continued to watch him. He looked too comfortable and there was no way I was going to take that away from him. Especially not when he was placing soft kisses over every inch of my chest. The act was so tender and loving that it made me fall in love with him all over again.

A small sigh escaped my partner's mouth and it tickled over my skin, before he moved up to face level. "Okay, time to get up now." He whispered to me, kissing me lazily on the lips. I kissed back, trying to be slow since I knew he was still half asleep.

When Ryan finally pulled away from me, he slipped off of my body and off the bed as well. His feet barely made a noise on the hardwood and I turned my head to just stare at him. My intention wasn't to stare, but when I got a full view of his naked body, I found it hard to look away from the expanse of golden skin along his back and perfect bottom. He had freckles along his back and I had taken the time a few days ago to count how many he actually had in total. I counted all the way to 42 freckles, then went to memorizing every curve and contour of my new lover. Trust me, I probably knew Ryan's body better than he did by now.

"Eric." I froze when I recognized the tone he was using with me. Annoyed and slightly pissed off, that was never good.

I looked up at him innocently, hoping he wasn't mad that I was checking him out. If that was the reason, I wasn't sure I could keep myself from doing that. Ryan turned around to look at me, a hand on his hip, while the other held something up for me to see. My eyes travelled along the view of his frontal nudity, before it made it to the object he clutched angrily.

My eyes widened when I realized what it was. Oh crap, he was going to _kill_ me!

"What is _this_?" He asked, waving the object in front of my face.

I sighed, rolling my eyes at him, "It's a shirt, Ry."

"Wrong." Ryan stated rather calmly for this situation, which freaked me out even more. A calm Ryan was never good, that was for sure. "_This_ is a shirt that was on the floor."

"You're right." Agreeing was always the best idea when it came to Ryan Wolfe. He was scary when he was angry, even scarier than the many hormonal women I've ever met.

"And where does this belong?" He asked me, raising an eyebrow at me. I stood from the bed, taking the shirt from him, then walked to the other side of the room. He watched me carefully, probably checking me out a little while he did (or maybe I was just hoping he was). I opened the hamper on the opposite side of the room and dropped the dirty shirt inside. Ryan nodded in satisfaction, smiling at me in approval of my actions. I went to his side quickly, noticing he had his hands crossed over his chest. I knew what every one of Ryan's movements meant and crossed arms meant he was still annoyed with me.

"I'm sorry, babe. Sometimes I forget about your OCD." I tried to reason with him, grabbing him by his exposed hips, "I'm still learning."

Ryan smiled in return, uncrossing his arms to wrap them around my neck and pull me in for a passionate kiss. I responded immediately, knowing that even though he hadn't said anything, I had been forgiven. It wasn't my fault, I was still trying to learn all of his OCD quirks. I totally forgot I had left the shirt on the floor and I knew he hated that, I should have known he'd get a little upset.

"No more clothes on the floor." I promised, receiving another long kiss in approval. If it meant being with Ryan, I didn't care about his OCD. Eventually I'd learn how his mind worked (or at least, I hoped I would).

"Get dressed, we're going to be late." Ryan mumbled and I just chuckled in return. Just another thing Ryan hated, being late. I doubted we would be late, not with him around, but he insisted that it could happen. In my opinion, it was impossible when he was in charge of my morning routine. One thing about Ryan, he liked to be organized.

I watched the younger man start getting dressed and I moved to the other side of the room, where my clothes for today were already folded in a neat pile on top of the dresser. Ryan had picked them out the night before, apparently it was more efficient. I didn't mind much, if he wanted to pick out my clothes, then by all means he could do that. Plus, he had a good sense of style, so I was sure the outfit looked great.

I finished getting dressed quickly, turning back to try and catch the other man half naked. Unfortunately for me, he wasn't even in the room. I raised an eyebrow, confused, until I heard the sound of water running. I followed the sound, but stopped when I was met with the bathroom door. I hesitated there a moment, unsure what to do in this situation. Did Ryan want me in there with him? If he did, why did he close the door?

I thought a moment before I made a decision, pushing my insecurities aside as I pushed the door open. It was unlocked, which was a good sign. I walked in slowly, looking around before my eyes caught on to Ryan. He wasn't looking at me, but he was standing in front of the mirror and staring at his own reflection. He was running his hands through his hair, gelling it back and away from his face like he often did for work. I watched his expression carefully, it was the same one he used when he examined evidence. I noticed a few years ago that whenever he had that look, one of his eyes would blink a millisecond before the other (**A/N: It's true, I noticed that one of Jon Togo's eyes will sometimes blink before the other one**). It was hard to catch, but it was there, and I figured it must have been an effect from the nail gun accident.

I sensed his thoughts as he examined his hairline with a small frown, almost a pout.

"You're not losing your hair." I stated calmly and he jumped in surprise, snapping out of his thoughts and turned to look at me with his wide, doe eyes. I came up behind him and wrapped an arm reassuringly around his small waist. He leaned back into my chest almost instantly and rested his head on my shoulder, giving me a full view of his face. I ran my hands through his hair and when he closed his eyes in return, I stretched forward and kissed his thin peach lips.

"You're 32, you have plenty of hair." I whispered and he just smiled in return, grateful that I had cheered him up. It was my pleasure, since I hated seeing him so upset. "Plus," I added, smiling teasingly at him, "I'm older than you, so I'd probably lose my hair sooner than you would."

The brunette grumbled at me and pouted, "But you look good with your head shaved, no one will even notice when you go bald."

I rolled my eyes at him and kissed him once more, this time a little bit longer, "I don't care what you look like, Ry, just don't ever try to change."

"I won't." He mumbled and spun around to face me, pulling me into an embrace. I tightened my arms around him and busied myself with laying small pecks all along his jaw. Holding him like this, it was as though all the bad things in the world didn't exist. I almost forgot about Jordan Balhomey and how the man I loved was in danger. Almost. When I was with Ryan, I didn't care about being late for work, or how almost every criminal wanted our team dead, or that I had to break the bad news to Calleigh as soon as possible. I didn't care because I had someone who would stand with me through that, to hold my hand when I needed support or to hug me tightly when I was upset.

Maybe I had become a total sap, but I didn't care anymore.

"Can I help you with your hair?" Ryan asked, pulling back to smile nervously at me. He knew that I had a problem with people touching my hair, but to tell the truth, I didn't mind anymore. At least, not with _him_. I still wasn't going to let Calleigh anywhere near my dark locks, I don't think I'd ever be ready for that. She was insane when it came to hair and I didn't feel like being victim to her electric razor anymore.

I nodded at the other man quickly and in return, Ryan grabbed the hair gel off the counter (rather enthusiastically, I might add). He started styling my hair right away and I just smiled in response. I watched his face, the same concentrated one he seemed to use with a lot of things outside of his work. He paid attention to every detail and I guess that included things in his everyday life. It was due to his OCD and, to tell the truth, I liked it.

_Actually, you love it._

True, I did love it. Just like I loved everything else about him.

I remained staring at my boyfriend's face (or at least, that's what I saw him as. We hadn't really talked about the whole dating thing yet, but I was still hopeful.) I don't think he noticed I was staring at him until he finally took his eyes off of my hair. He looked taken aback from my expression and Ryan just stared back with the blankest look I've ever seen. I couldn't understand what emotion was actually on my face, but whatever it was, it was obviously confusing the other man.

"What?" I finally got the courage to ask, though I had to admit, I was afraid of the answer. Damn Ryan for bringing out the self conscious part of me.

He was still staring blankly at me, his mouth opening and closing occasionally as though he wanted to say something, but just couldn't bring himself to do it. This only brought more insecurities and I mentally cursed him for doing this to me again. I knew it wasn't really his fault, but blaming him was so much easier than blaming myself.

Ryan's tongue came out to wet his lips and from habit, I watched its every movement. I couldn't help it really, he was just too sexy for his own good. I could probably watch his mouth for hours on end and still not ever be bored of it. If I _could,_ of course, since Wolfe would probably throw something at me and make it clear how creepy I was being. Bursts of anger, that was the Wolfe I knew and loved, but where was that man right now? There was no anger in his face and he seemed utterly speechless, if only I knew why.

He finally opened his mouth to speak, but the words that came out were not what I had expected.

"I lo-" He cut himself off just as my excitement got the better of me, hoping to any and every god he was just about to confess his love towards me, "I mean...I think I- that is...never mind."

My heart dropped and I was ashamed to admit I was extremely disappointed. It wasn't fair for me to be angry with him, I mean we had only been together for a few days. There was no way he'd have enough time to identify feelings of love. Plus, Ryan Wolfe was almost as bad at expressing emotions as I was. He didn't share feelings with other people, so I knew I shouldn't really push him further.

But I couldn't help it, "What is it, Ry-Ry?"

He seemed to physically flinch at the nickname and it tore into my chest the way he looked away from me, "Forget it."

It was safe to say my feelings were hurt (Dammit, that sounded like a chick-flick line!), but I knew Ryan wasn't to blame. I was moving too fast for him and if that was a problem, I would gladly go much slower. Whatever he wanted, I just wanted to be with him.

"If you're going to be my boyfriend, you'll need to learn how to share your thoughts." I tried to make a joke in a sad attempt to make him smile again, but the reaction instead was something I never expected (Wolfe was full of surprises this morning). His usually round eyes grew ten times bigger and his jaw dropped, making his mouth look like a big 'O'.

"What?" he gasped, but I had no idea what I had just said wrong.

"What?"

"Did you just call me your boyfriend?"

I froze in realization and I think my face must have mirrored his. I backtracked to my comment, had I really called him my boyfriend? My face reddened when I confirmed that yes, I _had_ just called my best friend and most annoying co-worker my _boyfriend_.

"Really?" It sounded like he was asking me for confirmation, but I was too confused to understand. I was supposed to be a CSI, quick decision making was involved in the job, but for once I was at a loss. I chanced a glance at his face and when I saw the nervous, almost pleading look on his face, I couldn't help but smile.

The words slipped out before I even thought about it, "You _are_ my boyfriend, right?"

"Are you still breaking up with Calleigh?"

I was taken aback for the millionth time this morning (maybe not that much, but I hadn't really been counting, there were a lot), but I recovered enough to give him a nod. I _was_ breaking up with Calleigh, that I knew for sure. No offense to Calleigh, she was a great girlfriend, but she wasn't Ryan.

His mouth was suddenly pressed to mine in a slow, sensual kiss and I melted right into it. It was so easy to get lost in him and just thinking about being a work for hours, not being able to touch him or treat him any more than I would treat a co-worker, made me squirm in displeasure. I needed to touch him, to run my hand through his soft brown locks like I was doing now. I think I would die without being able to hear him laugh and I hated the thought of going back to the time where all I could do was watch him from a distance.

When we parted I let a small smirk run across my lips, "I'm guessing that's a yes to the boyfriend thing."

Ryan Wolfe chuckled at me and gave me a playful smack, smiling teasingly at me, "You can be a moron sometimes."

I didn't take his tease personally and just smiled back at him, "But I'm _your_ moron."

He pulled me in for another long kiss, making me putty in his hands once again. He had that effect on me and to tell the truth, I had no complaints in the matter. My pride didn't matter because Ryan had just confirmed that I _did_ belong to him, and that didn't sound bad at all.

_I Love You._

I wanted to tell him so badly, but I knew I really couldn't. I would scare him off and did I really want to go back to watching him from the sidelines. It was too soon for those kinds of words, so I would wait as long as Ryan needed. No matter how long it took, or if it never happened, I'd have to learn to be patient.

Unless he didn't feel the same way.

XXRyanXX

_I love you._

No matter how messed up our world was, I still loved him. And I didn't care if he loved me back, I just needed him to know that I _loved_ him.

Okay, I did care. I cared a lot actually, and I probably wouldn't be able to handle the heartbreak if he didn't feel the same way. I had hid my feelings for so long that I had forgotten what it was like to finally let _everything_ go. To entrust everything you have in another human being, to put yourself on the line and hope that they don't just rip your heart straight from your chest and stomp on it until its looks like road-kill.

I'm sure all of you have felt heartbreak before, so my road-kill analogy isn't that farfetched, now is it? It could always happen, there was always a chance of being hurt. That was why this morning, I had chickened out of confessing my love to Eric Delko. _The_ Eric Delko, who just days ago was just my co-worker. But now he was my _boyfriend_, and seeing that look on his face this morning, the one that practically _screamed_ 'I love you', I had almost spilled everything.

But then the insecurities came rushing back and I ended up stumbling like an idiot. I mean, had I even considered the fact that Eric might not feel the same way about me? We had only been together for a few days. I mean, Eric was still dating Calleigh, the last thing I needed was to scare him away with commitment. Pouring out my heart and soul to just be denied what I've wanted for so many years, I couldn't handle that kind of thing. I couldn't go back to just being his friend, it was too much for me to handle.

Much to my protest, my large green eyes watered at the thought of losing my new boyfriend. I had _never_ been this emotional, and I cursed Eric for making me such a _girl_! I tried to concentrate on something to stop my crying, my eyes locking on a bright green tree outside the side window. Sadly, by the time I had actually focused on it, it flew passed me and out of my site. Damn Eric, why did he have to drive the Hummer so fast?

"Ry?" Crap.

"Ya?" Damn, was that a whimper?

"Are you crying?" Oh crap, he noticed.

_Of course he noticed, he's a goddamn CSI!_

"No."

_Deny it. Ya, that's going to get very far. Idiot._

It went quiet inside the Hummer then and I swear, you could cut the tension in such a small space with a knife. It was so silent that I hoped Eric would just let it go, just let me cry silently and leave me my pride. But, of course, Eric would _never_ ignore something like this.

I could feel his movements and jumped suddenly when his skin met mine. That was definitely his hand, and it was rubbing up and down my arm in a comforting way. I tried to move away from his touch, waiting for his teasing or an obnoxious comment to pass his lips, just like he used to when we were younger.

But nothing came. My dress shirt was rolled up to my elbow, so he had easy access to my bare skin and, to tell the truth, the physical contact was nice. I didn't want to give in, to admit that I was indeed crying, but the skin-to-skin contact was drawing me in.

"Shhh Hermoso." He soothed me, drawing something on my bare skin. I didn't know what he was outlining onto my skin, but I really didn't care. The moment he called me Hermoso, I had turned to look at him. He was still driving and when he felt my stare, he glanced from the road at my face.

I could almost see it on his face, the moment his heart broke. He took one look at my tear streaked face and his eyes flashed with pain. It was as though he forced himself to look back at the road, but he knew he had to if he was going to continue driving.

Eric's hand went down my arm again, but this time it didn't trail back up. It slid along my wrist and down into my palm, before he intertwined our fingers tightly. It was as though Eric squeezed my hand to reassure me and I squeezed just as tightly back. He was my lifeline, if only he could know that. The pain that my father brought, Eric took away, and I desperately wanted to tell him how I felt. To tell him how much it hurts to think about him ever leaving me alone.

_I love you._

But I couldn't tell him. I don't know why, I just couldn't. Even though I knew I needed to. There was this feeling I was getting, something dark, and it didn't feel right. My body was telling me that something was wrong and I couldn't ignore it any longer. I was afraid that if I didn't tell him now, I might never get that chance again.

_Today is the day._

I had no doubt this was true, I felt it with every fibre of my being. Eric felt it too, because I could see his amber eyes brim with tears. He knew it was the day, the day where this stupid drama ended.

"No." Eric growled, putting an arm my shoulders and pulled me close to him. He held me close and kissed my head, silently promising to protect me. I balled his shirt in my fists and clung to him, trying to believe that he could stop this from happening, but it was no use. No matter how close he pulled me, he could never stop this from happening. I could feel it in my gut, and my gut had never been wrong before.

_Today is the day._

His hands in my hair pulled me closer and I buried my face into his side, letting myself cry. Eric denied this was true, but I knew, deep down inside, that today was the day it was going to happen.

_Today is the day I die._

And no matter how silly you think I am, I believed it.

XXEricXX

_I love you._

I couldn't take my eyes off of him, not even for a moment. I'm sure Calleigh was saying something extremely important and I should be paying attention to the evidence, but I just couldn't. Ryan Wolfe was in the lab across the hall and I just couldn't concentrate on anything but the one I loved. No matter how hot this case was, I didn't feel like arresting anyone today.

Actually, just one: Jordan Balhomey.

That bastard, how dare he scare _my_ Ryan into tears. Scare _me_ into tears. It's true, I didn't scare easily, but there was this deep feeling inside me telling me that something _definitely_ wasn`t right. I`ve been feeling it all day and it made me extremely protective. I knew Ryan had felt it too, it`s the reason he had started crying in the Hummer on the way to work in the morning. It had been 5 hours since then, and even now that feeling remained.

The feeling that I was about to lose something important.

Something important, like _Ryan_.

But I _wouldn`t _let that happen. I had promised Ryan I would protect him, and Dammit, I was going to keep that promise! Even if that meant watching everything Ryan did, even if my other co-workers thought I was creepy, protecting my boyfriend was the most important thing right now.

"Eric?" Calleigh called to me as she gave my shoulder a nudge, but I flat out ignored her. I couldn't tear my gaze off of the brunette CSI, just in case something happened to him. I didn't care if Calleigh got mad because there were more important things than her right now.

"Eric?" It wasn't Calleigh this time and I easily recognized the red heads voice, the voice of my boss/good friend. And the worst part was, he sounded worried. A worried Horatio was never good.

"Yeah, H?"

"Are you alright?" The tone he was using made me flinch slightly and I knew that being caught staring at Ryan Wolfe was not a very good idea. I mean, we were trying to keep our relationship a secret, and this was definitely going to become suspicious.

I tore my gaze away from my lover and to my boss, under much protest. I knew it was needed, but having Ryan leave my sight made my chest ache with worry.

_Calm down, Delko. He's in the middle of a _Crime Lab_! There's police _everywhere_, he's safe!_

I tried to calm myself down as I met Horatio's deep, cerulean eyes, and answered carefully, "I'm just...tired." He looked unconvinced, so I added to my story, "I sort of disorganized Ryan's book collection and he made me stay up late so we could rearrange it." I tried my best to look sheepish.

Calleigh looked satisfied with my answer and shrugged it off, but Horatio remained watching me, unconvinced. I felt small under his gaze, those eyes that could make murderers shake were boring into me, and I was afraid I might crack. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to tell Horatio everything that was happening, but how would I explain it without saying something I shouldn't?

_Ryan's father is out of jail and trying to kill him._

Ryan would kill me if I told him about his past, it was better if that wasn't mentioned.

_I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen, and I'm feeling over protective of my new boyfriend. _

First of all, feelings can't prove anything! And secondly, I couldn't tell H about my relationship with Ryan! Not with the chance that we would be separated on the job! Plus, Calleigh was right here, she'd have a heart attack!

So all I did was shrug in response to his gaze and turn away from him. My eyes focused back on the lab across the hallway, but I froze suddenly when my eyes met an empty lab. Where was Ryan? He was just there a minute ago!

I felt panic rise in me and I'm sure Horatio heard my deep breathing, but I didn't care. Ryan was missing! My eyes scanned the hallway and looking in every direction, hoping to see the younger CSI doing his job, unharmed. But I couldn't find him and that just made me more scared. What if he left the building? What if his father came into the building in disguise and snatched him away from me? Wouldn't we have heard him?

_I can't lose him!_

"Hey, H. I got those trace results from Natalia." My whole body relaxed when I heard the familiar voice. There was Ryan Wolfe, standing a foot away from me, smiling up at Horatio and completely safe. To see him safe with that signature Wolfe smile, I almost smiled. Almost.

Ryan had handed the trace results to Horatio and was explaining what was on the paper, all the while inconspicuously moving closer to me. Neither Horatio nor Calleigh noticed his movements and I envied him for being able to sneak things like that. Before I knew it, he was right beside me, his muscular shoulder pressed tightly to mine, comforting me without the others noticing. He looked up at me briefly to smile and I unconsciously grabbed a hold of the side of his white lab coat.

"This is a break in the case, Ryan." Calleigh stated happily and smiled widely at Ryan, who smiled back. I tightened my grip on the younger man's lab coat possessively and I glared at the blonde. _Mine_, Ryan was _mine_, she better _back off_.

_Wow. I never knew I could be this jealous._

Calleigh shrank away from my glare and I felt kind of bad that I was scaring her. Still, I think I got the point across to her.

But I think Horatio saw it too, because he was watching the two of us suspiciously. At first glance, it just looked like we were standing beside each other, but if you looked closely you could see that we were standing _extremely_ close to each other. Which must be weird for them, since the last time Ryan and I had been at work, Ryan had insisted on being on the opposite side of the room as me.

"Calleigh, I want you to comb the victims car again." Horatio ordered lightly, not looking away from Ryan and I as he spoke.

"But H," Calleigh protested quietly, "Eric and I were trying to find out the murder weapon."

"Eric has a new partner now." A small smile pulled on the elder's lips and I watched him suspiciously, "Mr. Wolfe will assist him now."

I swear my mouth dropped open from my surprise, had Horatio just put Ryan and I on the same task? I was so happy, I could kiss Horatio. Could, but I won't. I smiled back at Horatio in a silent thank you, and I saw the understanding in his eyes. He must have seen my panic attack, then how relaxed I suddenly became when I heard Ryan. He knew, to some extent, what was going on.

"Sure thing, H." Ryan agreed and I swear his smile was going to crack his face in half. Working beside Ryan for a long period of time, that sounded really good.

"Yeah..." Calleigh mumbled and I could hear her hesitation from Horatio's orders. She looked at me warily, expecting an answer, but I didn't give her one. Instead I looked away from her and towards Ryan, nudging him slightly and teased him for looking like a kid in a candy store. Ryan glared back playfully and pushed passed me, moving to the table full of possible murder weapons.

"Come on, Delko." He teased back, holding a tire iron up, "We have some jelly heads to smash."

I heard a slight chuckle from Horatio and moved to join my brunette boyfriend. I felt his knee touch mine, reminding me he was okay, and I relaxed beside him.

"Call me with the results." Horatio stated, walking out the door with that smug face of his. I would have liked to smack that look of his face, if I wasn't so damn relieved.

Calleigh followed after the red head and mumbled almost sadly, "Have fun."

I ignored her, though, because I got to be beside Ryan now. To know he was always safe, that I could watch and protect him for most of the day. Selfishly, I wished this task lasted me all day, just so I could see him the whole time.

"We should get to work." He stated and I nodded in agreement.

We set to work testing each as the murder weapon, both completely content with each other's company. My worry melted away because no matter what we did, I knew Ryan was there. His hip was pressed against mine and it never lost its contact with me.

Ryan was okay, that's all I needed to know.

XXRyanXX

_I love you._

_But now you've drawn everyone's attention to me._

I know it wasn't Eric's fault, he was just worried. He's been protective all day, so I don't blame him for staring when Rick Stetler suddenly demands to talk to me. I was in the lab beside his and I'm sure Stetler felt his death glare through the glass walls when he suddenly grabbed my elbow and forced me from my seat. And when he dragged me into the hallway, of course Eric came out and yelled at him.

"That's assault on an officer." He had growled angrily and pulled me from Stetler's rough grasp. That's when all eyes landed on us, _everyone_ had decided to stop their work and watch the scene play out. Because this was all so damn interesting to them. Eric Delko didn't usually stand up for Ryan Wolfe, and Ryan Wolfe didn't usually need someone to stand up for him.

"Stay out of this, Delko." Stetler threatened back and grabbed my shoulder this time. And, of course, Eric had thrown himself at the Internal Affairs officer. Thank God for my quick reflexes, because I caught Eric's wrist before he could punch Rick's lights out.

Eric fought against me, but I used both hands on his chest to push him away from the other man. I wouldn't mind if Eric hit the creep, but the last thing I wanted was for Eric to get in trouble. Another law suit wouldn't look good for my boyfriend, that's for sure.

"Eric, calm down." I warned him, pushing him back again when he jerked forward, "Don't do this, you'll get in trouble."

His angry, amber eyes met mine and he finally stopped fighting me. He could see it in my eyes now, he knew that I wanted him to stop. And if I wanted something, Eric was willing to give it to me no matter what. The thought made me smile.

"Are you okay?" His voice was worried now, his hands coming up to rub my shirt clad, upper arms and he moved his face down until it was inches from touching mine. "Did he hurt you?"

"I'm okay." I assured him quietly, hoping that Stetler didn't say anything else to anger Eric. He was in full protective mode and would surely kill to protect me right now. Killing Stetler was a bad idea, especially with this many people watching. I'm sure they were already extremely confused by Eric's touchy-feely behaviour towards me. I mean, he was usually protective towards his female co-workers, but this protectiveness was so much more intense than that. If I were them, I'd be confused too.

"Are you sure?" Eric tried again, lifting my arm to investigate the elbow Rick had grabbed a hold of. The skin there was red and would probably bruise, and I watched helplessly as Eric's face twisted in anger.

"You _asshole_!" Eric yelled towards Rick Stetler, who had been standing and glaring at us the whole time. Eric went back into angry mode, taking long strides towards the officer. "You hurt him!"

I felt panic rise through me as more people started gathering around to watch the obvious fight about to happen. Where the hell was Horatio? He would surely end this useless, dramatic scene in the middle of the crime lab hallways. I looked around, searching for him, but couldn't find him.

I did notice Calleigh, her and Natalia were peeking out of the door of a crime lab just down the hallway. Watching, not helping at all. What the hell, didn't Calleigh always help in these situations? She was always so calm in these things.

"Eric." I warned, running in front of my boyfriend to block his path from Rick. He glared at me, grunting in defiance, but I gave him the 'I'm-serious-don't-be-stupid-and-just-listen-to-me' look and he finally stopped.

"He hurt you." He fought back weakly, touching my injured elbow to emphasize his point.

But I was having none of it and shook my head at him, "Don't bother fighting him, we can just tell Horatio later and-"

I was cut off by Stetler's cold, amused laugh, "He was resisting arrest, I had the right to use force."

"What?" I ground out, spinning around to glare at the sorry excuse of a man. What did he mean, resisting arrest? He didn't say _anything_ about being arrested, he just grabbed me! Why would he make up something as stupid as that?

"You're a criminal." Stetler stated calmly, his evil smirk making itself present across his ugly face. I wanted to smack that look right off and I'm sure Eric did too, by the way he was pushing me protectively behind him.

The elder seemed to notice Eric's actions and smiled even wider. He loved getting reactions from people and that's just what he was getting from us. In the middle of the hallway, with everyone around us watching in confusion, shock and, of course, interest. Ryan Wolfe, a criminal? That was just too juicy of gossip to walk away from them.

_Leeches._ I thought bitterly.

"Would you care to explain your criminal record," That ugly smirk was back, imagining what my next reaction would be before he continued, "Mr. Balhomey."

I froze in complete shock, the words hitting home. It was like someone had just kicked me in the gut and I couldn't figure out how to breathe. Amazingly, I was able to stay on my feet, but Eric still brought an arm around my waist for support.

Balhomey? How did Stetler find out about my past? It wasn't possible, unless he went through my personal items, but those were usually locked away! There was just no way he found it out!

I looked up at Eric for any kind of answer, but he just looked even angrier than before, glaring daggers into the older man. If Eric didn't know what happened, then how did Stetler find out?

"I don't know what you're talking about." I stated calmly, trying to be strong. Denying was always the best way to handle things. Stetler had no proof, and without proof, this was just a false accusation. At least, that's what Horatio would say in this situation. Speaking of Horatio, I could see his bright, sunny hair in the crowd of people, making his way towards us.

_Thank God._

"You assaulted other people, didn't you, Wolfe?" I really wanted to punch that guy in the face and I _hated_ when he said my name. If Horatio didn't hurry up, forget Eric being angry, I would kill this monster myself. He thought he understood, but he couldn't. Not when those boys would push me and hit me and say things like 'Is this how your father did it?' or 'You deserve it for killing your sister.' I didn't deserve any of it, I was just a little kid, and I had protected myself. So I hit a few of the older kids, they deserved whatever they got. So screw Stetler for thinking he could _ever_ understand.

Eric's hand was on my back, rubbing soothing circles on my shirt clad skin. I could feel it, Eric understood why I did it. I knew he would, with all his anger problems and everything. The fact that Eric didn't judge me made me want to smile, and he was effectively calming me down. Screw whatever the hell Stetler says, I had Eric here beside me, so I'd be fine.

"Did you hit them, just like your father hit you?" I spoke too soon, Stetler crossed the line and I lost all my control. Eric tried to stop me, but he was too slow as I ran forward at the piece of crap that could _not_ be human. Nobody mentions my father and gets away with it, especially when someone _compares_ me to my father. I would _never_ hurt someone the way he had hurt people, especially not my family. I would never hit Eric, or Alexx, or Jess, just for amusement. I could _never_ do that, it's disgusting!

Before I knew what was happening, I had grabbed a handful of Rick's shirt and had him shoved against the nearest wall. The glass wall cracked from the pressure, but I ignored it. Instead, I concentrated on glaring at damn Stetler, who just kept smiling.

"Listen, you son of a bitch!" I hissed through clenched teeth. I wanted to punch him so badly, but I knew that wouldn't be good for anyone. I had to stay calm, that's all, before my emotions got the better of me. "You have no _proof_ for these accusations! So why don't you just run along before I rip your god damn head off!"

Just when I thought I had won, He smiled again, "One of your co-workers brought this to my attention." He lifted up a manila folder and I felt my heart drop the moment I saw it. I loosened my hold on the other man's shirt and he seemed to feel my weakness, because he pushed me away from him and freed his body from the glass wall.

I stood in complete shock, vaguely hearing Horatio explaining to Stetler that this accusation was meaningless, and that the proof was inconsistent. I probably should be happy, but I just couldn't be, not when someone betrayed me like that. They gave my most personal information to Rick Stetler, who the hell does that?

Eric was at my side, asking me if I was alright, rubbing up and down my arms soothingly. I looked up at his face, filled with worry, protectiveness and still some anger towards Stetler. Eric would never do this, he would never give my information away. But then who? Who else knew about it?

"_**I asked Calleigh to get the files from the Boston Police."**_

And suddenly, everything made sense. Because Eric wasn't the only one who knew about my past, he wasn't the only one who had copies of my personal files. There was someone else, someone with a reason to do this.

_Calleigh._

"That...that..." My fists clenched at my sides, white-knuckled and angry, "...bitch!"

Eric looked completely shocked and a little frightened from my sudden outburst, grabbing for me to try and calm me down. But I ignored him, turning on my heel to glare down the hallway. Just in time to see a blonde head retreat back into the lab. Natalia followed after her, and I would usually let it go, but this time I was too pissed off to stop. I didn't have time to control myself because suddenly I was stomping down the hallway, Eric following closely behind me like a good boyfriend should.

When I reached the door to the lab, Natalia and Calleigh were turned away from me and pretending they hadn't been watching moments ago. Acting innocent, which just pissed me off more.

"Calleigh." I hissed at her, trying to control myself before I hit her. She _was_ a girl, and you just don't hit girls. She froze when I spoke her name, but still managed to ignore me. That just made my blood boil.

"You should leave, Natalia." Eric advised the innocent bystander, who took off the moment Eric spoke the words. She could feel the heat inside the room and she was smart enough to know to escape while she could. Eric closed the door behind her to muffle the yelling that was sure to come. At least one of us was thinking ahead, it was good to have Eric here with me.

The moment the door clicked shut, I slammed my hand down on the lab table, "Look at me!"

Calleigh spun around, surprise on her face as she was met with Ryan Wolfe, seething with anger. I could see it on her face, she was _very _scared, even though she tried to hide it.

"You think this is a joke!" I screamed at her, going to slam my hand on the table again, but Eric caught my wrist before I could. I turned to him with a glare, but the small shake of his head had me somehow listening to him. He was right, hitting things wasn't good. What if I broke a table? That wouldn't really be good, now would it?

"Of course not, Ry."

"Don't use my nickname!" I growled at her, moving a step closer to her, "You don't deserve to use my nickname, not after what you've done!"

She put her hands up in a weak attempt to defend herself to me, "I was just trying to help."

"Help? How the _hell_ was that helping?" I screamed again, taking a step towards her with each word I spoke, "You stuck _Stetler_ on my ass!"

"You're in danger, Ryan." She tried to reason with me, which made me angrier. I _knew _I was in danger, how did that justify what she did? "I knew Eric would never tell anyone, so I had to."

"I didn't tell anyone because I knew they'd react like _that_!" Eric ground out rather calmly, and it surprised me because I didn't know Eric was angry too. He was still, of course, the voice of reason in this conversation, since he knew I couldn't be when I was in this state of mind.

"Look, I was just trying to help." She shrugged in response. Damn her, this wasn't as simple as she's making it! "I knew if I let Horatio know, he could protect you, Ry."

I grabbed the collar of her shirt suddenly, pulling her so she would meet eyes with me. I was sick of her avoiding eye contact, pretending everything was okay. This was not okay, not even a little. Even if she was trying to help, she just caused more harm. And the way she was brushing it off like it didn't matter, that just sent me into a deeper level of pissed off.

"You think you know everything," I yelled, the words rumbling low in my throat that I think I might have scared Eric too, "But you don't know _anything_!"

Calleigh looked scared for a minute, before it melted away and was replaced by anger. Apparently, I had hit a nerve with her, "If you don't think I know what I'm talking about, why don't you tell me something I don't know."

"I'm sleeping with your boyfriend."

I let go of her automatically, shock plastered on all three of our faces. Had I just said that? Crap, I wasn't thinking, it just came out!

_You were always the blabbermouth, Wolfe._

I curled in on myself, panic making my breaths rough and harsh. I had just spilled out biggest secret to the one person I shouldn't have, I had ruined _everything_. And that look of disgust on Calleigh's face made my breathing increase. If I didn't calm down soon, I was going to start gasping for air. I needed to breathe, before I had another panic attack.

But just when I started to calm myself, Calleigh's fist hit my face with a loud 'smack!'. Her knuckles collided with my cheek and the impact forced me backwards into Eric's arms. I could taste my own blood in my mouth and mentally cursed her. Of course Calleigh had to punch, she couldn't _slap_ like all the other girls.

"How could you do this to me, Eric?" Calleigh screamed, near hysterical now. "And with _him_! All I ever wanted was for you two to get along, not to cheat on me!"

"It wasn't like that, Cal!" I felt his arms wrap around me, almost possessively, "I felt something with Ryan!"

"And you didn't feel it with _me_?" Calleigh's voice broke at the end and I could tell she was about to cry. Crap, I made Calleigh cry. I never wanted to hurt her, god I was such an idiot.

"Don't cry, Cal." I whispered calmly to her, trying to soothe her in any way possible. It was true, I had been angry before, but I _never_ wanted to see Calleigh Duquesne _cry_. I reached my hand out to touch her cheek, but she immediately smacked it away.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I jerked back from her, her anger felt like it was burning me. Burning _through_ me, little holes that ate away at my insides.

"It's _my_ fault!" I tried to reason with her, "Don't blame Eric, I made him do it!"

I would say anything, anything to make this slightly better. Anything to take the look of pain off my boyfriend's face. I would take all the blame if that's what she needed, even if it destroyed my relationship with her.

But Eric wouldn't let me.

"Ry, No!" He fought back at me, grabbing my shoulder in his large, tan hand, "We both did it, I'm not letting you take the fall for me!"

"Why?" Calleigh cried, still stuck in a whirlwind of emotions, especially anger, "Why, Eric?"

"I just had to, okay?"

But that wasn't good enough for her, I knew it wouldn't be. Eric should have known that too. When woman ask a question, they expect an answer. And a good one, not something dumb like that.

So she screamed again, "Why, Eric? Why did you do this to us?"

"I had to!"

"No you DIDN'T!"

"YES I DID!"

"WHY?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

I swear I felt my heart drop the moment those beautiful words rolled off his lips. I thought I'd never hear him utter those words, never. But here he was, breaking up with his girlfriend, and declaring his love for me. The whole thing made my chest ache and I swear I felt tears prickling at my eyes. He had said it, he had _finally_ said it, even if by surprise. Calleigh's look of pure shock was evident, but I wasn't focused on her as I looked up at Eric.

That look in his eyes, the same I've been seeing for days and I didn't even know it. It was love. Eric Delko _loved _me.

I looked back down to the ground, willing myself to say it. There was nothing left to be afraid of, no more rejection. I just had to say it, no matter how embarrassing in front of Calleigh.

"I love you too." I whispered.

And I swear, I could have died right then, and died a _very_ happy man.

And that's when the gun went off.

XXEndXX

**Took me awhile, but I finished it! Sorry for the cliff hanger, I just want people to be excited about the next chapter! Please Review!**


	10. Gone

XXEricXX

I moved without thinking, my body and mind seemed to react instinctively. I threw myself forward and grabbed the thin body in front of me, succeeding in tackling them. I used all my weight to push them to the ground with me and our bodies fell like a rock together. We hit the floor hard, but I ignored the pain in my shoulder as I quickly covered their body with my own, protecting them from the glass shards that had sprayed after the impact from the bullet. The shards cut at the skin on my arms and I could hear the beakers of chemicals from the lab table falling and smashing on the floor.

There was pain and what felt like blood, all surrounding my right shoulder. I had landed on it during my fall and it had become partially numb, making it extremely difficult to assess any damage. Even so, I was positive that a bullet had impacted somewhere in that area.

"Eric..." The voice came from underneath me, strained and extremely familiar. But no matter how much I wanted to feel relieved, I couldn't be, because there was something about that voice that didn't sound right. I tried to push back the bad feeling, but somehow it wouldn't leave me.

"Are you okay, Rya...?" My voice trailed off when I looked down at the body underneath me. A lump suddenly rose up in my throat and I felt as though I might throw up. Because that wasn't Ryan under me. I didn't see his soft, chocolate locks or his bright, greeny hazel eyes. When I looked down I saw glowing blonde hair and soft eyes of blue. Dread was building up inside of me, churning at my insides like there was a meat-grinder inside of my body.

I hadn't protected Ryan, I had protected Calleigh.

_Where's Ryan?_

I pushed myself off of Calleigh as best I could with my still injured arm, almost falling right back on top of her. I ignored the pain that moving brought because if I had been hurt this badly, what about Ryan? My mind kept going back to the image of the younger CSI, pale and motionless on a table in the morgue.

"Eric, your arm." Calleigh was right beside me now, hands poking and prodding at my injury. I felt the overpowering need to smack her hand away and tell her to screw off, but something in the back of my mind was keeping me from doing this. It wasn't her fault, she was just trying to help. She hadn't shot the bullet and she hadn't forced me to protect her. I should just be happy she was safe.

"Eric, you've been shot!" Calleigh sounded panicked and she brushed her fingers over my wound to emphasize her point. I cringed from the pain and moved away from her before she could touch me again. Okay, I knew I had to see a doctor soon, but I couldn't just go when Ryan was still missing. He could be hurt!

"Where is he?" I breathed, leaning my back against the lab table and willing the pain to go away. Why did speaking hurt so much?

"Who?" Calleigh asked dumbly, once again giving me that overpowering need to smack her. I refrained from it, though, telling myself that she was still a little startled from the whole experience of being shot at. Even so, I couldn't hold back the glare that was directed towards her. Who the hell did she think I was talking about? There was only one other person in the lab, the person I had confessed my love to just moments ago.

_Don't yell at her, Delko. Juts find Ryan._

Calleigh was grabbing my arm again, immediately going back to surveying my injury even though I had just asked her an important question. What was she not understanding about this situation? Ryan was missing, which meant he was in danger! I had promised that no matter what, I would protect him with my life!

"Ryan!" I called out, succeeding in completely ignoring her. My voice sounded more like a panicked moan and I was too worried about my partner to really care about my pride. I twisted my head in any and every direction I could, hoping to catch just a glimpse of him. I just wanted to see him, to know he was okay, but I couldn't see him anywhere.

"Eric!" I spun around from the new voice that had entered the conversation, recognizing the orange hair and cerulean eyes as the man quickly entered the room. Horatio had his gun drawn and was on high alert, his eyes darting from one side of the room to the other. He briefly took in the smashed beakers around the room, before his eyes landed on Calleigh and I on the floor.

"Eric!" He called to me again, not waiting for my response before he dropped to his knees beside me.

"Hey, H." I managed a short weak smile before my energy seemed to fade. Even smiling was hard and that was never a good sign.

"We called an ambulance, Eric." Horatio assured me and laid his hand on my shoulder in that supportive way that probably made him one of my best friends. I nodded slightly and looked at the floor, willing my mind to block out the pain so I could focus on finding Ryan.

"What happened?" I mumbled, rubbing my tired face as I tried to remember what had lead up to this situation. I remembered the shot going off, but what exactly _had_ happened?

"One of the police officers shot at you." Horatio stated and I stared at him in disbelief. He looked ashamed and angry at the same time and I knew why. Cops weren't supposed to shoot at each other, they were supposed to work together to put criminals in jail. Horatio hated it when cops went against each other, it just wasn't right, and I agreed with him.

"Why?" I managed to choke out, not wanting to believe that someone I work with could have tried to kill us.

Horatio shook his head and looked at the ground for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully, "I don't know, Eric. But we got him and we are going to find out."

I watched Horatio's expression for a moment, still finding it hard to believe what he was saying. But Horatio would never lie, especially with something like this. I just couldn't understand why someone would do that. Why someone would try to kill us for no reason in particular. And in the middle of the lab? Were they insane?

My mind went back to the pictures that had been sent to Ryan's house. Some of them were from _inside_ the lab, which meant someone from the inside had helped. Did that mean cops were getting involved in this?

Dirty cops?

No, I couldn't think like that.

_Ryan is missing and if the cops were helping, there's a good chance he's been kidnapped._

Kidnapped? No, he couldn't be gone, he just _couldn't_. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if they had taken him. It was my fault, I should have protected him better, and it was so _stupid _to grab Calleigh instead. I had failed him, again. A depressing feeling suddenly came over me and I felt as though the bullet had blown through my chest instead.

They were going to kill him.

And I couldn't stop it.

"Ryan!" I called out, hoping that he may answer me, but there was no response in return. I could feel my heart starting to break every second I thought about the younger man. What had happened to him? The bullet had hit me, so I knew he wasn't injured too badly, but that didn't mean much in this situation. The shooter had to have been there for a reason, a distraction maybe? I felt nauseas when I imagined what exactly the shooter could have been distracting us from.

_Ryan._

"You have to find Ryan!" I was almost begging Horatio, grabbing a hold of his shirt like he was Ryan's only hope. He probably was, since I was useless in this situation. It was like I was back to years ago, when I had failed to be there for Ryan and he had been shot in the eye with a nail. That was all my fault, I hadn't protected him, just like I hadn't protected him now. If I had just grabbed him instead of Calleigh, he would be safe and sound in my arms at this very moment.

"When did you last see Mr. Wolfe?" Horatio asked me, pulling me out of my depressing thoughts. I shook my head and tried to clear my head so I could think straight.

"He was here just before we were shot at, but now he's gone." Calleigh answered for me as she started to stand up, the concern evident in not only her face but her voice.

Her words felt like an explosion inside of my body, as though everything inside of me was knotting together and no one else could feel it.

_Gone._

Ryan was gone and it was all my fault. I would never see him again.

_Shut up, Delko! You know better than that!_

That's right, I couldn't give up just yet. This was Ryan _Wolfe _we were talking about. The man who never gave up on _anything_. He wasn't going to let in so easily, he wouldn't let them kill him so soon. He was strong, he would fight them off. He was probably fine, somewhere in the lab trying to figure out what the hell happened.

_He's okay, just breathe._

Horatio's hand on my good shoulder broke me out of my thoughts and I turned to look at him. He was looking out the glass walls of the lab and I followed his gaze, my heart dropping when I realized what I was looking at. Paramedics, dragging a stretcher behind them. That horrible feeling was back inside of me again and I tried to move away from Horatio. He gripped my shoulder tighter and looked at me with a sad and sympathetic smile.

Did he not understand? I couldn't go to the hospital right now when Ryan was still missing! I needed to find him, to know he was safe and not hurt, then I would go get help. I wouldn't leave Ryan all alone when he could be in trouble.

"I can't..." I breathed and met Horatio's blue eyes, silently begging him not to make me do this. I would never forgive myself if I lost my best friend just because I had been selfish and had wanted the pain to end.

H shook his head in response and patted my shoulder lightly, "You won't be very useful if you have a bullet in your arm. You need to go, Eric. Please."

I stared at him in disbelief and turned back towards the glass doors just in time to see the paramedics throw it open and rush into the room.

"You're going, Eric." Calleigh stated angrily, glaring at me and my stubbornness. I was instantly reminded of Ryan, the way he always got mad at me when I put my life in danger, and I realized that I couldn't win this fight. They were right, I had to go to the hospital or I would be useless to everyone else.

To Ryan.

_He's safe, go to the hospital._

I nodded in a silent promise to go to the hospital and Calleigh nodded in return, the smallest smile I've ever seen touched her face. She was obviously worried about Ryan's absence and I empathized with her. If something happened to Ryan, there would be hell to pay. I wasn't afraid to kill anyone who got in my way, that's a promise.

I could feel the paramedics loading me onto the stretcher and touching my injured shoulder, causing me to cry out in pain. The numbness was starting to go away and that only left pain remaining. I never knew my injury was this bad, but now I knew that I needed a doctor for sure. There was blood, so much blood, that I hadn't noticed before. Was it bleeding again, or was it always this bad?

I just wanted them to stop touching me, I just wanted Ryan's soft touch. I couldn't take this pain anymore, it was as though everything in me was turning into stone.

"Ryan." I breathed, looking around again and hoping against everything to see him. But he wasn't there and the realization caused another wave of nausea.

I felt like even though I couldn't see him, I was being taken away from the person that I needed the most right now. I wanted to fight against them, to just jump off this damn stretcher and find my boyfriend, but I was too weak and they had successfully strapped me down. It was as though Ryan was getting farther and farther away from me and the absence of his presence made the pain worsen.

"Ryan!" I called to him again, hoping he would come to me and I wouldn't have to be in the hospital alone again. But he wasn't there. The person following was not Ryan, but Horatio and Calleigh.

Why was this happening? I felt as though I was a prisoner of my own emotions. I just wanted to go to Ryan, just to make sure he was alright. So why did it seem like such an absurd thing?

"Ryan!" I called once more, but Calleigh touched my forehead comfortingly to stop my yelling.

"Its okay, Eric." She told me softly, her eyes so truthful that I immediately believed her, "You'll be okay."

"Ryan." Was my only response.

"We'll find him." Horatio promised me, his eyes just as truthful as hers, "Don't worry."

I focused on the little comfort their words gave me and closed my eyes again, willing away the pain that was vibrating throughout my entire being. He was safe, he just _had _to be. I couldn't live without him, I needed him with me, always.

_It's all my fault._

"_**If something happens to me, I want you to know it's not your fault."**_

_Ryan._

XXRyanXX

I spun around in surprise, catching a glimpse of the shooter before I threw myself behind one of the lab tables. On the other side of the room, I could see Eric and Calleigh land hard on the ground together and I felt relieved to know that Eric had protected Calleigh. If something happened to either of them, I'm sure I would die.

I spun around again, peering over top of the lab table and caught a second glimpse of the shooter. Was that a uniform on him? Why the hell was a cop shooting at us?

I pushed back the questions when I realized that he had his gun still pointing at Eric and Calleigh. They were still on the ground together and I had this horrible feeling that they were going to get shot. I couldn't let them get shot, I had to stop him. If something happened to them, I don't know what I would do.

Especially if I lost Eric.

_I'll protect you, Eric._

I grabbed the edge of the lab table and pulled myself up into a crouch. The shooter didn't seem to notice me and I watched him carefully as I moved closer to the exit. I wish I had my gun on me, this would be a lot easier, but I had been working in the lab at the time of the shooting. I always lock up my gun when I was in the lab, it wasn't safe to be carrying a loaded weapon around the whole building. Then again, now I knew that it was dangerous _not _to have one.

The shooter was watching Calleigh and Eric carefully and this gave me a chance to finally analyze his face. It was officer Roberts. We used to work on Patrol together, before I had become a CSI. We used to be good friends, what the hell was he doing shooting at us? Didn't he know he was going to get caught? I knew he had a daughter, so why would he risk losing her over something like this?

"Roberts!" I yelled at him, sprinting towards him at full speed. He turned towards me, but not fast enough because I took a swing and smacked his arm. He lost grip of his gun and it flew out of his hand, skittering across the hallway floor before it lost momentum and skidded to a stop. Roberts took one look at me, then suddenly dove for the gun. I jumped on him and grabbed a hold of his arm, spinning him into a painful arm lock.

"What the hell, Wolfe!" He screamed at me as I shoved him against the ground, his face smacking against the hard flooring. He struggled under me, but it was useless. He was a cop, so he knew that he couldn't get out of my grasp. "Get off me!"

"Get off of you?" I growled at him, twisting his arm a little bit more, causing him to cry out from the pain. I felt my blood boiling as I restrained someone who used to be considered one of my friends. "You shot at us!"

He shook his head at me and tried once more to break free, failing once again. "You don't understand." He insisted, the anger starting to leave his body as he admitted defeat, "I had to. They were going to..." He trailed off mid-sentence and I recognized sadness in his eyes.

"Someone made you do this?" I breathed, unconsciously loosening my grip on his arm, "Who?"

"I can't." Roberts whispered and looked away from me with grief in his eyes. I unlocked his arm and just stared at him, trying to figure this whole thing out. He had shot at us because someone had obviously blackmailed him. It wasn't his fault, he needed to know that.

"We can help, Roberts." I insisted and I hoped he would listen to me, to trust me after all these years we've known each other, "We can give you protection, you just have to tell me who made you do this."

"It's not that easy."

My eyes widened in surprise and suddenly he flipped over, causing my body to fall off of his. He threw himself forward, grabbing for his fallen gun. I jumped at him and shoved him aside, reaching for the gun myself. But he was back on top of me and grabbed the front of my shirt, throwing me down to the floor. My back connected with the ground and the air blew out of my lungs. I caught my breath quickly and immediately lunged for him again, desperate to keep him away from that gun.

I was thrown back as his fist flew forward, connecting with my right cheek. I landed on the ground again, but didn't stay there long. I forced myself back up onto my feet, just in time for him to stand up too. He had the gun drawn again, pointing it at my head with the full intention of shooting me.

"Don't do it, Roberts." I warned him and raised my hand to calm him. This only agitated him more and his finger went to the gun's trigger, "Shooting me is a mistake."

"I have to." He insisted.

I shook my head and attempted a comforting smile, anything to calm him down for just a moment, "You have a daughter, remember? She needs you, Roberts. If you shoot me, they'll throw you in jail. Do you really want to be separated from her?"

Roberts hesitated for a moment before he shook his head and pointed the gun back at me again, "You have to die."

"No, I don't." I protested, "I can help you, just let me help you." I was getting desperate as I felt my death close by. One slip of the finger and this guy could easily blow my head off. I just wanted this to end, so I could get him locked up and go to Eric's side, to make sure my boyfriend was okay.

_Eric, you better be okay._

"Let me help, Roberts."

I felt my heart drop when he shook his head again, his finger twitching on the trigger indicating he was ready to kill me.

"I'm sorry, Wolfe."

"No, don-" I was cut off abruptly when something came to my mouth. I flinched in return and tried to move away from it, but it was pressed to my mouth so hard that it hurt. There was someone behind me, pulling me into a headlock while they held the cloth up to my mouth. I fought against them, trying to pull their arm away from my neck, but the grip only tightened. I looked up in fear at Roberts, who remained standing in that spot and just watching. I begged him with my eyes to help, but he remained standing there with his gun still aimed at me.

I could smell something on the cloth, something sweet. What was that? Chloroform? Were they trying to kidnap me?

The thought caused panic throughout my body and I started fighting against their grasp. I flailed like a fish out of water, uselessly trying to get myself free. I kicked and screamed, but my screams were too muffled from the cloth that I doubted anyone could hear me. My arms and legs refrained from connecting with their intended target and instead just waved around uselessly.

Everything was starting to spin. My vision blurred and I found myself fighting against my heavy eyelids, trying to stop them from closing over my cloudy eyes. I couldn't lose this battle because if I did, I knew that I was done for. I had to fight, I had to remain conscious. But it was too hard, my limbs felt like weights and my vision was blackening at the edges. Even breathing was getting harder and harder every time.

_Eric! _I tried to scream his name, but the word was lost on my tongue. It was as though I _couldn't _speak and that scared me to death. I couldn't lose, I couldn't lose.

My attacker pulled me back slightly, to where I don't know. All I knew was that he was dragging my legs across the floor and things were starting to get darker. I couldn't see anything anymore, my eyelids were too heavy to keep open and I closed them in defeat.

The cloth was pulled away from my mouth and I took a small amount of fresh air into my burning lungs. My whole body felt too weak to keep myself up and I was falling all over my attacker, leaving my body in his complete control. The thought made my skin crawl and I shivered when I imagined what this person could do to me when I was unconscious.

"_**He's not going to kill you, Hermoso. I'll protect you, just stay with me."**_

"Eric." I whimpered through my daze, hoping to any and every god, that Eric was somewhere close by. He would come for me, to protect me like he always did. Eric would save me, I just had to stay awake.

"Shhhh." My attacker hushed into my ear, their breathe hot on my neck.

"Eric." I whimpered again, dreading filling my body as I felt the person pull their arms around me and hold me close.

"Don't worry," They whispered and touched my head, running their large hand through my chestnut hair. They leaned in close and I could hear them sniffing, their nose pushing into my head and smelling my hair.

"I've got you now." They pressed kiss to my forehead, a kiss that had my stomach churning, "Daddy's got you."

That's when I finally lost consciousness.

XXEricXX

Bright lights, almost white, blurred my vision. I tried to squint, to see anything else, but all I could see were those damn lights. There were noises I could hear that would probably be loud to other people, but to me they were just background noise. Because the only thing my ears could pick up was my own heartbeat, beeping loudly on the machine next to my bed. There was pain too, a pain in my shoulder that was slightly numbed. Controlled pain, that only meant one thing.

Hospital.

Someone was touching me, their hand warm against mine, squeezing it tightly. There were faces above me, too blurred for me to recognize, saying things that I didn't understand. They were talking to each other, but I just couldn't concentrate on their words to make any sense of it. My eyes were starting to adjust to that white light that was constantly blurring my vision.

I heard someone say my name, but I couldn't figure out what direction it was coming from. The people above me were still speaking, but that didn't matter. Because their faces weren't the one I wanted to see. I couldn't see those familiar green doe eyes, those chocolate brown locks and that soft smile.

I couldn't see Ryan.

"Ry..." My voice sounded coarse and I suddenly realized that my throat was extremely dry. So dry, in fact, that it was starting to hurt like crazy. When had I hurt my throat?

"Eric, don't speak." Their voice was distorted and seemed so far away, but it was loud enough for me to decipher that a female had spoken. And even though it was hard to hear them, I couldn't help the feeling that I knew that voice. But it wasn't Ryan and, to tell the truth, thinking gave me a shooting headache that I doubted would go away any time soon.

And why the hell did my arm hurt so much?

I closed my eyes briefly to try and remember what had happened, ignoring the people around me when they asked if I was alright. I didn't answer because something inside my head was telling me to remember. Remember what, I don't know.

I remembered being beside Ryan and we were fighting...fighting with Calleigh. There was yelling and then...

"_**I love you too."**_

"Ryan..." I tried calling to him, but there was no response. Why wasn't he here? He was always there when I needed him, so where was he? He _had_ to be there, I probably just couldn't see him.

I could remember a gunshot, then pain in my arm. Yelling and trying to find Ryan, holding my bloodied shoulder. I remember Horatio beside me and trying to comfort me through the bullet I had taken. Calleigh watching me, the worry evident on her face, as her eyes practically begged for us to find Ryan. But I was in so much pain and I couldn't get up.

Then the paramedics grabbed me and took me away on a stretcher. I tried to struggle, but something had calmed me down.

And I remember how I had hurt my throat now. I had been screaming, screaming for Ryan, because I was in so much pain and I needed him there.

"Ryan." I said again, despite my sore throat. I just needed to hear his voice, to know he was okay, because I refused to believe my partner was anything but fine.

"Eric." I recognized that voice again, the same female. They were in front of me now and I realized why I recognized them.

Calleigh.

I blinked a few times, concentrating on her face, just to make sure I was seeing things right. That was definitely Calleigh, I knew that for sure. She looked so worried, which I couldn't understand since I was perfectly fine. Her hand was holding on to mine in a comforting way and it made the pain lessen even a little.

"Where's Ryan?" I practically croaked and I knew I didn't sound like myself at all.

Calleigh's eyes widened for a moment in surprise, then she suddenly looked away. I watched her expression carefully as it went from surprised to a mix of grief and shame. I hated to see that look on Calleigh, she was always so full of light and happiness. This was such a big change for her that I knew something was wrong. Something was _definitely _wrong.

"Where is Ryan Wolfe?" I demanded hysterically, "Where's my boyfriend?"

"Eric..." I rubbed my eyes carefully and turned to the new voice on the other side of the bed. It was another woman, much younger, with blonde hair, an angelic faced and the eyes that were so similar to Ryan's. Eyes that were now bright red and filled tears, tears that dripped down her face almost endlessly.

"Jess?" My voice came out as a croak again and to be honest, I couldn't understand why she was so upset. Why _everyone _was so upset. I was fine, couldn't they see that? I had survived, they didn't need to be scared anymore.

Jessica took a moment to gaze into my eyes, then she suddenly lunged forward. Her face automatically buried into my chest and I allowed her to sob on top of me, still incredibly confused. I used my good arm to softly stroke her hair, the way I had just days ago.

When Ryan had been missing.

My heart suddenly sank into my stomach and I looked back at Calleigh, taking in her upset expression again.

It couldn't be, it just _couldn't_. I had gone to the hospital because I thought they would find him, that Ryan would be okay. But he wasn't here, and they were acting as though he had died.

_No, he didn't die! Ryan _can't _die!_

"Where is Ryan?" I breathed, staring at Calleigh and hoping for an answer. She looked back up at me and when she met my eyes, I could see all her guilt and regret inside her eyes. It wasn't right for her to feel this way, Ryan would never want her this upset. She couldn't blame herself for what happened...well, whatever _did _happen.

Calleigh took in a shaky breathe before she was able to answer, but her voice cracked in her response, "I don't know."

I sat up suddenly, bringing a wave of pain that felt much too familiar. Calleigh and Jessica both moved to try and push me down, but I ignored their attempts. "What do you mean, you don't know?" I growled, directing my glare at Calleigh and not Jess. I was selfishly blaming Calleigh for Ryan's disappearance, even though deep down I knew it wasn't her fault at all.

"He's gone." She whispered hoarsely, glaring at the ground instead of looking in my direction, "Those _monsters _took him."

"No," I growled, shaking my head in useless denial, "He can't be. He _can't _be."

Jess let out a strangled sob and was suddenly back on top of me, crying into my chest. I touched her softly, almost as if in a trance, rubbing her back as it heaved up and down from each rack of sobs. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about Ryan. I tried not to think about what they could be doing to him, at this very moment, while we sat around talking.

"I need to get out of here!" I panicked and pulled myself up, attempting to climb off of the hospital bed. Calleigh moved forward quickly and smacked her hands against my chest, pushing me back down onto the white bed.

"You have to stay here." She ordered angrily, but her eyes showed apology towards making me stay, "The doctors say you can't leave until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? I can't wait until tomorrow!" I fought back at her, smacking her hands away from my chest, "Ryan needs us and I refuse to just sit around and wait for his body to show up!"

Jessica whimpered at my outburst and covered her face with her hands, making me ashamed of making her feel upset. I should have though before I said it, but I couldn't help it. It was the truth! Ryan could be out there dying somewhere while we were sitting here worrying over _me_!

Calleigh shook her head and glared at me in return, "I'll see what I can do, Eric, but I can't make any promises."

I nodded at her and pretending I was calm, even though I felt like I might jump out the hospital window if that's what it took to get to the missing CSI. I tried to keep my mind occupied, looking back at Jessica, but regretted it the moment I heard her pained sobs. Without thinking, I reached my hand out slowly and faintly touched her tear streaked face. Her bright green eyes met my dark amber ones and I managed a small smile at her, trying to comfort her in any way possible. She saw right through my smile and instead of smiling back, she just closed her eyes and took in a long breath.

"I'll find him, Jess." I promised her confidently, but even with all the confidence I somehow I couldn't believe myself. If I was just sitting here doing nothing, how was I supposed to find my boyfriend? It just wasn't fair, why the hell did I have to get shot? Why did I have to protect Calleigh instead of Ryan? I was such a horrible person that in the middle of danger, I hadn't even tried to protect my best friend.

"Ryan's strong." Calleigh whispered to me, grabbing my hand again to try and give me even a little comfort, "He'll fight through anything they throw at him."

"I know." I breathed, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. I wouldn't cry, I couldn't be weak when I needed to find Ryan. Strength gave me the upper hand in this situation and as long as I remained strong, I would beat those bastards that took Ryan away.

"We'll find him." She promised me, but her promise lay empty in the air.

_Please be okay, Ryan. Just stay safe, I'll come for you._

XXRyanXX

I screamed as loud as I could, hoping someone-_anyone_- could hear me. I was no longer unconscious, which was a good thing, but now I was in a dark, unlit room instead of the lab. There was a harsh pain twisting continuously in my leg and I desperately needed it to stop. The pain was too much and I was trying to control my screaming so I didn't seem weak.

_Stay strong, Wolfe. Just stay alive._

The weapon was pulled from my leg and I bit my lip to stop from screaming, biting it so hard that my lip started to bleed. The chloroform was still moving around in my system and it was making me dizzy. A headache was starting to form behind my eyes and I regretted even opening my eyes.

Through my pounding ears, I could hear a sinister voice whisper in my ear, "You like that, Wolfe?"

I shivered at the closeness of my attacker and even though I couldn't see him, I turned and glared defiantly in his direction. It was too dangerous in this place, too dark and it was uncharted territory. I was at a big disadvantage and I couldn't figure out what to do.

"Do you want your little boyfriend to see you?"

I bit my already cut lip to keep in another scream as the knife dug into part of my knee. My attacker was close, and I could feel his breathe on my face. I would recognize that smell from anywhere, it was some sort of drug. I couldn't identify the specific drug, but I was pretty sure I'd smelled it before. Meth, maybe?

"Turn that camera on!" The man suddenly ordered someone, most likely his accomplice. I flinched from how close to my ear he had yelled. If I didn't have a headache before, I definitely did now. My attacker yelled out once again, "I want them to see this!"

I opened my mouth to protest, to demand what the hell they wanted with me like they did in all the cliché movies, but I was cut off by a loud beeping sound. I fought desperately against my restraints, trying to cover my ears from that damn noise. The handcuffs bit into my wrists and I found myself closing my eyes to fight back the pain. The noise continued for another moment before it suddenly seized altogether.

A bright light replaced the noise, flooding the room and momentarily blinding me. I squinted against the bright light that seemed centred on me, taking the chance to survey the room. I wasn't in the traditional, cliché warehouse that I had imagined. No, instead I was in an apartment. A shady, rundown apartment room, and I was handcuffed to the radiator. Oh, and how ironic it was that I was restrained by my _own _handcuffs.

I had the sudden urge to scream at my attackers, to tell them to shut that damn light off, but my scream died out in my mouth when I realized what the behind that bright light. A camera? Was that a camera?

"_**I want them to see this!"**_

_Eric?_

"I'm going to have some fun with your little toy here." The man whispered in my ear, way too close for my liking. It was as though he were talking to the camera, giving it a show. What that show consisted of, I was afraid to know any details.

_Can you see this, Eric? Please tell me you're watching through that camera. I need you to find me._

The man's hands were on my neck, trailing up and down my pale skin. I flinched away from his touch, an involuntary shudder racking my body, but the hand came back again and I was too restrained to stop his constant stroking and petting. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about the way he touched my head and face, but it was too hard to ignore. And when he leaned in close to me and took a sniff of my hair, I suddenly snapped.

Anger flooded through my veins and it exploded into a loud growl. Before I could even think rationally about what I was doing, I whipped my head towards the hand currently touching my cheek, taking it in my mouth and biting down as hard as possible. The man screamed in response and tried to pull away, but I locked my jaw, just like I had days ago to that damn biker, and stayed locked even when I tasted his salty blood.

"Get off of me!" The man screamed, raising his knife and swinging it blindly my face.

I let go of the man's hand and quickly tried to muffle my cry of pain, pulling at the handcuffs again. I needed my arms to protect myself, to protect my face, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get free. I could feel the knife hit me and I curled in on myself in a sad attempt of protection. The attacks finally stopped and I gritted my teeth together, biting away the pain that the knife had brought me. I could only feel two spots that the knife had connected with, just above my eye and a second across my cheek. I was lucky this time, he didn't get to cut me too deep.

"Damn you, Wolfe!" My attacker growled and stood up, that evil glare on his face. His _concealed _face. A ski mask, that was always a great sign.

I glared right back at him, being strong and easily hiding my weakness from him. He wouldn't break me, not like this, I was too stubborn for that.

I spoke too soon because he wasn't done yet, he wasn't even close. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, he had thrown his foot at me and was kicking my injured leg repeatedly. Despite my best efforts to keep silent, I couldn't hold back my screams of pain. He wasn't satisfied with my scream because he kept kicking and kicking and I was in so much pain, I figured cutting off my leg would probably be a less painful situation.

"Beg for me to stop!" He commanded, pausing his attack a moment. I took the time for a large intake of air, not knowing when my next breath would come, or if I would ever have another breath again. My breath was dangerously uneven and I cursed myself for getting myself into this situation. I just had to stay alive, at least until Eric found me. Eric would see this video, they would make sure of it, and then he would analyze every detail of this room. He would go over and over it in his head and finally, he would find where I was. I just had to be patient because I knew he would come for me.

_Just be alive when he gets here._

"Beg for your life!" He screamed again, so close to my face that I felt his spit hit me.

I fought back the impending OCD attack and willed my gaze upwards, returning the unknown man's gaze.

"Go to hell." I mumbled and a small smile stretching across my face without my intention.

"What did you say?" He leaned his ear in closer and I felt the overpowering need to hurt him.

I narrowed my eyes as his face drew closer to mine and without thought, I suddenly spat at him in return. "Go to hell!" I screamed right into his face.

The man growled almost inhumanly and I flinched away from his sudden explosion of anger, trying and failing to escape the now furious other man. His growl rumbled in the back of his throat and he shot his heel out, sending it straight into my already injured knee. My knee made an audible snap in return and my mouth flew open before I could stop it. I was screaming, screaming so loud that I could almost feel my own ears pop. I was thrashing around in my restraints, pulling at the handcuffs even when they continued to dig into my wrists. I just wanted to break free, to stop that pain in my leg.

_So much for not showing your weakness, Wolfe._

My scream died down quickly, but the pain only dulled slightly. It wasn't agonizing, but it was still extremely painful.

"Now that we've calmed down our little hostage." My attacker breathed, leaning in close again to touch my face. The feel of his hand caressing my cheek made me sick and it was a sickness that bubbled deep inside of me. I wanted to just break these damn handcuffs and rip this guy's head off, but how possible was that? Handcuffs didn't break, I knew that for a fact.

"Hello, Eric," The man greeted in a creepy voice, his smile didn't need to be visible because I could hear it in his voice. He was standing up straight now, looking right into the camera. Okay, they were _definitely _recording this for the lab to see.

_You better be there, Eric._

"I believe I have something of yours," The man laughed and moved forward so quickly, I hadn't even noticed. He was in front of me now, grabbing me by the chin and making sure my face was to the camera.

_He wants to prove to Eric that it's really me._

What did that mean? He had called me a hostage, so was this really about my father? Or was it more about Eric than anything else?

"Don't be rude," My ski masked attacker scolded and grabbed me by my hair, pulling it up until I was no longer slumped on the ground. He forced my gaze from the floor and in return I sent him a death glare that I usually saved for criminals.

"Say hello." He ordered.

I shook my head in a silent refusal, only causing the grip on my hair to tighten. He pulled it up even harder and I clenched my jaw from the stinging it brought.

"Say your name!" He ordered and pulled again, causing a whimper to fall from my tightly sealed lips. I shook my head again, which resulted in another pull. "Say your name!"

"Ryan Wolfe."

"Louder!"

"Ryan Wolfe!"

He pulled my hair even harder, harder than I thought was even possible, then suddenly let go. I slumped to the ground immediately and could only try to bare the pain of my scalp.

"You bastard." I tried to sound angry, but I my voice came out more like a mumble than anything else. What was supposed to intimidate the larger man had failed and instead it brought a laugh from beneath the ski mask. It was a throaty laugh, extremely unfamiliar, and incredibly creepy. It was safe to say that this guy was a professional torturer.

_Torture?_

Is that what this was? Torture? That was my father's master plan? To videotape me being tortured and to send it to Eric to watch?

_That seems much too unprepared for my father._

It's true, he was much more inventive than that. When I was younger, he hadn't just attacked me. No, he had started out with abuse, then continued to escalate until my young mind was completely destroyed. I had come so far since then, I was a grown man now and no longer as naive as I used to be. I didn't believe in change and I refused to let him bring me back to that state of mind.

"What the hell is my father planning?" I demanded the large man in front of me, hoping that he would just answer. Not knowing was starting to kill me and I hated that my CSI trained mind continued to come up with all the possibilities there were in this situation.

_Damn you, CSI training! I _know _I could die, so why don't you just stop coming up with new ways for me to die!_

The man remained silent and refused to answer my question, instead he turned back to me with that familiar glint in his eyes. The look gave me a bad feeling and I unconsciously curled in on myself in my feeble attempt of protection. My captor slowly crouched down beside me and suddenly reached for my shirt. I gasped and fought back as much as I could, knowing exactly what he was thinking when he pulled at my clothes.

_No! This can't be happening!_

His hand was running up and down my shirt clad chest and I whimpered from how rough he was being. It was a quiet whimper, a whimper I was sure anyone watching this would have trouble hearing, but it was a whimper none the less. I was scared, to say the least, and I knew Eric would be scared after he watched this. Who wouldn't be?

"Eric!" I called out in a sad attempt to get help. It was useless, I knew, there was no way Eric could find me right now. I couldn't be saved, at least not at this very moment, and I had to realize that. Eric couldn't stop those hands that were now unbuttoning my shirt and all I could do was close my eyes and try to drown out the horrible feeling

"_**Hermoso."**_

_Eric, I know your coming. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay until you come and get me._

"Pathetic!" His blade ran across my now bare chest and it stung almost as badly as my scalp did. Pathetic? Did he just call me pathetic?

I forced out a dry, humourless laugh, but left my eyes closed for a reason I didn't know, "That's all you got?" When I couldn't even open my eyes, the strength in my words was lost.

He wasn't intimidated at the least and I could hear his throaty laugh once more. I tried to close my eyes tighter, to think of something else other than that laugh, but it echoed inside of my head and I doubted I would ever forget it.

"We have a proposal for you, Delko." He was completely ignoring me now, instead more interested in the camera. He was getting down to the whole point of this, which meant that he was most likely almost done using the camera.

"My boss is not an idiot, he knows all about you and Mr. Wolfe over here." The man's disgusting finger was in my face and I couldn't help myself, it was just so close and he deserved it so much. I threw my good leg up at him, aiming for his stomach, but instead once again. He caught my leg mid air and twisted it around, then threw it back down to the floor. I shut my eyes again and effectively blocked the pain my mind.

_Okay, I'm done fighting back right now. I need to save my strength, that's all. You can get them back later, Wolfe._

My attacker took a moment to watch me carefully, anticipating anymore outburst, but he quickly realized that my exhaustion. I had given up, for now, and he knew that.

"You see, my boss believes that his opinion should be heard, if you are to date his son," The ski masked man explained and I shivered in response. So it was my father, I was right, and he was just as interested in Eric as he was in me.

"So, we have a challenge for you." The grin was obvious on the man's face, even though it was under the black material, and I hated the tone of his voice. He was having fun with this! This was just some kind of sick game to him!

"You have 42 hours from now to find your little boyfriend here." I could feel his gaze on me and I opened my eyes just in time to send him a death stare. "If you find him before 42 hours, you have his father's consent and you may be together. But, if not..."

He paused for a moment to let out another laugh, a laugh that came out more as a cackle. A captor that cackles?

Amazing _company, Wolfe. What have you gotten yourself into now?_

He never really answered the last part, just finished with, "You have 42 hours, Eric. Good luck."

"Oh, and a word of advice, hurry up and find him. He is very stubborn and I'm finding it harder and harder not to kill him already."

"Then do it already!" I challenged him and tried not to sound scared, but I'm sure everyone could tell just how scared I really was.

The man turned from me abruptly, walking away and toward the camera. He grabbed something from behind the camera and laughed triumphantly, sending a chill down my spine. When he turned around, my eyes involuntarily widened.

What was that in his hands? Was I crazy, or was he actually using that as a weapon against me?

A golf club.

I was shaking so violently ad I wished it would stop, but I couldn't really remember what calm was anymore. My eyes were so huge and I was too scared to blink, as though if I did that I may never open my eyes again. He couldn't do this to me! This was horrible!

"Eric will find you!" I warned him to try and get him scared, but he didn't seem scared. He looked more satisfied than anything and satisfaction was horrible when it came from a person like him.

"I count on it, Mr. Wolfe."

He lifted his weapon high in the air and I closed my eyes, anticipating the pain. This was going to hurt so badly and I don't think I could handle much more pain.

"Say goodnight, Mr. Wolfe."

And he let it drop on my head.


End file.
